Bit: Dolphins: Are they smart or dumb?

Episode: 911- Devil Fish

Transcribed by Brian Lafferty


Crow: You know, dolphins are really smart.
Mike: Yep, smart as can be.
Tom: Oh yeah. The way they jump with things, talk, flip over, swim, eat fish.
Crow: You know, dolphins are really dumb aren't they.
Mike: Hell I don't know any more.
Tom: What is it with dolphins. Are they smart or are they dumb?
Mike: Well, let's find out. I've got Sea World on my speed dial.

(Phone beeps and dials number)

Operator: It's a great day at Sea World. How may I direct your call?
Mike: Hi. Get Blowie the dolphin, please.
Crow and Tom: Blowie?
Mike: Yeah, there's always a Blowie.

(Blowie the Dolphin answers with noise)

Mike: Blowie, this is Mike Nelson. Listen, I have a very delicate question for you.
Tom: Are you stupid or what's going on here?

(Blowie answers)

Crow: Yeah, if you're so smart, how come you can't speak English.

(Blowie answers again)

Mike: Yeah, ee eee ee e, that's your answer to everything. Listen up Flipper...
Crow: Blowie.
Mike: Whatever, everyone thinks you're Einstein or something, but we think of you as an evolutionary cul-de-sac that couldn't swim your way out of a hot tub or something. What do you think of that, sardine?

(Blowie answers)

M&TB: Ooooh.
Mike: Why don't you come up here and let your flippers do the talking. Come on, bring it on.

(Satellite shakes and rumbles after a blast)

Gypsy: Alarm, a dolphin war ship has decloaked off the bow of the ship.
Mike: Cambot, give me Rocket Number Nine.

(Rocket #9 shows a sphere with dolphins at the helm)

Gypsy: It's propulsion and weapon system are far beyond our understanding.

(Ship darkens and searchlight appears)

Mike: Aaghh. Blowie, we're sorry about everything. We didn't understand. We take it all back.

(Searchlight goes off and lights come on)

Tom: You know, dolphins are really smart.
Mike: And touchy. We'll be right back.