So I’m digging through my old files today and I found this. I’d completely forgotten about it. I posted this on ratmm back in ’95, as it became clear Comedy Central was giving the show the old heave-ho. For those who weren’t on the net then, here it is. For those who were, here’s a memory:

The Grinches Who Stole MST

All the MSTies liked MST3K a lot,
but the folks who ran Comedy Central did NOT.
They all hated the show and the whole MSTie throng.
And they hated the robots! And they hated the song!
But the thing that the channel guys most strongly hated
was they had no control over how Best Brains made it.
They liked to think THEY knew what comedy was!
They longed to create the next comedy buzz!
They loved it when people said they were the hippest
Out there on the “cutting edge,” being the flippest.
Then the ratings came out and the news did apall:
All those viewers weren’t watching “The Kids In the Hall.”
“After all of our work to find cutting edge shows,
All our viewers are watching Tom Servo and Crow’s!”
They asked, in a meeting that went past 11,
“How come people don’t love Exit 57??
Why don’t they get off on the great Benny Hill?
Don’t they know we know better and that we always will?
We’ll TELL them what’s funny, be they brown, black or honky.
We’ll MAKE them love genius like “Drop the Dead Donkey!”
And since our shows CAN’T be upstaged by a puppet,
when their contract comes due, we’re not going to re-up it!
No way are some midwestern puppet riff-raff
gonna prove they know more about making folks laugh!
So when the time came to discuss season eight,
the nice folks at Best Brains were just shown to the gate.
But then word started spreading, by fax and on-line
That the future of MST3K is not fine.
So the MSTies stood up and they yelled, loud and clear,
And they said, “Oh, fer cryin’ out loud in the beer!
This show is a hit! Like that park that’s Jurassic!
Come on, you blind fools, it’s a comedy classic!!
There’s a movie a-comin’ and a CD-ROM too
And a book that will bring even more fans to you.
So don’t be so proud, don’t be so high and mighty
So it’s NOT “cutting edge!” Must you be so up-tighty?
If you should reconsider, and stop being such rats,
who knows, we might even watch ol’ Dr. Katz!
So we’re begging, in poses so meek and supine,
Please give to us all Season Eight–oh, and Nine!
And TEN, while you’re at it! Let’s lock the deal up!
You’d be quite embarrassed if some upstart pup
of a network, somebody like Sci-fi or E!,
was still making a mint in the next century
from the show you passed over as not “cutting edge.”
It would be a disaster! You might go for the ledge!
So PLEASE, we all ask, in a chorus most rousin:
PLEASE SAVE MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000!!!!!

I remember somebody at BBI saying the phrase “midwestern puppet riff-raff” became a catch-phrase in the studio for a few days…