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Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst MSTed MovieOkay, let’s settle this one: What is the worst, the positively worst, movie ever featured on MST3K?
My vote is and will always be “Red Zone Cuba.” To paraphrase Mike, it is not only the worst movie they ever MSTed, it is not only THE worst movie ever made, it may well be the worst THING ever made. Slipshod and impossible to follow, mean-spirited and soul-deadening, it is in every way the anti-movie. It makes you want to swear off movies forever, and perhaps even renounce the existence of a higher being. It’s that bad. What movie would you pick? And show your work. 254 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Worst MSTed Movie”Commenting at Satellite News
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In response to #193, all I was saying was that the versions of the Gamera movies shown on MST3K are particularly annoying to me personally (with the possible exception of ‘Gamera vs. Guiron’, which is quite endearingly goofy).
Th1rt3eN – Oh, yeah. Space Mutiny, Mitchell, Collosal Man, Manos, and Hobgoblins, at least. I’m sure there are more in the 20plus catagory. I’ve watched most of Diabolik that many times, but I just don’t like to watch the last scene, so i usually skip it. I get all choked up…
:twisted: Bah! Are we forgetting the terrible, terrible sequel Revenge of the Collossal Beast. Not even a short the magnitude of Mr. B could save this turkey (also, what’s with the Wizard of Oz colorization treatment in the last three minutes of this “thing?” That’s always bugged me, best I could figure out, they couldn’t afford to do the whole damn thing in color, or they just ran out of money and had to borrow film from another movie to finish.)
Great topic! I think it is a testament to the genius of Coleman Francis that EVERY MOVIE he directed was nominated multiple times in this string. By way of comparison, of the three Ed Wood written or directed movies featured on MST, only one received a singe vote.
I’ll second the “best movie” motion, and from the responses here, suggest that a best/worst Coleman Francis movie thread might be fun.
Hamlet is unwatchable. I also have to be in the right mood for Manos. If not, it just drags me down and Joel & the Bots can’t save it.
CPE #198. There is much to what you say. An argument could be made that MaGoGo doesn’t have enough… filmishness ( filmniesence ? ) to even count as a movie, thus clearing the bottom for RZC. Creeping Terror is pretty bad as well, but from an emotional stand point CT is a summer frolick at the teddy bear’s picnic with friendly magical unicorns doling out Ecstasy compared ot RZC.
Monster a-go-go: Not a film, but an incredible simulation. (Well not all that incredible)
Here’s a topic for future discussion:
Supporting Characters That Are Better Than the Hero.
It is almost as if Red Zone is shot with some sort of special camera that not only mutes the black and whites of the image, but the audio and the acting as well. Everything in this movie is lifeless. I hate to say it, but it is almost artistic in its complete lack of charm and vitality.
I know there are cinema verite films where the camera sits stationary and films people walking by, but even that seems more exciting than Red Zone.
to me… hamlet was the worst… i may not have ever seen the whole thing. and I like the story of hamlet.
I don’t sleep easily so I’m frankly impressed when a movie can make me drowsy. Not impressed in a way that makes me ever want to watch it again, necessarily, but regardless it’s better to be in the bosom of blissful sleep after watching a bad movie than awake and totally depressed. That’s what makes the Coleman Francis movies so unpleasant. It reminds me of sitting in the back seat for eight-hours during family vacations with nothing to do but read comics and fight with my brother with little prospect for the release of unconsciousness in spite of multiple convenience-store candy sugar crashes and general motion sickness.
You guys saying skydivers or Red Zone Cuba are your favorites, so they then can’t be called bad movies are way off base.
I picked Red Zone Cuba as the worst movie, with Mano a close second –
Do you think that means I cant watch them?
No way!
I love these episodes!
Red Zone Cuba is my second favorite episode of all time next to Riding With Death.
Just because a movie is bad has nothing to do with whether the episode is good or bad.
I love Red Zone Cuba, Skydivers, Beast of Yucca Flats, Manos, etc. as MST3K Shows.
I think Skydivers is very funny as an MST3K episode, but that doesn’t make the movie any less of the piece of crap that it is.
MikeK, I love your topic suggestion. :idea:
I’ve changed my mind yet again. And the worst movie is now, Manos the Hands of Fate and the first runner-up is now Beast of Yucca Flats. I agree that “Catching Trouble” is likely the most offensive short film I’ve seen MST3K-ed. I really want Old Ross to meet Momma Bear.
MikeK: Good topic, but I think we’ll just end up getting 300 votes for Vadinho; I know he’s got mine.
I keep seeing people pick “Hobgoblins” and “Hamlet” and I think as bad as both of those are, they have some redeeming qualities to them. “Hobgoblins” gets a pass by me, only because I love bad 80’s movies and that fits the bill. I was a kid during the 80’s and have fond memories, but I also remember enough of the bad stuff to see just how “Hobgoblins” fits in. With the riffing it’s even funnier, but by itself, it tries so hard and flails so bad, that I laugh. “Hamlet” is one of my favorite episodes. They did a great job with it and the laughs work for me. By itself, yes this is a very dull, slow version of the story. However the ghost’s costume (what the heck was the director thinking?), the way some of the speeches are delivered (to sleep perhaps to DREAM!), and the way everyone is running around looking solemn and yet completely uncomfortable makes it amusing in it’s own way. I like “Skydivers”. It’s the cheeriest of the Coleman Francis films I’ve seen. I love the odd characters, the coffee subplot, the “caper” (if you can call it that) and the all out hunt of the villains at the end. “Overdrawn at the Memory Bank” and “Space Mutiny” both tell their stories fairly well, and “Overdrawn” actually has a few interesting sci-fi ideas in it’s core. Sure they are pretty badly made, but not even close enough to be called worst of all time.
“Manos” gets a lot of press about being the worst. And boy is it bad. Maybe I was overhyped for it, and had prepared myself for the pain, but I didn’t think it was completely horrid. As others have mentioned, Torgo really is interesting. He’s sooo strange, and bizarre, and just plain odd that you can’t help but be fascinated at what the actor is doing and why the director chose to go that way with it. The acting is so bad that you can’t help but laugh. And then there’s the endless fight scene with the wives – in fact, I don’t even want to talk about it. The ending just seals the deal for me and fits the rest of the movie. In it’s own way works. Bad movie – hell yes. Worst movie – nope.
I used to think “Red Zone Cuba” was the worst film they did. It was dull, the editing was horrible, the dialogue was wretched, the acting was subpar, the music was completely out of place most of the time and camera work was just inane. Worst of all, it seemed to me that Coleman Francis was really trying to say something in this movie. He wanted to express himself and his feelings about The Bay of Pigs and he failed in almost every why possible. His main characters are universally unlikable in this movie, and I wonder how much of this was on purpose or how much of it was just a side effect of the bad editing. In any case, this was a spectacular failure on all counts. That is why I used to think it was the worst movie they did (and yet one of my favorite episodes. There is some serious riffing gold on this one).
Then I saw “Monster A-Go-Go” and realized the truth. I can almost see the reasoning behind finishing this movie. You figure it’s half done, and it has a monster so we can make a quick buck off of it. Then the new director sits down with the existing footage and witnesses what little there is. He needs to make a buck, but nothing here is inspiring enough to continue. He doesn’t care and goes ahead anyway. New footage was shot, budget kept to a minimum and the movie was slapped together. At least Coleman Francis was trying to say something in his movies, even if he did fail at it. This movie has no soul to it, and it is apparent in each frame of film. The beginning has some funny moments (that little capsule is so cute), but once we get to the endless shots of talking “scientists” and military types, the movie slogs to a halt. There is no momentum and if you’ve seen it before you know there is no hope because there is no monster and therefore – no point! On top of that the riffs just don’t work too well for me once we pass that first third. I really have a hard time making it through this one. All in all, this is get’s my vote for worst film they’ve done (that I’ve seen. Some of you have mentioned others that I’d love to see).
@191 i was obviously in complete error :oops:
@214 and 1 vote for Toblerone in escape 2000 :lol:
Unquestionably it was Hellcats. It was atrociously bad, yet never in an even remotely funny way. Even the riffing couldn’t save it, and this is the only episode that doesn’t make me laugh even once.
What? Nobody’s mentioned ‘It Lives at Night’? That’s easily a contender for top spot.
I also would love to see a “best” movie discussion thread, but another topic I think would be interesting is this–which makes a better MST episode, one of the “worst” movies or one of the “best? (Or does it not matter?)
I think it’s also interesting to note that the majority of these worst offenders that have been mentioned (Manos, Creeping Terror, RZC, Batwoman, Overdrawn, Hobgoblins just to name a few) have all had their episodes released on DVD. Some of these were the early single releases, even! Don’t know if there are any sales stats available for individuals or sets, but do these “worst” movies make the more popular episodes?
Not sure what my own answer would be to which movie is the best, since everyone here has delineated so many good perspectives on how to judge them. But I do know that two of the episodes I enjoy the most (Day the Earth Froze and Robot Holocaust) are lots of fun–not painful or sleep inducing–and still not out on DVD….
Just some thoughts!
Lucas/Rob
Thanks for your confidence. Yes, I did mean the movie itself spewed hard multicolored chunks. It was just unwatchable. No amount of clever wittiness from the boys could save me from the off switch on that one. I had to refrain from burning the tape in effigy just to calm my nerves and restore a sense of justice in the world.
But, per your advice I’ve decided to dig Overdrawn out of the dark recesses of the vhs closet and give it another shot this Sunday. I owe it to Mike for the years of saving grace through RSAD. Will consider it an atonement and let you know if I can refrain from going into convulsions before I finish the last credit.
Starfighters.
It is about nothing and made by some guys who were so pumped about themselves and what they do were soooo sure that people would pay to see them.
ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES
I expected a tsunami of votes for this exercise in “they just didn’t care.” I guess we’re just all a bunch of smoochers!
I have a question about Starfighers. Was it actually released in theaters, or is it a recruiting film? And can I buy a poopie suit, or do I need to just make my own?
Red Zone Cuba, Monster A-Go-Go, and Ring of Terror were indeed horrible. However, I have to agree with those who voted for Starfighters, simply because that movie has footage of Bob Dornan making out with some unfortunate woman. There should have been a warning at the start of the episode.
The worst movies ever MST-ed: “Wild World of Batwoman”, which I couldn’t even watch all the way through once; “Starfighters”, which I remember watching straight as a kid, and couldn’t believe how boring it was even then, even with all the cool jets; the two Joe Don Baker turds. To qualify for “worst”, I agree that there has to be some pretensions to quality that were misplaced. A lot of the movies mentioned here are among my absolute favorite MST episodes: “Manos”, the CF trilogy, “Space Mutiny”, “Boggy Creek II” . . .
Suggestions for new weekend threads (since the issue has popped up more than once here anyway):
-Most annoying child in MST history
-Most loathesome “side-kick”
-Best Hexfield Viewscreen visitor(s)
-Best Ensemble Movie Cast That Still, Somehow, Made A Crappy Picture
I was without internet access for afew weeks, so hopefully I’m not repeating anything already covered.
Sorry, I thought of one more possible thread:
– First Season to be Completely Released on DVD.
As Sampo often says, “show your work” with this one!
Ya know, with all the comments about life-draining, soul-destroying, breaking-your-will-to-live movies, it looks like Dr. F was on to something after all! beware – he may yet succeed!
The films that I thought were either the worst made, or the most disturbing. (Red Zone Cuba wins both of those categories hands down.) In order of what film comes to mind as I type:
1. Puma Man
2. Space Mutiny
3. Sidehackers
4. Creeping Terror
5. City Limits
6. Mitchell
7. Wild Wild World of Batwoman
8. Eegah
9. The Incredibly Strange Creatures…
10. Escape 2000
11. Skydivers
12. Touch of Satan
13. Angel’s Revenge
14. Hobgoblins
15. Starfighters
16. Any Hercules film
17. Being From Another Planet
18. Hellcats
19. Prince of Space
20. Girl in Lovers’ Lane- Most disatisfying ending of ANY movie I’ve ever seen. They could’ve at least killed off Jack Elam’s character…
Well i got to say the dead talk back and like crow said they never talked to the dead oh then the chairs start floating for some random reson and nothing even happens its like weres the plot even at.
Y’know #228, sometimes I fear my fascination with MST3K comes from my identifying too strongly with Dr. F’s character.
In hindsight, perhaps the only reason I forged that one tight circle of friends in college was so that I could sit them all down to watch “Hobgoblins” and savor the look of horrified betrayal of every assumption they’d made about me as a decent human being cross their faces simultaneously as I uttered the words, “Well, I’ve already seen this one 4 or 5 times, so maybe I’m kinda’ desensitized…”
I mean, confessing to being a cannibal, pedophile, or Nazi war criminal would actually BE far worse, but those are things that we at least subconsciously understand the remote possibility of; I simply can’t describe their expressions.
Maybe it was subtle. Nuanced. More like the ending of “The Beyond” than “Raiders of the Lost Ark”.
Once again, I’m not saying “Hobgoblins” was the absolute worst, just that I can never answer this question objectively because 907 hit me and all my peers below the belt in a way no other experiment could.
But though the others may go blind, I have to keep staring. It’s what I do. Through Club Scum and that film vault, I can make out the Hell that Griffin ran all the way to, and I know I have to keep running through it to The Twilight Void beyond, and the tungsten mine at the other end…
I think that we will as indivduals find that focusing and the bad and nasty, on the very very worst, will actually expand what we consider a ‘good’ movie. After wallowing in RZC, HGoblins, CTerror, MaGogo, War of the Collosal Beast of Yucca Flats for 20 dozen posts…. all of a sudden Tormented, Bloodlust & Outlaw start to appear downright accomplished and edifying.
Maybe it’s time we all focus on the good and the beautiful.
You’re some guy, Cabbage Patch Elvis.
My choices are The Creeping Terror and Monster A Go-Go.
Creeping Terror was bad in several ways. Not just the movie but the editing itself was terrible. How many quick shots did they have in just one scene alone.
Monster A Go-Go was also the worst, especially since it had no resolution; it just ends with “There WAS NO Monster!”
As if anyone will see my comment this far down. :)
Red Zone Cuba is horrible, but things actually happen. Boring, nonsensical, disgusting things, sure, but there’s _something_.
Monster A-Go-Go has my vote for the worst. It was such a non-movie, such a complete entertainment vacuum, that I have yet to make it all the way through without dozing a bit.
Is anyone here going to mention Castle of Fu Manchu? Part of me died while I was watching that episode. Nothing happened. People die on a ship and a credit sequence goes on for thirty minutes but nothing happens. It drove Joel and the Bots mad, it drove me mad.
It’s hard to believe Christopher Lee has played big parts in Lord of the Rings and the Star Wars prequel, actually good roles he’s had in those and he had to do this.
Manos! was bad, but atleast they made it fun. Man, that was technically even worse. I can’t even remember Red Zone Cuba to be honest. Except someone was running somewhere and something happened. :sad:
This week I rewatched ‘Monster A Go-Go’ and ‘Hobgoblins’. Well I now put my vote on Hobgoblins, just for the fact it was such an idiotic piece of junk. It was so cheaply made, unentertaining characters, and a completely absurd script. Like Tom said, I need to borrow someone else’s vomit to spew.
Hobgoblins is an episode that, though hilariously executed and therefore good to watch, as a film it never fails to hurt me a little inside. Never have I found an entire film that is so unexplainably repulsive.
But the one I can’t watch is Monster A Go-Go. Manos at least had Torgo and the Master, and Joel and the Bots can’t do squat with it.
Hobgoblins hurt me just because I used to dress kind of like the Fishpicker (Pig Liquor?) guy. I had the goofy beret and everything. Sad, really. :oops:
Overdrawn is hard to watch for me because I dislike the movie so much, however, the riffing is great and the host skits are nearly the best of the series…Ortega working the phone bank!
Girl in Lovers Lane and Sidehackers are uncomfortable due to its subject matter and depressing endings.
Devil Doll. No riff can make that film enjoyable.
You ugly little dummy :evil:
Another horrible mst3k was santa claus. Uh that was a terrible one, it had some of the most pathetic scenes ever and 1/3 of the movie was just showing all the kids that “helped” santa.
i would have to say that any movie with a mullet-clad canadian named zapp rowesdower had got to go down as one of the worst but my vote for number one bad would have to go to the starfighters. sure, manos and hobgoblins are downright hurtful, but they also get to a point where its amusing. starfighters has nothing to offer except refueling planes. i admit, 7 minutes of that is enthralling but you cant base a movie of it. starfighters has my vote
Hobgoblins is number one with me.
Manos the Hands of Fate.
Red Zone Cuba.
Invasion of the Neptune Men.
Beast of Yucca Flats.
Monster A Go-Go
All of those have no redeeming qualities and the the bots cannot liven them up, no matter how they try.
812 The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies is the worst for me. I’ve seen several that were so boring I didn’t want to watch them again. But the camera work in this movie actually made me nauseous. I kind of wanted to watch it again to absorb more of the riffs, but I just couldn’t do it.
Well, they warned you that it was filmed in Nausea-Vision.
I showed 812 to one old-school fan (he’d apparently stopped watching around the beginning of season 5) who declared that it could go right up there with Monster A-Go-Go and Manos as the worst 3 they ever did. Most of the friends I’d shown the Rhino tapes and Hobgoblins to were there too and, well, we basically burst out laughing at him simultaneously. I think a lot of people react violently against TISCWSLABMUZ upon first viewing, but see some subtle redeeming qualities upon comparison with some other experiments, and repeat viewings.
Like Red Zone Cuba, which had a most appropriate callback therein, I’ll gladly watch that one unMSTed as well.
Sorry I keep on making excuses and not stating my pick for worst of all time. In the meantime, hopefully we can keep this thread going ’till long after the Mike/bacon thing runs out of steam.
After 248 entries into this discussion, I cannot believe that nobody has mentioned King Dinosaur! Even not considering the sexism inherent in the film and its brutality, the plot is incredibly insipid. Send up four scientists (two male, two female) who really do not want to be there (evidence the constant whining throughout the picture) to a newly discovered rogue planet to take samples and come back to Earth, I guess as soon as possible, add in an incredibly boorish lead scientist and some insipid “monsters” and please don’t forget the lemur. Although the plot is logical, none of the actions by the scientists make sense. Towards the end we are subjected to lots of stock footage of the inevitable gator vs. iguana battle and someone mistakes it for a T Rex. And these guys are our best and brightest? And although our anti-heroes escape unharmed, they for some unknowable reason are compelled to nuke the joint. Given thirty minutes to escape, they hot foot it in a raft, while the audience is cheering for the bomb. Not even the host segments help this one, with the Joey the lemur sketch probably being the worst sketch ever in the MST3K repertoire. This is the worst of the Lippert films, although all except one were pretty bad (The Last of the Wild Horses could be considered a watchable Lippert film.)
248-Bolem, I agree whole-heartedly! I think this has been one of the most interesting and debatable topics to come around in a long time, and with all the suggestions people are throwing out for more interesting topics, it was kind of a bummer to talk about Mike and bacon. There just really isn’t that much to say about it.