Thought the thread about movie titles was a fun discussion. Now, what about the logical extension? If you had the chance to fix the titles of the movies to what actually happened in them, what would the MSTie movie titles be?
For me: “Godzilla Versus the Sea Monster” would have been more appropriate if the title was “Godzilla Plays Pitch-and-Catch With the Sea Monster.”
With a title like “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Give Up Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies”, there’s no way the movie could fit the title. Maybe “The Mixed-Up Zombies Trapped In a Closet While a Bunch of Bad Strip Shows Where No One Stripped When On” might be closer.
Instead of “Robot Monster,” what about “Horny Alien Gorilla”? Probably would have helped the box office.
What’s your suggestion?
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I think “The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies” should have been called “Madison!” That says it all to me.
Hmmm, I can have some fun with this…
“Pod People” -> “It Stinks!”
“Eegah” -> “Caveman Gone Wild”
“Manos: The Hands of Fate” -> “Bill Buckner’s Cult o’ Whiny Gals”
“Werewolf” -> “Vervolf”
“The Brain that Would Not Die” -> “The Head that Wouldn’t Quit Complaining”
“Space Mutiny” -> “Railing Deaths!:the Movie”
and finally
“Monster a Go-Go” -> “You’re paying MONEY to see this?”
Girl in Gold Boots – “Icky Elf Guy Versus Critter For The Hand Of A Ditz”
The Beatniks – “Guy Who Can’t Sing Tries To Leave People Who Can’t Act”
Red Zone Cuba, Beast of Yucca Flats, Skydivers – “Depression, Deep Depression, Coma”
– There Was No Monster (and very little A-Go Go).
– Stock Footage Lizards instead of King Dinosaur.
– Maciste And The Queen Of Samar (that was the original Italian title of Hercules Against The Moon Men).
– Hands Of Fate (drop the redundant Manos).
Teenage Aliens -> Attack of the Enormous Lobster Shadow
Earth vs. the Spider -> High School of the Giant Spider
The Thing That Wouldn’t Die -> Head of the Immortal
parts: the clonus horror -> The Human Ranch
Riding with Death -> Secret Agent Totally 70’s
“Prince of Space” – “The Chicken Men of Krankor Who Wear No Undergarments”
“Mole People” – “Dr. John Agar Pontificates About Everything”
“Outlaw” – either “Outlaw (Not the Jane Russell Movie)” or “Cabot, Cabot, Cabot…”
“Parts: The Kronos Horror” – “The Island” (oh, wait..)
*clonus – brain needs rebooting
Also:
“Werewolf” – “A European Cat Hand-Puppet in Flagstaff”
Zombie Nightmare-> I Know Who You Ran Over Last Week
Incredible Melting Man->Aaajdka!
Bloodlust-> The Most Dangerous Taxidermist
The Creeping Terror-> The Ugliest Alien
Fire Maidens of Outer Space ->Lap Dancers of Outer Space
Project Moonbase ->Misogynists In Space
Teenage Caveman -> The Caveman From UNCLE
Untamed Youth -> Rock and Roll Prison Farm
A few suggestions:
Ring of Terror –> Middle Aged College Students Gone Wild
Lost Continent –> Rock Climbing Extravaganza
Stranded in Space –> The Terra Fugitive
Master Ninja –> Mediocre Ninja
Warrior of the Lost World –> Low Plains Loser
The Thing That Couldn’t Die –> How to Get Ahead
Future War –> Contemporary Scuffle
Did this last week, but….
Godzilla Vs. The Sea Monster=My Brother Is Alive!
Godzilla Vs. Megalon=Seatopia Attacks!! or Save Us, Jet Jaguar!!
Final Sacrifice=Rowsdower:The Legend Begins
“The Final Sacrifice” – “Troy, Pipper, and Zap Rowsdower save Canada.”
Here’s a couple of obvious ones…
“The Magic Voyage of That-Guy-Who’s-NOT-Sinbad-But-We’re-Calling-Him-That-Anyway-For-Box-Office-Reasons”
“Jet Jaguar vs. Megalon (with special guest cameo by Godzilla)”
One more-
Merlin’s Mystical Shop Of Wonders=Ernest Borgnine’s Tales Of Terror
The Wild World of Batwoman – “Whoooole Lot Of Nothing Going On”
Manos! The Hands of Fate – “Whoooole Lot Of Vileness Going On, Especially The Ending”
Devil Fish – “Impossibly Skinny Europeans In Florida”
Teen-age Strangler with short Is This Love? – “Smacking Mickey Around For Being A Wimp” with short “Elderly College Roommates Pretend To Be Young”
‘the Painted Hills’ should have beem ‘My life as a dog 3: the Revenge of Pile on Pete’
‘Time Chasers’ should have been ‘we have a camera and some time to kill.’
‘Final Justice’ is of course ‘Mitchell goes to Malta’
– Hercules Lounges Around A Lot (Hercules Unchained)
– Mars By Accident (Rocketship X-M)
– Bad James Bond Knock-Off With Actual Bond Movie Actors And One’s Non-Actor Brother (Operation Double 007)
– Doomed By The Daaaahg One (Robot Holocaust)
– Donald Pleasance Is The Only Good Thing About This Movie (for Warrior Of The Lost World and or Puma Man)
– Three Men In A Capsule (Marooned, aka Space Travelers)
– Boiler Room Antics (Space Mutiny)
– Cheap Dinosaur (Future War)
– 20-Something Caveman (for Teeange Caveman, Robert Vaughn was 26 in that film)
– A Woman On The Prehistoric Planet (there were no Women Of The Prehistoric Planet)
“The Creeping Terror” – “Slow Death”
“Space Mutiny” – “The Adventures of Sting, Debbie Reynolds, God, Slab Bulkhead and Lt Lemont”
“Mitchell” – “My my my My God!”
It Conquered the World => The Thing From Venus(oops, Larry Buchanan beat me to it, but we already know that he just doesn’t care)
The Crawling Eye => Dolly Grip Eyes
The Corpse Vanishes => Brides of Youth or Brides for Youth
Robot Holocaust => The Dark One, or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Avocados.
Untamed Youth => Justice Run Amuck
Swamp Diamonds = Shorts Subject
Pod People = John Carpenter’s The Fog
Teenagers From Outer Space = The Skeleton Crew
The Gunslinger = She’s the Sheriff
It Conquered the World = It Barely Made An Impact
The Beast of Yucca Flats = A Normal Day for Tor Johnson
King Dinosaur = It Came From the Pet Shop
Two more…
Switch “Racket Girls” with “Lady Wrestlers and the Men Who Ogle Them”
Switch “High School Big Shot” with “High School Terribly Depressing Utter Doormat”
Hobgoblins = Study in Misanthropic and Misogynistic Behavioral Patters in Late 20th Century Young Americans: A Documentary
Hercules the Napping (any Herc movie)
Smooth Operator (Super Dragon)
The Mile High Club (Starfighters)
Bup-ba-dup-ah-dah-dah! (Death Ray)
Monster A-No-Nowhere to be found (Guess)
The Great Sewer Chase (Indestructible Man)
Red Zone Cuba: Planes, Trains, and Not Much Else
The Screaming Skull: The Screaming Wife
For The Sinister urge—KLINE!
Time of the Apes: Annoying Little Girl Screams “CATHERINE!!” Every 30 Seconds
Gunslinger—The Sheriff was a Girl
Leonardo Da Vinci in the life and times of Conan the Barbarian (Cavé Dwellers)
A Fish Called Wanda Saknussemm (Alien From LA)
The Horror in the Boiler Room (Being from Another Planet)
Smoochers vs.
thethe Eye CreaturesStasis (Fu-Manchu)
Switch “Tormented” with “Tom Stewart Killed Me!”
Actually, that would work pretty well. It has a sort of William Castle feel to it.
@27: “Leonardo Da Vinci in the life and times of Conan the Barbarian (Cavé Dwellers)”
Actually, that works pretty well for “Quest of the Delta Knights” too.
‘Angels’ Revenge’ – ‘Cops, What Cops?’
‘The Starfighters’ – ‘Boredom: The Movie’
‘Horrors Of Spider Island’ – ‘Girls Gone Wild (and some spiders)’
I would have just changed “Manos” back to its production title, which made more sense: “The Lodge of Sins.”
Hercules and the Captive Woman
Bob Saget, Space Cowboy (Manhunt in Space)
Steves Against the Blood Beast (Night of the Blood Beast)
Three Days in the Living Room (Teen-Age Crime Wave)
The Chronicles of Cabot, aka “Not a shameless ripoff of E.R. Burrough’s character John Carter” (Outlaw)
“Attack of the the Eye Creatures” should’ve been called The Wandering Not Quite Complete Marshmallow Eye Creatures..
Great Thread!
I think Tom said it best, “The Day the Earth Became Unseasonably Cool.”
“Outlaw” -> “Out in Left Field”
“Warrior of the Lost World” -> “Warrior of Some Field In Ohio”
Manos: The Amateur Hour of Fate
“The Dead Talk Back” shoulda been called “The Gray People Talk Stupid.”
Well…
I would call Teenagers from Outerspace “Creepy Adults from Outer Space”. Just how the HELL are they TEENAGERS?
“The Amazing Transparent Man” should be “The Amazing Invisible Man” – he’s really not all that transparent, more invisible.
“Pod People” should be more “E.T’s Cousin”. As Dr. Forrester said himself – “It has nothing to do with pods…. and it has nothing to do with people.”
“The Brain that Couldn’t Die” shoulda been “The Head that Whined Constantly and Needs Help to Scratch Her Nose.”
I think “Pod People” should have been called “Greg Brady Meets the Space Aardvark.”
This is actually one of the best topics in weeks.
Just sayin’.
The painted hills = KILL, LASSIE, KILL
Catalina caper = Little Richard’s Sea Adventure
The skydivers = COFFEE!
The Deadly Bees -> Annoyed by Bees but Killed by Smoking
Agent from H.A.R.M. -> 007 Knock-offs Are Fun!
Riding with Death -> Riding with Merely Small Explosion
Werewolf -> Wahr-wilf
Hobgoblins -> Scum Goes to Club Scum
angles revenge = The T & A – TEAM
Manos: The Hands of Fate > Torgo: The Legs of Goat
Santa Claus conquers the Martians should have been called Santa befriends the Martians.
Project Moonbase: Someday We’ll All Dress Like Guest-Villains On BATMAN
Final Sacrifice: Rowsdower, The Motion Picture
Monster A-Go-Go: I Paid Good Money For These Random Bits Of Unconnected Film And Dammit, I’m Going To Use Them
Wild, Wild World of Batwoman: Strippers And Seances
Lost Continent: No, Honest! Just Wait! There Will Be Really Neat Dinosaurs Eventually, We Promise!
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies
Alternative title: Oh Darn, I Just Can’t Think Up a Short and Simple Title for My Movie
#41 – I like The Skydivers = COFFEE!, but I think you could take it a step further and call it COFFEE! The Musical! That would be boffo box office!
I can see the Variety headline now: CAFFEINE CINEMA CLOBBERS COMPETITION! :-)
Puma Man = Puma Man’s Friend Vadhino. (Referencing those old Superman comics that were Lois Lane or Jimmy Olsen.)
Sadko/The Magic Voyage of Sinbad = The Perilous Journey of Pointlessness.
Hobgoblins = Cremlins! (Since it’s a Critters and Gremlins rip-off.)
Warrior of the Lost World = Cyberbike vs. Megaweapon!
Cave Dwellers (I know it’s got a real title.) = Ator at the Ends of the Earth.
Zombie Nightmare = Revenge of the Zombie or Zombie’s Revenge.
The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies = The Gypsy’s Cure
How bout:
“Overdrawn at the Memory Bank” “Hating Anteaters”
“Devil Doll” “Ugly Little Dummy and the Cheeky Assistant”
“Riding With Death” “Looking for Robert Denby”