Episode 910- The Final Sacrifice

Transcribed by Daniel Newton


(M&TB are on the bridge. Mike is drinking coffee and holding a message from Gypsy.)

Mike: Mmm, hi everyone. Crow, Servo, glad you're here.
Tom: Hi.
Mike: Just got this notice from Gypsy. Apparently she's got to work on the Main Switching Unit. I don't know. So in a couple of minutes, the power's gonna go down.
Crow and Tom: Yes! Woo-hoo! Ha ha ha!
Mike: Hey, hey, hey, I know what you're thinking, and no looting this time, you understand?

(Lights go off. There are sounds of breaking glass, things being moved around, 'bots laughing, etc. Lights come back on. Crow is on one side of Mike holding a TV. Servo is on the other side, holding a bag of empty cans and bottles.)

Mike: (resigned) All right, what did you loot?
Crow: Well I broke into my room, managed to get away with my TV. Heh, heh, heh, heh! I'll never miss it!
Mike: Huh, OK. Tom?
Tom: Well, I threw a mannequin through your window Mike.
Mike: Wait, wait, wait, wait, where'd you get a mannequin?
Tom: Oh I keep one for power outages. Anyway, I threw it through your window. Managed to get away with your recycling here. Hmmm. I'm not a very good looter, am I?
Mike: No, no you're not.
Tom: No.
Mike: We'll be right back.
Crow: If it goes out again I'm grabbing my blender.

[Commercial sign.]

(Back to SOL. Mike's alone on the bridge, still drinking coffee. Loud sound of breaking glass. Servo enters.)

Mike: All right, what did you loot now?
Tom: Loot? Oh, ha ha no, no looting. I just accidentally dropped an anvil into your box of commemorative plates. (Castle calls) Oh, hey look, Pearl's calling. Wanna get that?


(Pearl, in front of her family's coat-of-arms, is raving, awash in dreams of grandeur. )

Pearl: And then I will rule the world! (laughs maniacally. thunder crashes. suddenly, Pearl drops nonchalantly out of character) That needs a little background, doesn't it? The deal is, Smellson, I'm going to rule the world, but, you don't rule the world by going at it all scatter shot. Nope. Slow and steady wins the race, old nut. So, I'm going to rule the world, but I'm going to do it, one. . .person. . .at a time! (laughs maniacally. thunder crashes) Now, who's first?

(Observer enters, hauling in a man by the scruff of the neck.)

Observer: Get in here! A Mr. Todd Gunderson, ma'am.
Pearl: Ah, Gunderson, eh?
Todd: (confused) Uh, Todd's fine.
Pearl: Todd, Todd, good. (circling him) Well Todd, what do ya say, can I rule ya? Can I, huh, can I?
Todd: Rule me? No!
Pearl: (desperately) Please?
Todd: (annoyed) No!
Pearl: (frustrated) Nnnn! (reconsidering) What if I said I'd kill ya if you didn't let me?
Todd: Um, I'm sorry, I really don't feel that threatened.
Pearl: (angry) Get out of here! (throws him aside) Next!

(Observer enters with Servo.)

Observer: A Mr. Tom Servo, ma'am.
Tom: (to camera): Hey, guys, here I am! (Chuckles; to Pearl) Glad to be of help.


(Mike and Crow look around, surprised.)

Crow and Mike: Servo?


Tom: (to camera) Yep, it's me! Brain Guy brought me down. My name was next on the list. Totally random! It's weird!
Pearl: So, Tom Servo, what do you say, cannn. . .
Tom: What, what, what?
Pearl: (trying to remember if she's seen him before) Don't I know you from somewhere?
Tom: It could be. I do get around, heh heh!
Pearl: The Tom Jones Theater in Branson, Missouri. (poking her finger into his chest) You tried to steal my purse, and I beat you within an inch--
Tom: (quickly) No no no, must've been some other lucky guy. Heh heh!
Pearl: Well, it's not important. (pause) Can I rule you?
Tom: (cocky) Sorry baby, nobody rules the Tom monster!
Pearl: (clenches fists in frustration) Damn! Your defenses are impenetrable! Brain Guy, (Observer enters) send Mike the movie while I figure out this whole world-ruling thing.
Observer: Certainly. (to camera) Mike, your movie today is, if one can measure these things, (gravely) the worst thing to ever come out of Canada!
Tom: Whoa!
Observer: It's called, "The Final Sacrifice". (sound effect of movie being sent up to SOL) Uh, ma'am, may I have the robot?
Pearl: (absent minded) Oh, yes.
Observer: They need him for the movie.
Tom: (to Pearl) So long, toots! (to Observer) Take me up, Curley!
Observer: (disdainful) Wha? Curley? Well I-- (He leaves with Servo. Pearl looks after them, still trying to remember Servo.)


(Servo runs onto empty bridge, out of breath.)

Tom: Here I am guys! Guys?
Mike: (in theater): We're in the theater!
Tom: D'oh! [Movie Sign.]
Crow: C'mon dummy!