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Weekend Discussion Thread: If You Could Ask One Question…

Sorry for the late posting!

Alert reader Ted suggests:

If you could ask any character in a MST3K movie or short one question, what would it be? What do you imagine their answer would be?

Oh I think I’d ask Mr. B THE question: Man or woman?

What’s your pick?

108 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: If You Could Ask One Question…”

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  1. cityofvoltz says:

    I’d ask John Caradine the red zone cuba railroad conductor

    “How Can I Help You Old Mang?”

       1 likes

  2. Gary Bowden says:

    I’d ask Mitchell: What’s with the baby oil?

       3 likes

  3. Ulysses' Shadow says:

    I’d ask Rowsdower if he’s related to my dad. They’re practically twins.
    I’d also ask Silver, from Girls Town, if she could lay off the slang, especially the really strained slang (“Can I use the Alexander Graham?”).
    From Riding With Death, I’d ask Ben Murray for his autograph, and I’d ask Jim Stafford to wipe his lips.
    And Hank, from The Horror of Party Beach: was calling three more stores for sodium really that difficult? Did you really need Eulabelle to prod you into doing it?

       5 likes

  4. Canucklehead says:

    Real question: I would ask Tony Cardoza just why the hell he helped to produce Coleman Francis’ movies, inflicting a great pain on humanity.

    Character question: I’d ask the impish officer of death “Why don’t they look?”

       4 likes

  5. Hollysdower says:

    I guess I could ask Soultaker Robert Z’Dar, “Why the long face?”

    *goes straight to hell for that joke*

       4 likes

  6. Stan McSerr says:

    I would ask Mamie Van Doren out! :-D

       11 likes

  7. Patrick says:

    I’d ask Mr. Hall where the rubber band went!

       4 likes

  8. Steve Vil says:

    I’d ask the gal from “Angel’s Revenge” how exactly one “shines their love”. Is some sort of polish involved?

    I’d ask Thong from “Cave Dwellers” if the fish is ready yet. (why are so many of my questions about fish?)

       3 likes

  9. Mr. B(ob) says:

    Commando Cody, how did you find the atmosphere on the Moon?
    Mr. B Natural, exactly how natural?
    Torgo, is there a shower in The Master’s house and do you ever use it?
    Rocky Jones, why do you bring Bobby along and exactly what is his rank and function on the Orbit Jet?
    Trumpy, why did you come here in the first place?
    Sinbad, what is your real name because clearly you are not Sinbad?
    Lobo, why do we have to go to bed so early?
    Thor (Teenagers From Outer Space), why so angry?
    Glenn Manning, what sin could a man commit in a single lifetime to deserve a fate like that?
    Astronauts in King Dinosaur, why did you nuke Nova instead of just leaving? Is that your idea of scientific study?
    Omega (First Spaceship On Venus), what’s the weather today?
    Tammy (Fugitive Alien), what’s the normal “tenperature” on the ship?
    Inventor of Rocketship X-M, if you send another brilliant female scientist on the X-M2, will the crew actually follow her math and advice so they don’t all die this time?

       3 likes

  10. Bob Johnson says:

    I’d ask Dr. Connery for his brother’s autograph.

       10 likes

  11. Th1rt3eN says:

    I Know it’s rifftrax but I would have to ask Kathy why she doesn’t eat breakfast!

    “No country for old men had better closure!”

       10 likes

  12. trickymutha says:

    I would ask Babs on Spider Island to sleep with me.

       10 likes

  13. Little Pants says:

    I would ask Yvette Vickers what’s under that shorty robe! In 1959.

       4 likes

  14. NHCrypto says:

    I would ask Tom Servo why he has underwear in his room…

       3 likes

  15. Fred Burroughs says:

    I guess I would ask Coily the Spring Sprite about spiritual redemption.

       5 likes

  16. Pet the llama says:

    I would ask Henry Krasker from “The Dead Talk Back” to have a pint and explain his experiments. I’m sure after about the 6th or 7th round, they’d make perfect sense and seem really cool. :soldier:

       4 likes

  17. digital_trucker says:

    I’d ask to guard the captive Batgirls ~LEER~

       5 likes

  18. itsspideyman says:

    I’d ask the subjects in “The Undead” who the heck is their King, and is it always that foggy?

       2 likes

  19. Warren says:

    I would ask Robot Monster if his wild hand gestures were borrowed from Shatner (or Jim Carrey’s impersonation of Captain Kirk from In Living Color).

       1 likes

  20. Cornjob says:

    Doing my best Joker impression I’d ask Glen Manning, “Why so serious?”

       2 likes

  21. Remmie Barrow says:

    I would ask Arch Hall Jr.’s character in EEGHA (I do not remember his character name in that “movie”) why does he look like that?…..Oh, and Do we really have to WATCH OUT FOR SNAKES?

       2 likes

  22. ck says:

    Speaking of Eegah…I’d ask Jaws when did he leave his
    ancestral home (after he concluded American desert communities
    just aren’t into giants) to work for evil supervillains
    against British OO agents.

       3 likes

  23. bigbrainbotboy says:

    I would ask Aram Fingel about the best ways to INTERFACE!
    Then turn around and ask the Chairman, “Why so much butter?”
    Finally, I would ask Lisa Kudrow if we could be more than friends! :inlove:

       4 likes

  24. Blowie the Dolphin says:

    I’d like to ask Dave Rider about his Oedipal complex.

       2 likes

  25. To Aram Fingel: What’s so bad about anteaters?

       10 likes

  26. Bob(bi) Executive says:

    I’d ask Jan in the Pan what exactly was in the pan. What are the ingredients of neck juice?

       3 likes

  27. Gary Bowden says:

    I would ask the women in Angels Revenge where they got their jumpsuits at…

       5 likes

  28. "Hotcha!" says:

    I would ask Kalgon if I could have my own enforcer. Preferably with the waxing option fitted.

       6 likes

  29. Neptune Man says:

    I would ask Nick Miller if he really went to Castleton.
    I would ask Robert Denby why is he so elusive.
    Also, I would like to know what the Hell was Cristopher Lee thinking when he accepted to be directed by Jess Franco.
    I would like to ask Michelle from Angels Revenge how to shine my love properly.

       4 likes

  30. Neptune Man says:

    I’m wondering how they eat and breath, and other science facts.

       4 likes

  31. Aldo Farnese is Mr. Krasker says:

    I’d also like to ask the singer/dancer/whatever she is from Once Upon A Honeymoon how one quantifies wishing, so that if ever I, or one of my loved ones, is involved with a wishing song; I know how much wishing it needs.

       2 likes

  32. MSTie says:

    I’d ask the teenagers in “Catalina Caper” permission to come aboard and party like it’s 1967… forever.

       8 likes

  33. Smoothie of Great Power says:

    I’d ask the college students from Ring of Terror, “Why are you all so old?”

       3 likes

  34. Bob (NotThatBob) says:

    I’d ask Hamlet “what was the question?”

       5 likes

  35. MSrT3K says:

    I’d ask who the PumaMan’s agent was, and hand that person the best salesperson of the century award

       1 likes

  36. clydeosis says:

    I would ask Hercules where, exactly, he gets bronzer in the ancient Greece.

       3 likes

  37. Stupid Repulsive Anteater says:

    I’d ask my next-door neighbor, the old man from “Hired!”, if he and his son could not yell when they’re on the front porch.

       3 likes

  38. Kathy says:

    I’d also like to ask anyone in “Invasion of the Saucer Men” what the Hitler building was about?

    And why don’t they just medicate those kids and do us all a favor.

    Oh…and I’d ask Judy from “Young Man’s Fancy” what “the reds” are.

       4 likes

  39. Miss Mary says:

    To Rifftrax, regarding the “Grasses” short:

    So, IS CORN GRASS????

       3 likes

  40. @35, Dang, I was gonna say the same thing. Gotta get here earlier.
    Oh well. To the entire cast of Skydivers: What would you like to drink?

       3 likes

  41. SAVE FERRIS says:



    Oh, and I’d like to ask the clan from the “A Date with your Family” short (“Dad, I’m dating a Negro.”) [“Invasion USA”, MST #602], if including family members in one’s dating pool is really the healthiest approach to take in life. :shock:

       1 likes

  42. Emily says:

    I would ask the boy from “Body Care and Grooming” if he was REALLY that repulsed by the disheveled young lady in the beginning of the short.

       3 likes

  43. rocketnumbernine says:

    To Commando Cody: Who designed that flying suit? And while we’re on the subject, how come you haven’t fired him?

       1 likes

  44. rocketnumbernine says:

    …And to Dr. Eric Vornoff (of “Bride of the Monster” fame): Can you please unlock this door? I mean, no rush, but your octopus friend is getting slime all over me. Ew. Maybe you should go back to the drawing board on the whole “deadly sea monster” bit.

       2 likes

  45. Michael Deeley says:

    I’d ask Rick Sloane, director of “Hobgoblins”, if he ever felt shame over anything. He’d probably say “No”, since he directed five movies called “Vice Academy”.

    For fictional characters, I’d ask Droppo the Martian what he did after he eff’d up his job as Santa Claus on Mars. (You know he did). Probably crashed at friends’ houses until they kicked him out. Ended up living hand to mouth. Maybe playing a department store Santa at Christmas at Martian Macy’s, trying to relive the one high point of his life, all while quietly weeping inside.

       4 likes

  46. Matt D says:

    I would ask Jesse from The Girl in Lover’s Lane for dating advice.

    I would ask Linda from Wild Rebels to define the word “kicks.”

       2 likes

  47. agentmom says:

    I’d ask James Best’s character in “The Killer Shrews” now that his first mate is eaten by shrews, did you ever find an automatic pilot that plays Dixie Land Jazz?

       2 likes

  48. agentmom says:

    For John Carradine in “The UnEarthly.” What story would fool a child?

       4 likes

  49. ck says:

    I’d ask James Best’s character if he would ever consider a
    safer land-based job. Say. as a sheriff assisting a corrupt
    southern politician. Oh, and as such, lightening up on those
    onerous car inspection rules mandating car doors be able to
    open and close to let passengers in.

       1 likes

  50. Stoneman says:

    I would ask Yuri from “Werewolf”: Who does your hair?

    I would ask Little Richard in “Catalina Caper”: Where did you get those goofballs?

    I would ask Johnny Longbow in “Track of the Moon Beast”: What exactly are all the stew ingredients?

    I am asking everyone to respond to the question at the end of “What About Juvenile Delinquency?”: What would YOU do?

       1 likes

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