Bit: Crow's Guest Explains Russo-Finnish History

Episode: 813- Jack Frost

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Crow: Well, sorry Professor Smirnoff was such a disappointment before guys, (Mike and Servo acknowledge his apology) but you'll be happy to hear I've hired a more solid expert on Russia at great personal expense... well, expense to you Mike, I maxed out your credit cards.

Mike: What?! Crow, you can't just take my--

Crow (interrupting): And I'll also need your assistance with this easel.

Mike: Fine! Let's just do it. (Servo muttering in background)

Crow: Now, what film delved deeper into the former Soviet Union's relationship with the US than Sylvester Stallone's "Rocky 4", wherein he fights a Russian superman.

Mike: Well, I can think of a lot of films that have--

Crow (interrupting): And, what better embodies the spirit of "Rocky 4" than the rousing rock anthem "Eye of the Tiger" from "Rocky 3". (Mike reveals new poster: "Rocky 4")

Tom: What? Huh?! (Mike reveals new poster: "Eye of the Tiger")

Crow: And who knows that song better than a key member of the band "Survivor", which recorded it? I'm talking of course about...

Mike: Their lead singer and songwriter who--

Crow (interrupting): Their drummer, who technically didn't join the group until 7 years after "Eye of the Tiger," but (New poster: drawing of drummer) who better to speak for this drummer than...

Tom: His wife!

Mike: His manager!

Crow: His great aunt Gladys Fletcher... (New poster: drawing of Gladys Fletcher)

Tom: Of course.

Crow: ...who sadly passed away 3 years ago...

Tom: Uh-huh...

Crow: ... but her old friend Unis Torgeson...

Mike: Is here and we're gonna talk to her now--

Crow (interrupting): ...and I have been playing phone tag all day, so in her place I have contacted her estranged half-brother Earl Torgeson, (New poster: "Earl Torgeson") a butcher in Sanford, Maine, who specializes in hand-made Old World sausages.

Tom: Sausages.

Crow: And Russia, of course.

Tom: Of course, yes.

Crow: We now go live to Mr. Torgeson. (Hexfield viewscreen opens, revealing a butcher working.)

Crow: Ah, Professor Torgeson, where does our movie, Jack Frost, fit in vis-a-vis, the meso-poetic dimensions of later Russian literature? (Earl ignores them and continues working. A phone on the wall of the shop seen in the viewcreen rings. He answers it.) Ah, Mr. Torgeson...slightly bad connection, sir. You may have to speak up a bit louder.

Torgeson (into phone): Hello, Torgeson's Meats. (Continues conferring on phone.)

Crow: Ah, I see! Interesting, interesting. And do you see themes in this film or indeed any other traditional Russian folklore which prepare us for the tumultuos Russian politics of modern times? (Torgeson repeats an order of meat over the phone)

Crow: Uh-huh, uh-huh, fascinating sir, fascinating. Great! Well, well, thank you for your time! Thank you. (Hexfield closes)

Crow: Boy, food for thought, huh? (Mike and Servo begin edging toward Crow)

Crow: Wow. Russia. Definitely worth all that money, and, well, uh, Mike's money.

Mike: Get him!! (Mike and Servo lunge for Crow)

Crow: Aaah!!

Mike: Son of a...

Tom: We'll be right back. Aaaah!!