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Long Weekend Discussion Thread: Unintentionally Funny Line Readings in MSTed Movies

Alert regular Smoothie of Great Power wonders about…

…movie lines that are meant to be serious but end up sounding unintentionally funny due to the poor delivery.
I recently re-watched “The Horror of Party Beach” and got a good laugh (as did Mike and the bots) at how Hank tried to reassure Elaine near the end about her father’s condition, but the delivery made it sound more like he was bored rather than concerned.
“I just saw your father and he’s been burned badly, but he’ll be fine.” There are several other examples. What are some of the group’s favorites?

One word: TORCHA!

You?

123 Replies to “Long Weekend Discussion Thread: Unintentionally Funny Line Readings in MSTed Movies”

  1. Stoneman says:

    Women of the Prehistoric Planet:

    “Hikeeba!”

    Sidehackers:

    “My own flesh I don’t love better! I’m not good enough for him…how many times I ask him to ride with me and he says noooo..”

       5 likes

  2. Green Switch says:

    When John Agar calls out “earthquake” near the beginning of The Mole People, he says it with the tremendous indifference of a man who ran out of iced tea.

    I’m willing to cut the Gesture Professor some slack, though.

       8 likes

  3. littleaimishboy says:

    and, not so much a line reading as some intern sound editor found a discarded piece of tape from another movie on the floor and spliced it in thinking “I don’t know what this is but it probably goes here I guess”:

    “I’m comeeeeeeeen!”

       12 likes

  4. RedZoneTuba says:

    “On some of the earlier snarf farms…”

    “A wounded animal that big, is not good.”

       8 likes

  5. “You mean to tell me this Casey was pumping Buffalo about what happened in Europe?”

       10 likes

  6. trickymutha says:

    Two words: Fromicidal maniac.

       8 likes

  7. servomademesayit says:

    Parts: The Clonus Horror

    “Sure!”

       10 likes

  8. Blonde Russian Spy:
    “Watch out for snakes”

    You can’t hear it in the MST3K version because it’s covered up by Servo’s “Who said that?”, but what cracks me up is after the “Watch out for snakes” line, the actress playing Roxy lets out this weird scream. Except it sounds more like she’s going, “WHOO!”

       7 likes

  9. ServoTron3000 says:

    Boggy Creek II “I saw the little creature.”

    Cracks me up just thinking about it.

       10 likes

  10. EricJ says:

    So, nobody’s yet mentioned Valeria from Robot Holocaust, the despotic conqueror of New Earth who’s too bored and mushmouthed to make a convincing 80’s porn-video dominatrix?
    And as we know, the proper line is “I asshew you, Dagwan, they are all dewmed…”

       9 likes

  11. fathermushroom says:

    What about that monologue that Ross Hagen delivers in “Hellcats,” something like: “Badge say, ‘take your old lady and that hog and move… I tell the blue, I got rights….”

    A stone-cold mess, that one.

       4 likes

  12. Smirkboy says:

    “My a. . .nosewheel feels mushy.”

       8 likes

  13. 70's run on car says:

    Fathermushroom I don’t think Gary Oldman could do much with that script. All due respect Fathermushroom.

       1 likes

  14. edward says:

    “You disgusting woooorm!” So bad yet so good.
    And I wish I could remember which episode but there’s a scene in some black and white movie where someone informs a woman of danger and her response is the worst acted “oh no” I’ve ever heard.

       9 likes

  15. Keith in WI says:

    “He learned too late that man is a feeling creature…”

       7 likes

  16. Gary Bowden says:

    Moon rock? Oh wow…

       5 likes

  17. Gary Bowden says:

    My God,what is it?? from The Creeping Terror…

       14 likes

  18. BobTFatherbot says:

    Monsters in the hood.

       9 likes

  19. IHC says:

    “You know, so many men, whentheyloseawifetheytrysohardtodenytheylosttheymarrysomeone exactlylikethe _first_ wife; hardly seems fair using the living to bring back the dead does it”

    “No I suppose it doesn’t.”

       5 likes

  20. Ray Dunakin says:

    This one’s not the fault of the actor, it’s just a very (unintentionally) funny line that no line reading could improve on:

    “Today is dedicated to Uranus!”

       9 likes

  21. Ray Dunakin says:

    From “Horrors of Spider Island”:

    “Don’t you think I’d rather be in a bar in Singapore, drinking an ice cold beer, instead of this hawribble stuff?”

       8 likes

  22. Ray Dunakin says:

    “I like coffee!”

       12 likes

  23. The Grim Specter of Food says:

    You wanna fly? Let’s fly!

       5 likes

  24. Jack Perkins says:

    “Flag on the moon.”

       12 likes

  25. Ray Dunakin says:

    In “Space Mutiny”, when the limping David Bowie guy is convincing his fellow officers to join the mutiny, the lone holdout says something along the lines of, “This is treason, which I warn you I must report!” Really bad line read there.

       14 likes

  26. Ray Dunakin says:

    “Racket Girls” is full of bad line reads. Just about everything that comes out of the mouths of Peaches, or the girl Sully forces into prostitution, is laughably bad. But the worst is Rita Moreno’s line,”I am the champion of all Mexico!”

       11 likes

  27. A Flat Minor, Mr. B'smith cousin says:

    From TISCWSLABMUZ when the chorus girl visits Estrella and says ‘I can’t tonight, I have a date.’ It was like she was already bored from cooking the steaks and doing the dishes

       2 likes

  28. Sitting Duck says:

    The witch lynching mob from Touch of Satan. The way they chant, “Burn the witch,” is so apathetic, like they’d rather be at a Packers game.

       7 likes

  29. Ian L. says:

    A lot of them can be seen in the stingers, like the blind man’s oddly calm “Help me.” in “Rocket Attack USA”.

    Or this gem in “The Leech Woman”:
    “Then it couldn’t have been Ms. Talbot. A week ago, she was in New York.”
    “So was the murder.”

    …Me and my big mouth.

       4 likes

  30. mark honhorst says:

    “4 days ago a fire fell from the sky, and I thought everything that it brought would just extinguish and burn away. Now for all the questions and doubts I had, everything seems so clear”…

       10 likes

  31. kong says:

    “You know, Captain, every year of my life I grow more and more convinced that the wisest and the best is to fix our attention on the good and the beautiful. If you just take the time to look at it.”

       11 likes

  32. MSTie says:

    Sitting Duck:
    The witch lynching mob from Touch of Satan. The way they chant, “Burn the witch,” is so apathetic, like they’d rather be at a Packers game.

    Well, who wouldn’t??

       5 likes

  33. SAVE FERRIS says:



    The (lead) red-headed babe’s stone faced, absolutely wooden reading of the line,


    “That’s absolutely fascinating……”

    from one of my all-time favorites, Werewolf (# 904).

    I’ve never seen an actress (supposedly) trying to convey “fascination”, and so utterly failing at her ‘job’.

    CLEARLY she was hired for reasons completely unrelated to any (alleged) acting ‘talents’ she thought she had (i.e., Her twin assets (barely) contained in that skin-tight, white t-shirt worn during the pool (billiards) game in the barroom).

    Come to think of it, the other babe (interestingly, also a red-head) who appears only briefly in the film (earlier on, when the main male protagonist (Paul?) first checks in to his room at the weird, old shotgun-toting, cigar-chomping (gatekeeper’s) strange B&B (or apartment, or whatever the hell that place was supposed to be) ALSO seemed to bear similar ‘talents’ strictly unrelated to any acting ability she may, or may not have had…… :-/


       3 likes

  34. Luther Strickland says:

    From “The Creeping Terror,”

    “My God, what is it?” delivered in a flat line monotone.

       4 likes

  35. Andrew says:

    Riding with Death:

    “This can’t BE?!? You’re DEAD?!?!?”

       10 likes

  36. YourNewBestFriedn says:

    John Hanna:
    Almost all the line readings from ‘Gamera Vs Guiron’.
    “They may be very civilized up there – more than we are here on Earth. With no wars, or traffic accidents.”
    “I’ll tell you what. Remember, the next time, if you are naughty again… I’ll shave your heads!”
    “We met with a caLAMity!” (read in a southern accent)
    “Gamera is dancing go-go!”
    “HI. Thank you. Hello. Thank you. etc. etc.”

    YES! Virtually the entire script, at least insofar as it comes out of the mouths of the two alien henchpersons, and the two infinitely annoying boys.

    My theory is that the women’s and children’s voices were provided by the wives of military stationed in Japan.

    “Hey! What happened to my hair?’
    “There’s no time for that!”

    And the assertion by one of the alien henchpersons that they were short on time, so would have to come back and, “We’ll eat the kids’ brains later.”

       1 likes

  37. RedZoneTuba says:

    If we expand to include Rifftrax, then we also have “solarpanels”.

       13 likes

  38. manhattan says:

    “No input file specified.”

    oh wait, that’s what happens when I try to navigate to mst3kinfo.com!

       9 likes

  39. Kenneth Morgan says:

    “Space Mutiny” is full of odd, funny line readings. For example, Captain Santa’s odd pronunciations of “the possible mo-tive behind the attack” and “load the file into the compute-er”. The misplaced emphasis just makes you go, “Huh?” And Kalgon and McPherson’s lines are worth a whole page of entries on their own.

       6 likes

  40. ready4sumfootball says:

    “Get out of here! You disGUSting WUUUUUURM!!”

       5 likes

  41. Satoris says:

    Can’t believe no one has mentioned “my nuts”! Must have read ” Mom, am I nuts”.

       4 likes

  42. Jay says:

    Satoris:
    Can’t believe no one has mentioned “my nuts”! Must have read ” Mom, am I nuts”.

    I can’t either (see #12).

       7 likes

  43. Stoneman:
    Women of the Prehistoric Planet:
    “Hikeeba!”

    Sidehackers:
    “My own flesh I don’t love better! I’m not good enough for him…how many times I ask him to ride with me and he says noooo..”

    I think a lot of it has to do with the way J.C.’s face contorts as he drawls out that “noooooo”.

       2 likes

  44. “But, he would never dare venture into OUR territory!”
    –Nila, in Cave Dwellers

       3 likes

  45. “Sargassum — the Weed Of Deceit!”
    –opening narration in Blood Waters Of Dr. Z

       4 likes

  46. Green Switch:
    I’ll go with an umbrella answer and pick “everything the villainous Troxartis said in Deathstalker and the Warriors from Hell.”
    If Mike, Crow, and Servo decided to not riff on him, that would be understandable, as his line readings were self-mocking.

    “I put the… beats in my own… script, and I’m sticking… with them!”
    –Michael J. Nelson

       7 likes

  47. Misfit4242:
    Teenage Strangler just wouldn’t be as moving and dramatic without Mikey!

    I liked how that Betty chick always sounded as if she was on the edge of a nervous breakdown.

       4 likes

  48. All of Mickey’s dialogue in Screaming; Skull, if only because he sounds like Snagglepuss.

       10 likes

  49. eegah says:

    Palermo: “I’ll blow her brains OUT!”
    (Crow: “All over THE boat!”)

       7 likes

  50. Eric Fell says:

    Another Riding with Death gem (which I haven’t seen listed here):

    “OPTICAL ILLUSION-NUH!”

       15 likes

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