Bit: A Joke by Ingmar Bergman

Episode 617- The Sword and the Dragon

Transcribed by Ryan Lohner


(The scene is in black and white, with a loud ticking clock sound. Mike holds up cards that say “A Joke by Ingmar Bergman,” “Based on an Idea by August Strindberg,” and “From the Writings of Henrik Ibsen.” The ticking stops.)

Mike: Once, on the shore on the great Northern Sea, two men stood alone on a pier (wind sounds start as we pan over to a close-up of Crow).

Crow: Sven? (long, slow pan over to a close-up of Tom).

Tom: Ja, Ole? (long, slow pan back to Crow)

Crow: There camen (sic) to me a thought (long, slow pan back to Tom).

Tom: Ja? (long, slow pan back to Crow)

Crow: I will count the boards of this pier (the camera pulls back to reveal Crow and Tom are right next to each other).

Tom: Ja?

Crow: And you…

Tom: Ja?

Crow: You will count the slits between the boards.

Tom: You the boards, and I the slits.

Crow: Ja.

Tom: Tch. Begin. (they take a step forward on each line.)

Crow: One.

Tom: One.

Crow: Two.

Tom: Two.

Crow: Three.

Tom: Three.

Crow: Four.

Tom: Four.

Crow: Five.

Tom: Five.

Crow: Six.

Tom: Six-AAAAAH!

(Tom falls behind the counter and a splash is heard)

Crow: And so you see, when you’re out of slits, you’re out of pier.