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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Get a Character in a MSTed Movie for Christmas?An alert emailer who does not give his or her name suggests, following up on the recent thred in which we asked which MST3K character would you invite for Thanksgiving dinner…
Okay, a LITTLE harsh (but only a little). I was thinking something more along the lines of my choice: I would get Kenny some long pants. What would be your pick? Money is no object! 140 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Get a Character in a MSTed Movie for Christmas?”Commenting at Satellite News
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Wow, these are all great gift ideas! Let’s see, I’d give:
– To Ator, a furry moon boot grooming kit so his boots are always soft and shiny
– To Ator’s sidekick Thong, a fishing rod and tackle box
– To Ator’s nemesis Zor, the entire “Seinfeld” DVD collection
– To Trash, a Greyhound bus ticket so he can actually leave the Bronx
– To Captain Joe, a box of Cuban cigars and a fifth of gin
– To Watley Smith, a life-size blow-up doll of Christina Aguilera
A couple of more…
To the Parents of Johnny (from a Johnny at the Fair:) A child leash/harness.
I would get the shopkeeper from “The Brute Man” a free trial to eharmony.com to see if he can find his (crotchedy) soul mate.
To the people of the Bronx, a good fixed mortgage rate for their solar houses in New Mexico (Land of Enchantment.)
Speaking of kids, to the High School Big Shot lead, I Accuse My Parents, Violent Years, Girl in Lovers Lane and Teenage Strangler – an outward bound trip to gain some confidence, either that or the ability to get a clue about their surroundings.
To the farmer in “Attack of the (the) Eye Creatures” a membership to the NRA, to help protect his right to bear arms against smoochers.
To the kid from the “Cheating” short, an internship with AIG (if you’re going to cheat, at least try to make some money off it.)
To all the MT3K fans, Happy Holidays. Thanks for making this a great year and thanks for all the laughs.
Socks for everybody.
I would give Wanda from Alien From L.A. acting lessons.
I would give Old Man crenshaw of boggy creek fame a moo-moo and a sweat band
I would give captain Santa Claus a sled and eight tiny reindeer, oh and a plate of cookies and milk
I would give everyone in the creeping terror new and proper audio equipment.
How about getting the entire cast of Monster a Go Go a real monster to interact with?
And I’d get Paul from Projected Man a new face diaper.
Athletic supporters for chicken men of Krankor and some pleated pants.
To the people in Teenagers from OuterSpace
To the people in Teenagers from Outer Space a tub of drawn butter.
A fiancee for Marfuska.
For Banjo, an automatic shotgun. Just that and enough said.
Merry Christmas, fellow MiSTies!
I’d like to start off by giving Wanda Saknussemm a new pair of glasses, since she broke hers while in Atlantis.
I’d give Dick Cantino of Daddy-O and Girl’s Town MST-fame a proper-fitting belt.
How about a nice Hoverround for Torgo!
The Phantom of Krankor should use a nice pair of form-fitting undies! “Teeny Weeny away!”
I think I’ll get Gamera a case of turtle wax. hahahahaha
I’d give dignity to anybody who worked on that film… (I believe that’s Monster-A-Go-Go)
I’d also give Roxie a one way ticket out of town, so she wouldn’t have to be bothered by Eegah, her “Father”, or that even more hideous monster.
I’d give The Girl in Gold Boots Glenn Beck’s phone number, so he could make sure they’d pay top dollar for them at Goldline.
I’d give the US Coast Guard more money, so they wouldn’t have to supplement their pay by assisting strange European movie people in Florida.
More updates as conditions warrant…
I’d give Lupita a copy of Das Kapital, so she can better explain to Santa how he oppresses the proletariat.
For Tor Johnson’s character Lobo in THE UNEARTHLY: A clock that tells him when it’s TIME FOR GO TO BED!
To the kid who flew a plane in SAN FRANCISCO INTERNATIONAL: A pilot’s license.
To Mitchell: a thorough cleansing, lifetime membership in Weight Watchers and admission to anger management classes so he won’t tell little kids to buzz off!
Stepping over into Rifftrax I would give the wife from the “Three Magic Words” short oil for her voice.
Sheriff T.J. Geronimo III-a stairstepper and seeds for a backyard garden so he can have more fruits and vegetables.
For the Ouija board woman at the beginning of Merlin’s Shop, some ABSOLUT Vodka.
For Dave Ryder-Zubas and powerbars.
For Sam Casey, a year-long supply of turkey. The tryptophan should keep him mellow.
Suntan lotion for the Mole People, maybe SPF-100.
A brand-new pickup truck for Rowsdower.
Loose-fitting shorts and pants for Brian C. “Doc” Lockhart of the University of Arkansas.
I nearly forgot (again). Happy Christmas my friends and a Happy and Healthy New Year.
Not to forget the crew:
Thick sweaters all around for Mike, the bots,
and Mrs. Forrrester’s crew (I understand it may get down to
absolute zero this Christmas in space). The sleepy-eyed
guy should be fine in Australia.
All the girls of Spider Island get no shirts.
Some knees for the robot in ‘Robot Vs The Aztec Mummy’.
A spine for Jimmy from ‘I Accuse MY Parents’.
A jello wrestling pit for the girls in ‘Horrors Of Spider Island’. (Okay. Thats more of a gift for me.)
For Elaine in Horror at Party Beach, her own voice and a part where she can use it.
For Eulabelle of the same movie, her own vacation home at party beach. She deserves it.
Far Hank, ibid., a fellowship at the Oregon State Marine Science Center. (He can use a change of scenery)
BTW: Merry Christmas, and a happy 20th edition.
To the cast of Werewolf: Enunciation Lessons
The band in Pod People: Rock Band 3
While Togo I’d get a scholarship to barber college, the Master is getting a copy of Lolita.
to the Viking Women: Wafflemaker
Really funny stuff! I wish I owned a clothing store, I would make a mint off this crowd on pants and underwear (and chinderwear) sales alone.
Pee-Der and Stella the Stick from Devilfish; lined swimwear for him and a training bra and a hoagie for her.
To Fart Bargo-you’d make a mint off of my wardrobe for Glenn Manning!
Also-I’d send a half-pint of Stoli’s to put in the lemonade they drank on the porch in Hired.
How much WOULD a burlap teddy run, anyway?
To Dan Kester from The Giant Spider Invasion, a years supply of underarm deodorant.
For Nastenka/Nastiya from *Jack Frost*: A new name. Like, “Linda” or “Susie”. Anything but “na-stinka” and “nasty-ya”. She could at least use her new name when she’s outside of Finland/Russia, poor girl.
Athletic supporters for Phantom of Krankor and all his henchman.
I would give Hamlet the “Screaming Skull” so when he does his “Alas Poor Yorick” thingie the skull could be screaming at him the whole time, which would liven things up a bit.
#80, that was genuinely funny!
For Derek- TORCHA!
For Cathy Nolan- Moon Rocks. Oh wow!
I’d also like to open a Victoria’s Secret on Spider Island. I’d like it very much.
Oh, and the Victoria’s Secret would carry J C Penny Hookerwear.
To answer Hollyhox #37 and Fart Bargo #39 who asked about my post #35, I have no idea what inspired Mrs Peltonen to adapt Santa Claus Conquers the Martians for the Christmas play. I was 9. The best answer I can give is that she was young and creative. Best teacher I ever had. No it isn’t on Youtube. I don’t think Mom took the film camera. My sister converted some old pictures to a CD. Maybe she’ll go through the old films someday. I have a couple of pictures but I don’t know how to post them here.
To be Voldar, my Mom got a green sweater, green socks and dance tights. She knitted long gloves and a green cowl? and put green makeup on my face. I came on the stage and roared, trying to be as scary as the Jersey Devil and the entire audience erupted in laughter. I was a Star! Somehow I managed to keep a straight face for the entire show. I think my Mom put far more effort into my “custume” then they did for the movie.
Enough credits for Aram Fingal so he can try it as a stallion
instead of a stupid, filthy baboon.
The Chairman gets a compulsory one year membership in Weight Watchers.
The girls of Spider Island get:
1) lessons in cooing and murmuring (they seemed to slacken off)
2) lessons in swimming beyond two feet of water (swimsuits apparently optional)
3) Ownership of an Arthur Murray Dance Studio in Singapore.
To the very lovely Vicky Robbins, a selection of salves, ointments and balms from Burt’s Bees.
Without reading what’s been said before:
I’d buy the cast of Monster A-Go-Go a monster of their very own.I’d buy them a phone with an actual ringer too.
I’d by Rowsdower a tune up for his truck.
I’d by Batwoman a copy of “Offensive sterotypes and how not to pander to them”.
I’d by Peaches Pages and Mamie Van Doren anything they damn well wanted.
And extending it to Rifftrax, I’d by the pilot from House on Haunted Hill a padded helmet.
Invasion of the Neptune Man, that must have been quite the school play…I’d love to see a high school drama club tackle Manos! (But that would be a gift for me, I suppose.)
I’d give Dr. Ted Nelson some crackers. Hotchka!
Ah, I see Not Merritt Stone beat me to the crackers for Ted Nelson. Well, then, from the same movie, I’ll give a basket of lemons to the old people, and a handful of anti-smoking literature to the unpleasant kids.
For Coleman Francis: a penny and a broken cigarette.
You know we need to get something for Phil Sandifer aka Daddy-O. Some hip-hugger pants come to mind. How about a bigger apartment so he and Jana can finally shack up and consummate their relationship? Sindey Chillis could use a case of butter, and Bruce could really use a gift certificate from Lenscrafters.
I’d give Torgo a year’s worth of knee surgery discounts, and Pitch some dancing lessons.
I’d give Santa some rock and roll Martians to conquer!
Speaking of Rifftraxs: I’d have to get the guy how wanted some frozen zucini(sp?) from the Grocery Witch short the beard completer he desperately needs. Willy from the paper short will get a live human friend or if one of those can’t be found a cute furry animal. Hopefully he won’t redevolope any voices in his head that will cause him to euthanize them like his bag friend.
I would get Harold from TISCWSLABMUZ a copy of ‘Hooked on Phonics’, and I would buy little Debbie from Manos a new puppy.
“I’m giving everyone ‘Yahtzee’…”
I would give Crow T. Robot a pair of dress slacks.
To the family in Manos: A GPS so they can find the Valley Loogee
To Troy: different colored sweaters.
To Mr. B Natural: something depressing because no one should ever be that cheerful.
To the folks that hang with Rocky Jones: written instructions on how not to use cold light indiscriminately so Bobby doesn’t have to be there to remind them.
and from Rifftrax…the really spooky grocery store witch: lessons on how to make pudding that isn’t all soupy.
@82 Great MSTie XMass story, thanks for sharing. If you ever find the script, I am sure there would be a bunch of us who would love to participate in a restaging.
I’d love to get the entire US Air Force from The Starfighters a new fashionable line of poopie suits!
Vicky in The Deadly Bees would get some RAID.
Mitchell gets a free trip to an All-You-Can-Eat buffet.
NASA in Night of the Blood Beast would get a second pickup truck to double their vehicle fleet.
The gypsy from The Incredbly Strange Creatures…: a giggolo so she’ll stop splashing that acid zombifying stuff on doughy salesmen.
The crew from 12 To The Moon get some actual accelleration couches so that they can put the beach furniture away. Oh, and some real faceplates on their helmets so that thedon’t have to pretend.
The entire cast of Hobgoblins gets a Popeil pocket Fishpicker and a case of pig licquor.
Buckets of Anti-Depressants and councelling for Marv and his Dad from High School Big Shot.
A special Coleman Francis parachute for Monkey Boy from Lost Continent.
An Alarm clock for Tor Johnson to remind him when it’s “time for go to bed”.
Asbestos butt pads for Commando Cody.
Bags of rock salt for the denziens of Giant Leech swamp.
Car Insurance for Daddy-O
A poop scooping shovel for Tommy in Pod People (all those pets)
Sawdust for the Incredible Melting Man.
For the Fire Maidens of Outer Space a book about safe ways to play tie up games.