This week’s topic came to me this week, as I contemplated the upcoming start of the new season of Cinematic Titanic live shows, and along with the announcement of the latest RiffTrax VOD title, “Abraxas, Guardian of the Universe,” hard on the heels of the live show and the recent VOD release of “Galaxy Invader.”
What do those two things have in common? Well, to me it feels like the MST3K is truly back. Yes, it’s a hoot when RiffTrax does an audio track for a major Hollywood stinker, but the unreconstructed MSTie in me gets a special thrill when either group takes on a terrible, low-budget oldie, like “Maniac” or “The Alien Factor.”
And what that means to me is: for the first time in a long time, it’s possible that some of those bad, low-budget movies that MST3K never got around to may FINALLY, some day soon, get the treatment they deserve. Yay!
So, with that wordy preamble, the question for the weekend is: If you had a chance to pitch one terrible movie to Cinematic Titanic and/or RiffTrax, what would you suggest?
For Cinematic Titanic, my gift is 1993’s “Catman: In the Boxer’s Blow.”
For RiffTrax, it’s 1976’s haunting “A*P*E.”
What would YOU pitch?
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I want them to do Hideous Sun Demon, a 1959 SF horror film in which a guy turns into a monster only when exposed to sunlight. Not terribly scary when the cheap monster outfit is always shown in broad daylight and since he’s only a monster in the day it’s easy for his intended victims to see him coming. What a dumb idea even for a cheap monster movie! And there’s a scene where the stain on his dirty trousers looks like he had an “accident” in them.
Another good one would be Devil Girl From Mars. Boxy robot, goofy spaceship. alien babe in silly outfit, British movie in black and white. It’s a lot of fun and would be great for riffing.
I almost mentioned ‘Horror at 37,000 Feet’
I like The Giant Claw a lot, the trouble is that they didn’t have any money for special effects, so they used a puppet instead of Ray Harryhausen (or someone of his ilk). But still ,not many movies ever mention “mesons”, so that gets a plus.
@89 Watch-Out-For-Snakes: You totally beat me to suggesting “Yor: Hunter of the Future”! I remember it being on cable a LONG time ago and thinking this would be a perfect movie for some good MST riffing. That would be a good one for CT. Although Sampo’s “Catman…” recommendation is also right up there in the win column! :yes:
More suggested films for CT and Rifftrax:
Brain From Planet Arous with John Agar is a fun movie with giant floating brains, one good and one evil. The good one is a policemen who pursues the evil one to Earth.
Giant Behemoth about a radioactive (of course!) brontosaur. My first monster movie ever that I saw, I was age 4 and it changed (ruined?) my live forever. I’ve been a monster movie fan ever since. Of course, when I got older and saw this movie it turned out to be much less scary than when I was 4 years old.
“But we already did Kenny Rogers.”
“I’m still mad over ‘Six-Pack.’
Jerry Warren has been woefully underrepresented on Mystery Science. CT has GOT to do “Frankenstein Island.”
CT has been catching up on Al Adamson, but they still need to do “Dracula vs. Frankenstein.”
Starcrash, definitely, but that one’s not bad enough for CT. And it already makes fun of itself.
And we still need to do our John Agar Film Festival, starting with “The Brain from Planet Arous.” The characters pronounce “Arous” three different ways.
Then, “Zontar.” The challenge will be to avoid riffs they already did with “It Conquered the World.” Hey, they did it with “Santa Claus Conquered the Martians.”
But as for a current film for Rifftrax? Have they done Gigli yet?
Hmm, forgot about “Queen From Outer Space.” The problem there is that Charles Beaumont intended it to be a spoof, but the director didn’t see it that way. The only one who treats it as a spoof is Zsa Zsa, but then she treats every project as a spoof.
Still, I defy the cast not to burst out laughing when the Earthmen have the line that their lives depend on their Captain’s sex appeal. Captain Kirk can get away with that (and the line wouldn’t have been said), but not Eric Fleming’s wimpy captain in the movie.
In the end, it’s not bad enough for CT or RT. Not when there are SO many good candidates out there…
Although, I’d love to see someone tackle “The Angry Red Planet.” :-)
Queen Of Outer Space (1958), Missile To The Moon (1958) and Fire Maidens Of Outer Space (1956) are all remakes of Cat Women Of The Moon (1953), a movie that is so bad even at only 64 minutes running time it has padding! The remakes all tweaked or added different details to their own story, but all of the main premise and plot elements are the same. How a movie as bad as Cat Women Of The Moon got 3 remakes in just 5 years is amazing. I guess it worked because movies were cheap entertainment back then and sex always sells. Every version had plenty of girls in tight or skimpy outfits and producers apparently thought that was enough to get people into the theater even if they were rehashing a bad premise several times in a short span of time.
So many good suggestions already, and I’ve seen A*P*E so I know how amusingly bad it is.
For CT-Surf Nazis Must Die (1987).
RT-Darkman-I like this but there is riffing opportunity.
@ #158: IIRC Rifftrax has already done Missile to the Moon.
The Order of the Black Eagle is on Netflix streaming, so they might be able to get the rights for it. Another movie that would be perfect for either CT or RT is Swamp Girl:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-lSbJHk3XU&fmt=18
Also, this stinker I caught a glimpse of on the Sci-fi channel one day:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TFQqmHQMJBY&fmt=18
@ 73 and 89 I take it you’re familiar with The Spoony Experiment.
For that matter, a number of films that have been covered on that Internet show are definitely riffing material IMO, with one of the choice examples being Mazes & Monsters, a 1983 made-for-TV movie starring Tom Hanks as a college student who, after taking part in LARP experience based around a tabletop RPG that he and his friends are playing, actually starts to believe that he really is the the RPG character he’s playing as.
I would vote for Satan’s School for Girls. A huge stinker that I happened to catch on a little local channel near me one night. My kids and I sat through the whole thing doing the MST3K treatment, so if our meager riffing skills were that much fun, the pros would have a field day! It was a cheesy TV movie from the 70’s with Cheryl Ladd, Kate Jackson and Jo Van Fleet.
I’d like to add another vote for “Yor: Hunter from he Future”. I’d like to see both groups take a crack at it. It’s the only movie I’ve ever walked out of in a theater.
America 3000 a post apocalypse Golan-Globus movie from the 80’s. Actually any Golan-Globus movie would be perfect.
#4, how ironic! I’m watching “The Crawling Eye” as I type this!
Anyway,
To CT, I would pitch “The Angry Red Planet.” It’s a goofy, yet fun, 50’s film from Ib Melchior. As a matter of fact, “Reptilicus” would probably be a better suggestion.
To Rifftrax, I would pitch “Night of the Lepus.” Besides “Plan 9,” it is probably the biggest missed opportunity for a classic MST. (Although I realize they made an effort to not do “Plan 9.”)
Piggybacking on #166, I would also pitch to Rifftrax the 1986 remake of “Invaders from Mars.” Both versions are pretty awful, but that one particularly because it was so close to being a comprehendable film. That, and Tobe Hooper made it.
Well, I’ve got a couple ideas, but neither is really appropriate for young audiences, and this is no matter how much editing is done, (you know, unless they riff on a five minute pile of meaningless slop, which wouldn’t work since they need to riff on the whole ninety minute pile of meaningless slop in both cases). But how about:
1. “Psyched by the 4D Witch” It’s about this college girl who becomes obsessed with sexual witchcraft and is possessed by some ghost woman who makes her fantasies come true or something. The whole movie was shot silently with the actors giving narration despite their mouths not actually moving at all. Thus, it was marketed as an art film.
2. “Oversexed Rugsuckers from Mars” (Or something like that.) It’s about some aliens coming to earth and possessing a hobo to “mate” with a vacuum, which then goes on a killing spree, again, or something. If I recall, the budget was just a little over $1,000, including film, actors, and everything, which is pretty impressive, although much more disturbing, like the movie itself.
Both of these movies are available to be watched in abridged versions on YouTube.
Not that you’d want to see them, just that you might want to make sure I’m not lying.
By the way, you can go on Amazon and buy “Psyched…” on a double feature with “Monster A-Go-Go”! Now, you can’t beat that.
Imagine MST3K fave, Future War, minus the dinosaurs or cyborgs and you have Tiger Heart. A ridiculous mid-90’s action vehicle for teenage martial artist, star and co-producer T.J. Roberts. His Dad is the other producer (It’s like Arch Hall, Jr. films without the guitar). Terrible dialogue, ridiculous gang members and a plot that revolves around real estate (thrilling)! The movie has inexplicably had 3 DVD releases and is available on Netflix, so it would be perfect for the Rifftrax gang. The movie is filled with scenes like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w7lbulPfC6k
I don’t think ‘Devil Girl From Mars’ has been mentioned yet. It’s a silly 50’s British flick that has almost as much standing around and drinking as in ‘The Killer Shrews’. The devil girl’s costume looks like cut up trash bags, plus she has a robot that’s supposed to look like a human man only with a robot brain. Apparently women from Mars think that human men look like giant refridgerators with appendages.
Re: Curse of Bigfoot. Something I’ve been wondering ever since I was eleven and my brother and I saw it on The Late Movie: Did I really, honestly hear the line, “This mummy is not just thousands of years old, it’s hundreds of years old!”?
The Starman/Space Giant Japanese superhero programmers are another obvious choice. So obvious, in fact, I can’t help suspecting they were rejected by Frank years ago. But who knows? For those who don’t know, they’re rather like PRINCE OF SPACE without the lucid plot…
Kinda wish they could do THE LOST CITY, which wins my vote for the most deranged serial EVER. I mean, it has EVERYTHING: A Golly-Gee-Willikers Buster Crabby boy scientist hero and his lumpy chum; a preposterously dressed evil dictator who’s played by a guy who seems to think he’s playing a mob boss (and who was rumored to have played at least one scene roaring drunk); a hot jungle goddess; giant zombie tribesmen; and a machine that can turn Black people white. Unfortunately, they can hardly do it one chapter at a time, and I suspect three or four solid hours of riffing would make either team explode…
Oh wait, that reminds me… How about the Buster Crabbe TARZAN movie with the Jane surrogate with the Tweety Bird voice and, I swear to God, a bit where he ‘punishes’ a naughty little chimp by putting it over his knee and pretending to paddle it. Yes folks, actual footage of Buster Crabbe spanking the monkey…
Isn’t “Prince of Space” one of the Starman films (serials, whatever)? “Ha Ha, I’m useless against their weapons!”
CT:
“Creation of the Humanoids”. It’s like Ed Wood’s Blade Runner. Early 60s no budget about robots and racism.
When we last saw a CT SHOW IN CONCORD NH.back in Jan.29th. 2011 I gave Joel a piece of paper with two movies on it and he read it and said thanks.Now I’m sure that happens all the time, but I’ll tell you I was able to riff on these with ease and I know CT and Rifftrax would tear these to shreds. 1. was The House on Skull Mountain (1974)with Mike (Lionel Jefferson)Evans and Victor French. Who do VOODOO? They do, and it burns like Ben Gay in a Jock Strap. 2. Terror on the Beach (1973) with Dennis (McCloud) Weaver and Susan ( come on get happy )Dey. I only wish my vacuum sucked this much. And speaking of Dennis Weaver and sucking something up, how about- Cocaine: One Man’s Seduction (1983) You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll grind your teeth when you see this made for TV bomb.
While I prefer the horror/scifi MST3K episodes, I would like to see The Kid From Cleveland get the treatment.
A 1949 film featuring the 1948 World Champion Cleveland Indians (that is not a typo!), who, remarkably, almost out-act the wooden professional actors in the film. And the ‘Kid’ in the film is a young Russ Tamblyn, so there is plenty of West Side Story fodder there.
@ #171: Please see #151.
For Rifftrax: Pray for the Wildcats. Shatner, Andy Griffith, Marjoe Gortner, and Robert Reed go on a demented joyride. Yep, imagine those four actors on motorcycle ride to Mexico. Look it up on youtube.
For Cinematic T: Frogs, as mentioned, would be a treat.
I have the two Starman dvds put out by Something Weird video. Watching them, I’m dying to know how to say “Huh?” in Japanese.
Another one that I don’t think has been mentioned is The Stabilizer. Indonesian eighties action at it’s standard. A truly amazing piece of sh—urly quality entertainment. Perfect for Rifftrax! Here’s a taste. 8-)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uqjW7N7HS2c&feature=related
1st choice for CT (or Rifftrax)would be *The Eliminators*, a dopey 80s sci-fi movie with plenty of cheese and *Star Trek*’s Denise Crosby. Great opportunity for plenty of *Star Trek* jokes!
Speaking of bad 80s sci-fi, *Space Rage* should definitely get the riffing treatment. Mindless “action” movie about a convict on a prison planet who shoots people and blows $#*! up.
I also second the 1986 remake of *Invaders from Mars*. That “movie” was truly God-awful but a good riffing opportunity. And of course *Robot Jox*, a postapocolyptic cheesefest involving giant fighting robots.
@ #160: I know that they’ve already done Missile To The Moon because I own the DVD. I wasn’t suggesting they do Missile To The Moon in my post at #158, I was providing movie trivia information about it as it relates to someone else’s suggestion, Queen Of Outer Space. If you read the whole post it’s fairly clear.
They couldn’t go wrong with those 70’s paranormal “documentaries” like “Chariots Of The Gods”, “Encounters With The Unknown”, and the original “Boggy Creek”.
They could also mine the depths of the “killer dog” genre with “Slaughter”, which I caught one night on TNT Monstervision back in the day. Australia, killer dogs, and the 70’s… perfect.
Children Shouldn’t Play with Dead Things. Look it up and enjoy!
SUPERSONIC MAN (1979)Made in Spain..This is what trash palace dot com says about it: Kronos,a Superman-esque space alien comes to Earth to fight the evil Dr.Gulik(Cameron Mitchell),an evil robot,and other evil things.Also evil was the producer of this film who spent $1.98 on the “special” effects.For lovers of bad cinema only!!………Check out the trailer on youtube.
184 comments. That has to be a Satellite News record.
Not a suggestion, just something I thought I’d pass along. I once read a one-line review of the movie “From Hell It Came” (#44 and others); it went “…and to Hell It can go!” Reminds me of the scene from “This is Spinal Tap” where one of the band members says something like “And now we have this short review of our album ‘Shark Sandwich’ – “S**t Sandwich'”.
How about Werewolf in Washington or The House That Bled to death?
then there’s my personal favorite 72 desperate rebels (it has a sword eating kung-fu zombie in it!)
cinematic titanic would be best for that film.
Downloaded Americathon a while back. Now THAT was a goofball film. John Ritter is the President of the United States who starts a national telethon to make money when the US finally goes bankrupt and runs out of oil. I think every 70s TV star in Hollywood shows up in the film. With Beach Boys music.
Should be interesting riffed by CT. It could be their SST Death Flight or Angels Revenge.
Of course, based on what’s going on now, it appears to have morphed into a documentary… :-P
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yFyVs_766S4
@#185: I wouldn’t be too sure. I believe there have been some Weekend Discussion which have cracked two hundred posts.
I’ll love to see some brand new riffings for all the MST3K episodes that both CT and Rifftrax crews had done throughout the years (though I know it sounds a bit of an overkill but hey, who knows!)
I can’t believe that Catman movie is from 1993, the photography is so bad and dated it looks like it was from the ’70s.
A great movie that neverthelss would be ripe for riffing
is “The Third Man.” Among other things they could play
around with the camera angles and to a skit on the music.
http://video.search.yahoo.com/video/play?p=alien%20private%20eye&tnr=21&vid=1004742574432&turl=http%3A%2F%2Fts1.mm.bing.net%2Fvideos%2Fthumbnail.aspx%3Fq%3D1004742574432%26id%3D245d3228042160000ddeeb30bf454de6%26bid%3DU96q23ebaUQIwg%26bn%3DThumb%26url%3Dhttp%253a%252f%252fwww.youtube.com%252fwatch%253fv%253dnZYZtuf_i70&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DnZYZtuf_i70&sigr=11asg2itd&newfp=1&tit=Bad+Movie+Night+presents+ALIEN+PRIVATE+EYE
The above clip is from Alien Private Eye (1987)…http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0092531/ Really cheesy..Would be perfect for CT to do.
What about a movie with Jon Mikl Thor? Must not forget about the man who gave us Zombie Nightmare…http://www.badmovies.org/movies/rrnightmare/ This would be perfect with either CT or Rifftrax doing it.Any thoughts??
Jacob at #186
I have a 70’s monster encyclopedia by Ed Naha (I believe he co-wrote Troll 2) with that line.
Surprised no one has mentioned “Bela Lugosi Meets a Brooklyn Gorilla”. I remember Frank really fought for them to do it back then.. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0044406/ http://www.invasionofthebmovies.com/belalugosi.html
Ok,I think I’m on a roll here..This is the movie I couldn’t think of the name of it(see #119)THE HUMANOID (1979)Stars Barbara Bach and Richard Kiel…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N8MozKS9MmY&feature=related and here’s a review.. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0080058/ Here’s the link to buy it: https://www.mst3kinfo.com/?p=10557#comments
@199..I messed up on the link to buy the movie… http://www.revok.com/ There,that should do it!! :blush:
How about SSSSSS? (Hope I have enough esses). In this film a mad scientist turns a human into a king cobra. Looks ripe for riffing.