Some time ago we had “Favorite/notable gay sex riffs” as a topic. Part of the premise was that there was nothing wrong with homosexuality and that sex, gay or straight, is just inherently funny. Recently I referenced Irving Klaw in a discussion of “Women of the Prehistoric Planet” and someone else asked me if my favorite movie was “Yards of Leather.” This got me thinking. With “50 Shades” in theaters, how about “Favorite BDSM, kinky sex or fetishism riffs” as a topic for discussion?
Examples for me would include when the mothers in Gamera vs Guiron are upset at their missing children and one expresses an intent to spank her son, Tom, 40 times, to which Servo blurts out, “I’m Tom, spank me!”
During Crows Houdini act at the beginning of Space Travelers when he describes the, “merciless, unrelenting — and strangely pleasurable — chains” he is wrapped in. Not that I’d know anything about that sort of thing.
I guess we can take a shot at it, with two caveats. First: Let’s keep things PG-13-ish, okay? Second: A lot of these riffs were written one or two decades ago, and, well, the world is a little different now. What was fodder for humor in 1991 is a legitimate alternative lifestyle in 2015. So let’s start with the basic assumption that nobody is belittling anybody else’s way of life. We all have our little things we enjoy, and we’re just sharing a few funny riffs between friends, okay? That said…
The riff that immediately came to my mind was a line in the short “X Marks the Spot.” The guardian angel says: “I don’t want to say he was lookin’ for trouble…” and the riff is: “…but I DID see him down by the waterfront wearin’ a spartan costume.”
Not that I would know what that’s like… :::hides spartan costume:::
What’s your pick?
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I’ll use the Touch of Satan one: [Sign reads “Ellen’s cafe”] Crow: “What was Anne Heche doing in there?”
Servo from Hobgoblins: “I don’t need to see every part of the human anatomy outlined in spandex. I can trust it’s all there.”
Sure, these are G-rated but they’re hilarious.
“Why I remember the first thing Harry drilled into me–”
“–was Harry!”
(Hired Part 2: Electric Boogaloo)
You could pick just about any riff from from the short Here Comes The Circus. While the clowns are on the trapeze: “Oh no they’re doing it clown style!” Then when one clown starts hitting the other’s bottom “More,more, I’m a bad clown!” The later with the regular trapeze artists “Come on let me hit you on the butt.” “No… Well maybe later…” etc, etc, etc.
Merlin: “Don’t I get a kiss?”
Zurela: “You’ll get a lot more than that if you don’t get out there and find that thing. Now go!”
Crow: “So she threatened him with sex?”
If I recall, that line about the spartan costume continues on –
He says
“I did see him down at the waterfront wearing a spartan costume and saying Kitty, Kitty”.
I don’t know what any of that means but I always found it to be a funny riff.
All the “sweet honey pot, rigid grille structure, mudflaps” etc. comments on Riding With Death.
Tiny: “Well I almost made it to 36 inches, see?”
Crow: “Very good. Now about your waist.”
-Ring of Terror
While reiterating Sampo’s second point above… this one from Hobgoblins gets me every time:
Emcee: “The donkey mud wrestlers must use the rear entrance.”
Crow: “Well, you’re the expert on that…”
DeathStalker and the Warriors from Hell:
The warrior girl kneels down by Deathstalker and inspects him for weapons and Mike says “When you’re done degrading the human race, can we please get on with the movie?”
:shock: :smirk: :shock: :snicker: :smirk: :struggle: :sidefrown:
Oh…..it’s breastakaboobical hestakamammical plendular globular fun
Aside from that: I guess doing it clown style in Here Comes The Devil….I mean Circus
The myriad references to YRds of Leather from the Comedy Channel Yeat one.
Valeria’s outfit from Robot Holocaust (actually all outfits from Outlaw would suffice.)
Even though it was censored (thanks to Joel’s new umbrella) but the water tower/tub scene from City Limits would qualify
One of the Godzilla movies, I think Megalon. Close-up shot of Godzilla’s legs as he’s walking, with his tail clearly visible between his legs. I think Tom’s line is ‘I am IMPRESSED!’.
“Uh, kinda weird shaving your dad, isn’t it?”
From the Appreciating Your Parents short featured in The Unearthly:
“There was the bed to be made.”
And the maid to be bedded.
Near the beginning of the Is This Love? short, Peggy lays on her bed while telling her Romulan roommate about her engagement. She stretches out with her hands by the headboard and one of the ‘bots, I think it was Tom but I don’t remember, says “Get the cuffs.”
From “Zombie Nightmare”, there’s Adam West on the phone asking, “Is this 1-900-SPANK ME?”
Three words:
Mister B Natural.
Three words:
Mister B Natural.
While it’s only vaguely implied, the young man in “Why Study Industrial Arts?” who loves the slow tap-tap of a hammer, the feel of shavings in his underpants, the smooth feel of chizzle, secretly hiding “Popular Mechanics” under his mattress….
Naw, that kid wasn’t into any kinky stuff. ;)
“But I’m not in Rocky.”
Well, this isn’t very risqué or anything, but the matter-of-fact way in which it’s said always makes me laugh. In “Danger!! Death Ray” the riff — “Put it on the table. Then put the you on the me”.
“She’s presenting like a mandrill.” Space Mutiny
All the innuendo from “The Starfighters” is golden. Even the actual characters start doing that!
I hope you all don’t mind my inclusion of “Film Crew” related, but in the beginning of “Giant of Marathon”, during the Olympic games, our hero Philipeas (sp) is wrestling, and has his opponent in a prone position from behind. As Phil slowly and skillfully forces his opponent towards the ground, Mike is saying “That’s it, nice and easy, relax”, and when the opponent gives up and they both make a final drop to the ground, Mike says “…ahh, there!” Bill and Kevin quietly voice their disapproval.
“Today is dedicated to Uranus.” I know it’s not a riff, but it’s too good to pass up.
I sure hope he said Peanuts.
Dad: “Mikey, get upstairs!”
Crow: “You know the rules! How did you get unchained…”
-Teenage Strangler
When Alex is shaving and Crow says “You can hardly see where you bit me” to Bob in Young Man’s Fancy
From The Screaming Skull:
“Don’t forget tonight’s our Monkey Love Night” in a flat voice
The Tanya and Leslie Jeep scene from Boggy Creek 2
Tom: “Get in the mud and WRESTLE!!!”
*later*
Tom: “Now that they’re in the mud I’m kinda embarrassed… is this really what I wanted?”
From Manos:
“Your Power Fails You!”
Crow: “You know what she’s REALLY saying…”
I’ll never forget the bit in Time Chasers where the lady reporter points to the blinking time machine console right by the hero’s lap and asks “What does that mean?”
Crow replies “That means I like you.”
From The Beatniks:
“Love is a mask…”
A tight LEATHER mask!
from Century 21 Calling
you can see it all,
…at the Annie Sprinkle show
From Agent For H.A.R.M.:
“So are you coming, or do I swim alone?”
“Yes and yes”
Oh, and then there’s the scene in Creeping Terror when the deputy’s girlfriend is holding his hand.
“Um, what’s she doing?”
“I’m going to go withhold sex from your father.” In Soul Taker.
Every second of the love scene in Mitchell is off the charts hilarious.
“Baby oil?!?!?!? Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!”
“The Deadly Bees”: “Sure they argue a lot but the sex is fantastic!”
“Outlaw of Gor”: “Oh god, someone please invent the battery!” ( When Lara goes by the large phallic shaped sculpture)
Good timing on this topic. I just watched Hercules Unchained. Oomphala (?) is at Herc’s feet, looking up and proclaims “it’s twue, it’s twue!
My favorite — I was watching in 1993 with my six year-old and my father (who passed away a year later), and the old man and I almost died laughing in front of my confused but amused son:
Beginning of the End: “Hey, that’s not the stickshift!”
I’m pretty sure the filthiest thing that MST3K got away with were the lyrics to “My Wild Irish Ireland” in Alien from LA
“So go ahead over,
I’ll roll in your clover
And kiss your Blarney Stone!”
In “The Brain that Wouldn’t Die” when Dr.Bill Cortner kisses Jan.
Bill’s Dad: Once you two are married it won’t be fun to watch anymore.
Mike: Whoa! That’s late night.
From ‘The Deadly Bees’, Cigarette Hag: “The dog’s meat, have you seen it?”
From ‘Keeping Clean And Neat’ while watching the kid showering. Crow: “Why couldn’t they have Mamie Van Doren star in this thing?”
Many times when the actor or actress “splayed” there would be comments. Mostly ones like, eeww, we don’t want to see that, or camera cut away.
Similar riff from JACK FROST with the withered old man and the evil Ernest Borgninesque Russo-Finnish grandma: “Sure they have their little spats but they stay together because the sex is FAN-TASTIC…”
Then there’s the whole riff from ‘Appreciating Your Parents’ when the kid sneaks downstairs to see what his parents do when they think he’s asleep… “And what all the yelling’s about…” Particularly when he’s sneaking up to look through the door…
Hamlet – get off your mom.
I think Giant of Marathon also had the “Package for you sir” with giggling that always gets a laugh out of me.
From Creeping Terror, as Bobby is aimlessly swinging a switch at the bushes: “Bobby has often observed his parents at night…”
Gigantor!
A good 90% of The Creeping Terror is vore.
It’s the speedy delivery man and has he got a package!
Cave Dwellers