Bit: Crow Sells His Soul To Stan
Episode 908-The Touch Of Satan
(Crow is looking over a contract.)
Crow: Heh, heh, heh, suh-weet deal! (Mike enters) Hey,
hey Mike! I just sold my soul to Satan!
Mike: Oh ya
Uh yeah, so, I'm probably gonna
have lots of unfathomable worldly power real soon. Yeah, I
thought I'd give you the heads up on that.
Mike: Oh, that's
real thoughtful of you. Thanks Crow.
(Turns back to contract) Yup!
Got a contract right here, from Satan.
Mike: Let me see
that. (Mike picks up the contract and examines it. "Shall
take possession of his mortal soul....." Yeah, that all
scans. Whoa, but look at this, a little mistake here; it
looks like you sold your soul to "Stan", not Satan.
Well, there's a number there,
would you mind calling it please?
Mike: Oh, yeah,
sure. (Mike starts dialing.)
contract): Yeah, see,
this, this isn't even the area code for Hell.
Ahhhhh.......... (Phone rings. A
Voice: Yyy'ello, Stan Johnson.
Mike: Ah, see?
There ya go. (To phone) Hi, uh, Stan, this is, uh, Mike
Nelson. You're not by any chance the devil, are you?
Voice: Uh, nope!
I'm a CPA and Investment Consultant.
yeah. Hey, I'm calling on behalf of a Crow T. Robot.
Voice: Oh, right.
Little skinny gold guy. Kinda bug-eyed. Sure.
That's the guy. Hey, did you buy his soul?
Voice: Yes I did.
I, I manage a well-balanced portfolio of souls. They give me
very high yields.
Um, um, um, Stan, this is Crow.
Uh, when can I get my soul back? Is that possible,
Voice: Oh, I'm
sorry, I resold your sold already to Citicorp in a big block
Aw, man, I am gonna have to make
so many phone calls to get my soul back.
Mike: Oh, Man.
(Castle calls) Oh, and Pearl's, babysitter, is calling.
Stan): Be with you in
(Steffi the babysitter is reading to
Observer and Bobo.)
finished storytime. Then everyone goes to sleep. (Bobo is in
an over-sized pet travel container.)
Bobo: Um, can I
come out now?
Bad dog! Go to sleep!
where was I Brian?
(extremely bored): Oh, uh, the
tall fellow was repeatedly refusing to ingest green eggs and
ham, the short fellow was bizarrely insistent upon it.
Steffi: Yes, very
good. (she pats him condescendingly on the shoulder, he
manages a weak smile. Steffi reads.) "I will not eat them in
a plane. I will not eat them on a train."
(annoyed): "On a train".
Right! You know, why doesn't he just leave him alone? He has
pointedly made his refusal to eat this dish clear. The mere
hypothetical changing of a location is irrelevant and
tedious! (Steffi closes the book.) And, and that "Sam I Am"
is so bloody repetitive I could scream!
Steffi: Are we a
little cranky Brian?
madam, I am over-tired, so I shall turn in now. So, if you
wouldn't mind please, (holds out his hand) my blankie, (she
hands him a baby's blanket) my nookie, (she hands him a
pacifier) and my, friend. (she hands him a stuffed toy, he
sighs contentedly) Thank you kindly. Good morrow to you. (he
after him): Nighty-night.
(Bobo has stuck his legs out the bottom of the pet
container, and he walks over to Steffi.)
(thoughtfully): Well now me,
I'd definitely eat them on a train, there's no doubt about
Steffi: Quiet! No
Bobo: They'd be
delicious on a train, but a plane, I'd have to think about a
plane. Maybe, substitute bacon for ham, that sounds kinda
nice. (Steffi starts rolling up a newspaper) And we could
have a nice, (sees what Steffi is doing) Oh boy! (Starts
Steffi (hits him with paper): No bark!
Bobo: Ow! Now I'm
not barking, I was just talking. (she hits him again) OW!
I'm commenting on the story! There's no barking involved at
Steffi: No! No
bark! (Hits him.)
Bobo: Ow! No, no,
I'm not sure you see my point here. It's like this; rather
than barking, as you assumed, I was actually (whap!) Ow!
Come on! Tch! I'm talking, not.... (whap!) Ow!
Steffi: No bark!
Bobo: Ow! I'm not
barking! I'm (whap!) Ow!
....articulating, I'm (whap!) Ow! Geez! (whap!) Ow! Ow!
Steffi: Bad dog!
Bobo: Ow! Stop