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Weekend Discussion Thread: Sports Team NamesAlert reader Murdock Hauser opines:
Oh, I like the Scranton Gila Monsters. “Lalalalalala LOAD THE BASES!” Your pick? 86 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Sports Team Names”Commenting at Satellite News
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All content posted on Satellite News is copyright © 2026 by Chris Cornell and Brian Henry, except where otherwise noted. This Date in MSTory is written and compiled by Steve Finley, Chris Cornell and Brian Henry. Copyright © 2026 All rights reserved. Please do not reproduce This Date in MSTory items in any form without express written permission from the authors. Items of MST3K news may be duplicated or reposted, as long as Satellite News is cited as the source. The views and opinions expressed herein are not necessarily those of Satellite of Love, LLC. No warranty is expressed or implied that the information given herein is completely accurate, and in fact this information can and will change at any time. So there. Mystery Science Theater 3000, its characters and situations are copyrights and trademarks of Satellite of Love, LLC. Banner image created by Larry Lee Moniz. |
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Gotta’ go high school nickname on this one:
The Beverly Hills Garlands.
Team mascot? A Berated Pickle.
Rivalry? The Bel Aire Gunslingers.
Go go Garlands! Beat the Gunslingers!!!!
Rah Rah Ree! Hit ’em in the knee!
Rah Rah Rass! Hit ’em in the other knee!
Be listening tomorrow afternoon for our broadcast of the Mitchell, South Dakota fighting Mitchells big game against their rivals the Brainerd, Minnesota Brains. This is a grudge match, ladies and gentlemen. The Mitchell’s have promised the Brains that they will regret their previous humorous comments and tomorrow is the showdown. This broadcast will be sponsored by Schlitz beer and Johnson’s Baby Oil.
i have been there.
The Medicine Hat Zioxers
The Philadelphia Potatoes vs the Brooklyn Bike Racks in a roller derby match for the ages, ladies and gentlemen!!
England? Delta Knights, soccer. I’m not sure where it really is. Rutland Revolutionaries (Vermont baseball). Carlsbad Cave Dwellers. Barcelona Death Rays. Montana King Dinosaurs, I think there are ancient fossil beds in that state. Baja Black Scorpions. The type of sport doesn’t matter for some of these. Sun City Solarites. Slightly off-topic-Raccoon City Undead-FORFEIT THE GAME AND STAY AWAY.
The St. Cloud “Santas” vs the Hell, Michigan “Devils”.
The Chicago Bears should be renamed the Chicago Wind Demons. What else would you expect from the “Windy City”?
I bet the sport of Full-Contact Nightgown Wrestling would have lots of fans, if it’s “Shirts” vs “Skins”.
A women’s soccer team called “The Gold Boots”.
The Arizona Worwilfs
Women’s Roller Derby League: 7:00 P.M. E.S.T. Michele Casey and Joanie Nichols lead the young and up and coming L.A. Pretty Minds (5-2) out East to do battle against, All-Star DarkGrandmaofDeath and the defending champions the Vermont Skydiving Grandmothers (7-0).
Someone help me with this one, all I’ve got is Steves vs. Pauls.
The Kennebunkport Rockin’ Rollbots?
The Williston Ambassador Phantoms?
The Corpus Christi Clonus Horrors?
The Dinkleburg Danger Diaboliks?
The South Texas Go Ahead On’s.
Gare
The Catalina Capers.
The cheerleaders (led by Creepy Girl and Little Richard) wear smaller shorts than Tommy Kirk ever dreamed of.
Shouldn’t they be from Milwaukee?
The Chicago Giant Crickets
Sorry I’m late:
The Jacksonville Jet Jaguars.
YAHMMMAAHOAAHOAAAUGH!
Us too! The corn palace was interesting. Some of the corn murals had swastikas in them, so they had to preemptively explain that it used to be a good luck symbol.
Disagree. I think that Tommy Kirk is probably a tenth-degree black belt in dreaming about smaller shorts.
Tonight, hard hitting action at Deathstalker Arena, as our Youngstown Brute Men take on the Akron-Canton Bloodbeasts!
The Diabolik reverse-raccoons.
That caused me to spit my Coke Zero on my monitor.
Tonight on Monday Night Footballs, it’s The Las Vegas Colossals vs. The Arizona War-wilfs.
Me: “We’re the Rowsdowers!”
Crowd cheers back: “ZAP ROWSDOWER!!”
New Canadian Football League Teams:
The Prince George Pippers
The Red Deer Rowsdowers
General team name: The Dublin Gorgos?
They just haven’t been the same since they lost their star player to the Alabama Soultakers.
The CONNecticut Mr. B Naturals
I should have included “hapless” in front of that… ;)
Crosstown rivals of the Medicine Hat Zombie Fur Trappers
Thank you! One of the highest compliments a poster to the WDT can get. This has been one of those themes that I just can’t stop thinking about. Sooo, in honor of “Once Upon a Honeymoon”: the Blue Ball (PA) Jeffs.
Which of these teams is the staid, traditional franchise (say, the Lakers), and which are the tacky parvenus (say, the Clippers)? I would say Zioxers = Lakers, even with their psycho cult leader.
The Zombo’s are the White Sox or the Clippers. Their bad boys reputation doesn’t help. Their habit of eating the limbs of opposing players is always a source of much controversy. Playing home games at the decrepit Amway Arena/Hunting Shack, though homey and quaint, is not anywhere near the prestige of playing at Moosehead Arena where the Zioxers play. The Fur Trappers have one advantage – concessions. Jerky! Nothing but Jerky. You want a soda? Have a Jerky soda. Jerky pizza. Jerky flavored cotton candy etc.
The Killer Pauls, featuring all the Pauls in the show’s history. Paul from Projected Man, Werewolf, Track of the Moon Beast, Cry Wilderness, etc. And where would they play? Why, St. Paul, of course!
The Flagstaff, Arizona Werewolves (pronounced Whar-wolves)
The Hollywood Icky Elves
The Wisconsin Giant Spiders
The Tokyo Kaiju (minor league affiliate The Almighty Children)