Have we done a Weekend Discussion question like, “Which MSTed movies would you re-write the ending to, and how?” Actually, I wouldn’t mind seeing a remake of this one using the ‘bots ending.
It feels like we have, but I searched around and I don’t think so. So let’s do it!
I’ll pick the easy one: At the end of “Manos: The Hands of Fate,” Mike’s shot successfully kills The Master and also alerts the police, who arrive and round up the entire group. We close with the family — and a new puppy — cavorting on a Texas beach.
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Nothing too specific, but I’d rewrite Hobgoblins ending so at least one of the gaggle of annoying idiots died at the paws of the hobgoblins. Preferably Kyle getting crushed under 16 tonnes of red shorts.
I’ll choose Robot Monster. Any movie that ends with the Kid waking up and it was all a dream is lame, lame, lame (see also the American version of Invaders From Mars: The English ending was much better, as was the whole movie). In my version, since Roy’s death was not specifically confirmed and he was not buried, he would groggily wake up and stumble to Carla and what’s left of the family and mankind would start anew.
BOGGY CREEK II: Crenshaw marries the Mama creature and is henpecked for the rest of his life.
On the good side: he develops better hygiene.
Let’s see Jack Elam get a brain-damaging blow to the head with Carrie’s purse in “The Girl in Lovers’ Lane.” Come on, it’s what we all were hoping to see.
Blood Waters of Dr Z – Rex manages to both save the INPIT agent, and the Sheriff comes in just in time to defeat the transformed Dr Leopold.
Bonus one: Eegah – Eegah survives being shot and recuperates before being released back to Shadow Mountain. Dr Miller writes his book, and Roxi creates a line of Tonic water duplicating the sulfurous qualities of Eegah’s mineral spring. And for an extra-special Happy Ending, they find Eegah a girlfriend. A really TALL girlfriend.
First up would be It Conquered the World. Beverly Garland’s character would successfully kill the Venusian pickle, then find her husband and slap him right across the mug. There’d be a hint that she’d end up with Peter Graves, or (a truly happy ending) all on her own, a strong, sensible woman.
Then there’s Incredible Melting Man. Ted Nelson & the sheriff would talk him down from the power station tower, and the IMM, with some medical help, would learn to reintegrate into the world, without needing to snack on brains. Instead, he’d spend his days in a very cold environment (maybe a meat locker, which would also give him a reasonable alternative to those human brains), and during the night, he’d go out and fight crime. Police would find criminals safely wrapped up, with a mysterious mucusy finger or toe left behind. (It could be the setup for a TV series!)
Hee hee, maybe have the judge from I Accuse My Parents sentence Jimmy to some community service, at least, and have Fred Sanford bop him once with his hat and call him a big dummy. The same goes for the two aliens who “misplaced” the laser gun in Laserblast.
I would rewrite the ending of “I ACCUSE MY PARENTS”. First, the presiding judge would be Judge Scalia. Jimmy has just finished his plaintive mewing of his difficult life and Judge Scalia has had enough of this elitist, alcoholic and vapid lot of whiners and throws the lot of them into FED MAX facilities for 25 years.
He additionally sentences Jimmy to read his award winning essay during the next general assembly for his convict brethren to enjoy.
King Dinosaur: The Emotional Scientists fail to get clear of the blast radius.
The Violent Years- ends in a violent police shootouts, skips the endless Judge Morale scene, the baby scene stays the same….but it shows baby, all grown up, following in her mothers footsteps.
I guess what I’m saying is, I don’t like the judge.
TISCWDTSLABMUZ could be interestingly redone with Zombie showgirls
There WAS a monster…
Okay, it’s been bugging me: If Jimmy’s parents are the root of his problems, why did the judge order him to go back and live with them? Staying with lovable cafe owner Al and rebuilding his life there seemed like the logical thing to do. Um, so i guess that’s my rewrite.
I’d rewrite the ending of “The Creeping Terror” where The Creeping Terror survives at the end and eats everybody in Angel County.
I was going to say have everyone in Hobgoblins die; the old man should have detonated the bomb after sending the kids in the building. The the old man would have died of a heart attack.
Space Mutiny: they finally get out of that basement.
My vote would be that the Dead actually talk back to Krasker.
Mitchell would die of a heart attack right after having another Schlitz or two or ten.
I for one would rewrite the entire “Skydivers” movie. So that, you know, something actually happens.
I’m not quite sure the best way to re-write it, but the end of PROJECT: MOONBASE needs work. Maybe if the smug Uber-male had some horrible, debilitating injury (like losing an arm or something) before Col. Secretly-wants-to-be-a-housewife condescended to marry him.
I would keep the Manos ending the way it is, except I would do away with the notion of Debbie being one of the wives. That’s just sick!
In Red Zone Cuba, I’d have Coleman Francis return to Mundo Fine, meet two guys named Larry and Moe, and take their comedy act on the road. Woop! Woop! Woop! OW!
Let’s be honest, here. The ENDS of the movies didn’t need re-writing. The beginnings and middles need a helluva lot of work, too.
The Starfighters:
The commander (ugly face) of the base goes all General Jack Ripper.
In cahoots with the incredibly annoying senator takes over SAC bombers
and attacks the Soviet Union after being seduced by fond reminiscenses of
taking on the nazis in WWII, the big one, with the “Starfighters” as escorts.
(Hey, at least something would happen!)
But without heroic Slim Pickens, and with doofus leadership of the senator
and ugly face, they fail—after numerous erotic plane refueling episodes,
they land in the U.S.S.R. with their air force survival packet:
“Major T. J. “King” Kong: Survival kit contents check. In them you’ll find: one forty-five caliber automatic; two boxes of ammunition; four days’ concentrated emergency rations; one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills; one miniature combination Russian phrase book and Bible; one hundred dollars in rubles; one hundred dollars in gold; nine packs of chewing gum; one issue of prophylactics; three lipsticks; three pair of nylon stockings. Shoot, a fella’ could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all that stuff.”
The first movie I thought of that deserves a different ending is The Violent Years but #10 already thought of a better one than I was imagining. I don’t like that wretched judge either.
Needless to say Monster a Go Go doesn’t just need a new ending, it needs any ending. Preferably with a murderous rampage in which the monster kills every character on screen then goes on to contaminate the whole city and cause the deaths of thousands of people until he is finally subdued by Prof. Bernard Quatermass.
Let’s rewrite the endings to some shorts while we’re at it:
“Catching Trouble”: While tramping about the Everglades Ross Allen is seriously wounded by an alligator and, too weak to free himself, ends up sinking in a bog to a slow, agonized death.
“Cheating”: Johnny’s permitted to stay on the student council and later becomes class president. Mary is expelled.
“Mr. B Natural”: Buzz turns out to have no aptitude whatever for the trumpet. Now a school laughingstock he murders the Spirit of Music one night by bashing him/her over the head repeatedly with the trumpet.
“Is This Love?”: The lovelorn daughter reappears at the end of the short, single again, four months’ pregnant and begging her parents for money. Later it is found out that her would-be football player husband invalided himself out with an injury before his career even started and wound up serving an eight-year bid for armed robbery of a liquor store.
Many, many other possibilities.
I’d change the end to “Track of the Moonbeast”. Johnny Longbone’s bow would not make Moonbeast Paul evaporate. It would just nullify the moon rock radiation in him. Paul and “Judith Light” would then live a normal life together.
Monster-A-Go-Go would be my first choice to rewrite. As someone else has already pointed out, something needs to happen at the end. Anything!
Beginning of the End: Peter Graves is hauled off to jail for the massive destruction his tests caused. Or, even better, Graves dies when the Grasshopper breaks out of the cell, and not the hero soldier.
I would’ve changed the ending of Manos so that it was an hour and a half shorter.
I would change the end of “Space Mutiny” After Big McHugelarge kills Calgon(who stays dead) Commander Adama makes a peace treaty with the Cylons just before the Galactica finally finds the Earth.
Oh no wait…
I would change the end of Mole People so that, instead of the girl getting killed in the earthquake, a big rock falls on John Agar.
Ditto on changing the creepy ending of Manos – having Debbie in the cult at the end was uncalled for!
And I would change the end of Space Mutiny so that when Kalgon opens his eyes, he finds his mind has been transported into the body of a really tall blue guy on some distant planet surrounded by naked tall blue ladies and a really big tree.
I would change the end of Sidehackers so that Rommel acts more like a brother to J.C. and strangles him too death.
Hey, thanks for using my question!
Here are a couple:
“Revenge of the Creature”: After getting the Gill Man to drop his girlfriend, John Agar realizes that he’s the one that made the Creature go on the rampage, what with the cattle prod and all. So, he lets him return to the ocean and swim back home. Oh, and the dog was just injured and will be OK.
“Catching Trouble”: The cubs’ mom shows up, just as Joel had hoped. She frees her cubs, as well as all the other imprisoned animals. She then kicks Ross & Emo’s butts. They’re left alive, but now have a better understanding of how to be responsible towards nature.
I’ll pass along any others I think of.
i would also change the end to Wild Rebels where Banjo makes it to Mexico on the cops bike straight from the light house and Rita shoots Jeter but its not for kicks, its cause shes a Red Sox fan
I really would have liked to see the Lost City kick out Zap and Troy at the end of The Final Sacrifice
@#23 and #25. I agree ‘Monster A Go Go’ needs the biggest rewrite in movie history.
My alternate endings:
‘Angels Revenge’ – The police arrest and convict the angels for murder, illegal weapons, vigilantism, vehicular violations, and public indecency.
‘The Beast Of Yucca Flats’ – The rabbit Tor Johnson pets at the end gets mutated by radiation and it becomes ‘Night Of The Lepus’.
‘The Dead Talk Back’ – Everyone slaps the hell out of Henry Krasker for being a dork.
‘King Dinosaur’ – The emotional scientists are brought up before a senate committee and asked why they deemed it necessary to blow up a bunch of irreplaceable dinosaur specimens with an atomic bomb. Federal prison for all of them.
‘Mitchell’ – Mitchell gets fired from the police force and finally ends up where he always belonged, working the fryer at Golden Corral.
Wow, you folks will take any chance to hate on my boyfriend Ross and his buddy Emo! Let’s extend that “Catching Trouble” short a little further, shall we?
…Ross dies a slow, agonizing death in the Everglades for daring to film a short in which not a single animal is harmed. Time passes. A mother and her two children (a boy and a girl) visit their local zoo. Except… there are no animals! Boy asks mommy why that is. Mother weeps bitterly, but she can’t tell him the gory story. Emo, of course, becomes a comedian.
Hmmm…. Have we done a Discussion Thread about picking alternate stingers for MSTed movies? Because that’s one area that I wouldn’t mind revising. (especially for a good part of season 3)
“Rocket Attack USA” all the spies are not wholly incompetant, the bomb successfully goes off, destroying the Russians’ rocket and New York isn’t destroyed in a mushroom cloud.
semi-useless American spy and female Russian double agent spend weeks evading Russian police and intelligence forces to escape from behind the Iron Curtain. After which semi-useless American spy tells his handlers at the CIA to stuff it and he and the Russian chick settle down in the suburbs… where they will apparently be safe from any potential future nuclear attacks.
The End.
The Giant Spider Invasion – Packers win the Super Bowl! Packers Woo!
SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS: Dropo is eaten by pterodactyls. Space pterodactyls. I don’t care if it makes sense or not, make it happen!
I’d change the end of Danger! Death Ray so that the radio watch Bart Fargo threw out the window is NOT intercepted. Instead, it falls into Billy’s bathtub with the rest of his toys: the car, the helicopter, and the submarine.
The Unearthly: Dare one tamper with an effort by this master cinematographer? Sure!
Undercover Detective Houston finally realizes brilliant, if the
teensiest bit unorthodox, scientist Doc Conway is offering him
eternal youth. Houston cuts a deal for him and his girlfriend
(who actually only live to the year 2525- they forgot the booster
shots). Doc Conway becomes a beloved humanitarian admired by all and
the recipient of many Nobel Prizes. Tor decides to be a basic
training instructor at Paris Island where he gets to tell all the recruits:
“Time for go to bed.” For some reason, none of the recruits correct
his grammar.
Also, Final Justice desperately needs a better ending! What was that “Can you hand me my badge?” crap?! It’s FINAL JUSTICE, so it should end with the fat, greasy collapse and death of Geronimo. His last words can be, “I…think he can…take me…after all…” [dies]
How about The Incredible Melting Man ending like Monster a-go-go?
“As if a switch had been turned, as if an eye had been blinked, as if some phantom force had made a move aeons beyond our comprehension, suddenly, there was no trail. There was no melting man, no thing called West to be followed. There was nothing but a couple of deeply confused idiots who got a bad batch of LSD!”
“Mitchell” ends with Linda Evans kicking Joe Don in the stones and walking out. Cue Hoyt’s song and the closing credits over a freeze frame of Joe Don doubled over on the floor hugging that which is dear to him.
I agree with AlbuquerqueTurkey, John Agar gets killed at the end of Mole People instead of the girl.
I think I would rewrite the end of ‘The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies’ so that it actually included some Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Small detail, but an important one, I feel.
Eegah and Roxy get married and raise a family of basketball players. Oh, and Tom didn’t watch out for snakes and was bitten.
I would give Teenagers from Outer Space a happy ending. It’s actually a pretty decent movie, IMHO.
God, you guys thought up some funny ones! Another one I thought of was to rewrite “Kitten With A Whip” so that John Forsythe remembers that he’s apparently a well-known and respected member of his community, grows a pair, and calls the cops immediately when he finds Ann-Margaret in his house. She goes back to juvie and we get the ending from Girl’s Town, minus anyone being hung up on Paul Anka. We get a swell tune from The Platters at some point, tho.
I’d change the end of Pod People so that the good Trumpy gets to stay with the kid at the end. As goofy as the movie is, it’s a little sad when Tommy has to make Trumpy leave in order to save him. Or maybe that’s just me.
I’d change the end of the original Deathwalker so there was absolutely no chance there could ever be a second or third sequel.
I’d change the end of Cave Dwellers so Miles O’Keeffe hang-glided into a stump grinder.
Tom Stewart survives his plunge from the lighthouse, serves a twenty year sentence for killing Vi, minus ten years for dispensing of the awful beatnik character, and goes on to appear in a series of public service messages cautioning youth about the evils of jazz music.