Me, I think I would find Larry Buchanan, the director of “ATTACK OF THE THE EYE CREATURES” and say one word: “care.”
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Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Say to MSTed Movie People?Alert regular Steve sent a suggestion that I am going to bounce off of for this weekend’s question: If you could jump into a time machine and visit anyone involved in any MSTed movie while they were making it, what would you say to him or her? Don’t worry if your comment might make the movie less funny.
59 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What Would You Say to MSTed Movie People?”Commenting at Satellite News
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I would tell Sandy Frank to lighten the hell up. If it wasn’t for MST3K, his films wouldn’t see dime one. And I’d tell Joe Don Baker if anything, the show can only boost his career, and get people to see him in “Mud” which has him in a small part.
I would go back to 1988 and advise Kathy Ireland that she really shouldn’t suck helium before every scene of ALIEN FROM LA. (And also buy Marvel Comics stock when it was $0.0010 a share)
Hard to believe, but I would travel back to Wisconsin, and wait for sweaty back brace guy to go have his fun with Helga, I’d slip into the white trash cabin and wait for Ev to jump me. Yeah, she looked pretty fetching in her underwear.
I’d ask the director of Neptune Men, “what was the point of the short snowstorm?”
I might go back to 1959 to meet writer/director Rene Cardona and explain a few things to him about the nature of Santa Claus. He seemed to be a bit confused. Come to think of it, while in Mexico, I should also track down Alfonso Blake, director of Samson vs. the Vampire Women, to discuss the physics of a hovering bat.
I’d like to take the stinky farmer from Giant Spider Invasion to the set of Phase 4 so he could recommend to Lynn Frederick that she might want to, “Lay off the BOOZE!”
I would probably just want to offer a few words of encouragement to some of the actors, who were much better than the material they were given and seemed genuinely despondent to be appearing in such miserable movies (I’m thinking of people like Anthony Dexter in “Fire Maidens of Outer Space” or Colleen Gray in “The Leech Woman”). I could honestly say to them that their work would still be bringing entertainment to people decades in the future, albeit in a more indirect and offbeat way than they could have imagined at the time.
I would also want to go to the set of “The Dead Talk Back” to get Aldo Farnese’s autograph. I’m not sure what it says about me, but I just found the guy to be tremendously likable in that movie, and I genuinely enjoyed his work.
I probably shouldn’t reveal this, but I actually did build a time machine once. I went back in time and ended up in El Paso, Texas, of all places. While I was there, I made an off-hand bet with some fertilizer salesman that he couldn’t make a movie.
When I returned to my own time and saw what I had wrought, I destroyed my time machine.
Would love to be a fly on the wall regarding the making of Village of the Giants.
Find out just what was in that footage that was stolen from the set, let alone what was filmed/cut.