Bit: Crow Hires Yakov Smirnoff

Episode: 813- Jack Frost

Transcribed by


Crow: Great news, Mike! Through the magic of the Hexfield Viewscreen, I've got an expert to clarify some of the questions raised by today's movie. Thanks to me, digging into your wallet, I have been able to raise some money to bring up our distinguished Russian poet, author and professor.

Mike: Pushkin?

Tom: Solzhenitzen?

Crow: Yakov Smirnoff! (Hexfield opens to reveal Yakov. ) Mr. Smirnoff, thank you for taking time through your busy schedule to answer some of our questions.

Yakov: No problem.

Crow: Now, Mr. Smirnoff, let me cite Joseph Campbell who says each culture establishes argatypes which embody that particular culture. How does that apply to the film "Jack Frost"?

Yakov: Well see, in your country you wait for line at bank. In our country we wait for line at bread.

Crow: Oh, well how does that relate to the distinguishment of Russo-Finnish times.

Yakov: Well see, in your country the men shave. In your country, we wish the women would shave.

Crow: Well, uh, naturally we speak that political structure that suppressed such culural expression, right?

Yakov: Well see, in your country you watch movie "The Rock." In our country, we break rock in Gulag.

Crow(furious): Alright, Smirnoff!! I want my $25,000 lecture fee back!!

Mike: $25,000?

Crow: It's alright, Mike I put in on your credit card, don't worry.

Yakov: In your country...

Crow (interrupting): Oh, shut up!!

Mike: We'll be right back!

Crow: You know, you can kiss that cheesetray goodbye, pal!

Yakov: But I've got contract.

Crow (mimicking): Oh, you've got contract. I'll show you what you can do with your contract...