Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit907g

Bit: Hobgoblins Fakery

Episode 907- Hobgoblins

Transcribed by Tim Walsh (with an assist from


(M&TB cardboard cutouts on the bridge. Their mouths are moving, a tape recorder playing.)

Mike cutout (woodenly): Boy, that sure is a bad movie, won't you?

Tom cutout (woodenly): It sure is, you know.

Crow cutout (woodenly): Say, fellows, here is a little song about that movie "Hobgoblins".

Mike cutout (woodenly): Are you kidding me?

Tom cutout (woodenly): Then, let's go!

Mike and the bots: (singing woodenly; no music)
Hobgoblins! Hobgoblins!
What do you do with those hobgoblins?
They're over here! They're over there!
Those darn hobgoblins are everywhere!

Mike cutout (woodenly): Whoo!

Tom cutout (woodenly): Yay!

[Castle Forrester]

(Pearl is watching this scene suspiciously.)

Pearl: Pinky! Brain! (Observer and Bobo rush up to her.) Take a look at this. Something's different.


Mike and the bots: (finishing song) we sing The Hobgoblins Sooooooong!!

[Castle Forrester]

Pearl (still studying them): I dunno, sorta flat and lifeless.

Observer: They're cardboard cutouts.

Pearl: Yeah, like they're cardboard cutouts.

Bobo: I think they're rockin'.

Observer: No, I mean they actually are cardboard cutouts.

Pearl: Well, they're not that bad.

Observer: No, LISTEN YOU IDIOTS!!!! (Pearl eyes him angrily) And, Pearl, you of course too. It's a fake Mike and fake robots made out of cardboard, look!


Mike cutout (woodenly): Uh-oh, here comes one now!

Crow cutout (woodenly): Watch out now, you little doodad!

Tom cutout (woodenly, as Mike cutout & hobgoblin fall over): Something's sure going to happen! (The cutouts fall over onto the tape recorder, distorting the recorded voices.)

Mike cutout (woodenly): Well, I think we all learned a big lesson about hobgoblins today. (Real Mike and bots enter carrying suitcases and clad in Hawaiian shirts. He sees that the cutouts have fallen over and that the tape recorder is not working correctly.)

Mike: Stupid thing...(looks up and notices Pearl watching them).

Mike and the bots: (nervously, trying to cover) Oh, boy. Uh, Hobgoblins! Hobgoblins! What do you do...RUN!

[Castle Forrester]

Pearl: You get back into that theater, Nelson-of-a...(Bobo starts picking lice from her hair and eating them.) Oh, try to pull the wool over my eyes, huh? Well, it ain't gonna work, cause nothing gets by me, nothing!

Bobo: (handing her a louse) Here's a nice fat one for you.

Pearl: Oh, thank you. (eats it) (over logo): BLEEECCCHHH!! BOBO!!!!