Bit: Tom Sings a Folk Song

Episode: 803b- The Mole People

Transcribed by Martin Billany.


(Mike, Crow, and Gypsy are standing around waiting for something)
Mike (Looking at his watch): Well, he's late, I'm gonna leave.
Gypsy: Me, too.
Crow: Yep. (Servo enters, guitar in hand.)
Tom: Why, hello young Crow, stout Mike, Gypsy gal!
Gypsy: Oooh!
Crow: Geez...
Tom: Well I'm gonna tell you all a story about a young 'bot named Tom...(begins strumming the guitar strings)...and what he did in the black sea of space for the last 500 year, in the great traditon of the oooooold balladier....
Gypsy: Oh boy!
Crow: Strap in!
Mike: Dear God.
Tom (to himself, struggling with the guitar): This should be an open D....(Find the right note, begins his introduction) Well, I'm gonna take you down the river of song, eight score year and ten, when freighters roamed the sea and Bismuth was (trying to get to the right note on the guitar)...king...(still struggling) Well, there!
Mike (cringing at the incorrect note): That....that, doesn't quite work...
Tom (still trying to get the intro started): Well, it was nine and twenty years I was on the merchant marine and billeted on the...(loses the note on the guitar again)...oh damn! strings, Ernie Ball super slinky, ya know!
Crow: Yeah, any time, Burl Ives!
Tom: Got it! (resuming introduction) ...billeted on the Mary-Ellen Carter, bound for the dry Tortugas with a bellyfull of Bismuth, the crew of two-score and five, hale men...and...(loses note again)...
Crow (To Gypsy): What's the score?
Gypsy: It's twenty, now hush! Go on with your story, Tom!
Tom: I'm trying!...(still struggling)..okay..(continues his introduction) True to the last, and their mettle was tested in the roaring forties! (singing) Lady Winter she was angry as the rollers cracked....rollers....(Loses the note yet again, speaks)...Sharp! It's sharp! STUPID GUITAR! STUPID! Come on!
Mike: Hey, hey, did you bring it up from the basment recently?
Tom: No!
Gypsy: Maybe the neck is warped.
Tom: No!
Gypsy: --you should keep an orange peel in the case!
Crow: Servo, you couldn't tune a kazoo!
Tom: THESE STRINGS, OKAY???...(tunes the guitar frantically)...okay, wait, wait, okay, okay, no wait, okay...(finally gets the right note; singing)...Lady Winter she was angry as the rollers cracked--(One of the strings snaps and flies off, hitting Mike in the eye.)
Mike: (Clutching his eye) Ow! Ow!
Crow: Whoah!
Tom: Come on! Forget it! Okay? Just forget it! Fine!
Crow: Well, don't worry Servo you're still better than Mark Cohen. (Movie sign)
ALL: Movie sign!!!