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Sampo & Erhardt

Sci-Fi Archives


Visit our archives of the MST3K pages previously hosted by the Sci-Fi Channel's SCIFI.COM.

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Episode guide: 1313- THE CHRISTMAS DRAGON

Movie: (2014) A group orphans go on a quest to find Christmas.

Host: Emily, Joel, Jonah.

Cold opening: The rhyming plotters are ready to go. After the open: Kinga, Max and Dr. Kabahl present the triple ripple holiday spectacular/extravaganza.

Invention exchange: Jonah has a B52s wig for Tom. Joel has a perpetual motion machine. Emily has a paperweight that looks like a cinderblock. The Mads have the Missile-toe.

Segment 1: Friar Nolte visits to explain what Christmas is all about. The bots are then transported to Joel’s SOL.

Segment 2: The escape plotters meet again and discuss how they’ll explain their departure to the bots. After intermission: Jonah explains things to his bots.

Segment 3: The Mads get all three riffers in one place, without any of the bots. In the theater, from left: Jonah, Emily, Joel.

Close: Kinga almost foils the escape plot but thanks to the bots, the plotters make it through the Time Bag. Dr. Kahbal renounces the Mads and Kinga is ruined.

Stinger: “The dragon!!”

Thoughts:
• This episode premiered on Dec. 16, 2022.
• I remembered this as kind of a slog but I really enjoyed it this time and a laughed a lot.
• Lots of LOTR references. “Minas Tirith,” “Tom Bombadil,” “Saruman,” etc.
• Naughty riff: “That’s what the sock is for.”
• Obscure East coast riffs: Longwood Gardens, Dorney Park.
• The reactions to flying off on the dragon are very funny.
• Great line from Joel: “I only know the Mike version.”
• The closing credits have several new Christmas-themed tunes. They also now have a (rather lengthy) “in memoriam” section.

Fave riff “Ooh, right in the orphan maker.”

Honorable mentions: “Ah yes, the medieval obsession with cleanliness.” “You’re next, Bran Stark.” “Ooteeny!” “Quick, get it before it renders.” “They prefer the term henchman-American,” “You will never find a wretched hive of scum and whovery.” “You guys can pull a sled, right?”

Now Available from RiffTrax…

Download it here.

Episode guide: 1312- THE BUBBLE

Movie: The Bubble (1966). A couple lands in a strange town where the inhabitants are catatonic.

Host: Joel.

Opening: Crow & Tom are trying sell Joel on the concept of “Star Trek”-themed breakfast foods.

Invention exchange: The Mads have Lens-B-Safe, which prevent scratches on your glasses. J&tB have the pop duster, which adds exotic flavoring to movie theater food.

Segment 1: J&tB discuss 3D movies. Meanwhile, M. Waverly and Growler are gathering rocks and flipping radio stations. Joel builds a 3D simulator.

Segment 2: Concerned about Tom’s 3D blindness, Joel invents a cure. Tom becomes part of The Bubble world. After intermission: Joel turns it off.

Segment 3: Joel, Jonah and Emily rhyme their escape plans.

Close: The escape planners convince Pearl the plan was all her idea.

Stinger: Drunken Tony sees floating beer bottles.

Thoughts:
• This episode premiered on Nov. 11, 2022.
• Nice “Patty Duke Show” reference during the invention exchange.
• Ya know, I don’t think The Mads’ invention is that evil.
• Oh, I everlovin’ hate this movie and its icky message. That said, the riff has a lot of great laughs. This one may be one of the best of the season.

Fave riff “You know what I like about this movie is that reminds us to take our time.”

Honorable mentions: “You appear to be going through a car wash. Over.” “Or a catcher’s mitt.” “This guy who keeps yelling at me to act better…” “Netflix: those monsters.” “Before you ask, I don’t know. That should cover everything.” “Our selfies. Our humblebrags.” “Recalculating…” “Your work is derivative.”

A New Riff from Bridget and Mary Jo

Download it here.

Episode guide: 1311- THE MASK 3D

Movie: (1961) An ancient tribal mask has strange powers.

Host: Jonah.

Opening: J&tB are trading scary Halloween stories.

Invention exchange: J&tB demonstrate their Multi Mask. The Mads then show off their Meji Boards, customized ouiji boards.

Segment 1: J&tB and The Mads have donned Halloween costumes, everybody except Jonah, that is.

Segment 2: J&tB update “The Monster Mash” with “They Can’t Come.” After intermission, J&tB switch tactics.

Segment 3: Crow gives Jonah noir therapy, then is joined by Gypsy.

Close: Gypsy is now wearing the mask. The log flume is next.

Stinger: The landlady screams.

Thoughts:
• This episode premiered on Oct. 28, 2022.
• Nice Barnes and Barnes reference.
• This week’s LOTR reference: “My precious!”
• I’d love to know how they pick which riffs are going to be delivered by Gypsy from on high.
• A dark, sticky movie, reminiscent of the movie in episode 806- THE UNDEAD, but not very riffable. I don’t blame the writers, I mostly blame the dull movie and the gimmicky effect.

Fave riff “The film the lasik community does not want you to see.”
Honorable mentions: “Down … low … too … slow …” “Yes, call that grown man’s parents right away.” “Good game … good game …”