Bit: Hobgoblins Crisis Hotline

Episode 907- Hobgoblins

Transcribed by: El Ireburg


Crow: (holding a phone) C'mon...

Tom: Hey, what up, there, Russell Crowe?

Crow: Oh, I've set up a crisis hotline for people who've been traumatized by watching this film! (phone rings) Hey hey!!

Tom: Customer!

Crow: People and robots who've had to watch the movie Hobgoblins crisis hotline, hell-oo.

[Castle Forrester] 

Bobo: Oh oh, yes! Hello, I am in a very deep crisis which is very very deep. And I need to know you won't hang up on me like all those other crisis hotlines.


Crow: Ah, have no fear, I can handle anything! Um, it is related to watching the movie Hobgoblins, right?

[Castle Forrester]
Bobo: Oh, ooh yes, of course it relates to watching the movie Hobgoblins!! Oh well, anyway, one day I was watching the movie Hobgoblins one day, I realized that, while watching the movie Hobgoblins, I was in love with a woman very close to me...a woman not of my species!

Crow: Uhgk Uhgk Ughk!! That is disgusting!! Ooh I need a shower now!! Yuck!!

[Castle Forrester] 

Bobo: Ohh, wait!! Don't hang up!! I need her! Though she can be very mean to me, I'm obsessed with her!! I want her in every way: ....emotionatly....spiritually.... *phisically*...


Crow: Yuck!! Stop telling me this, you freak!! I'm gonna be sick all over the place!! Umm...I have another call...uh, see ya. (hangs up phone.)

[Castle Forrester]

Bobo: No, I'll die without her!! (holds up a photo of chimpanzee) She's a chimpanzee and her name is Emily!! (kisses photo) And I don't care if anyone- Uh, hello? (dial tone rings) Uh, rats another hang-up. Uh, lets see who's next on the list...(dialing) Butterball Turkey Hotline....(phone rings.)


Crow: Uhhhh boy, I mean, why do these people even call if they have nothing but twisted, perverted filth on their minds?

Tom: I think it must be your radiant compassion that draws them....

Crow: You're probably right, actually....

Tom: Movie sign!!
(Movie sign)