Episode: 808- The She Creature

Transcribed by Daniel Newton


Mike: So guys, what do ya make of that big question mark at the end of the movie?
Crow: Well, I think they were asking "when", as in, "When will this movie not exist?" (Mike chuckles)
Tom: Or, maybe it was a "why" question, as in, "Why did King George and his Parliament react with such indifference, nay arrogance, to the colonists long standing grievances of taxation without representation, leading to the Revolution, which led to the United States, which led to California, which led to Hollywood and the motion picture industry, which led, ultimately, to this hard bitter little nut of a movie?"
Crow: Whew!
Mike: That's a good point. But I, I think it may have been a "hmm?" question, as in, "Hmm? I'm sorry, I didn't hear you, this crappy movie was sitting on my head." (Tom laughs)
Crow: (excitedly) Hey! Say guys, it just hit me, we're free to escape! Since Mike blew up the Observers' Planet...
Mike: (protesting) I didn't! I mean, I asked . . .
Tom: That's right, and since Mrs. Forester and the Brain Guy seem to be tied up looking for Bobo...
Crow: Yeah, let's boogie!
Tom: Woo-hoo!
Mike: OK, well, here we go. (He moves over to the ignition switch)
Crow: Yeah!
Tom: (triumphantly) To infinity, and ...
Crow: (warning) Shh! Disney! Lawsuit!
Tom: (recovering) Uh, uh, some other places! (Mike tries to start the SOL, but it won't turn over.)
Mike: Hmmm, it doesn't seem to be turning over. I wonder what's going on?


(Pearl's driving, Observer is sitting next to her.)

Pearl: What's goin' on? We got it goin' on, that's what's goin' on, huh! How 'bout this guy here, huh? (points to Observer) I say, "Hmmm, I sure would hate for those 8-balls on the satellite to escape." This beautiful man right here says, "Let me handle it." He is holding you here with his MIND, (points to her temple, Observer points to his brain pan) you poor, dumb (bleeped)*! How d'ya like that? How'd ya like this guy on your crew instead of those yappy little tin cans you hang out with? (Observer makes "yaketty-yaketty" motions with his hand) This guy is the best!
Observer: (modestly) Why, thank you Pearl.
Pearl: Tell ya somethin' else, Nelsonni, this guy's gunnin' for ya! (Observer sets down his brain, looking as angry as he can) You blew up this man's WORRRLD, as I will continue to remind him every chance I get! You whacked his planet, man! And he is puh-lenty cheesed, let me tell you...
Observer: (furious) Yes! (points finger) You have destroyed an ancient and proud race. My people! And let me tell you that I will...
Pearl: (interrupting, angry) I...was talking!!! Boy, everything's about you, isn't it?
Observer (cowed): Well, well, well, I'm very sorry.
Pearl: (to SOL) Anyway Nelson, you're mine! You'll never escape! Never! (laughs diabolically, Observer joins in, lamely)
Observer: (tapping her on the shoulder): Excuse me, Malevolent One, but hadn't we ought to go get Professor Bobo?
Pearl: (thoughtfully) Hmm, that's a good idea. Say, could you hand me the Cheez-its?
Observer: Why, certainly. (he hands her the box of snack crackers)
Pearl: (sweetly) Thanks. (starts hitting Observer with the box) I (whap) GIVE (whap) THE (whap) ORDERS! (dumps Cheez-its into his brain pan) Hey, we'd better go find Bobo. (Observer whimpers, looking at his brain pan full of Cheez-its).


The bleeped word was "shmucks"