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Weekend Discussion Thread: Stupidest Character in a MSTed MovieKeep those suggestions coming. But in the meantime this one is from me, and it’s spinning off of Thursday’s episode guide. As was noted, Jimmy in “I Accuse My Parents” is, well, kinda stupid. But is he the stupidest character of any MSTed movie? If not, who do you nominate? Me, I’m going to go with John Forsythe’s character in “Kitten with a Whip,” who is so crushingly stupid every time I see that episode I just want to leap through the screen and strangle him. But hey, that’s just me.
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Oh, this is such a tough question. So many candidates, so little time. If I may, I’ll give two choices: one from the CC years, and one from the Sci-Fi years.
CC years – Rommel from The Sidehackers. What’s worse than being stupid? How about being violent and stupid. Getting mixed up with a psycho like J.C. and his crew was bad enough. But then going for revenge? Not smart.
Sci-Fi years – Icky Elf Guy from Girl in Gold Boots. It was a tough call between him and Space Mutiny’s Blast McHardCheese, but Elf Guy wins because his sole goal in life was to be the sleaziest guy in the room. And in the Haunted House, that’s saying something. And he again proves that stupidity combined with violence is never a good thing.
Oh my gosh, it HAS to be Ray Dennis Steckler’s character Jerry in “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies.” I’m sure he makes a lot of dumb decisions in the movie, but the real evidence of his stupidity just oozes out of his pores. His whole attitude is dumb. Dumb dumb dumb.
I have to go with the inventor dweeb in Time Chasers – if for nothing else than stealing/crashing a car and then declaring he forgot that he did not know how to drive. Great, 4 brain cells just committed suicide remembering that bit. I also chuck Dr Leopold from Blood Waters of Doctor Z into the mix. For 25 years of waiting (and the nifty to-do wheel), his grand scheme just did not seem all that well thought out.
The manager of the Gym in Daddy-O
“Gimme the key”
Jimmy from I accuse my parents
“Wild Wild World of Batwoman”
Wow, just throw a dart at the screen and you’re bound to hit an idiot or two.
But jimmy in the “Cheating” short, A prime example of American Youth.
We should be proud if our children meet or maybe exceed the creative potential of this dynamic young man.
Lt. Matt Carson from “Sinster urge” for thinking that the smut picture racket is worst then kidnapping and dope peddling. John from the “Cheating” short was also kind of stupid.
“T” and “Leonardo” from Delta Knights…Not only was the duo ridiculous on their face…a pre-pubescent boy who looks like Holly Hobby as a secret order of knights’ prophesied savior, and a boorish 20-something—what standards DOES this noble secret society have? Adding to the stupidity is the implicit thesis that Leonardo DaVinci’s inventions and creations were pilfered from an ancient storehouse and passed off as his own…stupid!
Though every single movie seems to have at least one “stupid” character, just off the top of my head, (no pun intended)almost all of the cast of The Brain That Wouldn’t Die. First, the lab assistant, whose hand is…..a little messed up. Because of that he assumes he has to be a recluse. Then, the female model, whose face is…..a little messed up. Because of this she also assumes she has to be a recluse. Then there’s the main guy. Ok, his fiances head keeps saying “let me die” and “don’t get me another body” but he forges ahead… (um, again, no pun intended). Anyway, what does he think, after the transplant, she’ll forget the whole murder and body swapping thing and they will live happily ever after. Stupid, stupid people.
To quote Edmund Blackadder, “Ah, the agony of choice.”
I’ll vote for the father from “Manos, the Hands of Fate”. I don’t care how long you’ve been driving; when you pull up at a “lodge” and you’re met by somebody like Torgo, you GET BACK IN THE CAR AND DRIVE AWAY AS FAST AS POSSIBLE! And if you’re out of gas or the car won’t start, you RUN AWAY AS FAST AS POSSIBLE!
Jimmy is definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. However, we should also consider dunces such as Pedro from Mad Monster and Dropo from Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.
This is a really tough question; there are so many levels of stupidity to consider. But I’ll just choose a couple of things that highlight the stupid of these characters:
First thing that comes to mind is the criminal gang in The Rebel Set. How could the three members on the train not recognize Mr. Tucker, simply because he SHAVED HIS BEARD?!?
Diabolik’s Inspector Ginko was pretty rock stupid. Sure, let’s put ALL the gold onto one train – I’m sure nothing could possibly go wrong with that!
The entire cast of ANGELS REVENGE. Even the “smart” one.
Bingo, fonyo. “Shine Your Love” where the sun don’t shine.
I gotta second the guy from Manos. And his wife a little bit too, for failing to notice Debbie walking loudly out of the room, but the dad….gah. They couldn’t’ve riffed that one scene any better than “Honey, when you look for someone, what do you do?” :) Otherwise, yeah, Jimmy is pretty clueless, as is the Time Chasers guy, and you could throw a dart at the casts of Batwoman, Pod People, or Clonus and hit a winner. Hobgoblins just makes me weep for the 80’s generation-my god, we really were that brainless.
Does if have to be a named character? If not, I vote the older couple in Creeping Terror that just stand there in the middle of the dance floor while the monster approaches.
Gilbert Willoughby, in A Case of Spring Fever, who is instantly brainwashed
and becomes a spokesman/acolyte for the Coily Philosophy. No doubt in a few
years he became a Hare Krishna.
#15 StumpChuckman
Now that you mention it, the entire town in that movie. Helping
the Terror by crawling in its mouth, the folksinger attacking it
with a guitar and then laying down to be engulfed, the whole dance
crowd for patiently waiting to be eaten and standing in a queu in
a corner, the people at Lover’s Lane for not JUST LEAVING!…
David in Kitten with a Whip was not that stupid. Guys will do crazy things for a girl who looks like Ann Margaret!
Ro-Man
The blind woman in “Brute Man”.
I would say Professor E. C. Beuhler in the short Speech: Platform Posture and Appearance for consenting to have himself put on film while Making the Knee Test……..
There’s also Professor Frank Baxter (the Gesture Professor) from the introduction to The Mole People, but he’s not so much stupid as superficially smart….
Jody in “Touch of Satan”. Giving your soul to the devil just so your girlfriend will stay young and pretty…… WRONG!
John Stamos from Soultaker is a pretty dim bulb. He constantly seems as if he’s struggling to understand…well, everything.
Is it too obvious to say Big Stupid? Although he wasn’t necessarily stupid, more like unsure of himself once he started having feelings for Carrie. Danny wasn’t exactly Mensa material, but he seemed to be more naive than stupid. OK, maybe he is more on the stupid side.
Big Jake- “no guns”- are you kidding? Dumb, and dead.
Last Clear Chance is full of Darwin award candidates. “Hey! Let’s look back and wave at somebody who’s warning me about something, when there’s a loud horn blaring as well!”
Hmm, stupidest characters would have to be
1. Tor Johnson as Lobo in The Unearthly.
2.Tor Johnson as Lobo in Bride of the Monster.
and
3. Tor Johnson as Joseph Javorsky (The Beast) in Beast of Yucca Flats.
I would say Rommel from “Sidehackers” as well but this would also fit Monte in “The Hellcats” as well. I mean, every discovery made in that movie is actually made by the woman. Monte does little except maybe contract an STD.
But the king of all of them has got to be….. (drumroll please)….
Kenny.
The first one.
And also maybe the one from “Gamera vs. Zigra”.
But the first Kenny… geeze kid! Gamera stomps all over Tokoyo and murders millions but Kenny insists he’s “good”. And Kenny plunks himself right down in harm’s way time after time because of his Gamera obsession.
Kenny in “Gamera vs. Zigra” has to share dubious honors with his co-conspirator Helen — who don’t have the sense to also keep out of harm’s way.
Droppo…Nuf Said!
Maybe not THE stupidest, but certainly a candidate…Hugo, the school janitor, in Earth VS. The Spider. As the newly re-awakened spider begins crashing through the wall of the gym, what does he do? He runs to a PHONE on a wall, just a few feet away, instead of running OUT OF THE FRIGGIN’ DOOR that’s just to his right, and to safety! Sheesh…talk about being devoted to your job!
I’m torn.
First there’s Michelle from “Girl in Gold Boots”. Because…well, do I have to give examples?
But then there’s Harry Blatz from the same movie. Couldn’t have set up his own death better with a “For Dummies” book on the subject (“Yep, there’s my brains on the floor!”).
On the other hand, Critter actually MARRIED Michelle….
Commander Cody….I’ll just put these rockets on my back, point them directly at my legs and feet and nipple nipple tweak tweak and away I go…:eek:
ROSS ALLEN:
http://www.mlive.com/news/index.ssf/2012/06/bad_postcard_of_the_week_turtl.html#incart_river_default
Ross hagen from sidehackers!!!
Kinda have to go with Roger in Squirm. I mean, his only expression in the whole movie is confused, and more than once I have a hard time understanding what it is he said. And I’m from the South myself!
the “Phantom” of Krankor and all his minions who simply couldn’t get it through their thick skulls that their weapons were useless on Prince of Space.
Very, very close second Kathy Ireland’s character in Alien from LA. …Shudder, that voice, that horrendous voice.
Although I do have to say that, if I knew of the means of having an invincible army that could conquer the world, as does Sitoris (the villain of Final Sacrifice), somehow I wouldn’t wait 7 years to hunt down some dweeby teenage kid who has some very important map in his attic–the only thing preventing me from having said invincible army.
Oh, and if it did take 7 years to find him (for whatever reason), I’d at least upgrade my cult from machetes to something else (though they did eventually get rifles, I guess. Still couldn’t hit anything. What are they doing for 7 years? Obviously not target practicing…)
Both men in Skydivers for falling for Suzie (Harry and, I guess, Pete), and especially Pete(?) for going along with her plans (sex for sundries is fun!). “Suzie, what makes you so mean?”
Gotta be Droppo.
The evidence:
“Guh-huh-huh-huh Commander Keymar sir, turn off that tickle ray!”
“NOW I’m Santa Claus! Ho-ho-HO! Ho-ho-HO!”
All his shameful mincing throughout the movie.
A character can prove himself an idiot by word or deed, but few show themselves to be utterly devoid of intelligent thought simply by the way they talk and move. Everything about Droppo suggests a sub-Gilligan level of development. Even among MST’s legion of morons Droppo must surely take first prize.
…and the entire cast of “Hobgoblins.”
Joel Area Stupid: The guy from the Danny Thomas show in “Lost Continent”. Will you take off that stupid parachute already!?!?
Mike Area Stupid: Crenshaw from “Boggy Creek II”. Tend to my fires and I’ll keep out the Creature!
Harry (100% Hubbards assistant) from Moon Zero Two he was a dim bulb
The Freebot from Robot Holocaust– you know lets throw valaria in there too.
From the sci Fi years- The boyfriend “egg creme” from squirm. Pretty dense, I think wormface was probably smarter.
I might have to go with my favorite episode once again, Rocketship X-M. The scientist who insists on using his fuel consumption formulas instead of those of his female colleague, thereby getting EVERYONE on board killed.
That senator is a good example. Any real politician would have known better. Well, not really, but they would at least had a back up plan involving dumping her body somewhere and blaming their “extremist” opponents.
Not a movie, but the girl from Is This Love? makes me so angry. All she had to do was wait and her parents would have subsidized her relationship. I think the short wants us to believe that her parents were busybodies or something (you know, for balance), but they never come off as that. It just comes off as a dumb teen just rebelling against her kind, understanding parents for no reason.
…Gotta be Droppo.
Hey…I resemble that remark!!!
Hands down…the dumbest were the various characters played by Gene Roth. As the sheriff in “Attack of The Giant Leeches” and “Earth vs The Spider,” he didn’t believe the main characters about huge monsters attacking the local populace! Also, he blows up the cave entrance to kill the spider, despite the fact the car Mike and Carol drove over is parked right there!
As the train conductor in “The Rebel Set” (or was it Merritt Stone?), he couldn’t take a hint that the drunk writer was trying to blow him off about writing his memoirs for him! Then decides to wait until Newark to call the police (maybe he’s buddies with Inspector Henderson?), about the murder on the train.
Plus, he let Tucker (the real killer)tamper with evidence at the murder scene.
Finally, as the lunch counter cook in “Tormented,” he tells the boat captain (who has already broken into Tom Stewart’s house) that Tom is marrying Meg. Providing us with a blackmail plot that ends with another murder!
As most have said — soooo many choices. I’ll go with Natalie from “Wahr-wilf,” I mean “Werewolf” for a live person, and Ro-Man the incredibly imbecilic robot from “Robot Monster.” Stop playing with your bubble machine, already!!
Two more nominations:
Joe Dobson in “The Beast of Yucca Flats.” Any law enforcement officer who shoots someone before he knows who he is, needs a another profession… after his stint in prison. Or quoting Cummins from “Mitchell” – “Well just ask. You didn’t have to shoot him.
Peaches in “Racket Girls.” Just wasn’t bright enough to figure out that Scally wasn’t just the best man ever.
Valaria from Robot Holocaust. “You are doooomed.”
“Stupid” as in mentally deficient, or as in pointless and poorly-developed?
Jeez, this is a tough one, really; owing to the overall badness of movies presented on MST3K, there’s a huge wealth of stupid characters to choose from:
320, “The Unearthly”: Lobo, although any Tor Johnson character is such an easy target, it’s almost like cheating.
407, “The Killer Shrews”: Jerry, a lush and stupid.
414, “Tormented”: This one’s a gimme — Tom Stewart.
415, “The Beatniks”: Another gimme — Moon, though that might be partially due to Peter Breck’s overacting.
421, “Monster A Go-Go”: Every character. I mean it, every single character in this picture is dumb as a goddamn’ bag of hammers — and that’s why it’s awesome.
424, “Manos, The Hands Of Fate”: I’m sure everybody here will go with the obvious and pick Torgo, but for my money it’s Michael, the incompetent golf-sweater-wearing dad.
501, “Warrior Of The Lost World”: The Rider (That “Paper Chase” Guy). Yeah, that’s right; the hero is the stupidest friggin’ character in this movie.
507, “I Accuse My Parents”: Jimmy, by a country mile. Commits massive fraud and embezzlement in an attempt to impress the all-but-unattainable girlfriend of a mobster. That kid was so friggin’ rock stupid, I was actually in awe of him.
609, “The Skydivers”: Frankie and Suzy. You can’t have one without the other.
812, “The Incredibly Strange Creatures etc.”: Everyone else here will probably pick Jerry, who’s certainly a top-drawer dumbass, but for me, there’s just something about Madison.
1002, “The Girl In Gold Boots”: Michele. Naive, can’t dance, somehow manages to sleep her way to the top, seems genuinely surprised to discover that go-go club dancers get loaded up on drugs to get them through performances. What a goddamn’ dope.
But, still… since I have to pick one… just one? Gun to my head…?
Alright, then — Jimmy, from “I Accuse My Parents”. The very model of stone-cold stupidity.
The cops in Manos: The Hands of Fate. Their intensive search of the grounds probably earned them a commendation.
And Oscar Wilde from Godzilla VS Megalon.