I think my favorite riffs are the ones that sum up the entire movie. They don’t necessarily relate to a specific scene or line of dialogue, but rather how the writers feel about the movie in general. For example: Red Zone Cuba – “I want to hurt this movie, but I can never hurt it the way it hurt me.”
I’m to expand this a little to include instances where the riffers address the movie directly.
Such as one of my favorites, from “Time Chasers,” No, this can’t be the hero of the film, can it? Movie? Movie! Can I see your supervisor, movie? This will NOT stand!”
What’s your favorite?
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My favorite comes from “Atomic Brain” as the credits roll, Mike says that he is going to assume that they were forced to make this movie at gunpoint. Not an exact quote but I can’t get to my copy to get it right.
They turn comments about the movie into an in-theater bit in ODATMB: Over the end credits, Mike calls tech support and proceeds to gripe about its flaws.
Also, on a related note, how about all the times the mads needle Joel/Mike with hints as to what’s coming? The ones that go beyond a simple, “Prepare for the pain!” often sound like the writers’ collective anguish about the movie.
DEEEPPPP HHUURRRTTTTIIINNGGGG, anyone?
‘You know, if seasonal holiday depression has a sound track, this is it.’
Boggy Creek 2: “We’re going camping and you’re going to watch.”
Joel during Manos:
“You know, there are certain FLAWS in this film.”
Amen, brother.
Joel: Can you give me a good thing about the movie?
Crow: A good thing about the movie was … it wasn’t longer.
Joel: Okay, and a bad thing?
Crow: A bad thing was … it was this long.
That’s perfect because that’s for The Crawling Eye, which means that, on the very first episode and the very first good thing/bad thing, Crow does the laziest one possible.
“Coleman Francis had a dark, muddy vision. With some cars.”
I like how this jives with the theory that Coleman was really trying to make some serious cinema about the grim nature of man but it ended up a pile.
Master Ninja:
Joel: “This one stings.”
Crow: “I don’t like this.”
The ACEG helped me appreciate the art of summarizing things in terms that sound the most absurd. This can be applied to movies, books, almost anything.
From Monster A-Go-Go
Crow[?]: This is more of a movie loaf.
Servo[?]: It’s made from real movie parts, chunked and formed.
One of my favorite riffs from LaserBlast
“This movie is composed entirely of second unit footage.”
And while we don’t know for sure they were talking TO the movie I like the pair of lines in Overdrawn at the Memory Bank.
Mike- Vertigo to Hell
Crow- Dr. Who…the Hell cares?
Another great “Manos” one: “Manos, the Hands of Fate was filmed on location in a vacant lot.”
I can’t remember which movie it’s from but I think it was over a scene with either a lot of fast movement or seizure-inducing lights.
Crow: Children and pregnant women should not watch this scene. In fact, nobody should be watching any of these scenes!
The Corpse Vanishes: “A bad thing about the movie was they tried to commit inconspicuous murder on the *most* conspicuous day of a woman’s life!”
San Francisco International:
“I wish this movie was in color.” -Tom Servo
And, from that same episode, Torgo, thankfully, stops the whole Urkel thing. Thank you Torgo.
Soultaker: Mike: “People showing up places! Your movie, ladies and gentlemen”.
Hobgoblins immediately springs to mind with the classic quote although I guess it’s more of a rhetorical question: “Can you get a venereal disease from watching a movie?” Crow’s interview with the movie’s director during the credits had me ROFL and was where I finally accepted the new Crow.
The Starfighters
Mike: “I really think there is more nothing in this movie than any movie we’ve seen.”
Hercules Against the Moon Men
Dr. F and Frank in the opening bit: “DEEP HURTING! DEEP HURTING!”
Riding With Death:
Mike: “Executive story consultant!?”
Servo: “Yes, I advise you to hire the most annoying crackers you can find and slap together two incomprehensible stories”
:laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh: :laugh:
Late to the show, so sorry if someone already mentioned this, but there is a golden moment during AGENT FOR H.A.R.M. when, after the movie’s attempt at a fancy match-cut involving jackets (because who can forget the great dry-cleaning scenes in all those Bond movies?), Crow says, “Come on movie, just bite me.” Bill’s Crow was made for that riff!
Think that was Batwoman, but I’d have to check.
It was Pod People, though, where they had to keep a scorecard of the running subplots:
“Let’s see, the hunters are in Movie A, the aliens are in Movie B, the rock group in the Winnebago, this would be Movie C.”
“So where are? Right now, we could be anywhere, we could be in a shotgun shack, we could be on the other side of the world, (foggy cabin) we could be on top of Old Smokey.”
Crow (in Starfighters): “I want to kick this movie in the groin”
Another good one, after “Red Zone Cuba” concluded:
Crow: Apart from the fact that I’ll never experience joy again my life, I don’t think this movie had any effect on me at all.
From Racket Girls, but whenever any MSTied Movie tries to impart its twisted sexuality:
Crow: “My loins will never stir again.”
Mike replies “You don’t have loins!”
I think it’s The Creeping Terror in which Tom says, “if my deepest, darkest despair had choreography, THIS is what it would look like.”
My favorite “summing up” moment came from Servo in “Star Force: Fugitive Alien II”:
“Let’s review the plot so far. They went into outer space and … uhhhhh … let’s see, ummmm …”
Can we count Money Talks:
Benjamin Franklin was tried in the Eighth Circuit court on stalking charges, in a minute the results of the trial.
I would like to shoot everyone in this film, entirely in Mexico. (Deathstalker ending)
From Beast of Yucca Flats: “Clinical Depression did not exist before this movie.”
Even in the days when you could still get arrested for possessing pornography, Racket Girls is one sad, sad attempt at titillating the male audience.
I’ve blanked on which film it is, but I seem to remember Mike (I think) saying toward the end of one, “If I ever wanted to run a movie through a wood chipper…”
Doubles as a “Fargo” reference!
Anoter great topic!
From Werewolf: Film bimbo noir.
Giant Spider Invasion: Actually filmed inside the thumb hole of a bowling ball.
The Mole People: This movie is nothing but ropes and asses!
That phrase was from “The Final Sacrifice”, while Rowsdower was trying to push the truck.
Hobgoblins
“I could watch this forever… I have a feeling I probably will be”
Final Justice
“Oh no, cowboy music. Let’s just turn back shall we?”
Monster A Go-Go
“This is gonna SUCK” (poor Crow)
I hate to be late in this, and worse, I can’t remember which experiment this came from. But one of the Brains, I believe Tom Servo, summed it up perfectly: “It’s not ending enough for me! End more!”
@88
I think that one is from “The Horror of Party Beach” and it’s actually Mike who says as “The End” appears over the final shot of the Del-Tones, “Well, end more! It’s not ending enough for me!”
Here’s two more, from “Space Mutiny” as the first few stock shots from Battlestar Galactica pop up:
Servo: I could watch this stuff all day, Mike!
Mike (muttering under his breath): Oh, you will!
And an even better one from “The Incredible Melting Man” after the melting is complete and we fade into a sunrise:
Servo: What could there possibly be to wrap up? Everybody’s dead!
P.S. Thanks to Huggybear for helping me out earlier :-)
The Screaming Skull
“It’s like they have two servings of tension they’re trying to stretch out for seven people…”
Jack Frost
“So the premise of the movie is that everyone’s nuttier than all get-out.”
“The first plot point involves knitting socks. I think we’re in for quite a ride here, guys.”
Great thread! Both my favorite MSTied movie summations are already here, but I gotta second them:
“This movie stops at nothing, and stays there.” from Beast of Yucca Flats
“This movie hates us, doesn’t it?” from Giant Spider Invasion