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Episode guide: 620- Danger!! Death Ray

Movie: (1967) A suave secret agent is on the case after a Europey evil organization makes off with a death ray and its inventor.

First shown: 1/7/95
Opening: Crow has contact lenses, Tom has a sneaker endorsement deal
Intro: Frank is a talent agent
Host segment 1: Servo builds a death ray for peaceful purposes, but can’t resist using it on Crow
Host segment 2: “This is your life, Mike Nelson”
Host segment 3: Crow’s designs for sunglasses seem a bit woman-ey
End: Cambot gets emotional, Frank has a glamour shot
Stinger: John Cameron Swayze intercepts the watch
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (165 votes, average: 4.48 out of 5)


• I’m not a big fan of the foreign spy movie episodes, but this one clicks with me. Maybe it’s because the movie is just barely watchable, the riffing is fun and most of the host segments work. The result is one I really like.
• This one will be in Shout’s “Volume XXVI” due out March 26.
• This was the first episode of 1995. It would be difficult year in MSTiedom.
• Crow’s contact lenses and Frank the talent agent are a great start.
• Callback to Crow’s screenwriting career. That’s Mike as Torgo, of course.
• Mike wears his sailor suit/Tom wears his sneakers into theater.
• Crow’s giggle, every time the movie pretends the toys are real, is so infectious!
• Callbacks: Starfighters music, “This nose wheel feels mushy.” (San Francisco International), “We tampered in God’s domain.” (Bride of the Monster), “I’m dyin’ in a rush!” (Kitten with a Whip).
• Segment 1 is strange, but it ends with the arresting image of Crow’s eyes catching fire. A classic moment.
• Non spaghetti ball bumpers: film canister, book, beaker
• Mike is very funny at beginning of segment 2, warily fending off Tom’s attempt to start the sketch. The segment is JUST long enough.
• Segment 3 is fun too. Perfect progression from slightly woman-ey to VERY woman-ey.
• Nice to see Cambot involved in a segment for once! But he’s sooo sensitive.
• Um, has anybody noticed the HUGE body count in this movie? Sheesh!
• Set designer Arrigo Equini, who waas a scene designer for “Secret Agent Super Dragon,” is the ONLY person on this movie who worked on another MSTed movie.
• CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Kevin Murphy.
• Fave riff: “Hi. Welcome to Jack Ruby fantasy camp.” Honorable mention: “Look, let’s just put our balls on the table, shall we?”

110 comments to Episode guide: 620- Danger!! Death Ray

  • 1
    swh1939 says:

    As a fellow contact lense wearer, the opening is funny, but painful. Um, painfully funny. I guess the point I’m making is that I feel Crow’s pain, and that’s funny. Y’know, Three Stooges funny.


  • 2
    pearliemae says:

    One of my all time faves. Many, many great riffs.
    “If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant had a child”.
    “It looks like something my dad would buy at a garage sale”
    “The water is beautiful in this part of the tub”
    “Watermelon Man…” over and over. I stopped breathing.
    “Do you have Holland House?”
    “THIS MAN will Compete!!…..”
    “This year I am determined to get a muskie”
    “That robe has Father’s Day written all over it”
    I’m giggling too much. Somebody else please take over.


  • 3
    Cliff Weismeyer says:

    I love this episode. The cast is amazingly ugly and weird, the theme song is an earworm, and the stridently bogus special effects are a riot. The botched editing at the end with the watch is the cherry on the top of the amazingly goofy sundae that is the story of super spy Bart Fargo.




  • 4
    MikeK says:

    5 stars! Danger, Death Ray! is the best of the James Bond knock-offs to be shown on MST3K. Bart Fargo is actually likable and there are some good action scenes. Heck, it could even be a decent movie if it weren’t for the toys and the strange final shot of the hand holding the watch.

    Womany! Last weekend’s discussion was about riffs used in everyday life and I totally forgot about this one. I often use the term “womany” when talking about Yoplait yogurt. There’s just no way a man can eat that stuff and still feel like a man.

    Anyway, this whole episode is a lot of fun. The host segments are good and riffing is lively. I love it when they sing along with the movie music.


  • 5
    Patrick says:

    One of my favorites.

    Favorite Riff: “Apparently he missed this day at secret agent training.” Good stuff!


  • 6
    Bookworm says:

    This one’s my favorite of the four spy movies (though ‘Operation Double 007’ is a close second). Sure, it’s cheap and cliche, but there’s still a spirit of fun that’s infectious. And so many great riffs!

    Crow: Can you imagine the horrible kinds of peace the bad guys would wage with that death ray?

    Mike: Ba-ba da-ba *pantsuit*…ba-da ba da-da da-*bra*!
    Tom: Ba-ba da-ba *panties*…ba-da ba da-da da-*girls*!

    Carver: “Thank you, Fargo.”
    Mike: For being a major agricultural center in the upper Midwest.

    Mike: Abe Lincoln *is* Time Cop!

    Crow: This must be a *massive* organization to be able to throw away a $1.50 helicopter.

    Mike: Whatever 17th Century baron build this place, he had surprising technology.

    (when boat explodes)
    Crow: Whoa! They must have hit an eelpout!

    Mike: Wardrobe! More pants, *please*!


  • 7
    Cornjob says:

    Let’s see, you’re a brilliant scientist who wants to improve the world. What do you do? Build a Death Ray of course. After all, a Death Ray has nearly limitless humanitarian uses and almost no potential for abuse. What could go wrong?

    Is Watermelon Man a song outside of this episode, or is it like singing, “he tried to kill me with a forklift”, over the Fugitive Alien theme?

    The prop Death Ray in the host segment was most impressive.

    For a movie about a Death Ray, this film leaves remarkably little impression on the viewer. I just watched it and can remember little more than toys in a bathtub, mounted wall guns with worse aim than stormtroopers, and some bad editing.


  • 8
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Maybe Frank as AGENT bit was an echo of the other kind of AGENT in the movie ?

    This is a strong 4 for me, almost a 5 but I want to avoid grade inflation.

    With the exception of this is your life, the host segs were strong. The sunglasses with the word WOMAN attached across the top, FOR MEN. The Agent Frank opening was tons of fun.

    Film was dreadful of course, I can not recall what happened, but the riffing was brilliant. So many spot-on music and facial riffs.

    Watermelon Man & Italy’s Tor Jonson particularly

    Did anyone else note that there were a LOT more ADULT riffs in this ep ?

    Most of my faves have been hit already.


  • 9
    Cubby says:

    Cornjob, good MSTie,

    Watermelon Man is a jazz classic*, written by Herbie Hancock (covered by many others – Mongo Santamaria, King Curtis, The J.B.’s, even Hancock reimagined it on Head Hunters). It’s usually an instrumental, but there is a Julie London version with lyrics.

    *Sampo’s Theorem!


  • 10
    Dave says:

    Cornjob, “watermelon man” is a tune by jazz musician Herbie Hancock. It sounds vaguely like the theme music here, in that it’s smooth and kind of funky. However, I don’t think it has any vocals, unless I’m just more familiar with an instrumental version of it…


  • 11
    MikeH says:

    This is THE best of all the lame 60’s spy movies. Low ball movie, ugly people, tons of toy props, peppy music.

    Abe Lincoln is Timecop
    I want Jefferson Davis dead, I want his whole family dead.
    ..and more butts.
    He showboating his butt
    Special effects by Billy
    The Charlie Watts walk-on

    I also love the first part of Watermelon Man came on and Miek starts dancing around a bit to the music, always makes me laugh.

    Oh yes, Watermelon man is an actual song by Herbie Hancock.


  • 12


    The toys at the beginning of the movie are always good for a laugh (“Ah, the weather’s beautiful in this part of the tub”) as well as the goofy “death ray for peaceful purposes” premise, but the movie degenerates into a series of dull fistfights afterwards, and never recovers. Although I felt for the poor turncoat who was practically offered a living wage for helping Bart Fargo out, only to get shot, of course.

    But the skits are all great! And I agree, the contact lens skit is ALL TOO REAL. It’s really painful to watch because I went through what Crow went through, and have been a solid glasses-wearer ever since.


  • 13
    Dave says:

    I enjoyed this one, but the 60s spy movies tend to run together for me. This isn’t the one with the radioactive carpets, is it? Honestly, until the Death Ray makes its triumphant return, I tend to forget which one I’m watching.

    Still, on the whole, one of the more enjoyable of the genre.


  • 14
    MattG says:

    The riff that always cracks me up is near the beginning of the movie when the car pulls up at the security guard booth and Mike asks a question in tone with the catchy theme song. It’s hard to actually write it out because it’s not hilarious without the interrogative tone.


  • 15
    pearliemae says:

    I also wonder if the segment with Frank as the Hollywood agent wasn’t working through some leftover trauma from their own Hollywood experience making MST:The Movie. Same with the segments in another episode, with Pearl and Dr. Forrester greenlighting Crow’s screenplay, “Earth Vs Soup”. Feels like therapy. Just let it out guys, we’re here for you.


  • 16

    Oh, yeah, one more thing. I thought the original skit about “Peter Graves at the University of Minnesota” back in Season Five was really lame and threadbare… but Frank mentioning that three other studios are optioning “Peter Graves at the University of Minnesota” projects just cracked me up! It suddenly gave the original skit a new shine.


  • 17
    R. Totale says:

    “Danger: Beer Gut!”


  • 18

    Only seen this one a couple of times but the episode as a whole left some pretty memorable impressions.

    * The only theme more catchy than this movie’s is the song used in the “Shake Hands with Danger” short found on Rifftrax Shorts Vol. 1
    * I agree with M&tB that there’s something a little unconventional about naming something a “Death Ray” when it’s designed for “peaceful purposes.” But then again, warmongers can find ways of turning a pen into a weapon.
    * Actually saying an endless string of “BartfargoBartfargoBartfargoBartfargo” is quite the tongue twister.
    * This is one of those movies where the hero seems to win based almost entirely on the fact that the villain is the more incompetent one in the end.
    * Favorite riffs (in sequence as they happen in the same scene):
    *Abe Lincoln guy tries to push Bart out the window, but misses.*
    Servo: “Ole!”
    *Bart watches guy fall to his death.*
    Mike: “Now the way you dove out the window was just terrible.”
    Bart: That’s too bad.
    Crow: “Oh, come on! What about ‘He really FELL for me’? His hopes are crushed!”

    Host Segments:
    * The opening is incredibly painful for me to watch. My eyes are incredibly sensitive to cold wind, bright lights, and especially being touched. Thus seeing what happens to Crow just makes mine water nearly as bad at the mere thought.
    * Does anyone else think that Frank’s “Torgie” is the funniest part of that whole segment?
    * Favorite line: “I’d intended to use it for peaceful purposes, but then you came along!”


  • 19
    pearliemae says:

    Danger! Small Talk!
    Danger! Twist Ties!


  • 20
    pearliemae says:

    Danger! Birth Control Pills!


  • 21
    John Paradox says:

    Godfrey Cambridge, er Daniels, folks! While it’s true that Watermelon Man:the Song was by Herbie Hancock, it was also the theme for Watermelon Man:The Movie. Surprised that wasn’t mentioned…



  • 22

    Danger! Double post!


  • 23
    Patrick says:

    Special Effects by Billy!


  • 24
    GizmonicTemp says:

    Does anyone else have the Tom Servo model for Unreal Tournament? I do, and everytime I waste someone I hear “That was my Death Ray. I had intended it for peaceful purposes, but then you came along and… Ha ha ha!!”

    I also remember that same segment being on the Poopie reel, the one where Trace ends with “I’ll be in my trailer.” However, I believe that’s the actual cut they use for this episode, which is GREAT as Crow’s face just ERUPTS in flames and Mike looks legitimately worried that it might get out of control.


  • 25
    pearliemae says:

    Danger! Sorry about the Double Post!


  • 26
    devo says:

    “Just another hour on board, professor…”
    “…and we’ll be married.”

    “I should like to be in a barbershop quartet!”

    *catchy background music plays while Bart’s sidekick dies*
    “His friend is dying, this isn’t really appropriate!”
    *music continues*
    “…it’s nice, though.”
    “Yeah, it’s nice.”


  • 27
    rcfagnan says:

    My favorite of the espionage films done. Does anybody else notice that the villains at the unveiling of the Death Ray were the only dignitaries who weren’t bald/balding? So the movie, unless I’m mistaken, is saying that in a crowd of bald people, people who have hair are inevitably evil. Or maybe I’m just reading a tad too much into. My favorite riff that hasn’t been mentioned yet (when the love intrest says she has a boyfriend)
    Bart”What’s the name?”
    Bimbo “Marc Anthony”
    Bart “No, I meant your name.”
    Crow “Brutus.”
    Cracks me up every time. And, yes those sunglasses are womany. VERY womany.


  • 28
    KSK says:

    This ep is just busting with great one-liner riffs, plus the ongoing quip criticisms.

    Crow: “What country is this in?”
    Mike: “Europe.”

    “Oh no, not one of my attacks, not here on the elevator…”

    I’m a sucker for fart humor, I admit. “Mr. Fart Bar… Bart Fargo…”

    “Oh no! One of the Three Tenors is down!”

    But nothing beats that ending with the busted-up editing. It’s right up there with The Hitler Building for sheer WTF value.


  • 29
    Omega2010 says:

    The take on the Poopie reel is the same as the one on the episode (minus the “I’ll be in my trailer”). The fact that Trace notices Crow has caught fire and rather than end the take, starts screaming like a little girl just made it too priceless to not include in the final cut.


  • 30
    bartcow says:

    Five stars from me. One of the first eps I truly fell in love with and watched repeatedly.

    I should have posted this on last weekends discussion topic, but anytime I’m watching a movie with questionable special effects (bad CGI, etc.), I blurt out “Special effects by Billy!”

    But one of my favorite riffs hasn’t been mentioned yet:
    “This movie has really captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds.”

    Bart Fargo owes you a favor.


  • 31
    jjb3k says:

    Warning! This is going to be one hell of a long post – I’ve been waiting months for this one!

    This might just be the best episode of Season 6. Seriously, I put this episode on and I can’t stop laughing for the next 92 minutes. Goofy Italian spy movies make for some of the best riffing ever, and this one is just so unrelentingly silly. A cast of dozens of weird-looking people, stilted dialogue, bargain-bin special effects, and a death ray meant for peaceful purposes. I love this movie in its unyielding ridiculousness!

    Trying to list my favorite riffs, I’d be here all day. “These men are ready for action! Women adore them; men respect them!”, “What country is this taking place in?” “Europe”, “They really have captured the grandeur of white guys walking in herds”, “It’s really quite European in here”, “Thank you all for coming, yes, you all can be hand models”, “Oh, and our doors moo when you open them”, “Hey, my car’s parked behind that wall!”, “There! We made them swerve slightly!”, “This is fun, y’know, I think I’m finally coming out of my depression!”, “They’re escaping in a helicopter!” “And it’s cool!“, “Special effects by…Billy!”, “You’re here, but she’s here with the travelers’ checks”, “A Ferengi ear!”…God, I’m barely even a quarter of a way into the episode!

    I think another reason why I like this episode is because the music really is quite nice, as Servo points out. “Ba-Pa-Da-Pa-Da-Da” and “Watermelon Man” are both really catchy, of course, but there are lots of other neat pieces I like. The “daladaDADA-daDADA-daDADA” chase music, for instance, or the “bum-ba-dum-ba-da-dum-dum” bass used for sneaking around sequences. I kinda wish this movie’s soundtrack was available – I’d buy it!

    The scene where Scarface tries to kill Bart Fargo in his hotel room is hysterical. When he dives out the window, Servo adds a quiet little “Olé!” that makes Crow laugh – perfect comedy timing. “And the way you dove out the window was just terrible!”

    For some reason, I always think of Trace when I talk about this episode. There just seems to be a never-ending supply of great Crow riffs (“It was originally titled ‘La-La-La-La-La-La’; big creative dispute”, “Aren’t you glad you use Dial? Don’t you wish Europeans did?”, “Augustus has fallen into the chocolate!”, “Oh, come on, what about ‘He really fell for me?’ Or ‘His hopes have been crushed‘?”, “I think we lost him…DAMN, he’s good!”, “Some little boy is going to be very upset”, “Bart Fargo IS…hard to…watch”, “Oh, you’re here–WHOA!”, “Ah, you gotta smack it in like that or it doesn’t work”, “They were gonna call this Danger!! Wall-Mounted Guns, but it wasn’t a very good title”). And of course, his shriek in the host segment where Crow catches fire is an all-time classic.

    I noticed something in the movie that the Brains probably couldn’t have known about at the time. The henchman in the boathouse (the big-nosed guy whom Bart Fargo grabs by the larynx) looks an awful lot like Ryan Stiles. But since this episode was probably written in late 1994, I doubt anyone on staff really knew who Stiles was yet (“The Drew Carey Show” didn’t premiere until the fall of 1995, and “Whose Line Is It Anyway?” didn’t come to America until 1998). Still, the resemblance is quite uncanny!

    This is another episode I watched with a buddy of mine as part of a marathon I held last Halloween. He says this is his favorite episode ever now – I’ve never heard him laugh as hard as he did at “We’re looking for a man” “Are you him?” (He also got a big kick out of “Put it on the table” “Then put you on the me”.)

    Okay, I’ve gushed enough. Time to put on my womany Italian sunglasses and go for a leisurely car chase while maintaining an adequate space cushion!

    “Heh, nobody doesn’t like me!”


  • 32
    Yipe Striper says:

    this ep is on my top ten list.

    we need this one on a soon-to-be-released volume, Shout.



  • 33
    Spector says:

    Yes! Another of my all-time favorites and yet another fine example of how great Season Six was. Mike and the ‘Bots are in fine form in this one, as this silly spy flick is just chock full of cheesy goodness.

    There are so many great riffs here which many of you have already mentioned, but my favorite bit is when the helicopter lands on the submarine (both of which are so OBVIOUSLY toys!) and Crow says, “Special effects by Billy!” Every time I think of that one I always chuckle.

    And of course the hypnotic theme music. My god it just sticks in your head every time you hear it and just stays there! To this day I’ll occasionally catch myself humming it and just smile.

    Great episode, five out of five.


  • 34
    M "THESE ARE NOT TOYS" Sipher says:

    One of my all-time favorites, and yeah, kind of a standout for Trace.

    This episode even ends on a hilarious note, which is… well, the final moments of the show usually aren’t the best. But this one always gets me, right after the blackout…

    “Frank? You look like a slut.”
    “Do you really think so? Do I?

    The bit is hilarious, carried entirely by their vocal performance. Dr. F’s very… measured way of announcing that, followed by Frank’s eagerness… just has me laughing every time. (It also stands as a testament to how much better Frank had gotten since his start. He used to be… embarrassingly bad at acting. By this time, he had clearly relaxed and was able to cut loose.)


  • 35
    Bob says:

    This is a terric episode, one of the best for me in Season Six and the post-Joel era. Everything worked well in this episode, with an amusing-but-lame James Bond wannabe film, great riffs during the movie and really funny host segments.

    The sketch where they make fun of the “Death Ray, built only for peaceful purposes” and Tom fries Crow with it is one of the funniest host segments ever. I love the way Crow starts to wail when his eyeballs go into their secondary explosion of flame. First time I saw it I was rolling with laughter. Great stuff all around!


  • 36
    Baron Von Blubba says:

    ‘“Whose Line Is It Anyway?” didn’t come to America until 1998’

    Comedy Central aired the British version of WLIIA around this time though. Not that the Brains seemed like the type to avtually watch Comedy Central programming, busy fellows…


  • 37
    Captain Cab says:

    Great episode with consistently solid riffs and good sketches. The fun the guys have with this episode is infectious.

    Fave line is just as one of the henchmen gets taken out by a flying knife, Crow does Nelson’s “Ha-ha!” from the Simpsons. lol


  • 38
    MikeK says:

    I think this episode has the perfect stinger. Usually, the stingers chosen are from earlier in the movie. This one, however, occurs right at the end, just the stinger is shown at the end of an MST3K episode. Not only that, but it’s like the “watch scene” was made to be a stinger. There was never so perfect a stinger as the one from “Danger! Death Ray.”


  • 39
    R.A. Roth says:

    I only gave it 5 stars for its use of bathtub toys as FX props. The pathos is truly palpable when any movie resorts to plastic models that aren’t good imitations of plastic models. The helicopter couldn’t have been less convincing if it had been constructed out of LEGOS. And can somebody please get this damn Bapadapadapada music out of my head!



  • 40
    Zee says:

    While this is the only Torgo appearance I felt was gratuitous I LOVE it! Love the entire agent sketch, every single joke works (even the then-topical ones about Dreamworks) and in addition to Torgo we get callbacks to Crow’s screenplays. I love Mike *instantly* changing into his sailor suit (another callback!) and singing through movie sign. The movie is also a great delight. BartFargoBartFargoBartFargoBartFargo! Everyone’s mentioned my favorite lines, I LOVE title riffs and “Good thing they said ‘Danger’ or I would’ve thought it was a regular death ray!” is one of the best.

    The rest of the host segments are pleasant but the “This is Your Life” one falls flat- especially as they did the exact same premise in a season one segment with Joel!

    p.s. One of the best stingers ever!


  • 41
    Cubby says:

    The rest of the host segments are pleasant but the “This is Your Life” one falls flat

    Actually, it’s the last line that saves this.
    “Next week: Angie Dickinson!”
    Nowadays it’s pretty obscure, but they revived This Is Your Life in the ’90s, and Angie made history by becoming the only person to refused to be honored.

    I love this episode. Some of my favorite lines that have escaped mention thus far:
    “Yeeeoww!” “Thank you, Eastman Widescreen.”
    “Man, this is practically a Karate School already.”
    “Right now he’s on the phone with his wall-gun representative.”
    All the Karl riffs, “Karl do we have a casserole dish?” “You’re not Karl! Karl doesn’t hit, and hit me!”
    “Long line at the barbershop!” “Who’s that behind those Amy Grants?”
    “I’m going to SHUN him.”

    Before seeing this episode, I was unfamiliar with the liqueur Cointreau. Since, though, I’ve always considered ordering a “Double Cointreau” but I’ve never had the nerve.

    And I’m with jjb3k. If this soundtrack was available for sale, I’d buy it.


  • 42
    ghlbtsk says:

    “Make-a-Face, design your own face!”


  • 43


    No worries, I just couldn’t help but carry along that little theme you started. LOL


  • 44
    ghlbtsk says:

    “That was Ba-ba-da Ba-da-da by the Doodletown Pipers!”
    *security guy staring at a screen for +10 seconds* Crow: OKAY????
    “Honest to goodness, real — not toy — helicopter.”


  • 45
    OnenuttyTanuki says:

    Since most of my riffs I like have already been said.
    “Don’t go up there you’ll become a toy.”
    “Oh, Someone had a little bit too much death ray.”

    Does anyone know where I can get an mp3 of the opening song to the movie?
    I’ve been known to start sing/hum it randomly.


  • 46
    Joseph Nebus says:

    It happens that I saw this episode before I ever saw Manos or any of the other shows where Torgo was made part of the supporting cast of the show. So I had (a) very little idea who this weird fellow was or why he had his own soundtrack other than that it was funny, and (b) the impression that his name was “Torgy”, which can you really honestly say is a less plausible name than “Torgo” is?

    The experiment, now, that was one of those happy convergences of perfect movie and perfect riffing. The only slow patch is near the end, when the original becomes a silent movie, but otherwise … wow. Every riff is a winner, I think. It’s a pity it got so little attention in the Amazing Colossal Episode Guide.


  • 47
    Puma says:

    Paging Mr. Fart Barg – uhh… Bart Fargo.


  • 48
    crowschmo says:

    I’m in a minority here. (Or, I stand alone).

    Danger! Boredom!


  • 49
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    oh and I thought the Swingle Singers was a pretty neat reference. I would bet it was obscure even then.


  • 50
    big61al says:

    Hmmmmmm…..I gotta dig this out and do a rewatch….


  • 51
    rockyjones says:

    Just watched this one last weekend, and while I’m not usually much of a fan of the Italian spy genre either, this one gets five stars.

    The word “goofy” so perfectly fits everything about this movie. I guess the director is to thank for the delightfully low-key, “smug” performances of all the male actors. Every scene is played out with a sort of “another day at the office” attitude that just makes the details of the plot seem that much more ridiculous.

    With the exception of the flatness of the “This Is Your Life” sketch, the host segments never fail to make me bust a gut.


  • 52
    H says:

    I have just one thing to say about the movie- BART FARGO!!! A pretty good episode for me. Movie (as I’ve said) is crazy. Host segments are also good for me.


  • 53
    Stickboy says:

    Haven’t seen this one in a long time, but I remember all the instances you guys have already noted. The toys, especially, make this a memorable movie.

    “Not sure if I can do this without my theme music, but I’ll try.”

    I love the moment when the camera pans down to the speaker and radio equipment. Mike calls it crap, but Tom likes the tube amp, then Bart kicks a hole in it, and Tom yells, “Hey!” The fact that it cuts immediately to a commercial makes it hilarious for me.

    “You’re watching the All Chair Channel.” Love Crow’s voice for this riff.

    “You’re all gonna be Bart Fargo-less for a while.” I like to use that, inserting my own name, of course.

    And the winner of the The I Can’t Believe They Got Away With It Award: “Let’s put our balls on the table.”


  • 54
    Dames Like Her says:

    This film is like the Sanka or Tab of the secret agent genre; a diluted Matt Helm, a watered down In Like Flint, etc. Pretty dull but the SOL crew makes it watchable, even enjoyable.
    I’ve never worn contact lenses, but if there is that much pain and tenderness involved… I’ll take glasses.
    Love Frank as a unctuously phony Hollywood wheeler dealer type- ‘good-BYE!’ as the person on the other end of the line starts to be contrary. Mike’s turn as a singing sailor is cute. Pelligrino and Coleman Francis and ‘Torgy’- all brought crashing down by Dr. F. Very funny.
    ‘Bah bah dah dah dah dah- [get ready]- DING’ from Tom cracks me up.
    Cute reference: ‘Buckaroo Banzai goes to the nursing home.’
    A peace loving death ray for peaceful purposes. Love Tom’s muted ‘Turn it on! Can the balloon juice and kill something!’ And of course ‘Danger: bifocals!’
    Add me to the list of those loving Tom’s Crow immolating Death Ray. One of the best Poopie moments, as Crow continues to scream as the flames rise, and Mike steps back with a touch of trepidation on his face as Crow wriggles and screams. Classic.
    The ‘Watermelon Man’ sing along is the best. I love Crow’s baritone ‘watermelon– maaannn[s].’
    A double Cointreau?! This was the first time I caught that. Ugh!!
    Mike’s reactions during the This is Your Life segment is the perfect combination of geniality, annoyance, and sarcasm.
    Lucille is scary, but Fargo in a kimono is terrifying.
    Nice nod to Greta Garbo as Tom directs them not to be ‘steengy’ with the whiskey.
    Tom’s take to the camera as Crow showcases his Italian sunglass style, ‘Coliseum by Night,’ is beautifully timed and very funny.
    Another callback: ‘I’m dyin’ in a rush,’ from Kitten With a Whip.
    I wanted to see Frank’s Glamor Shot portrait.


  • 55
    snowdog says:

    Loved it. Did anyone else notice that the Brain’s Death Ray effect was better than the one in the movie?


  • 56
    Nicias says:

    A fantastic episode. One of my personal top five, and always gets lots of laughs from friends, whether they are hardcore MSTies or not. And “Ba-ba ba-ba da-da” is right up there with the PumaMan theme for songs that won’t leave your brain.

    Crow’s constant giggling throughout the film is infectious, and shows how much fun they all must have had doing this episode. As already mentioned, it’s strange that the Brains had so little to say about this one in the episode guide.

    It seems that in these Italian movies (eg, Danger Deathray!, Warrior of the Lost World, Escape 2000), the hero’s success is based on unlimited ammo and total invulnerability to bullets. Bart, Paperchase-Guy and Trash are all completely unfazed by point-blank machine blasts while discharging several thousand successive rounds from a single pistol.

    The “sensitive mobster” Al seems entirely too timid and delicate for international espionage. Makes you wonder how/why he his evil overlords hired him; maybe he’s somebody’s cousin.


  • 57
    Miqel says:

    Oh God, such brilliant puppetry in the opening scene …
    Crow’s unblinking red irritated watering eyes make me cringe! He looks SO uncomfortable … and the tone in his voice reminds me of my own when having a brain-obliterating migraine and trying to talk to people.
    Love Tom’s line, “I Don’t Need Feet … I’m All Charisma!”

    4.5 star episode! Goofy but enjoyable movie and solid riffing … and the HORRIBLE special effects with the helicopter & ship in the bathtub, toy car going off the cliff & whatnot. Classic!
    “Our hair is our special bond” & many great riffs already mentioned


  • 58
    Miqel says:

    Oh and how could I forget … one of my FAVORITE RIFFS EVER:

    “Hi. Welcome to Jack Ruby fantasy camp.”


  • 59
    This Guy says:

    This is another movie where the creators either didn’t realize or didn’t care that water doesn’t miniaturize. If you put a model ship in a bathtub, it’s still going to look like it’s in a bathtub, even if you have a nicer model than these yahoos. A tiny ripple or a tiny splash still looks tiny. Same goes for fire and the many, many toy rockets scattered throughout MSTed movies.
    It seems ridiculous to think that nobody ever noticed this problem, so I’m forced to conclude that “they just didn’t care.”


  • 60
    Puma says:


    This is definitely one of my top ten episodes, I love every single thing about it.

    Does anyone else think that the “bap ba dap ba dah bah” theme would be the best cellphone ringtone ever?


  • 61
    MikeK says:

    I agree, that music would make a great ringtone.


  • 62
    bigdaddy320 says:

    Awesome ep. As I watch some of the spy genre films again, I think I am liking them more and more. This was the first time I had seen this particular ep. I moved to an area that didn’t have CC or Scifi around the middle of season 5. I’m getting caught up though thanks to DAP.

    Fav. Riffs:
    -“If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant Had a baby.”
    -“Let’s put our balls on the table. Shall we?”
    -“How about a hand of poker?”


  • 63
    Fartnog Buttstinkle says:

    “Don’t go up there. You’ll become a toy!”

    “Das Toy Boat”


  • 64
    DON3k says:

    Love it! 5 Stars!

    Danger: Dodge Dart!


  • 65
    Joey Stink Eye Smiles says:

    They do another “We’re going to Iowa City to see the Dead!” in this one also.


  • 66
    Green Switch says:

    Sometimes, the perfect stingers come right from the beginning of the movie (like with “Blood Waters of Dr. Z”).

    Here, the stinger comes from the very end of the movie and it is PERFECT.

    The episode’s excellent, too, especially with all the riffs on the movie’s soundtrack and the comments at the expense of the special effects (by Billy!).

    Of course, I’m a big fan of the “death ray for peaceful purposes” skit – not to mention the fact that it made for some good laughs on the blooper reel.


  • 67
    S. Mc. says:

    To #38–I don’t know, I think “Help Me” from Rocket Attack USA is such a perfect non-sequitur. Hey Sampo, that’s a good discussion thread! Which stinger is the most perfect/memorable/best expresses the movie….


  • 68
    Green Switch says:

    #67 S. Mc. says: “Hey Sampo, that’s a good discussion thread! Which stinger is the most perfect/memorable/best expresses the movie….”

    Fitting stingers for unMSTed movies wouldn’t be a bad discussion thread idea, either.


  • 69

    Top ten episode for me. Too many great riffs to start repeating them, plus others have noted almost all of them.
    I’m a little surprised more people don’t know about the “Watermelon Man” movie. It was something of a landmark movie, and if you don’t know who Godfrey Cambridge is, you’ll enjoy educating yourself.
    The womany sunglasses sketch puts me on the floor every time.


  • 70
    DON3k says:

    The way Tom keeps reiterating, “And they’re….. for men?” kills me.


  • 71
    ThorneSherman says:

    One of my all time faves….a great episode. The riffing is top notch throughout. Crow’s Steven Seagal flick tagline, Bart Fargo IS……watch, kills me everytime.
    The reference to a shortlived TV show, This is the best Fortune Hunter ever!, which i actually saw a couple episodes of…not proud of that.
    Crow’s line as Al dies in Bart’s arms, He died as he lived, not really having anything to do with this movie.
    Seems to me Crow got most of the best lines in this one.


  • 72
    Sitting Duck says:

    I would argue that Crow gets most of the best lines in just about every episode.


  • 73
    ThorneSherman says:

    You might be right, but then, since Crow has the same cynical sarcastic bent i do, i might be biased.


  • 74
    The Bolem says:

    @Fastidious Robot #69:

    I haven’t seen this ep, but I did find a VHS of ‘Watermelon Man’ last summer, and it indeed rules, largely because the way Cambridge delivers one-liners prevents it from ever getting boring. Is it on DVD yet?

    Maybe our public dialogue on race relations has deteriorated in a way, because it occurs to me that if anyone tried to remake it today, it’d probably end up involving a lot of Wayans brothers, and the Jim-Crow silliness of the first half would never give way to more sobering stuff in the second.


  • 75
    Grognarrd says:

    This is one of the three episodes I actually recorded to VHS.One of my faves.Fugging new vcr player ate my copy!Shout Factory do you hear me?!Bring this one out!Watermelon Man.


  • 76
    losingmydignity says:

    My viewing of this was interrupted about half way through and really haven’t had time to finish. Too bad, because I was really enjoying a bit more than I remembered.
    Still, this one doesn’t rate above “solid” for me. I do like the spy movies a lot, but don’t think they really nailed any until Agent from Harm. This one is really fun though. I always get kick out of when the Brains make fun of the characters in these films for not quipping cleverly when someone dies as they do in Bond films.


  • 77
    ThorneSherman says:

    @ the Bolem
    Actually saw a DVD of Watermelon Man for sale at a grocery store not too long ago.


  • 78
    Shaun says:

    I love the shot of the beefy guy coming down the conning tower ladder on the “not a toy” submarine and Mike says “Thank you, Eastman Widescreen” Always makes me laugh and have used it many times whenever there is a prominent hinder shot in a movie or TV show.


  • 79
    Cornjob says:

    I thought the “Bart Fargo is… Hard to Watch” was a riff on the title of the Steve Seagal movie Hard to Kill, which had the tagline, “Steven Seagal is… Hard to Kill”


  • 80
    The Toblerone Effect says:

    This is one of those episodes I’d forgotten about, but once I rediscovered it, I’ve watched it on several occasions since. I agree that this was the best of the spy movie genre they riffed; the lead character’s name is Bart Fargo, which lead to some great jokes, the villians were quirky in their own way, and the theme music is catchy (I hate to admit that!) Between the “Watermelon Man” bit and the “Ba-pa-da-da-da-dah” throughout the movie, I found myself humming either of these days later. The host segments were decent, and I really enjoyed the rare inclusion of Cambot, “crying” over the killing of the video cameras in the movie. Mike subsequently trying to cheer Cambot up is also hilarious.


  • 81
    ThorneSherman says:

    It is Cornjob, i mentioned that #71 Grin


  • 82
    Uranium - 235 says:

    I was surprised they didn’t get any riffs in about how the ‘secret agent’s’ plan to stop the evil plot seems to be to simply beat up every person he meets.

    For example, he randomly swims out to a houseboat, has no idea who these people are, leaps out of the floor and proceeds to beat the crap out of everyone.

    He sees the gun in the bar, and then proceeds to throw the barkeeper who did absolutely nothing.


  • 83
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Actually, having “a death ray for peaceful purposes” is pretty much the logic behind nuclear weapons. Sort of. Nobody will mess with you and everybody will do exactly what you say and THAT’LL keep the peace. Sort of.

    Any idea what if anything “I should like to be in a barber shop quartet” is from? The voice seems to be too specifically an imitation of, well, SOMEONE for it to simply be a non sequitur. Anyone? Thanks much.


  • 84
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    #18: This is one of those movies where the hero seems to win based almost entirely on the fact that the villain is the more incompetent one in the end.

    Well, really, that’s how ANY movie works. If the hero doesn’t win because he’s more COMPETENT than the villain, then he’s getting by on pure luck and/or charity (not unlike Agent Fox Mulder from “The X-Files,” who had to have almost every lead literally HANDED to him by Deep Throat or X or whoever and more often than not all but literally BEGGED for more; opinions may vary, of course).


  • 85
    jjb3k says:

    As I mentioned last time around in one of my trademark long and gushy posts, this is one of my absolute favorite episodes. The atmosphere in this one suggests that the Brains really had a lot of fun writing for this movie – there’s a playful goofy air that permeates the whole thing. The movie is equally silly, what with its toy helicopters and odd-faced henchmen and big dumb fistfights and a death ray intended for peaceful purposes, and all of that can’t help but inspire the Brains to do their best work. Grin

    Trace’s elf-like laughter is so infectious, and boy, has Crow ever got the giggles in the theater this week. “I think Hal David wrote the lyrics!”, “Special effects by…Billy!”, “Bartfargobartfargobartfargobartfargo…I just like doin’ it!”, and so on. I can usually tell how much the Brains liked the movie by how often Trace laughs at it, and they must have had a field day with this one.

    This is also one of the rare episodes to make my mother laugh out loud. She usually doesn’t even crack a smile at MST3K, but when Lucille said “Bart, I really think I’m falling in love with you!” and Servo made that little hanging-up-the-phone noise, she couldn’t help herself.

    Last time, I mentioned that one of the henchmen looks like Ryan Stiles. This time, I can’t help noticing that the main bad guy looks like William Petersen from “CSI”. “I think you know who just did that, don’t you?”

    Sampo sez: “Set designer Arrigo Equini, who was a scene designer for ‘Secret Agent Super Dragon’, is the ONLY person on this movie who worked on another MSTed movie.” Not exactly! Nello Pazzafini, the guy who plays the frog-faced henchman (“Enjoy my teeth!”) was also in Colossus and the Headhunters – he’s the guy who gets socked in the face by Maciste and his bone necklace flies apart and Servo goes “Ooh, his teeth flew out!”

    Still can’t get enough of this episode, and I don’t think I ever will. It’s one of those ones that I can put on any time and guarantee an hour and a half of laughs, no matter what mood I’m in. Grin


  • 86
    big61al says:

    This episode has become a new favorite for me. I have been trying for years to buy a prop from the show. I was finally able [and afford] a section of the “TVF Talent” sign from the host segment. I am going to shadow box it sometime soon. I am one happy Mistie!

    PS Sampo, I saw a typo in the set designer line in your text. Was is spelled wrong


  • 87
    Yipe Striper says:

    #32. I’m Still Waiting…


  • 88
    Tom Carberry says:

    Gordon Scott is Bart Fargo. Gordon Merrill Werschkul, whose family nickname was Pete, was born on August 3,1926, in Portland, Oregon. He died as a result of complications from heart surgery on April 30, 2007 in Baltimore, Maryland. Physical Education major Gordon Weschkul left the University of Oregon after one term. He became an infantry drill instructor (rifle, pistol and bayonet; judo and hand-to-hand combat; close order drill), then a military policeman. After his honorable discharge in 1947, he was a fireman, cowboy, and farm machinery salesman. In 1953, as a Las Vegas lifeguard, he was spotted by a pair of Hollywood agents who introduced him and his 19-inch biceps to Sol Lesser, who had already conducted 200 tests in search of a new Tarzan. The producer gave him a seven-year contract and a new last name. His three MGM Tarzans were run-of-the mill, but his two for Sy Weintraub, through Paramount, marked a rebirth of the Tarzan character. The movies were well received. Weintraub was looking for a leaner, more thoughtful Tarzan so Scott moved on to a number of Italian strong-man spectaculars and spaghetti westerns, becoming a sensation in Europe. Danger!! Death Ray was one of his last roles prior to his retirement.

    Favorite lines:

    If Michael Caine and Andre the Giant had a child.
    Now, you might expect to pay up to $3 Million for a death ray like this, but wait…
    [Sam] Peckinpah’s Wild Parking Attendants.
    [airplane taking off] Oh, it is a dangerous mission, its U.S. Air.
    Abe Lincoln is Time Cop.
    I want Jefferson Davis dead, I want his children DEAD!
    David Cassidy is Abe Lincoln Behind Confederate Lines.
    He’s wearing those Italian womany glasses. Who’s that behind those Amy Grants?
    It was an interesting choice not to have any suspense in this movie.
    This house does have the guns, but no central air.
    Danger!! Dry Wall.

    Final Thought: I keep confusing this one with Secret Agent, Super Dragon. I give this one 3 out of 5 stars.


  • 89
    Dan in WI says:

    Strong opening stuff here. I’ll add to the chorus of those loving the Crow with contacts bit. But it gets even better with the “Earth vs. Soup” and “Peter Graves at the University of Minnesota” resurrections. Always nice to see the classics trotted back out from time to time. It really is too bad Crow is caught in a glut of Graves at MN spec scripts floating around town. Then we get Torgy. This might be the strongest opening of the season.

    Michael Cain’s and Andre the Giant’s love child looks a lot like current day wrestler Joseph Parks with some Christopher Reeves thrown in on the side. Basically this guy looks like everybody.

    So what project do you suppose Frank was going to discuss with Coleman Francis? The rights for Yucca Flats for the following week?

    This episode must be the all time champion for musical riffs.

    Missed Riff: With Rex Hamilton as Abraham Lincoln. Seeing that character turning and shooting his gun made me think of the bit from the Police Squad opening credits.

    This episode is by no means a top 10 classic. But it is a solid good time. It was a good idea to riff something a little lighter between two Coleman Francis films and this might have been the perfect episode for that purpose. This one served up some great riffs because it was so goofy. It is my favorite of the spy genre.

    Favorite Riffs:
    Crow during the crowded elevator scene: “Aren’t you glad you used Dial? Don’t you wish Europeans did?”

    Crow “Special effects by Billy.”

    The corpse is being cleaned up off the street. Tom “We’ll come back for the rest later.”

    During a low speed car chase: Mike “I can’t shake him. He’s too good.”

    Lucille “First you want to get me high and then you want to take advantage.” Tom as Bart “Bingo.”

    Bart “we better hide these corpses.” Crow “You’d think a decent hotel would take care of that.”

    Mike “He hit Benny Hill.” Crow “Good”


  • 90
    Sitting Duck says:

    @ #83: IIRC Alfred Nobel developed dynamite for the purpose of creating a weapon so horrific that no one would dare wage war.

    @ #87: As Sampo has noted above, you only have a few more weeks to wait.


  • 91
    Of no account says:

    “I certainly hope my death ray hasn’t been the cause of all this…”

    One of my favorite episodes! It’s just such a goofy movie, and the riffing is fantastic!

    And is there such a thing as a non-dangerous death ray? I suppose ‘Safety!! Death Ray’ wouldn’t sound as good (unless it’s an educational safety short!).


  • 92
    schippers says:

    After reading through the comments, I now want to see Watermelon Man.


  • 93
    trickymutha says:

    Isn’t the ribbit guy in this episode also in Cave Dwellers?


  • 94
    Mitchell "Rowsdower" Beardsley says:

    This is without a doubt one of the best Season 6-ers. That song, that song! Beware all who have yet to see this one when you get the new DVD set!


  • 95
    ToolAssist says:

    I have to admit I’m not a huge fan of this one, but it’s a decent episode. The first theater segment is a real slog, but it gets better.

    I don’t know about you guys, but I think a better stinger would’ve been the Abe Lincoln guy throwing himself out the window. “Ole!”


  • 96
    Yipe Striper says:

    Tricky… i think he is in Collosus and the headhunters…

    But the Machiavellian leader, i think, is another ribbit guy…


  • 97
    Trilaan says:

    “Das Toy Boot.”

    Now that I think about it, that scene may have given me my biggest laugh in all of MST3k-dom.


  • 98

    I was really looking forward to watching DANGER!! DEATH RAY last night, as it is one (of two) episode that I haven’t seen before. Well….that’s not entirely true. I saw this episode one time about 15 years ago, I think I might have even taped it, but it was a tape that would get lost when I loaned them out to friends. So, not seeing it since 1995, I considered this a first time viewing as I remembered nothing about this one. For example, I thought it was a black and white movie, but my memory has been proven wrong. Now that I’ve seen this one, there is just one left I haven’t seen: #909 GORGO, which I think we’ll get to later this year…

    So anyway, what did I think of DANFER!! DEATH RAY?? It’s a pretty good episode, it definitely has its moments, but it kind of ran out of steam about halfway through. The opening segment and the first Host Segment are both really good, I like Frank’s line, “I’ve got Coleman Francis on the line,” and of course, any appearance by Torgo (played by Mike) is always a bonus. Also, I love the table smash the Dr. F does over Frank’s head. Great prop work, guys. Also, Crow’s contact lenses do indeed look painful, but not as painful as being on fire, like in HS#1.

    HS#2&3 don’t really do it for me. #2 goes on waaaay tooooo looooooong, and #3 is cute but not exactly funny (although it doesn’t overstay its welcome, so I approve). In the closing segment, we get some interaction with Cambot, who is crying. It’s a funny gag, but a reminder to the rarity of interactions with Cambot.

    The movie itself is fairly watchable. Lots of shooting and action, Bart Fargo as our smarmy spy lead, and yeah the music is funky and cool, but it is inappropriately used numerous times during chase scenes and gun fights, etc. As far as MST spy movies go, I prefer OPERATION DOUBLE 007 and SECRET AGENT SUPER DRAGON, but DANGER!! DEATH RAY is a perfectly good episode, it’s not a classic, but it has its moments. Maybe I’ll like it more on my second viewing….


    Servo: “Danger! Bifocals.”

    Mike: “Aw, he had a little too much death ray..”

    Mike: “Get this toy outta here!”

    Crow: “Special effects by Billy.”

    Servo: “Danger! Twist-tie.”

    Crow: “Danger! Small talk.”

    Servo: “Danger! Beer gut.”

    Mike: “This movie is packed with hinders…”

    Mike: “That nosewheel is mushy..” —–callback to San Francisco International.

    Mike: “Abe Lincoln IS Timecop.”

    Crow: “It was an interesting choice not to have any suspense in this movie.”

    Mike: “Oh no! One of the 3 Tenors is down!”

    Crow: “I think he’s under-applying the death ray.”

    Mike: “Danger! Dry-wall.”

    The very end of the episode, after looking at Frank’s glamour shots, Dr. F pushes the button and says, “You look like a slut, Frank.” Laugh


    I give this one 3/5.


  • 99
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    In case anyone didn’t catch it, “Help me, Kirk” is a “The Savage Curtain” reference, the episode where Kirk and Spock met an alleged President Lincoln.


  • 100
    Doug says:

    The helicopter landing sequence may be the greatest special effects work in any MSTed film. I find myself thinking “Special effects by Billy!” surprisingly often whenever I watch the Cinema Snob, Obscurus Lupa or other reviwers’ reviews of bad films.


  • 101
    PALADIN says:

    “Abe Lincoln is TIME COP!…Trapped behind Confederate Lines !”

    Oh, I LOVE THIS EP ! I look upon the MST selection of spy-guy pics as ‘anti-Bond films’, great for solid laughs…

    Yepper… I love all the spy-guy eps…even the one that just sorta ‘lays around the house’….


  • 102
    Depressing Aunt says:

    OH I love this one and I’m so happy about the upcoming DVD release. I hope you guys don’t mind my dropping this info on you, but the first night I watched it–I had ordered a videotaped copy from a really nice fellow who supplied me with many missed episodes–it actually prevented me from having a full-blown anxiety attack. Seeing Mike wearing sunglasses with the word “WOMAN” on them was better than a therapy session for me for some reason.


  • 103
    Fred Burroughs says:

    For some reason, “I’m going to shun him” just slayed me. I think amish jokes > Abe Lincoln jokes for most cases, here too. It put a whole new spin on why the hit man was ruthlessly hunting him down with machine gun henchmen. The ‘beard-reveal’ scene is one of many WTF? moments in this fine movie.

    I must say Gordon Scott is a believable secret agent, beefy and aggressive; much moreso than, say, Roger Moore. I waited a long time to see this MST, and though I wasn’t disappointed with Bart Fargo (!?), I was disappointed with the whole Death Ray thing, which barely registers on film. Can the balloon juice–make with the death!


  • 104
    bartcow says:

    A long time favorite. One I cherished when I had only seen a handful of episodes by that point. There’s also plenty of opportunities to work “special effects by Billy” and “lyrics by Hal David” into any pop culture discussion. Not to mention “the grandeur of white guys walking in herds”. Bart Fargo owes you a favor.

    I have a VHS of the uncut movie, and it explains what happens to the Barbershop Quartet Guy from the beginning of the movie (he just disappears in the MST version). He’s left for dead by the Frog Guy after getting caught in an elevator door or something (it’s been a while since I’ve watched it). The fight with the Frog Guy at the end is no less confusing, though. The watch scene at the very end is exactly as you see it.


  • 105
    cubby says:

    I have a VHS of the uncut movie, and it explains what happens to the Barbershop Quartet Guy from the beginning of the movie (he just disappears in the MST version). He’s left for dead by the Frog Guy after getting caught in an elevator door or something (it’s been a while since I’ve watched it).

    A friend sent me an uncut copy, titled “Hellish Beam” with Dutch subtitles. There is a 2 minute pre-credit sequence showing how Frank & the Gang hijacked the car (something to do with jackhammers that also worked as machine guns). BQG destroys the death ray on display, but Brian [of All-Brian All-The-Time], with his dying strength, activates the room’s doors, BQG tries to get out, but instead gets trapped between the pressing steel doors. “Help me, Frank,” he says. Frank helps him by shooting him, somewhat to BQG’s surprise. Also in the cut segment, they shoot the nervous security guard on the phone on their way out.

    Another segment cut is after Bart gets his assignment – he goes to the installation where he and Mr. Carver watch the dailies from the Death Ray scene. Fargo IDs Frank and calls BQG “Gary.” He notes they usually have a third accomplice, “A Spaniard, a man with a scar on his face.” He then gets on the plane and meets cute with the evil blonde lady. End cut.

    My copy doesn’t have the watch intercept at the end. Just the watch hitting the water, cut to it sinking slowly to the bottom. I guess you can’t have everything.


  • 106
    bartcow says:

    Hmmm…Comment 30 is credited to me, but I’m pretty sure it’s not me. The spirit of the comment is the same (didn’t bother to read them all, which is why mine is oh-so-redundant). Internet weirdness. Or maybe I’m losing my mind. Sybil? Is that you?


  • 107
    Neptune Man says:

    I could go forever quoting this episode, is on mu top ten of favorite episodes. And the movie itself has its charm. This movie introduced us to one of mankind’s greatest achievements the “Bop-ba-dop-ba-da-ba-da-da” tune.
    Here in all its glory:


  • 108
    MWH1980 says:

    You know those movies where the absurdity goes from being charming to just downright hate-inducing? This film does that for me.

    Then again, this and Double 007 do stupid things that just get under my skin and fester!

    Funny how they both contain a group going into a demonstration without being questioned, and then disrupting it with no real problems at all.

    Though I just hate Bart’s boss. That line calling him ‘worse than an arab’ to me seemed worse than that bad Chinese impersonation in ‘Batwoman.’ Plus he prattles on like Bart will do this without any questions.

    Speaking of another bad spy film, doesn’t it seem most of them deal with the ‘spy’ lazily saying he’s tired or doesn’t want to do a mission, and then is conned into doing it anyways?

    Plus, Bart’s dubbed voice sounds like one of the smarmiest Gregory Peck impersonations ever. What was it with some voices dubbing like their several layers thick of testosterone? Even Cal in This Island Earth’ sounded deep and manly.

    Stuff like this along with ‘Double 007,’ ‘Secret Agent Super Dragon,’ if any of these really bad Bond wannabes actually were successful. We’re living in a terrible time of vampire over-saturation, one has to wonder if anyone at the time of these films grew sick and tired of these spy films.

    P.S. Mr scientist who made the death ray for peaceful purposes…you are soooo stupid!


  • 109
    "Hotcha!" says:

    It’s surprising how many versions of “Watermelon Man” one can find on iTunes. And a lot of them are pretty good.

    I like this movie a lot. A goofy movie to begin with and all the good rifs listed here.


  • 110
    pondoscp says:

    Count me among the small number of dissenters for this episode. This one just doesn’t do it for me. I find it mostly boring, and the Watermelon Man song is a bad ear worm; I can’t shake it for days after watching this episode. But I’m one of the few who likes Kitten With A Whip, so my tastes are somewhat different. I don’t really care for any of the spy flicks MST did. (Diabolik is probably my fav of the spy genre they did.)
    I am looking forward to seeing a crystal clear copy on the upcoming box set. I’ve had several episodes I didn’t care for reveal themselves to me in a new light once I’ve upgraded from a crappy mpeg copy.