It’s County Fair time all over the nation. Batter-dipped bacon time, for many. But it also means rides. Specifically, theme rides.
So, if you could base a ride on an episode, what would it be?The “The-Incredibly-Strange-Creatures-Who-Stopped-Living-And-Became-Mixed-Up-Zombies Rollercoaster” is an obvious choice, but what about the “Wanda Saknussemm Fall to the Center of the Earth!” or, of course, “Torgo’s Shake Shack.”
How about: the Radar Secret Service ride, which you just drive straight and level for a while, then stop.
What’s your idea?
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How is this a ride Rocket Ship X-M Fun you are launched high up until your lungs are aching for air. A Lloyd bridges hair helmet is to be worn at all times for saftey.
go-kart sidehacking you drive around in a go-kart equipped with a sidehack who ever gets five laps the hard way first is the winner. 1st place is gold statuette of JC and rommel embracing.
Instead of a clown dunk have a Rosdower dunk. He’s just a clown without face paint anyway
This County Fair needs some games!
:
-The Watch out for Snakes “Whack-a-snake” which is like “whack-a-mole,” but with snakes.
-The Ring Toss of Terror
-The Gunslinger shooting gallery
-Hercules’ Ring the Bell
-Race Track of the Moon Beast (one of those “water gun squirt at the target, make the racer move” type of games). Winner gets a big bowl of Johnny Longbow’s stew, with chicken, corn, green peppers…, chili, onions….
-The Dime Pitch (toss a dime, win a prize, given by that devil, Pitch! Big prize is the Devil Doll!)
-Mitchell’s “Milk” Bottle game – throw a ball, or a rock, try to knock down some “milk” bottles, if you fail, “buzz off, kid!!”
-Rocketship X-M “Balloon and Dart” game: toss a rocketship-shaped dart at a balloon that looks like Earth! KER-POW!
-Gamera vs. Skee Ball
:
I think Racket Girls lends itself to one of those inflated bouncy castles.
No contest –
Breast rides ala Village of the Giants. Though no hard plastic, and it must be patterned after Joy Harmon’s measurements.
Between the two episodes..Er I mean the two halves of the movie Riding with Death you could have a entire theme park. Start out as a passenger in a stock car race, then you have to switch place with the doughy and greasy passed out driver. Remember you must finish in the money or the elusive Robert Denby will get away again. Or you could practice target shooting on a slow 18 wheeler carrying Tropadine with a machine gun from a helicoter.
I can think of two three more.
I’m going to get in line for the Mighty Jack Torture Chamber (don’t open your eyes or you’ll be blinded!). I’ll meet you kids back here in an hour.
The Torgo Ride. It’s slow, creepy, greasy and grimy, and at the end it takes you thirty seconds to get up.
How about the Boggy Creek Monster watching boat ride?
The Indestructible Man’s Sewer of Love…
Or the Daddy-O Bumper Cars. Run a dorky drug runner off the road and win a delicious pizza and a bottle of peroxide. Runner up gets an apple slapped out of their hand.
The Monster-a-Go-Go-Carts, which are very cramped and you have to stand the whole time.
The Flight of the Blood Beast Space Coaster, here there is very little to see because you undertake the ride with your face buried in the chest of the woman next to you. My personal favorite.
Rommels tunnel of love, love songs are sung by the gravley voice hero of sidehackers
The day the earth froze log surfing ride! “let’s go surfing now, even sven’s learning how!” if you manage not to fall off you win your very own sampo!
The Rocky Jones CM7 Rocket ride. It goes up, flies a short distance and lands. ‘Stand by for more inaction!’
Re: Village of the Giants ride…
“Be careful what you wish for!” :)
Space Mutiny Rail Kill Laser Tag! Be the first one to get the floor polisher and drive reeeeeeeel slow.
When in Florida visit the new Diamond Swamp Tour. Modeled after the Pirates of the Caribbean–the ride, not the movie.
The ride starts with you being paddled into the swamp by two drunks. A nice lady is on hand with a constant supply of coffee and Dr. Batch, a former Arkansas University professor who was sued for harassment by students and faculty for wearing tight pants, provides narration.
View the Mad Scientists Shack, the underwater leech grotto, and look for the escaped convicts’ diamonds hidden somwhere in the swamp. Maybe you’ll get lucky and catch a glimpse of the man-beast the locals call “Krenshaw”.
Also, be sure to visit the Catching Trouble Memorial where some guy named Ross was attacked and eaten by a bear, several snakes, a mountain lion, and numerous other creatures.
Kids under ten get a free stick of dynamite.
Skidivers Parachute ride and coffee bar. One of the parachutes fall faster called the “Acid test”.
Anybody mention the Indian taco booth, selling fry bread topped with a stew made from chicken, corn, green peppers…
Love those things, myself.
Later, I’ll ride The Starfighter for some thrilling refueling action.
Oh, and a heelo-copter aero plane. “Jimminy, thinks Johnny. If only I could get a ride in one of those!”
Those little cars on Space Mutiny. As they travel up to speeds of 3, the circus-theme siren plays.
Dune-buggies that visit Eegah and we’ll say “Weeeeee” (after we get away from him first).
Wild Wild Batwoman cars that travel on overhead cables (think Peter Pan ride at Disneyland) as you go underground to find Hugh Beaumont, John Agar and Nestor Paiva looking for the mole people.
Oh yeah, and get touched by a Carnie for a quarter.
Santa Claus’s Workshop of Horror (with special guests Pitch, Merlin, and little Lupita)
Its actually skydivers.
Sorry
you can continue with what you are doing.
Thank you
I don’t think anyone’s mentioned it, But a ticket booth with a screaming devil monkey demanding you get your tickets here.
A Matterhorn ride based around the Crawling Eye.
A kiddie rollercoaster based on Godzilla’s Tail slide from Godzilla vs. Megalon.
A seafood booth with foods based on film’s such as Sinbad, Dr. Z., Devil Fish, Catalina Caper, She Creature, Teenagers from Outer Space, Gamera vs. Zigra, etc.
A bounce castle for kids based on various giant monster movies.
A haunted house based on Monster A Go-Go.
A flaming moose headed log flume ride.
Bloodlust Land!
Can you survive getting hunted down by an effeminate man? Since you will fail prepare to be immortalized in our stunning deep cavern pavilion.
And in the carny area: watch beautiful women swallowed up (head first gentlemen!) by quality carpets at low inventory prices!
You won’t want to miss The Taming of the Shrews Ride. Can you make it the water in your very own upside down boat?
In Marisa Mell World drive down an Italian mountain road. Will you make the same mistake everyone else does and stop for the distressed and barely dressed Mell miss? Guaranteed you will!
All this and more in Bloodlust Land!
Your choice of fortune tellers: 1) A woman who has very accurate readings, but she’s grimy, has a huge mole and if you don’t give her some loving, she’ll curse you. 2) A masked lady who can only summon racist caricatures.
Walnut Ranch Tour: See the incredibly sweaty ranchers! Visit where the fish lives! Avoid the killer grandma and burn her alive!
The Girl in Gold Boots Dune Buggy Ride: It launches itself before you can properly sit down, lasts a few seconds, and erases your memory of it just as soon as it’s over.
The Werewolf Pool Hall: Tight shirts! Warped pool cues! It’s absolutely fascinating!
Killer Shrews Mad Teacups — you ride in upside-down teacups while killer shrews attempt to flip you over.
The Dumbo ride in Disney World: That, except with GAMERA!!!
Henry Krasker’s “Dead Talk Back” Tunnel of Metaphysical Horror.
Thrill at the car horn that won’t turn off!
Wonder at the razor blade in a brandy snifter!
Gasp at the static-y radio made from a wadded-up Kleenex!
Oh, it’s true!
People stand in line for what seems like forever to get on the Roller Coaster-A-Go-Go, only to be told that there is no roller coaster and never was.
#33 could easily be turned into a cheap “Star Wolves from Valnerstar” from Fugitive Alien ride.
Also on the Midway…The Lost Continent Rock Climbing Wall! It goes on forever.
And for the youngsters…the kiddie Train to Mundo Fine.
@ #19- You’re some guy, itsspideyman.
Idle curiosity:
How closely related are the “get your ticket here!” monkey in TSCWSLABMZ
and the cymbols crashing monkey in Merlin’s Hop.
I think it would be cool if someone converted a Skycoaster into Ator’s Flight…
Introducing the new Mistie World fun park!
Disney World may have Cinderella’s Castle at their park but we have Fu Manchu’s castle at the center of ours. Sure nothing happens at Fu Manchu castle… but it’s nice to look at… for a minute.
Captain EO? Well we have Captain B who dances flamboyantly to marching band music.
Visit our water park and swim with the Creature and the Curator from the black lagoon. Or try the water slide. We don’t have any rafts or inner tubes but we have several inflatable rubber-suits we purchased at an Air Force auction back in the 1970s.
Before leaving, don’t forget to stop by the gift shops and pick up a…
–Danger! Death Ray toy helicopter and submarine set–just like the ones used in the movie.
–Have a life-sized figurine made of yourself, your spouse, or the kids at the Human Duplicator.
–Tub of Hercu-grease. For bodybuilding pose-downs or deep frying.
–A Boggy Creek Creature backpack. Hangs around your neck and carries all your things.
–And yes we stock Johnny Long Torso accessories.
How a bout the amazing colossal roller coaster were you dodge giant needles when you go through the loops.
They should have a teenagers from outer space senior citizens land and they can visit the Ring of Terror cafe for special senior discounts for the college student.
How about a sumo wresling event after the fireworks show. The fat man from Daddy-o squares off against the Fat Man from Overdrawn at the Memory Bank. Tor Johnson is the special guest referee.
The Laser Beer Tag Two teams The Rosdowers and The Mitchells square off in a room filled with card board boxes and you must shoot the other team with a laser tag gun while saying the name of a beer in order score a hit.
Bobbing for Devil Fish
How about the The Eye Creatures Dart game but instead of darts you use a headlight attached to a car battery so it doesn’t shine very bright.
Make sure to visit the pie eating contest table were you are attacked by a dried up old lady with a pitchfork while trying to wolf down walnut pies
How about REVENGE OF THE CREATURE as a jungle cruise ride…with guest star Clint Eastwood as the tour guide.
THE SIDEHACKER -would be my ride. It’s a ride that will attract a lot of racing fools. A lot of people will get hurt ’cause there are no rules. It’s a ride that will quench your danger thirst, the stupid ones always seem to come in first. While waiting in line ( as I’m sure it will be a long wait) fell free to spit out of the side of your mouth as you wait for this MEGA-MONSTER-RIDE EXTRAVAGANZA. WARNING: When your on your Sidehack make sure you don’t slip, you’ll end up with 5 metal pins in your hip. Just lean way back ’till you scrape your butt, make it look like a quarter pound of ground chuck. Also keep away from Paisley she’s a hot mama but she asks a lot of questions and her boyfriend J.C. is a nut job that will kill your girlfriend if you look at Paisley sideways. Also if BIG JAKE is running the ride, don’t hit him for any reason, and watch out for the stupid redneck with the number “8” on his jacket holding the big battering ram, he has been to prison and claims to know a lot of jokes.
I’m surprised no one mentioned the Tormented Lighthouse, where you lean on the railing…until it gives way.
I’m watching “Bloodlust”, so the Balleau Wax Museum would be an obvious choice.
How about a disco modeled after Diabolik’s house, or “Fly Just Like Puma Man” which means flipping sideways and having an irresistable wish to jump out of a window after the ride.
Or Mr. B Natural vs. Nuveena in a dance-off
Coleman Francis obstacle course: Start by giving pigs a drink of Coke and seeing a Coyote, then run across a field while being shot at by a man in a plane and chased by the beast. Quick! Climb up the side of that cliff and be captured by “Cubans”, then escape to the airfield and steal a plane. At the home stretch, jump out of the plane with parachute drenched in acid and cross the finish line with a thud!
Watching OatMB now. Doppling can be great fun if you
go as a stallion. But you better have more then 43 credits
or you might have to go as a drunken babboon. No information at
present how much experiencing the love life of a stupid, filthy
anteater would be.
the perfect carny ripoff ride:
Hey Kids – IT’S
*OUT*OF*THIS*WORLD*!*!*!*
crudely painted devils & angels peeling off the sagging outside wall, gotta be cool, huh?
pay your 50 cents and STEP IN TO –
a simulated ride in a bread truck while a decaying animatronic driver recounts the duties of a bread truck driver.
………………………………….
Oh yeah? Well you wouldn’t know fun it came up & bit ya on the backside, punk, now geddouddahere.