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Episode guide: 621- The Beast of Yucca Flats (with shorts: ‘Money Talks!’ & ‘Progress Island U.S.A.’)

621s1 621s2

Short: (1951) The ghost of Ben Franklin visits a spendthrift teenager.
Short: (1973) An upbeat travelogue tries to lure investors to Puerto Rico.
Movie: (1961) After being exposed to atomic radiation, a defecting Russian scientist becomes a murderous monster.

First shown: 1/21/95
Opening: Mike is wallpapering the SOL, Crow and Tom are no help
Intro: The Mads promote “Proposition Deep 13” while M&tB speak up for the Satellite of Love
Host segment 1: M&tB get a visit from some partiers
Host segment 2: Crow asks: Is it 11:30?
Host segment 3: Crow offers a plea for film anti-preservation, but Mike disapproves
End: Mike’s victory speech, Tom reads letters, Dr. F.’s concession speech
Stinger: The beast is pissed
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (202 votes, average: 4.47 out of 5)

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• Ah, part 3 of the Coleman Francis trilogy, with the extra special sticky badness of Tor Johnson thrown in. This terrible, terrible movie, the very sharp riffing (especially given what they had to work with in the main feature) plus not one but TWO shorts and some great, memorable host segments, makes for a classic episode.
• This episode can be found on Shout’s Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Vol. XVIII.
• Of course the riffing is good in this episode: Mike already riffed on it during his training before his first experiment, as mentioned in episode 513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE.
• The political segments managed (mostly) not to offend folks of any particular stripe, but also managed to make some smart satirical observations.
• A rare two-shorter (the last one was in season 3). A nice mix, too: one classic 50s educational short, followed by an industrial. As a side note: I doubt that noted abolitionist Ben Franklin would say “Would you have your slave press my suit?” but I’m willing to overlook that one amid some great riffing. The riffing in the second short has a lot of “fill in the blanks” jokes, as in “A booming economy…” “…is not here.” I don’t think they overdid it, but I think they hit the limit on that one.
• Non-spaghetti ball bumpers: Film canister, book, beaker, bulletin board.
• Callbacks: “This nose wheel feels mushy” (San Francisco International) and, of course, “I’m Cherokee Jack” (and several other references to Red Zone Cuba) .
• Segment 1 seems to come out of the blue. Maybe the mention of rum in the short? By the way, during the sketch Tom shouts “water buffalo!” at the partiers. This was a then-current reference. Read about it here.
• Did anybody notice that the opening of TBOYF is vaguely reminiscent of the opening of “The Dead Talk Back”?
• Another then-current reference: “Marlon Brando arrives for the Larry King Interview.” Honestly, it seemed like a big deal at the time.
• Still another: A reference to the short-lived TV show “The Five Mrs. Buchanans.”
• Like Frank, I like to eat lunch at 11:30. So segment 2 resonates for me.
• At the sight of a coyote, Tom says “Humphrey!” That coyote looks nothing like Humphrey.
• I said in 1997, and I still say today, that the Academy should have had Crow and Mike do segment 3 at the Oscars that year (the year “MST3K: The Movie” came out). It would have brought the house down.
• Frank’s face in the closing is great.
• Cast and crew roundup: special effects guy Ray Mercer also worked on “Lost Continent,” “I Accuse My Parents,” “Radar Secret Service,” “Last of the Wild Horses” and “The Sinister Urge.” Sound guy Titus Moody worked on “Incredibly Strange Creatures.” Score composer Gene Kauer also worked on “Atomic Brain” and “Agent for H.A.R.M.” Producer Anthony Cardoza, worked on “The Hellcats” and “Red Zone Cuba.” Producer Anthony Cardoza and cinematographer Austin McKinney worked on “The Skydivers.”
In front of the camera: Eric Tomlin and Tony Cardoza appeared in “The Hellcats.” Marcia Knight, Coleman Francis, Eric Tomlin, Tony Cardoza, Titus Moody, Barbara Francis, Ronald Francis and Alan Francis, appeared in “The Skydivers.” Coleman Francis, George Prince, Tony Cardoza and Howard Morrison appeared in “Red Zone Cuba.” Tor Johnson was also in “The Unearthly” and “Bride of the Monster” as was Conrad Brooks. Brooks was also in “The Sinister Urge.”
• CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Jim Mallon. The partiers were Patrick Brantseg, Paul Chaplin, Bridget Jones, Tim Paulson and Mary Jo Pehl. The music heard was “Speed of Sound,” written by Dayton Mercil, performed by a band called Ripcord.
• Fave riff from the first short: “Could you get your stomach off my desk?” Honorable mention: “Oh, and kill your parents.”
• Fave riff from the second short: “I’m having a freakout up to ten years later!” Honorable mention: “Just like everywhere else in the world.”
• Fave riff from the movie: “Some people just burrow straight down, I guess.” Honorable mention: “It IS more suspenseful when you don’t know what’s goin’ on.”

153 Replies to “Episode guide: 621- The Beast of Yucca Flats (with shorts: ‘Money Talks!’ & ‘Progress Island U.S.A.’)”

  1. zacklies says:

    “flag on the moon…how did it get there?”
    beast of yucca flats..why does my brain hurt?

       12 likes

  2. Tim S. Turner says:

    I love this episode. “Money Talks” is fantastic. “Don’t sass me, son.”

       7 likes

  3. Joseph Nebus says:

    Well, although Benjamin Franklin did come around to abolition, he was a slave owner and slave-trader earlier in his life. So I suppose it depends how much life experience the coin-inspired mallo-cup-hallucination Benjamin Franklin did bring with him on his temporal visit to Jimmy or Bobby or whatever his name was. (Were all the mental-hygiene short teenage protagonists named Jimmy or Bobby? It seems like they were.)
    Mind, I like it, since Benjamin Franklin’s the Founding Father who’s probably the most fun to have around even if boy did he need to learn how to turn it off sometimes, and cut the 1500-word explanation of his anecdotes out.
    Prize riff from Progress Island USA: “Then Kiss came to town!” From the movie: “It’s Nickelodeon’s Waiting For Godot”, maybe their best Godot reference before Gorgo.

       5 likes

  4. jjb3k says:

    “…Frank, I’m going to start slapping you now and I may never stop.” I really need to use this line in my everyday conversations.

    This is a definite improvement over the last Coleman Francis outing. Whereas Red Zone Cuba is just a big 75-minute ball of nothing, The Beast of Yucca Flats has Tor Johnson, Coleman’s endless bizarre narration, no dialogue sync, and a blatant swipe from North By Northwest, not to mention lots of other ridiculous stuff for the Brains to work with. It helps that the dialogue is so ridiculous – it makes for great riffing. “But you saw some pigs, and there’s a tire – you had lots of fun!”, “I’ve seen water before and I’m pretty sure that’s it”, etc.

    Over the opening credits, Mike’s delivery of one particular riff always slays me. “Tor Johnson AS the Beast – that’s just smart casting.” I can’t do it justice in text, you need to hear it for yourself.

    I love the shorts too. The first time I saw “Progress Island USA”, I was wheezing from laughing so hard, mostly due to the rapid fire rate of fill-in-the-blank riffs (“…would be really nice”, “…are not here”, “…are desperately needed”, “…exist elsewhere, but not here”). I also busted up at Mike’s frustrated “Look, just come here!” It helps that the short has 1970s written all over it – Servo’s “shwakatika” guitar noises are hilarious.

    “Money Talks” is great too, and also somewhat beneficial. When I first saw it, I was having some money troubles of my own, and I actually learned a fair bit about budgeting from this short. Of course, it helps that the riffing is so good. “You see, Bob had a goal.” “And two assists!”

    “Is it 11:30 yet” features some of my favorite puppeteering from Trace. He perfectly nails all of Crow’s little impatient mannerisms – rocking back and forth, doing the lip thing, very silently humming “Hum-Didda-He-He”, etc. It’s right up there with Crow on hold with technical support from “The Starfighters” as my all-time favorite Trace-as-Crow moment.

    FAPS is another brilliantly written segment. That’s another one I need to quote more often. “If you find a copy of a film as bad as, oh, say, Aspen Extreme, please store it in a warm, moist, salty place, like a cheese factory or your mouth…”

    …Uh, did I say “Flag on the moon” yet?

       14 likes

  5. klisch says:

    I haven’t seen this movie since it aired so my memory has faded on it, but I do remember a woman being choked to death in the beginning scene. And this was BEFORE Tor became the monster, so my question is, who killed that woman, and why? But why ask why, this is a Coleman Francis movie where physics and logic are thrown out the window.

       6 likes

  6. Ukridge says:

    For a while this was my favorite episode. I watched it again a couple months ago, however, and I didn’t laugh as much as I remembered, so it’s dropped a bit in my rankings. Still in my top 20 though. I love the Coleman Francis trilogy. Coleman was the Ingmar Bergman of bad movies. He was always aspriring for high art and failing on every concievable level. His movies are masterworks of incompetence.

       0 likes

  7. bad wolf says:

    Humphrey=Kevin’s dog from the Episode Guide? Referring to your own dog may be in the running for most obscure riff possible.

       4 likes

  8. MattG says:

    This episode has so many hilarious, from-out-of-nowhere riffs.

    Narrator: “Vacation time.”
    Mike (as Narrator): “So, good bye.”

    Characters climb on an ass-like hill.
    Mike: “A night on Butt Mountain.”
    Crow: “Come on over here where it’s really obscene!”

    Oh, so funny.

       5 likes

  9. ck says:

    “She was in a Bergman film where she played low self esteem.”

    Brought to you by F.A.P.S.

       2 likes

  10. Cliff Weismeyer says:

    Ahhh…to have been a a fly on the wall in Tony Cardoza’s house the day that Coleman Francis cold called and rasped into the phone, “I hear you know Tor Johnson.”

    Agreed, Ukridge.

       2 likes

  11. Probably the WORST Coleman Francis film. As Mike says at one point, “This could be vacation footage for all we know.” The music just cycles endlessly, and its dissonant motifs burrow into your brain. Tor really does not do very much but wander around and pretend to attack people. Oh, but he does pet a bunny rabbit (who reportedly was not scripted to show up) so there, folks, is the sensitive side of Tor Johnson.

    And you have to love Butt Mountain: “Come up here where it’s really obscene!” What a master of location scouting.

    I agree with #4… “Money Talks” is actually a useful short with very good advice. I also was going through some money problems and, goofy as the presentation was, found it useful. I wish I could show that to a couple of other people I know who can’t get their finances together. Still… was a shadow the best they could do? Why couldn’t they actually show Benjamin Franklin? It’s not as if anyone was going to say, “Hey, that doesn’t look like him!”

    “Progress Island” was funny but depressing at the same time. Somehow I pictured a place where the only concerts you could go to were of mariachi bands. My favorite riff from that was over the shot of the man and the record player: “These’ll NEVER go out of style!”

    As to the skits, segment 1 prompted a friend and I to say, “Rick Wakeman’s ‘Journey to the Center of the Earth’ is what you’d play if you wanted to CLEAR a party.” The writers were really going through a Wakeman phase at this point, with this and the organ skit from Episode 523.

    “11:30” probably was hilarious in the writing room. Maybe.

    FAPS is very funny, though Crow doesn’t even scratch the surface of all the possibilities.

    And the whole election motif is well-observed. A bit too well-observed.

       1 likes

  12. Charlie G says:

    “Of course this is a good episode! Mike already watched this during his training before his first experiment, as mentioned in episode 513- THE BRAIN THAT WOULDN’T DIE.”

    And, ironically enough, they make a riff about the other movie Mike watched in training, “Night of the Lepus”, near the end of the movie when Tor’s, uh, messing with that rabbit.

       1 likes

  13. klisch says:

    “Touch a button. Things happen. A scientist becomes a beast.”

    If you want more of this Coleman classic here’s a link describing this so called movie in detail: http://www.jabootu.com/beastyucca.htm

    Someone also made a sequel, Return to Yucca Flats: Desert Man Beast

       2 likes

  14. adoptadog says:

    “It’s the KGB, Mr. Benny!”

    My favorite riff, EVER. So unexpected, so perfect, with Trace doing a spot-on Rochester voice to push it over the top.

    This is a terrible movie, absolutely the worst of the Francis trio. Sorry, those who find RZC worse, I just can’t see it – BoYF is SOO dreary and flat, with almost no dialog, awful necrophiliac overtones, little plot, and without the odd secondary characters to redeem it. This time I can’t even say Francis was trying to say something – he may be trying here, but his mouth is full of marbles.

    During the weekend discussion of Worst Movie, BoYF was my choice. Since then, I’ve revised my opinion; I think Attack of the the Eye Creatures is a far worse movie, if only because, as the Brains noted, the director “just didn’t care.” Francis did seem to care, at least – doesn’t make BoYF a good movie, but at least it’s slightly more than a makeout movie. (Actually the thought of BoYF being a makeout movie is horrifying…ick!)

    Strange seeing Francis’s sons & wife in this film. I wonder what they thought of Coleman’s moviemaking.

    “It’s Nickelodeon’s ‘Waiting for Godot.'”

       5 likes

  15. Puma says:

    Sometimes I think I’d like to just drop some of Coleman’s random phrases from this movie into conversation.

    Touch a button. Things happen.

    Nothing bothers some people. Not even flying saucers.

       4 likes

  16. Cherokee Jack says:

    Mike’s “I call i’m dead!” from the opening gunfight makes me fall down laughing every time. Coleman Francis and Ed Wood are the Coppola and Scorcese of bad movies.

       1 likes

  17. MikeH says:

    This one….oh my. For a Coleman Francis production this is a tough one. Funny though, especially with Coleman narration. As Crow stated: “His limericks aren’t very good”. Also the cameo with Eric Tomlin (coffee guy) “I like coffee”

    On the shorts, love Progress island USA, but I wonder how many Puerto Rican fans were offended (if at all) My favorite riff was in the museum where there a portrait of some effeminent man and Mike states “I’m not speaking to you”

    Always cracks me up.

       4 likes

  18. Katana says:

    The first time I saw this was when I was hiding in my aunt and uncle’s house in the basement during Thanksgiving. I was picking up a wi-fi signal and gave it a watch, only to emerge 90 minutes with the very face of ‘WTF’ on me. It was…an experience.

    I love the shorts to death, though, and am particularly glad that they did the double-short feature. Me and my boyfriend were watching them the other night and I was afraid he was going to die from laughing so much.

    “Progress Island” is sort of an unexpected short, considering all the educational ones they did (though season 6 saw a fair number of these odd shorts). Since they never really did “fill-in-the-blank” riffs, I forgive them for using them a whole lot – and luckily, they are funny. My favorites, though, are after the music punches and M&TB go “Puerto Rico!/A century ago!/Gambling!” Wooh!

       4 likes

  19. TrumpyDumpy says:

    Me and a buddy were hanging out at the apt and we decided to pop in a copy of this MST…lets just say that when it ended, I was angry-the film left me feeling very upset and angry at it. Way to go Coleman Francis, you’re my hero! I absolutly LOVE Red Zone Cuba but this one..even though the riffing is great, by the end of this move, I’m mad. That says something about a films ability to inspire, though not in the way (I assume) Coleman had hoped for.

       0 likes

  20. Fnord says:

    I actually like this episode a lot. This is the episode I use to show people who aren’t familiar with the show to get them interested.

    I mean, it’s got, not one, but TWO shorts that really highlight the whole movie-riffing experience in the best possible way, and then the dull turd of a movie that is quite possibly the worst movie that most people who aren’t fans of the show will ever see. I think it’s the perfect introductory episode.

       3 likes

  21. jason says:

    has any noticed in the beginning the lady who had sex for acid in skydivers, was the sheriff’s wife or girlfriend. My favorite riff was when coleman says shoot first ask questions later. tom say ask christian slater?

       2 likes

  22. bartcow says:

    I rewatched this one recently (I’m getting pretty good at predicting which ones are coming up for and episode guide). Sadly, Progress Island still seems twice as long as the movie. Maybe because just when you think it’s going to end, it doesn’t. And they really did max out the fill-in-the-blanks riffs on that one.

    The movie is not as consistently funny as the ones that are in my top 10, but “flag on the moon” has certainly wormed its way into my everyday conversation. If this one had a dance scene ala Skydivers, then it would be aces. All in all, the narration makes me wish I could have had a date with Coleman over some coffee and discussed philosophy. I can just imagine him taking me up in his prop plane, flying over Yucca Mountain as we snipe at tourists. Oh, Coleman, in another time, another place…

       0 likes

  23. Skenderberg says:

    Re: the “fill in the blank” riffs of Progress Island. Complain all you want about its overuse, but really, what other kind of riff is even possible during this short? The narration moves a mile a minute, way too fast for a consistent stream of full-length jokes.

       6 likes

  24. Tim S. Turner says:

    A bit off topic, but my favorite riff of all time, from “Riding with Death”:

    “We disguised a bottle of Tripolodine as Junior Samples”.

    I laugh my ass off at that every time!

       0 likes

  25. Agentcooper says:

    “Progress Island, U.S.A!” “Oh, when did they change the name?”

    I will always laugh at that one.

    In fact the “Progress Island, U.S.A.” short is the reason I love this episode. :)

    I really wish they did more of these “visit ____” shorts. It always seemed like one of those videos they play in hotels rooms telling you about the things to do in town.

    The movie its self os very hard for me to not fall asleep during, but IMO not the worst Coleman movie, thats “Red Zone Cuba” ;)

       2 likes

  26. dmalcs says:

    For the benifit of those of us who haven’t seen this episode, could someone please explain the “flag on the moon” joke? It’s been referenced like 20 times and I would like to know what it’s all about!!!

       0 likes

  27. MPSh says:

    dmalcs says:

    May 21st, 2009 at 2:03 pm
    For the benifit of those of us who haven’t seen this episode, could someone please explain the “flag on the moon” joke? It’s been referenced like 20 times and I would like to know what it’s all about!!!
    _____________________________

    The omniscient narrator fills in the long periods if silence in this movie with a lot of pointless gassings about seemingly profound ideas that are actually meaningless on close inspection (kind of like Dr. Wayne Dyer!)

    At one point our narrator says “Flag on the moon”, which doesn;t seem to have any connection with anything, musch less anything in the movie. Others include: “Push a button – things happen” and “The wheels of progress”. As I said before, a propos of nothing.

    Three Coleman Francis movies were shown in Season 6, and each was worse than the last. “Skydivers” had some divertingly goofy moments, and “Red Zone Cuba” is fascinating in its squalor. But “Beast of Yucca Flats” is pretty much unwatchable. Yucca is definitely the word for it.

       1 likes

  28. adoptadog says:

    Re #27, the narrator just says, seemingly for no reason, “Flag on the moon…how’d it get there?” Apparently it’s supposed to indicate to the viewer that the Russians have secretly beaten the Americans to the moon (this was, what, ’63?), thanks to “progress” (a recurring theme in the movie, in that the narrator says it about 5,000 times). Of course, why the Russians would want to hide their technological superiority is a mystery, but then so was Francis’s logic.

       8 likes

  29. fantagor says:

    Filmed on the grainiest humidity damaged film stock available in the bottom drawer of the Time/Life vault, TBOYF is perhaps the murkiest and least understood of the CFT (Coleman Francis Trilogy). It features, for the first time in “talky” cinematic history, not a single line of dialogue spoken to the camera. Yes, there is Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie. But that’s a throw back. No, there is actual dialogue in TBOYF. We hear it being cast from the backs of shadowy children and shadowy houses. This is also the most shadowy film in cinematic history. More shadowy than even The Shadow. It also has more wandering in the desert than the Exodus. It’s basically a film about people wandering in the desert. The end. As hard as it is to believe, there is less plot in TBOYF than either SD or RZC, and that’s no mean feat. A toast to Coleman Francis, the most brilliantly inept auteur to completely whiz three films down his leg—excepting George Lucas of course.

    Randy

       2 likes

  30. Graboidz says:

    dmalcs – “Flag on the moon” isn’t really joke, just some of Coleman’s “inspired” dialogue at the beginning of the film. The line is so non-sensical it (along with so many others) it just sort of stands out.

       2 likes

  31. SIRHAMHAT says:

    Love all of the MST3k eps featuring the Coleman Francis trilogy. Two of my absolute favorite shorts! Great, great episode!

       3 likes

  32. Red Hobbes says:

    Simply a hilarious episode. Easily in my Top 5 of all time.

    My favorite riffs were when the deputy, Jim or Joe… the pretty boy is in the plane, with no reaction. Then starts shooting at the Little Dad of Yucca Flats. It makes no sense, but by this point in the film, I think you should’ve accepted that, lol.

    Another good one was when the same deputy aimed his rifle at the camera and M&TBs dove for cover.

    Simply awesome, lol.

    RH

       1 likes

  33. Spector says:

    I can’t really add much more to this than what’s already been said. Of the Coleman Francis trio this one’s not as funny as Skydivers but not as desolate as Red Zone Cuba. You get the sense Francis was trying to make a statement with this one but alas his limited skills resulted in a train wreck of a film, which of course made it terrific fodder for the Brains.

    The shorts were good, not among the best they’ve done but still had plenty of funny moments, with “Money Talks” being the best of the two. I also enjoyed the political segments, very nicely done.

    Not amongst the classic episodes but still very good good. Four out of five stars for me.

       2 likes

  34. Ted says:

    Now, thanks to the Progress Island, U.S.A. short, I know that Puerto Rico has swingsets.

       1 likes

  35. If you actually think about the movie (and God knows, why would you want to) “flag on the moon” really makes no sense. Javorski is supposedly trading nuclear secrets. That’s ostensibly what’s supposed to be in that briefcase, we’d assume, because he’s at the “A-Bomb testing grounds.” Right? With me so far? Good.

    SO WHAT DOES ALL THAT HAVE TO DO WITH A CLANDESTINE SPACE MISSION?

    I suspect Coleman was trying to instill some fear of Soviet competition by suggesting their beating us in the space race would mean… I dunno… beating us in the arms race as well. Thus, the Soviets are ruthless. Thus, Tony Cardoza-ski and Schemer-from-Shining-Time-Station are just as ruthless fake-driving through the desert trying, supposedly, to shoot people. There. That explains it.

    Oh, who am I kidding? No, it doesn’t.

       7 likes

  36. ck says:

    Just a thought. Shouldn’t Crow have used the acronym C.A.P.S. instead of F.A.P.S.? Then TS could have brought in French berets and called for the destruction of Jerry Lewis movies.

       0 likes

  37. MikeK says:

    This episode really is great, despite the dreary movie. I’ve always avoided watching it, but I found myself really enjoying this episode. I think the two shorts really help get the ball rolling when it comes to the riffing.

    I find it ironic that this movie is both very conventional, but also the worst of the three Coleman Francis films. In his attempt to cash in on the “radioactive monster” movie craze, Coleman ended up making a really dreary movie. The Skydivers and Red Zone Cuba are, dare I say, arty compared to The Beast of Yucca Flats.

    One favorite riff: “I am poor but clean. Downtrodden but upright.” It’s not just what Crow says in this riff but the way he says it. Trace’s “dowdy lady” voice is great.

       1 likes

  38. Joseph Nebus says:

    The “Flag on the moon” thing has some kind of reference to new, top-secret pictures returned from the Moon by secret Soviet probes. What this might have to do with atom bombs is unclear, but apparently in fleeing the Soviet Union, Jaworski found stuff that the United States Simply Must Learn Before It’s Too Late. Unfortunately by having Jaworski fly to beautiful Ground Zero the data got destroyed, but, hey, who could have guessed he’d land there on Explosion Day?

    (There was some talk, before people had actually flown to the Moon, about using the Moon as an atomic bomb launchpad, and some people who hadn’t actually thought about it mistook it for a great or good or even not-stupid idea. Perhaps the movie was positing a Secret Soviet Moon Rocket Base.)

    And think of the poor Yucca Flats World-Journal-Tribune editor who has to decide what to lead with: the bombing of the suburbs, or the Beast, or the crazed flying Coleman Francis shooting people, or Lost Mom.

       5 likes

  39. MikeK says:

    Poor Tor Johnson. He was exploited by not one, but two of the worst movie directors to ever exist.

       1 likes

  40. H says:

    This is one where I remember the movie and shorts but very little of the host segments. Shorts are great, each out there in their own way. Movie is obviously bad but Mike and the bots do a great job with it. Like I said, host segments are fuzzy for me but I enjoy the 11:30 sketch very much, as I’m also an early luncher.

       1 likes

  41. This is Coleman’s magnum opus, a true masterpiece (I mean that in the purest sense of irony). Everything in this movie is wrong; dialouge, acting, lighting, editing, plot (PLOT?!), direction, EVERYTHING! I bet the catering was even messed up somehow. The movie only comes in at slightly over an hour but I feel like I just watched “Shoah” from beginning to end in a non-stop marathon.

    But, once again, the guys at MST3K shined through and turn a dog turd into a diamond with one of their funniest episodes ever. Two shorts and a howler of a bad movie, its the perfect episode for introducing someone to MST.

    I think the wallpaper segment at the beginning might have come from a 3 Stooges short where they were hired to wallpaper a room and they wallpaper everything. The floor, windows, furniture, even Moe gets wallpapered. Their client, needless to say, was quite upset.

       3 likes

  42. Oh, one more thing. My contribution to F.A.P.S. would be the entire film catalouge of Steven Segal. Our children, and our children’s children will thank us.

       1 likes

  43. OnenuttyTanuki says:

    Tor can handle this because he was a navy seal.

    Oh so it was her who was ticking.

    Why can’t I get a baked potato before 5 in this town?

    The dingo ate my baby.

    Other than the infamous flag on the moon remark.
    I’ve also stuck the line, “Nothing bothers some people , Not even flying saucers.” into every day conversations.

       2 likes

  44. Gorn Captain says:

    Is it just me, or does every Coleman Francis movie end up with guys in airplanes shooting at the first people they happen to see on the ground?

    And why the heck is this not on DVD yet? I see crappy PD copies pop up in stores every Halloween!

       1 likes

  45. crowschmo says:

    Stream of consciousness narration. Cars approaching. Cars driving away. Cars parking. People getting into and out of their cars. People framed in their car’s windows. Walking. Planes. Shooting out of planes. Butts. Flag on the moon. It’s a wonder this movie isn’t thought of more fondly. :roll:

    Liked the shorts. Money Talks (“Produced by Imps” – Crow) is okay, nothing spectacular, but I had a few laughs.

    Progress Island, USA, was funnier, I think.
    (“Here – money is exchanged for coconuts” – Crow. “A CENTURY ago!” – all).

    The movie was hard to sit through, but I managed. Some decent moments here and there.
    (Crow, as woman in the opening scene – “I’d be depressed were it not for my room.”
    Then later – “It IS more suspenseful when you don’t know what’s going on.”)

    When your beast needs a walking stick, you know you can outrun ‘im.

    Flag on the moon? Nothing bothers some people, not even flying saucers? WTF?

    Flag on the moon – I put it there.

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  46. FreddyB says:

    Does anyone even know what the reference to “Flag on the moon” meant?

    The astronauts did not land on the moon until 69 this movie came out in 61.

    Was he predicting the future?

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  47. Colossus Prime says:

    I am always absolutely baffled by how much Coleman seemed to hate due process. At least in Skydivers the police openned fire on people who were technically guilty, but they were just driving away. No shooting or any other sort of resisting arrest other than driving. And then here the cops opperate with the thinking, “Hey there’s a murderer out here somewhere. Oh what do you know, a man wandering around, it must be the murderer. Well let’s shoot him.”

    There is a very sick part of me that wants to see images of a parallel reality where Coleman rules the world.

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  48. smirkboy says:

    As far as “Progress Island, USA” is concerned,When Servo says “See the glory of the Royal Scam!” It was hilarious and tragic at the same time. If anyone remembers Steely Dan, find the song “Royal Scam” and you’ll see why.

    -Then again on the other hand…

    When Tor Lumbers into the desert at top speed, Servo says(or was it Mike?) “Stay Alive! What ever occur, Tor Find.”

    In fact that whole shoot-out scene with the Wispy FBI Agent going “UH-oh this darn gun…Just a sec people!” while he’s reloading is the best.

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  49. Kenneth Morgan says:

    A word re: “Progress Island”. My brother Bruce actually had one of those stereo sets, along with a Peter Frampton album (the “Frampton Comes Alive” double album, as I recall).

    As for FAPS, I agree that it would’ve been hysterical performed at the Oscars. Unfortunately, too many of the Academy members would have no idea who Crow was, and would probably be offended that any movie should be left to rot. (And, yes, I’m looking at you, Scorsese.)

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  50. big61al says:

    This film is such a train wreak that I bet even tor johnson regrets making this. I don’t think I could watch this unriffed.

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