Bit: Mike Loses His Identity

Episode: 911- Devil Fish

Transcribed by "Mike \"Nelson\"


(Mike is alone.)

Mike (to Cambot): Hi everyone. Welcome to the Satellite of Love. My name is Mike Nelson, (suddenly speaks in a dark and suspicious tone) or it used to be. You see, until recently I was just like you. I believed that everything that was taught me was right and everything was as it seemed. And then one day I found myself persued by agents of a secret government project who basically wiped out every shred of evidence that I ever existed. They took everything: my identity, my life. Now I'm on the run, never knowing when I'll be caught or where my enemies will turn up, but they should know, I will do anything to get back what is mine.
Tom & Crow (entering): Hey Mike! Mike!
Tom: We found your wallet. It was in your room.
Mike: Oh (laughs and takes his wallet).
Crow: Yeah, everything about your identity is there. You can relax.
Mike: Oh. Guess I didn't have to do very much at all to get back what's mine.
Tom & Crow: D'oh!
Tom: You weren't telling them about the secret government conspiracy, were you?
Mike: Well my wallet was missing, I...
Crow (to Cambot): Folks, listen, pay no attention to this guy. Everything is exactly as it seems. (Commercial Sign flashes)
Mike: We'll be right back. (Suspicious again) Wait a minute, wait a minute. How do I know this wallet is mine?
Tom: It is. Look, same picture of Mark Spitz, even.
Mike: Oh, good.
Crow: Sad, really.