Bit: Crow Proposes To Marry Tom

Episode 616: Racket Girls

Transcribed by Ben Wink


(Mike enters chuckling over something he's reading in Cosmopolitan. Crow quickly enters.)

Crow: Oh, uh, ah, Mike? Ah. Ahem. I would like to ask you for Servo's hand in marriage.

Mike: (Still reading, not really paying attention) Sure. I don't see why that WHA?! (Juggles magazine, puts it on the desk) What? Did I hear you right? You wanna marryÉ?

Crow: ÉTom Servo.

Mike: Well, why?

Crow: Well, hey, I'm not getting any younger. (Servo pops up)

Tom: Did he say yes? Please tell me he said yes. Pleeeease say that we can be joined together and ride on a magic carpet to a land of whimsical enchantment. Do we have our answer?

Crow. HeÉdidn'tÉsayÉ

Tom: What a boner, man. Jeez.

Mike: You guysÉ Getting married isn't about just settling for whoever's there. There's the whole question of compatibility. You know as a matter of fact, there's a compatibility quiz in this month's Cosmo. Why don't we look hereÉ

Tom: (Sarcastically) A quiz in Cosmo? How unusual!

Mike: AhahahahaÉhuh? All right, here it isÉokay. Which, uh, "who do you admire more as a father figure: Bill Cosby or Marvin Gaye, Sr.?"

Tom: Bill Cosby.

Crow: Marvin Gaye, Sr. (Both Mike and Servo stop and stare at Crow) Okay, admittedly he was a little strict.


Mike: "In matters of the heart, which of The Three Stooges do you base your decisions on?"

Crow: Joe Besser.

Tom: Uh, Curly Joe DeRita.

Mike: Really?

Tom: Yeah.

Mike: That's weird man. Gah, that is strange. Okay, last one. This one's kind of important: "Do you want to get married?"

Crow: No.

Tom: No.

Mike: Well, okay, IÉadd 'em up thereÉ I guess that last one put you over the edge. Helen Gurley Brown gives you her blessing.

(Mads light goes on)

Crow: All right, all right, all right. (Goes towards Servo trying to kiss him, making kissing noises)

Tom: No no no no, don't you, don't you, get away! (Crow kisses him)

Crow: MmmmWAH! Heh heh hehÉI kissed him.

Tom: C'mere you! (Goes after Crow to kiss him)

[DEEP 13]

Dr. F: Marriage, hah! What would you know about marriage?


(Mike is stretching a rubber band while speaking, like in the short)

Mike: Well, I know that if the marriage is stretched too much, it could SNAP! (Lets the rubber band fly)

[DEEP 13]

Frank: (Panicking) It's gone! Where did it go?!

Dr. F: Be careful! I've got to send you your feature presentation, Racket Girls. ItÉ


(Mike is stretching another rubber band)

Mike: Well, I know that if the movie is too long it can SNAP! (Lets the rubber band fly)

[DEEP 13]

Dr. F: (More jittery) Where did it go?

Frank: He's a SORCERER!