Bit: The Final Sacrifice: The Series
Episode: 910- The Final Sacrifice
[In the theater]
(The end credits start rolling)
Crow: Hey Mike,
you know I didn't think this movie was as bad as the usual
joking, I hope.
Crow: No, no, no,
no. Admittedly it had some flaws. Just a little overzealous
persuing some of its ideas, granted, but... but I think it
was more of a problem of form. A movie is just not the right
medium for this material. It... it needs TV. It needs to be
Mike: Hmm... I
just... just let me pitch this to you.
taking on the personality of a TV executive): Uh,
okay, I'm listening. Go!
great. Thanks for hearing me out. Okay, the, uh, "The Final
Sacrafice: The Series."
Mike: The name
Mike: Never liked
the name. The name goes. It's banal.
Crow: But... but
if you're hoping to connect the series with the movie...
Mike: I mean...We
need something like, oh, "Night Mistress."
: "Night Mistress"...
Mike: Yeah, or
"Cluchey and the Lieutenant." You know, something that's
gonna seduce people, really connect with them. We'll work on
Crow: Okay, okay.
So... so you've got Rowsdower and he roams through Canada
and he's got his little pal Troy and they all get into all
kinds of scrapes but they help people...
Chicago...Cleveland! No, I like Alabama. You like Alabama?
It's your show.
Crow: Well, well
to me, Canada is the essence of...
We'll do it in Pittsburgh.
well I suppose if you actually film it Pittsburgh...
Mike: No, no, no,
no. We film it in Canada. Have to. (Beep) Hold on. Yeah
Judy. Okay, thanks. (Back to Crow) You got two minutes.
Guttenberg's people are coming in.
do you mean Guttenberg's people are coming in?
Mike: What I mean
is you just lost a minute. Go!
Sorry, sorry. So, us, the lead character is Rowsdower, of
Mike: The lead
character is the kid! Sparky McHoolahan or whatever the hell
his name was. You like that name? I never liked that
Crow: But that's
not his name. I mean...
Mike: But I like
all that funny beer stuff you get with that Rowsdower guy,
him being a hopeless drunk and all that. He's loveable. You
know he falls down, he's sick a lot, but he's loveable. And
the kid? The kid works in a brewery.
Crow: Actually I
had an hour-long drama in mind.
Mike: What are
you, one of those Dennis Franz freaks? Huh?
Crow: Now wait a
minute. I think that...
Mike: Wait, wait,
wait, yeah, give me a second here. I'm going somewhere...
I'm there, I'm there. This Rowsdower guy... full frontal,
Mike: ... A
couple times a season, tasteful, low lights, just a
Mike: Hold on.
Yes Judy. I know. (Back to Crow) You got 30 seconds.
Crow: Okay, well
this... this main character, um, Sparky...
Mike: As a
friend, a girl. Hell, he's a girl, too. There are a lot of
girls. They're all roommates. There's a goofy girl, a
serious girl, a cheerleader, the loose girl, everybody in
the damn series is a damn girl.
Crow: Yeah, but
Mike: A big,
hairy girl. (Beep.) Yes Judy! (Back to Crow) I'll tell you
what. I got a show idea for you. You get out of my office
till you give me something I can use.
Mike: Now I gotta
go meet Guttenberg's people.
Crow: Gee whiz!
(Mike and Crow leave. Tom keeps singing and bouncing around
even though the music has since stopped. He eventually
realizes he is alone.)
Tom: Huh? Hey,
where's the music? You guys? (The End is shown on the screen
and Tom struggles to get out of the theater) The End! Ow,