Bit: Mike the Doll/The Mad Goth Arrives
Episode: 818- Devil Doll
(Mike is asleep in a cage. He has been
made up and dressed like Hugo the ventriloquist's dummy.
Cambot pans back to show Crow is dressed as 'The Great
Vorelli', in a suit and ridiculous beard.)
(as GV) Oh you're an ugly little
dummy aren't you Miko? An ugly, smelly, horrible, little
dummy, who will never have ham, certainly not unless he gets
it himself. A dummy who will never drink wine. Yes a
horrible, smelly, ugly -
Mike: (waking up)
(as GV) - stupid,
what's going on? W-why am I in cage!? W-why am I dressed as
(as GV) Not only can't you have
ham, you can't have any luncheon meats. Not bologna, or
ferrenja, not even carto salami. Why? Because luncheon meats
make the sawdust in your stomach *explode*!
(normal voice, indignant) Huh?
Mike: (angry) Now
this is really too much! I fall asleep, so you build a cage
around me and, and then you dress me up as Hugo the Devil
Doll and you whisper odd irrelevant taunts at me..
(indignant) What is wrong with
that? Mike, I feel like I can't do *anything* today and you
are *all* over me
(Toaster Strudel Tom Enters, wearing
Tom: (humming) Well, now that my soul's in this
toaster strudel *and* I've got these kiler gams I'm ready to
be your leggy assistant.
Mike: Oh no no,
look at this! Look!
*WHAT?* Boy Mike, you know what
is wrong with that? You can't be serious..
take me away...
Crow : You know -
Tom: - Ridiculous
It is your problem at this point
Nelson, not mine. Good Luck!
Mike: I'm gonna
be physically ill
(Apearlo and Brainguyus are in a
spectator box with Callipygeas and Flavia and assorted
Romans. Brainguyus is asleep.)
like you got any right to bellyache Smellson. I gotta watch
some idiot Mad Goth get eaten by a lion *and* put up with
this Etruscan windbag here.
(clears throat) Citizens - as you may notice, I'm wearing
pants! Thanks to the gods. (laughs) I'd like to thank you
all for coming to lesser god day here at the colliseum. Now,
before our Mad Goth doth his enemies vanquish, I think it
both meat and right that we recognise a few faces in the
crowd - Vulcan, thank you for gracing us with your presence.
(laughs) Vulcan! Vulcan. And why don't you stand up Bacchus?
Bacchus - the god of wine (cheers from crowd). And now some
new faces to the lesser gd crowd. I bring you Apearlo, the
goddess of...(whispers to Pearl) What are you goddess
Pearl: I'm the
goddess of quit yapping and get on with it.
The..the Goddess of Brevity. Apearlo! And Brainguyus, the
god of (wakes Observer up) What are you god of?
are you god of?
of what? God.
(dismissively) Oh, I don't know. Just use your
God. Brainguyus the God! And now release the lions and bring
on our beloved Mad Goth!
(Fanfare, noise of fighting and lion
roaring. The Mad Goth can just be heard taunting the lion)
Goth: You want some?...Huh yellow
huh....oh actually you are...Oh yeah..
Observer: It's Bobo !!!