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Weekend Discussion Thread: What MSTed Movie Would You Remake?Matty writes:
It already had a big budget but I want to redo “Sword and the Dragon” with a “Game of Thrones” flavor and budget. Sean Bean as Ilja Muromets, of course. What’s your pick? 88 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: What MSTed Movie Would You Remake?”Commenting at Satellite News
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Magic Sword and Tormented
I really think there is the seed of a genuinely creepy movie in Manos. Alan Rickman (alas) would have been great as the Master.
for me, ‘EEGAH.’ sadly in my version i’m afraid Arch would be savagely beaten to death with his own guitar.
Monster A Go Go. In this version the monster is 50 feet tall, shoots lasers out of his eyes, and does not disappear at the end. Special guest star Lady Gaga as the stranded motorist and John Goodman as the helpful truck driver.
Attack of The The Eye Creatures –
Only this time it would be foreign terrorists. Still dressed in black Danskins and high top Keds and only every third one would have a Kalshnikov because they still wouldn’t care, but on purpose this time. Don’t forget the pretty girls with beehives big enough to smuggle contraband in and retro convertibles that we could actually see because there wouldn’t be any of that day for night stuff. Now, who would play the old “Darn Smoochers” curmudgeon? Hmmm.
How about Racket Girls, only this time with the WWE Divas? At least this time it would be more interesting. Vince McMahon would be Scalley, of course.
I’ve always thought that Overdrawn at the Memory Bank could be pretty good with an effects budget and a director with a flair for the surreal.
I always thought there was a good psychological thriller hidden in the screenplay (lol) of Red Zone Cuba.
The Creeping Terror, with Jennifer Lawrence and Ryan Reynolds as the newlyweds, to appeal to the 18-34 demographic, and Matt Damon as Dr. Bradford, since he’s not as old as you might expect. And because I had a big budget for this film, I’d get a dozen high-quality Persian rugs to use in making the monsters. Just imagine the effect!
A remake of “Tormented” would be cool to see.
I would cast Chris Pine as Tom Stewart, Daisy Ridley as his ex-girlfriend who keeps appearing as a ghost, Summer Glau as his fiancé, and AnnaSophia Robb as his fiance’s sister.
Ask the people who made The Island.
Parts: The Clonus Horror, that would be a great movie to …. oh wait!
Totally agreed. I’ve thought the same for years, actually! Despite it’s production shortcomings, I really enjoy the story of Overdrawn, actually. It’d make one hell of a cool, perhaps slightly comedic cyber thriller. It is based on a short story, so a new film doesn’t even have to be a remake necessarily, just a new adaptation. I know I’d watch it! I’m (over)drawing a (memory) blank on who to cast, though. Anyone have any ideas on that front?
I vote for Bruce Dern.
I know I’m always prattling on about it, but Space Mutiny does have an interesting premise. These are people who live their whole lives on a spaceship, searching for a world to inhabit. This raises a lot of interesting sociological questions that the movie doesn’t even pretend to address (aside from one brief montage that was cut from the MST version). How do they eat and breathe? What about the other science facts?
I’d remake Viking Women and the Sea Serpent with the writers and cast of today’s History Channel series Vikings.
I always thought there was a good movie hiding inside The Undead. No real ideas for casting, other than Nicolas Cage as either Quintus (His STAAAAYYYY!!!!! would be epic) or the Devil. No clue who could play anyone else.
Another suggestion for Monster-a-Go Go. This time there would be a monster. The budget would allow for cars and vans to at least appear to be NASAish. The movie concept wasn’t bad but it needed better actors, script, cinematography…
Best scene was probably in the restaurant with them waxing nostalgic over olives. Oh, and move the one scene out of the laundramat. Hey, this is NASA on a 60s budget!
#3
And in the new Eegah! you could have Daddy saying: “I’ve had enough of these m-f snakes in this m-f desert!”
@ #10: Personally I’d have Glau as the ex-girlfriend.
My choice for a remake would be Stranded in Space. Its only real fault is the icky veneer of Seventies-ness. Of course, removing that won’t matter if you end up screwing up some other important aspect. Consider the horrible 2005 remake of Kolchak: The Night Stalker (assuming you haven’t suppressed the memory.
Future War- The movie has an interesting story, so i believe that giving it a bigger budget and possibly recasting it would do it some good
I agree with you, with some reworking, a better budget, and some decent actors it could be quite a decent little film.
Can we somehow work Batwoman into one of these big comic book universes? Probably DC just for copywrite reasons.
Jennifer Garner to play Batwoman (though I realize that might be misperceived following Ben Affleck’s turn as the Dark Night. Remember they both want us to forget Daredevil)
Liam Neeson as Rat Fink
Steve Carrel as Prof. Neon (I’m picturing a sort of live action version of Gru. Minions might be a plus…)
Zack Gallifinakis as Heathcliffe
Vinnie Jones as Tiger
The really important thing this time around is to really focus on the significance of the horseshoe
“Manos” definitely has potential. All it needs is a much better script, real actors, a real director, better lighting, real cinematography, quality editing, decent sound, a Hollywood-sized budget, and maybe throw in some special effects.
i’ve had thoughts about a manos sequel/reboot too – torgo, injured, handless and disoriented, gets picked up by the side of the road in the middle of the night, a bit like “the hitcher.” and, without having any idea where else to go, leads the drivers/passengers back “the place…” and, after all, the master is still alive there, and collecting wives! maybe rob zombie would be interested in directing it with his whacko b-splatter style…
I would remake Hobgoblins with Zach Galligan, Phoebe Cates, Hoyt Axton, Keye Luke, and …… wait…. never mind.
I would remake Space Mutiny with Dirk Benedict, Lorne Green, Richard Hatch, and …. wait a minute… forget it.
Seriously, I would remake Danger!! Death Ray with Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, special effects that did not involve bathtub toys, and security cameras that didn’t make Cambot cry.
Teenagers from Outer Space. It would need a new title, probably, and a better monster, and a little more plot, but the premise of a conquering alien scout force where one soldier develops a conscience and ends up rallying/alerting the populace is a decent one. (Though, yeah, that’s roughly the first act of the new Star Wars film. Work with me here.) The other premise of a conquered word being used as a ranch or (hunting preserve?)– as opposed to strip-mined or used for slave labor or whatever– is also clever and different.
Casting, hm… I think young newcomers or unknowns for the “teenagers,” but the adults should be cast against type. The kindly landlord role should go to someone known more for villainous roles and Captain Totcha should be played by someone known for straight-up heroic roles. That would play into my other idea, which is that the invaders be depicted fairly sympathetically (by direction, cinematography, etc.; and/or maybe they’re desperate because they were almost wiped out by another alien race or something) and the Earthmen seem like the villains, or at least jerks. If done right and done well, that would be a nice twist on the “evil invading alien” trope without it descending into “oh humanity is awful.” (I mean, yeah, the aliens kinda need to be evil and the humans need to be the good guys, but let’s have some nuance here, and it allows for shocking reveals.)
Then there’s Mole People. Throw out Agar and crew. Put in a gnarly Indiana Jones (of the Last Crusade), Sean Connery,
Lara Croft, and Dr. Who’s River Song. Now there’s a quality archeologist group! Obviously you change the racist ending
of the original. And yes, the load is also gone, along with Agar. Turns out the nazis and daleks are collaborating to
change history so the pseudo-Sumerian underground kingdom can flourish while the doctor is distracted in an alternate
universe so an elite archeaologist swat team is assembled by Dr. Song and…
“The Creeping Terror.” The story has potential. Obviously, we’d need a better looking monster. And we would have synchronized dialogue.
Me as Martin (in keeping with the director playing the lead role)
Renee Olstead as Brett (she’s a great actress, and would be a pleasure to kiss)
George Clooney as Dr. Bradford (because who else?)
Ashley Graham as the girl in the hot pants at the dance (although that might cause the film to be banned in some places)
This I actually think would work: a big-budget remake of “Santa Claus Conquers the Martians” with Will Ferrell as Keemar and Jonah Hill (or Zach Galifinakas) a reluctant street corner Santa who’s mistaken for the real deal. Sacha Baron Cohen would make a good Voldar, and Christopher Mintz-Plasse (McLovin in ‘SuperBad’) would bring new dimensions to Droppo. Maybe even throw in Sir Ian McKellan as Chochum. (BTW – if this movie comes out in the next five years, remember you read it here first!)
I have a vision of a Time Chasers remake with Ben Affleck as Nick and Rachel McAdams as Lisa.
I’d remake Girl in Gold Boots with Sonny & Cher, and Animal from the Muppets as “Critter.”
Can you imagine a remake of Hamlet, directed by, say, Kenneth Branagh? Heck, he can even play the lead!
(Yeah, yeah, it’s probably even more obvious than the Parts/Island joke, but someone had to do it…)
I would like to “reimagine” the ripe with possibilities “Angels’ Revenge”. I would keep the basic story of an eclectic gang of women who are brought together as vigilantes out to destroy a (small) piece of the capitalistically driven illegal drug trade. Now, the casting is the thing. After careful consideration, here are my choices:
Ron Perlman as the Jack Palance character
Michael Douglas as the Peter Lawford character
William Shatner as the Alan Hale, Jr. character
Bruce Willis as the Pat Buttram character
James Caan as the Jim Backus character
Michael Weatherly as “Sticks”
Now, the Angels. First, my solid picks:
Maggie Q as the “Oriental”-American woman
Danai Gurira as the African-American woman
Shay Mitchell as the Hispanic-American ex-junkie
Anna Torv as the schoolteacher, whose tactical planning sucks, but is an excellent recruiter
Kaley Cuoco as the hot Vegas singer, which would work out great with William Shatner as the Manny manager, because Shatner played Cuoco’s dad in those goofy commercials.
My difficulty comes with the cop and her teenage sister. I think Jennifer Aniston or Jessica Alba would great for the older sister, but I couldn’t come up with the teenage sister. Any suggestions for that, or recasting of any other characters?
A remake of a remake? (Qv. “Invasion of the Saucer Men” discussions on the movie page)
And although it technically wasn’t a MST3K movie, this is now a thing: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UxxfREZux0
(And I do mean “thing”, as I don’t know what to call it.)
‘Manos’, but do it as a ‘making of’ comedy drama. A film about Hal Warren’s quest to make his magnum opus, complete with all the behind the scene antics and John Reynolds’ personal problems. This has potential to be another ‘Ed Wood’.
I’d pay Tommy Wiseau to direct any script written by Ed Wood.
I’d remake The Final Sacrifice. With Chuck Norris as an ass-kicking Rowsdower. Elijah Wood as Troy and Larry Csonka as Troy’s dad. Satoris played by Michael Shannon, and Pipper by Jeff Bridges.
I also think there’s actually either a really nice black comedy Coen Brothers flick buried inside Red Zone Cuba. In my brain, I see George Clooney, Matt Damon and Walton Goggins as the fugitives, Thomas Jane as Chastain and… hm. I ‘unno who else.
“Mad Max: Spring Fever”
Bruce Dern is a great idea for the “Darn Schmoochers! Curmudgeon, but I was thinking why not go full tilt and get Gary Busey. ^%#!+#%€¥ Smoochers! I’LL ¥%#^**+% ALL OF YOU!!!!. etc.
#40 refers to Attack of The The Eye Creatures from # 5.
I’m actually surprised Hollywood hasn’t done this yet. The basic premise is ripe for a fun, silly, big budget Santa movie, and Tim Allen’s movies have proven there’s a market for that.
I would remake Mitchell. That movie had potential.
I read the short story and it’s actually set in a fully colonized moon. Doppling is used as a vaction, because what else are you going to do in an underground moon city?
Escape 2000 Would work great as a action Comedy!! ( with more emphasis on the action!!)
Escape 2000 is the best of season 7!!!
I’d remake BEAST OF YUCCA FLATS. That wouldn’t take too long.
Or maybe SANTA CLAUS as a musical.
The Touch of Satan. Fix the plot a bit (how are Luther and Molly related to her?) and it would do pretty well.
Would it count if it’s the actual MST3K movie that should be remade? (You could probably keep This Island Earth as the riffed movie, just don’t cut out a significant portion of the film, and don’t severely cut down on the number of riffs…)
There is only one Rowsdower and Bruce J. Mitchell is him. You can have a remake but only with him as zap. Sorry, end of discussion.
Sampo wrote: “It already had a big budget but I want to redo “Sword and the Dragon” with a “Game of Thrones” flavor and budget. Sean Bean as Ilja Muromets, of course.”
So, Ilja dies in your version? Sean Bean always gets killed!