Bit: Mike meets Tom's Grandma

Episode 908- A Touch Of Satan

Transcribed by Dan Newton


(Mike is reading Henry Kissinger's biography. As he is reading, a figure who appears to be Servo, but dressed in an old gingham dress, with a touselled wig of white hair and a pitchfork, creeps up to him. Mumbling softly to herself, she begins poking Mike with the pitchfork. At first he brushes her away, still reading. Finally, he notices her.)

Mike (shocked): Ahhh! (She attacks him. He drops the book and starts fighting with her. Ahhh! Hey! Who are you? Servo stop it! What are you doing? Servo! For Heaven's sake! (Tom enters, humming to himself.)
Tom: Hi, Mike, what are you... (sees Grandma Servo) What? Grandma! Darn it, Grandma, stop! Now I told you no! Jeez, I'm sorry, Mike. (Grandma stops attacking Mike.)
Mike: Wait a minute, this is your Grandma?
Tom: Sure is, Mike. Isn't she spry?
Mike: When did you get a Grandma? (Touches pitchfork tines.) Ow! Stay away!
Tom: I have two Grandmas Mike, I always have. The other one doesn't kill people, though. This one does. That's how I tell 'em apart. (Grandma throws herself at Mike again.)
Mike: Grandma down, down Grandma. I guess it's OK, I mean, couldn't you get her a TV or something?
Tom: Hold on a second. What's that, Grandma? (She babbles to him) Big? Slow? Tempting target? Huh, believe me, I know! But you just can't, OK? (Grandma and Tom chuckle together.) Well, I tell you what, Mike, I'm just going to leave you two alone to start all over with each other, all right? (He leaves.)
Mike: (panicked) No! Servo! Don't!
Tom: (offstage) Oh, she's full of stories, Mike, have a good time! (Mike holds Grandma Servo at arm's length. She very aggresively keeps lunging at him.)
Mike: (To Grandma) Ah! Hey! Hey! Get away from me! (To Cambot) We'll be right back! (To Grandma) Back off, lady! (She mumbles to him) What? What? (She motions him closer, he bends down to her) I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. What? (She throws herself at him, biting and stabbing him.) Ow! Ow! Hey! Lady! Stop it! Stop it! Stop! Now back! Down, down, down