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Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Unhappy MealOkay, I hope this one doesn’t get too gross. Alert regular Tim suggests:
Okay, mine would be: Have at it, and let’s not get too yucky. 65 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Your Unhappy Meal”Commenting at Satellite News
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A clarification, since I haven’t seen The Day the Earth Froze, what
does this mean?
“A maze that you must get the famous English musician into the Dakota”
also, what is The Wacky Hairball Game?
A chewed Lego block.
“Cutthroat Island” ticket stub.
Rotten zucchini.
Jury summons.
Corroded “Golden Power”-brand battery.
1. A rusted, used rat trap.
2. A broken toy version of Torgo.
3. An uncoiled Slinky.
Tickets to the Michael Bolton concert.
A portion of the insides of Torgo’s knees.
A lock of Rowsdower’s mullet.
#1 – The maze is a reference to John Lennon’s murder outside the Dakota Hotel.
A hamburger where the patty had been dropped on the floor.
Soggy fries.
A flat diet cola.
Four ounces unflitered despair.
Lutefisk and cabbage juice, with the surprise toy being a toothbrush.
A tainted meat sandwich.
Side of toenail clippings.
Madame Estrella’s skull juice to wash it down.
Plus a piece of Johnny Longtorso as your prize in each unhappy meal.
Daphne’s hair pic.
Baby oil.
The dog’s meat.
I got a rock :(
Lunch at Eats out in the desert – but hey, they serve tacos!
Food: 100-year-old fried egg
Toy: Johnny Longtorso’s left leg*
Box Activity: Christopher Lee/Fu Manchu paper dress-up doll.
*EVERY unhappy meal with a Johnny Longtorso part has the left leg. Collect them all? I don’t think so.
#12: You got the entire left leg? Everyone else just gets the upper calf. :(
Sorry, but #10 narcahan beat me to it. I’ve got nothing!
Baloney sandwich
Half-peeled orange
Pineal gland juice
Red Zone Cuba action figures (Cherokee Jack not included)
Coupon for a free cigaretty kiss from a woman named Vi
This is hard. There should be a prize.
Dish of ice cream (don’t tempt me) covered in not Grit, America’s Newspaper, but true grit.
A KFC Double Down?
A small sack of deep-fried toenail clippings
A dog’s eye
Loose sauerkraut and rat droppings
A copy of FAST FOOD NATION
An extension cord with one of the prongs broken off the plug
And a can of grey water
Dirt and lent from the junk drawer
Pills for dinner. Just pills.
George Lucas naked.
We’re getting into Whose Line?/Scenes From a Hat territory….
A Filet-o-Fish made from a catfish caught in a lake near Chernobyl.
Cold French fries w/ mayonnaise that’s just turned.
Hot dog water soda.
A Demolition Man action figure.
My Unhappy Meal would contain corn, chicken, green peppers, chili… *sigh* onions…
also coffee – I like coffee
and the dog’s meat. Have you seen the dog’s meat?
and a Rock ‘n Roll Martian.
#3: an uncoiled Slinky is subtly brilliant; it captures the Essence of the Unhappy Meal.
Also a tuna fish mealworm sandwich.
Frog leg soup with gator feet.
Plus a fountain drink of tabacco juice.
And a Soultaker glow ring prize.
Trying to do a theme here. The “Touch of Satan” Unhappy Meal:
A fish sandwich made from the “This is where the fish lives” pond.
Walnuts, although we never actually see them on the walnut ranch.
Toy — a small doll that says, “ZAH!!” when you squeeze it.
Entre: Of course, Torgo’s Pizza.
Desert: Extra moldy Torgo’s pizza.
Prize: Mr. B Natural doll – it talks!
A deep-fried beet
Sweat-flavored ice cream
A paddleball game where the ball is affixed with velcro.
A high school student lunch room chicken paddie sandwich that is hard as a hockey puck from being under the heat lamp since 7 A.M.
A can of Crystal Pepsi
A bag of Gator chips way past it’s prime.
A package of fried freeze dries ice cream that expired in 1999
Prize:A tumorous growth the size of a small grapefruit in a bio-hazard bag.
And it comes in box with printed games such as.
Get the professor past all of Cthulhu’s tentacles Maze game.
A pig latin world search
1. Crunchy frog
2. Polypropylene nuggets
3. ‘The Protocols of the Elders of Zion’ activity book
Here’s an Unhappy Meal for you…
Liverwurst on a stick with Chocolate Ex-Lax dipping sauce,
Watercress/Kale compote with ketchup dressing,
to drink, a prune juice box
and for desert, 1/2 a Velamint
and the surprise inside, that graphic letter your Mom found that your Dad wrote to his Mistress
From “Red Zone Cuba”…
Food Item: S.O.S. (those who served in the Army will understand) and coffee.
Toy: A cheap ring that Moses gave to you.
Activity: Find the hidden dead bodies and tungsten deposits in this picture.
Alternate toys include a Castro beard, a broken cigarette and some pocket change. Or, for those wanting “educational” items, there’s an English/Spanish dictionary, but it only includes “guard”, “water” and “sick man”.
Meal – Fermented Bat nuggets with Toe Jam dipping sauce
Side – Deep fried fish eyeballs
Desert – Lard shake
Drink – Chewing tobacco spit can
Toy – Bed Bug Farm
From “Gamera vs. Guiron”…
Food Item: Gaos cutlets, kids’ brains, donuts and milk.
Toy: Guiron action figure/pocket knife.
Activity: “how-to” guide showing how to dance go-go with throwing stars embedded in your limbs.
Alternate toys include wrecked cars, and a head-shaving kit that really works!
Gristle
Somewhat chewy cold French fries where someone’s tried to wipe off ketchup smears with a napkin
Nude photographs of you taken from the vantage-point of your closet
Half a stale animal cracker
Unflavored seltzer water
mine would come with a hamdinger and a dvd copy of adam sandler’s jack and jill.
A McRib made from centipede meat
Beer-battered Fries cooked in Meister Brau (worst beer ever)
Trading cards with glamor shots of Ortega, Torgo, and Joe Don Baker
Box Activity: Try to escape a knife wielding version of the new Happy Meal mascot
#5 and the unhappy meal in The Day the Earth Froze had a maze that you must get the presidential motorcade pass the book depository (a Kennedy assassination reference)
would also have a playbill from Our American Cousin dated April 14th 1865.
would also have a goldstar camera.
A slice of Pineapple vegetarian pizza.
Jalapeno soda with a Lark’s vomit chaser.
Coconut glazed Crenshaw extract.
A Hot Wheels car that was left in a bad neighborhood and was stripped down to it’s frame.
The side of the box would include motivational phrases from Werner Herzog, and a guide Gregor Samsa into the Roach Motel Maze game.
Food: Pizza heated between Torgo’s thighs.
Side: Cigarette butts from Mitchell’s apartment.
Drink: Eegah brand sulfur water.
Toy: Tor Johnson’s used jock strap.
Game: Rock climbing maze with no solution.
inside
thirty five 1″x1″ squares of duct tape covered in enough dirt and MYSTERY that they no longer stick to anything
a partially melted red Life Saver
on the outside
“Match the sore to the face”
and a wonderful romp through The Visible Slug
Pumaman helper with Aztec fries and a side of Donald Pleasance scalp
The food doesn’t really matter, since it’s easy to find stuff kids won’t eat, but it should come in a soggy brown paper wrapper, and if there’s an activity, it’s already filled in.
Prizes? Think about your favorite teddy bear and the race horse scene in the Godfather…
#41.. or anything by LG, as they are Goldstar
@jason (#37)
If you’re really lucky, you might choke on that hamdinger and not have to watch the Jack and Jill DVD…
1: A stick of unsalted butter and a handful of bloody teeth. Box activity – Coloring book version of the SCUM manifesto.
2: A raw turnip and a nude picture of your mom. Box activity: Franz Kafka Funtime Maze! (There’s no way out.)
3: A ziploc bag full of used cooking oil and a swelling cellphone battery. Box activity – Madlibs suicide note.
4: A fistful of water-softener salt and a used chapstick with hair on it. Box activity: Detailed bulimia instructions.
1. Any condom that was used by Mitchell with Linda Evans
2. Any beer that was in Mitchell’s fridge
3. Mitchell’s gun
I think you see where this is going…