How about risque comments/skits? For example, in “Track of the Moon Beast”: Paul G. Carlson: “I’d like you to meet a friend of mine.” Crow: “Could you at least kiss me first!”
Say!
Yes, even though the show is pretty family friendly, they do occasionally throw in a riff only the grownups will get.
One of my favorites, from the “Century 21” short, is: Singer: “You’re seeing it all…” Crow: “…at the Annie Sprinkle show…”
What’s your favorite?
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Hobgoblins is ripe with these. My favorite is “Can you catch a venereal disease from a movie?”
From Deathstalker: “Guess what I’ve been doing!”
“You can’t, Chris!”
“What did she call him?
In “Space Mutiny” when the female lead was climbing down a rope, (singing) “Spider skank, Spider skank…”
The riff from whichever Hercules movie: “Hey, someone left a pack of Trojans in the road!”
I also like the subtle little moment in Pod People, when the lead singer is in the woods with Laura the Groupie, who is kissing him; off-camera, one of the girls calls, “Matt!” He breaks free, responds, “I’m coming.” Servo very quietly says, “Unhuh.”
“Baby oil? AAAHHHHHHHH!!!”
From the movie when Dr Forrester is waving his joystick around: (Tom) “Should we be seeing this?”
“My Wild Irish Ireland” from Alien in L.A. cracks me up, especially when Crow sings “I’d like to come over and roll in your clover and kiss your blarney stone.” The way Crow and Servo laugh after that line is delivered is a riot.
As for riffs, the end of Horror of Party Beach, when Servo imitates Elaine’s heavy breathing, is one of my favorites.
In the movie TORMENTED where the mom and Sandy are wondering where Tom Stewart and Meg went and Crow makes the squeaking bed noise…and the same goes for the 2 couples in the parked convertible in THE STARFIGHTERS.
The Pocket Pool invention exchange.
( and for scatological : the Daktari Stool invention exchange )
Two from The Deadly Mantis.
“I think this guy’s pretty familiar with dishonorable discharge.”
And, of course:
“But I got a mantis in my pantis.”
The naughtiest riff that I can think of is from Agent for H.A.R.M. when the “half woman/half baby” asks Adam “Are you coming, or do I swim alone?” and Crow riffs “Yes and yes.” Made even me blush.
Also from Deadly Mantis:
“Did you enjoy meeting my privates?”
(amused): “Oh, you heteros!”
This is from the short Hired.Where the guy says,”I remember the last thing Harry drilled into me..” and Crow says,”was Harry”..
Sex for sundries is fun! Sex for sundries is fun!
From Soultaker:
Zach: “I got a surprise for you!”
Servo: “I don’t have a wiener!”
“Jiminy, thinks Johnny, if only I could get a ride in one of those!”
Track of the Moonbeast–Johnny “Longbone” at the archery shoot with a noticeably attentive Kathy–will he ultimately live up to his name?
Just thought of another one, this time from Outlaw: “I can’t wait until they invent the battery!”
From the short “Johnny at the Fair”. When the calf is getting milk from his mother, Crow says “Oh, sorry dad.”
And….All of Mr. B-Natural
Invasion of the Neptune Men: “So it turns out that the aliens are a big bunch of pussies.” Can’t get more concise than that, but how did it get through?
I’m surprised no one has mentioned all the naughty riffs from the refueling sequences in “The Starfighters”.
My wife nominates “Cave Dwellers” and one of her favorite lines, “It’s the Fed-Ex man, and boy does HE have a package!”
from truck farmer short:
‘ooooooo, cucumbers’
There’s all of Tubular Boobular Joy, but especially “hung like a horsical”.
And while not naughty in itself, “Excuse me?” after “Is that Stud coming?” has to rank pretty highly.
From THE UNDEAD:
When the girl is hiding under the corpse in Digger Smolken’s hearse.
Riff: “That’s how Strom Thurmond’s wife feels.” (forgot who made the riff)
First one that came to mind is, I think, from The Magic Voyage of Sinbad. Sinbad’s walking around the city and the camera follows him. Suddenly a large, VERY phallic statue appears in the foreground and this exchange takes place:
Tom: That’s a–
Joel: No
Tom: …….But that’s a–
Joel: NO!
Of the “saaaays” my favorite would be from Time of the Apes where the camera is panning up from a woman’s legs and reveals her to be a young girl as the guys go “Saaaaaayyy—oh.”
“The dog’s meat? Have you seen it!” Followed by horrified reaction.
For me, the naughtiest riff has to be from Beginning of the End when there are three people in the front seat of a car (with Peter Graves in the middle) and the female reporter is driving: “Wait, this isn’t a stick shift. Ahh!”
I forgot the name of the short, where the little boy learns to be part of the family ‘team’. He goes to bed, then decides he deserves more allowance. As he goes downstairs the narrator says something to the effect of the boy finding out what happens after he goes to be. To which Joel comments “And what all the yelling is about”. Of course when he opens the kitchen door, the ‘bots start screaming “AHHH, that’s disgusting…!!!!”
Servo’s moaning at the end of Horror of Party Beach.
Love these:
Squirm: Mother-…”But what if he doesnt come?” Crow-“Mom! Thats private!”
Pod People: The guy in the studio control room with the “Im A Virgin” T-shirt.
Diabolic: Crow- “Diaboliiiiccc!” “Deep, deep tonge.”
Horrors Of Spider Island: All the murmuring women. Then Mike and the bots do their version in the segment.
Track Of The Moon Beast: Servo- “I bet she falls down and says ‘what happened?’ a lot!”
Horror Of Party Beach: Near the end where the woman sounds like she’s having a massive orgasim.
Parts The Clonus Horror: The guy with his “shrinked wrapped batch” speedos
Hobgoblins: Woman-“NO. Park over there if you want to go AALLL the way.” “Is it a lovely view?” Mike-“The ZZTop of sexuality!”
What, no one has mentioned Blood Waters and,”I have to simplify my masturbation ritual” !?
Just the reaction to Dan Kester threatening to spank Terry and the back brace exchange. *shudder*
Boggy Creek II
“No woman should have to see the little creature.”
Parts: The Clonus Horror – (main character sitting Indian-Style with his Adidas shorts riding up) “Have some sun, my little friend…”
Hamlet: (The king looks at his hand) “Naah, that would be, like, the fifth time today.”
Oh, and while they’re not riffs, there are Crow’s
and Brain Guy’s exotic dances in the Icky Elf Guy movie.
And, yes, the Terry spanking attempt scene was quite icky,
especially the implication Kelly was rather intrigued by it
(although at least Dan Kester wasn’t Krenshaw).
For host segments, “Tubular Boobular Joy” from Outlaw has got to be the naughtiest sketch.
The scenes in Riding With Death, The Starfighters, and Why Study Industrial Arts? have long (No pun intended) scenes that resulted in many dirty riffs.
My favorite naughty riff off the top of my head comes from the movie when Cal is putting the luggage in the back seat. “Maybe this will jog your memory.” Then barks.
It’s not a riff, exactly, but Crow’s reading a Harlequin romance book to Pearl during Deathstalker is probably the show’s most, er, suggestive moment. “Glistening with turgid yearning, hm, hm, yielding petals of womanhood, and so on…”
Both naughty and a little repulsive is Tom Servo’s interjection of “Lovely! Lovely!” in the scene where Ro-Man is about to kill a little girl in Robot Monster. The reference is to a rape scene in the movie Frenzy
I’m shocked no one has mentioned my favorite naughty riff from THE GIRL IN THE GOLD BOOTS.
Harry Blatz: He has no way of fingering you.
Mike: Because you’re wearing that jumpsuit.
And my favorite naughty riff with visual is from DEATHSTALKERS:
“Guess what I’ve been doing.”
There was also a great “DOUBLE BAG IT” riff from Mike but I can’t remember the movie it’s from.
The booty jokes in DEVIL DOLL are terRIFFically ribald!
As I’ve said here on this site in similar discussions before, the most risque comment on MST3K ever is from Manhunt In Space (Rocky Jones Space Ranger):
The commanding officer calls on the video phone and says, “I wasn’t expecting to find you in, Rocky.” Crow then says in response as if he was the character in the film, “But I’m not in Rocky.”
Now THAT to me is perhaps the bawdiest, most risque thing they ever said on the show.
“The Creeping Terror” (Ep 606) has long been my favorite chocked full of sexual innuendo comments. My all time laugh till you wet ‘em is when the shag carpet jumps on the back of a sports car and jumps up and down on it.
Crow: “Um….Mike?”
Mike: “Well, you see, when a monster and a small car love each other very much….”
It’s the same episode that you get a butt cam view of a dancing woman in tight metallic pants jiggling far faster than the music warrants. Mike panics. “Ah, her hinder is out of control!”
Last example, but far from complete for this episode; observing about the fifth woman who crawls into the mouth of the shag carpet, the monster seems to pause (choke, indigestion?) with the hips and kicking legs hanging out. Servo sums it all up. “This is kind of a weird little turn on for the director.”
You could go all day with just this episode. Best Brains is following in the grand tradition of Disney, Warner Brothers, and MGM cartoon studios who slip in sexual innuendo into family features at the most unexpected moments. One of the great pleasures of MST3K was to see how much they could slide under the radar. They were, and are, masters at this art.
AT the end of SPACE MUTINY, when Butch Deadlift and Debbie Reynolds are making out, and the movie cuts to the spaceship firing it’s engines Mike says, “Yeah, right. I think chuckhead is more of a shuttle craft, if you know what I’m sayin’.”
Also in SPACE MUTINY, any scene with the Bellarians is rife with sexual double-entendre.
“Finally a cookie comes to Santa!”
“Haven’t you heard of the ‘gettin’ some’ clause?”
“We were workin’ on some night moves, Sir!”
From “It Conquered The World”…. ” It’s Venus”. “Venus?” “Yeah, you know, No arms, nice rack””.
And of course, Daddy-O is ripe with naughty references.. “OK, who’s breasts are bigger?” and the scene when it appears Phil is urinating in a sink.
The endless hole that is “Space Mutiny”
When spider shank is dancing – “She’s presenting like a mandrill!”
I *think* it’s from Manhunt in Space, but the scene where the phallic looking spaceship is docking and they sing “boom chick-a-boom” like cheesy porno film music was one my daughter used to quote for years (still does, even though she’s grown with kids of her own).
From Time Chasers-
Lisa: “What’s that?”
Crow: “That means I like you!”
The moaning at the end of Party Beach cracks me up, too.
Some of you have great memories. The only one I could come up was come up with a Dr. Z riff about certain self-pleasure rituals. Delivery by Tom IIRC.
#28 brings up a good point – many quality risqué riffs were squelched by Joel in the early days, to comedic effect. Even going so far as to hold Crow’s and Tom’s mouths shut.
Some more that haven’t been named specifically:
“Coming up on your mudflaps. People have such cute names for sex.” – Riding with Death
“No, Not here! Honey!” and “I’m huge!” – Mitchell
“Do you think I could cup one of your pecs?” – Cave Dwellers
“Oh, his buttcheeks!” – Revenge of the Creature
“There’s a naked woman in my pool and she’s NUDE!” – Teenagers from Outer Space