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Weekend Discussion Thread: Monster Movies You’d Like to SeeSitting Duck suggests:
What’s your project? 63 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: Monster Movies You’d Like to See”Commenting at Satellite News
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The Ziox Redemption.
Satoris rises from the dead to lead his beloved cult into taking over that one acre.
Standing in his way? The alcoholic-rehabbed Rowsdower, and Troy, who at 35, still hasn’t hit puberty.
Guest starring Danny McBride as Pipper.
The Bad Scientist Big Bang –
Scientists from MSTed movies form a nerdy social group and demonstrate their socially awkward tendencies each week. I see Doc from Boggy Creek II as the one who is constantly trying to dominate the group while Bela Lugosi teases him about never seeing the elusive Little Octopus.
My movie would star Pitch from Santa Claus as a 1970s hip free lance detective with a bad ass street machine that were very popular then. He would display his cool inventiveness when he was in hot water. The dames go wild when he goes “WA-WA-WA-WA!”. Not sure if Pitch qualifies as a monster but he sure ain’t no demon.
My choice also comes from Santa Claus, but mine would feature the wind-up reindeer in a horror movie along the lines of the 1972 Gargoyles. I always found the reindeer creepy enough anyhow. Imagine the terror of driving along a dark road, hearing an unknown creature laughing above your car, then…aaaaahhhhhhh! Nicolas Cage would have to take Cornel Wilde’s part, of course.
It’s a shame that the actual producers/directors/writers of the MSTed flicks didn’t have the imaginations of many of the posters on this little cowtown fansite! Awesome ideas!
i’m going to go with Tor Johnson’s ‘Lobo’ and Torgo in yet another ‘Odd Couple’ remake
Torgo: ‘THe MasTER saYs it’s LINguiNI…LINguiNI!’
Lobo: ‘now garbage…time for go to bed!’
throw in the laughing horse from Sinbad and you’ve got stephen king hiding under the covers.
Hm.
There’s a long and (dis)honorable tradition of the use of “inserts” in movies from the fifties and sixties, wherein R-rated footage, often completely unrelated to the plot, is inserted in a film to heighten appeal for (usually) European audiences.
Several MST’d movies have already had inserts done: Beast of Yucca Flats, The Thing That Wouldn’t Die, and Devil Doll are three examples.
So, being indolent by nature, I wouldn’t want to do a whole movie, but I’d happily shoot the inserts for some of the MST canon:
–Glen Manning, short on cash, works on his abs and takes a detour to Vegas, and joins a Magic Mike-style show in his diaper
–We get a brief clip of an anatomically-correct Gamera spinning off through the Pacific twilight to the ancient breeding ground of his people
–Kevin Murphy reprises his role as the Kitten with a Whip, and does a pose-down at a Furries convention.
[Too much for this early in the morning, I know. In my defense, “Fashion Means Coogan,” for which I still see a therapist once a month]
There was a giant, a monster, a thing called “Douglas” to be followed. There was something in the tunnel with the puzzled men of courage, who suddenly found themselves not alone with shadows and darkness! With the telegram, one cloud lifts, and another descends. Astronaut Frank Douglas, not rescued, not alive, not well, and of abnormal size, not 8,000 miles away in a lifeboat, with complete memory of where he has been, and how he was separated from his capsule!
…but there was no Monster Movie….
Much in the way that Godzilla turned from an evil destroyer of Japan to a noble defender who defeated other monsters, I think Glen Manning can have the same redemption story. His first opponent who he battles to save Planet Earth – the Guardian from Krankor; somehow Phantom and his chickens develop the technology to transport the big guy to Earth (even though they still need Professor Macken’s formula).
I propose “Cry Avalanche,” wherein the Coca Cola-swilling yeti from “Cry Wilderness” terrorizes the skiers and ice skaters of “Avalanche.” Annoying Paul and Whiny Kid on Ski Lift become best buddies, Mia Farrow is too busy drinking Hot Chocolate Beer to notice the monster, and Alcoholic Grandma feels she has found her soulmate in the yeti. Something for everybody. Kinda, sorta.
A sequel to ‘Attack Of The The Eye Creatures’ called ‘Attack Of The The THE Eye Creatures’. This time they brought enough costumes, UV protection, and an actual plan.
Boudreaux and Me –
An alien spaceship lands with the mission to replace nasty junk food with excellent cuisine. Since their only previous human contact occurred in Calcasieu Parish, Louisiana they replace bland burgers with etoufee and dark roux gumbo. The thrilling conclusion comes when Boudreaux teaches little Erin how to make a sauce piquant.
It could be renamed “Tor(go)” (or maybe, “The REALLY Odd Couple”)
A movie about an international organization like something out of a Bond film, but all the members are monster movie monsters. The monsters team up to tear down major cities all over the globe, starting, of course, with Tokyo, and finally ending up with, for some reason, the city of Townsville (in the tri-state area). Coincidentally, the actor playing the man in charge of the organization bears a striking resemblance to Vladimir Putin.
The title, naturally, is “Every Country Has a Monster”.
Yes indeedy! The Santa Claus reindeer and Sinbad’s horse both seem like creatures that would delight in the taste of human flesh.
Every good movie monster needs to be
– undetectable at the beginning
– capable of physics-defying feats
– impervious to all weapons
– beloved by small children
Hmm, I think I just described The Prince of Space.
“Attack of the Aye Aye Creatures” — A nuclear test in Madagascar results in a species of mutated, giant lemurs! They sleep during the day, but at night they tap on high-rise buildings with their long, bony, middle fingers; then they reach in a pull out the tasty humans. Anyone who sings “Joey the Lemur” is immediately crushed by the irritated beasts.
I used to have some relatives who lived in Grit, Texas. We dreamed of making “The Chicken That Ate Grit”, but never figured how to stretch it to more than about five minutes.
Whew! For a minute there I was afraid it was going to be a zombie sailor movie.
I like this. Let’s further the crossover casting and have the smooch patrol cop as Murray, Danny as Speed, Mike as Vinnie, Mark as Roy, and Grace and Margaret as the Pigeon Sisters.
Now for some more Neil Simon madness: Bela Lugosi’s Dr. Vornoff and John Carradine’s Dr. Conway in The Sunshine Boys. “Again with the #23 scalpel!”
DNA from Humbolt squid, sharks, jellyfish, and predatory sea slugs combine with floating plastic in the ocean, creating a creature with tentacles, teeth, stingers, a voracious appetite, and resistance to bio-degradation. It comes ashore in the San Fernando Valley, wreaking havoc on environmentally irresponsible suburban shoppers. The Great Pacific Garbage Monster. Plastohumbosharkgelatinovanax. Or maybe Polyethylene Terror-Ephthalate.
ok i may be riffing on the ‘Split’ movie since it’s making a comeback of sorts but picture this:
‘Bob Johnson’… no wait…oh yeah that’s right… anyway you have Bob Johnson, a grandma chasing lunatic with 23 personas
there’s ‘Biff Drinkslots,’ ‘Squat Beefbroth,’ ‘crud Bonemeal,’ Chunk Blowfist’….you get the idea.
the truly scary part is that each persona is the same; a muscle headed clod that yells ‘go,go,go! run, run, run!’ at people and will randomly scream about 16 octaves higher than humanly possible when action is afoot.
the sequel involves Bob killing Jimmy Dean twice which awakens his indestructible partner JDB. ok his gut is indestructible but we can tweak that a little.
This is so great it needs to be a DT for another W. “What inserts would you add to an MST episode to spice it up for more mature audiences.” Dibs on Teenage Strangler.
Although, granted, it was just pretty much an excuse to make up more Asylum titles. (Even though most of the goofier “Crocktopirhanaslug” polyglot titles were actually Roger Corman’s.)
And, after “Atlantic Rim”, whether more Asylum is a good thing, I leave it up to the reader.
(Well, “of sorts“–It’s not really a “comeback”, it’s just M. Night Shyamalan trying to get in on the new “Superhero universe” thing because he happened to have TWO of them.)
…OK, how about Unviewable Mysteries? It’s an anthology show, where a hologram of Robert Stack narrates a documentary series of disturbing incidents, in which people and barnyard animals are horribly mangled in a way no one had ever seen before.
No actual footage of the victims, only appalled reaction shots.
Hanh? Hanh?
[Anybody catch a call-back to this in Atlantic Rim?]
The premise of that Allosaurus escaping from the Mesozoic Ranch Dinosaur BBQ and terrorizing Moon 14 would make a pretty good monster flick. Sort of “Jurassic Park” meets “Outland” meets “Alien” meets “Moon Zero Two” meets “Saturn 3” meets… well, MST3K.
How about “Air Barugon”?
A withdrawn kid finds a huge, highly destructive giant lizard and they become dear friends. The monster’s talent for basketball is discovered. And, since the rulebook has no rule against a kaiju playing basketball, Barugon is allowed to play on the kid’s school team and leads them to victory. And the fact that he routinely destroys whatever town he’s playing in, and mercilessly devours anyone who gets in his way, doesn’t detract from the heartwarming feeling at the movie’s end. We see the kid hugging the monster on the shattered, burning court while the huddled survivors all say, “Awwwwwwwww!”
Coming soon: “Air Barugons”. These destructive monsters are just like their father. But they can talk!
(Or has someone already come up with this one? Please advise.)
Well, it’d give you a chance to add a whooooooole new meaning to, “Yipes! Stripes!”
Or how about “The Last Kaiju”?
It’s pretty much “The Last Jedi”, until the end. The last survivors of the unbearably inept escape attempt of the Resistance are trapped in the old Alliance base on Crait. A group of Imp-, sorry, First Order AT-ATs show up, flanking a massive cannon that will blow open the base’s door. The good guys are ready to send out antiquated ships in a suicidal attempt to destroy the cannon.
Then, suddenly, Godzilla shows up! Thanks to Luke’s amazing Jedi powers, the G-Man has been magically transported to Crait. Kylo orders all of the Walkers and his control ship to open fire on Godzilla, crazily commanding more and more firepower. Godzilla, highly annoyed, responds by knocking one Walker into the air with one swipe of his tail, and it lands on the cannon, destroying it. Godzilla wipes out the other Walkers and the command ship with one blast of his radioactive firebreath. Kylo barely manages to escape the command ship, but Godzilla lets out a roar that’s translated as, “I will not be The Last Kaiju!”, before squashing the punk.
Thanks to Rey, the good guys escape in the Millenium Falcon, when they see that the First Order ships have been wiped out by Gamera, whom Luke has also brought over. And Episode IX opens with the bad guys getting utterly pummeled by Mothra.
Or, for all you mystery fans, there’s “Murder on the Kaiju Express”.
A sinister train passenger with a mysterious past has been murdered, and brilliant detective Hercule Poirot must solve the crime. The problem is all of the other passengers had a motive to kill the victim, and they’re all giant monsters! Who’s the guilty one? The giant turtle with a soft spot for kids? The soulful moth with the twin companions? The big grasshopper from Chicago? The grumpy radioactive dinosaur who breathes fire? The blood-drinking giant bat-like creature? The big ape who likes blondes? Or one of the other, lesser-known travelers?
Don’t reveal the surprise ending!
‘Bridge on the River Kaiju?’ i could see some alien warlord mind control Godzilla and gang then order them to build a bridge from Monster Island to Japan to help facilitate more random monster attacks on Japan and thereby get the rest of the world to cave in. the award winning part is the majestic scene of Godzilla, Mothra, Ghidora et al. happily marching across the bridge whistling that happy worker tune.
Planet of the Bigfeet –
You know the drill. Astronauts travel to the future where various Bigfoot species have become the dominant society. It was predictable considering that the humans around them were getting dumber over time due to politics and underfunded schools. The Yetis run the military. The Sasquatch are the bureaucrats and the Boggy Creatures are scientists and teachers. Nobody calls anybody “Bright Eyes”.
Track of the Moon Beast: The Musical… a stage production filmed for theatrical release.
Inherently rife for comedic possibilities (think Lonebone singing about his stew, Dr. Rizzo letting Paul in on what is wrong with him in song… just this time, mind you, and Cathy and Paul in multiple singing/dancing numbers).
Here is the track listing for the CD:
1. Overture: How Green Were My Credits
2. Butt Healer and Cathy, Pullers of Ineffectual Pranks
3. Anthropology, Not Minerology
4. Stew, Glorious Stew (Corn, Green Peppers, Chicken, Onions, et. al.)
5. Coyote vs. Lizard (not Road Runner)
6. Sandia Crest Love Theme
7. A Lunar Meteorite
8. Antiseptic Manor
9. Lizard Loving Freak
10. California Lady
11. Go To Hell, Syd
12. It’s The Johnny Longbone Theme
13. Point To A Major Organ, Paul
14. Gabe Kaplan’s Poker Camp for Kids
15. Shrill Pink Lump
16. Paulasaurus!
17. Personal Moonrock
18. Your Brain Is The Size of a Chickpea
19. I’m Boring and My Slide Show Eats
20. Thinking Hurts
21. Sandia Crest (Slight Return)
22. C’mon Paul, Pizza Face, Help Me!
23. Acting All Over The Place
24. Outro: Moon Beast Frug
“Attack of the Giant Lechers” — A modern monster movie for the #MeToo era! A truck hauling toxic waste crashes in Hollywood, spilling its cargo. The contaminants cause mutations and soon Los Angeles is being terrorized by gigantic studio honchos, comedians, actors, etc.
“The Giant Gila Monster” needs a sequel. I’d suggest “The Giant Gecko”, about a huge bug-eyed reptile that tries to sell people insurance.
If that one hits, they could extend it into a trilogy. Maybe “The Giant Western Fence Lizard”? It lays around in the sun a lot, and eventually gets captured and put into a gigantic jar with holes poked in the lid.
“Pies: The Feet of Fate” — After losing his hand, Torgo leaves El Paso, steals a robe from Joel Robinson, and starts a satanic foot-fetish cult in the desert near Abilene.
(Yes, the Spanish word for feet is “pies”.)
The Incredible 2-Headed Servo
As long as neither of them are the Danny O’Day head. That was terrifying!
Inspired by Ray’s suggestion, “The Screech of the MeToo Creatures.” Horrifying beings unleash a blood curdling screech on their victims, destroying all in their path and liquefying the spines of those nearby. The screech was once a defensive mechanism, but some of the creatures have mutated and become predatory.
The Screaming Brain That Wouldn’t Die: the sicko husband tries to drive his emotionally fragile wife insane by having Jan in the Pan pop up around the house. Instead of peacocks screaming on the lawn, the wife hears Jan laughing maniacally at night. The sequel: The Wailing Thing That Could Die But Didn’t For a While: Jan joins forces with the festering head of Gideon Drool to further torment poor Jenny who’s gone to Aunt Spatula’s dude ranch to recover from the ordeal in the first movie.
With special guest star Quentin Tarantino as The Master.
I would watch a movie with that title.
Tarantino? Please. David Brandon or Vincent Beck.
They Shoot Buffaloes, Don’t They? A XXX-rated Greco-Roman horror fantasy in which Hercules, Mycheesesteak and all their buddies cavort around the land of Gor in their little Greco-Roman skirts. All the cameras are on the ground and angled up. No one will be seated during the gripping, interminable scene in which Hugh Beaumont, John Agar and The Load lead them all down-down-down by rope to the land of the Mole People. After some more cavorting there, they all board the Danger Death Ray toy submarine one-by-one. In a surprise cameo, Sid Melton gets pantsed after a lot of rock climbing. Get the soundtrack, with Miley Cyrus singing the poignant love theme “I’ll Show You Mine If You Show Me Yours”; Hugh Beaumont (under the stage name Hu-bo Monte) crooning the darkly mysterious “Ropes and Asses”; and Arch Hall, Jr. doing the novelty number “Lookit Those Butts Go!” with Jim Stafford.
“The Crawling Spleen!”
Well…. to be fair, I think that was just Tripod throwing his voice. He could also make tiny chickens appear in his bare hand, and he told Sinbad that Santa Bites the Bishop… soo….
Gare
This wins todays Mistie Internets.
Gare
Change the title to “Attack Of The The Aye Aye Creatures”, and you’ve got yourself a deal!