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Sampo & Erhardt

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Goodbye Sci-Fi

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett reflect on MST3K's final broadcast.

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Weekend Discussion Thread: A Better Final Movie?

Again this week, I no longer can find the e-mail that came in with this from an alert reader. To the sender, my apologies. Please feel free to take credit in the comments and feel free to elaborate.

But an e-mail came in saying the the sender never really liked that “Diabolik” was chosen as the very last movie riffed on the show, and wondered if fans could suggest a more appropriate one.

Me, I always felt Zsa Zsa Gabor’s immortal “Queen of Outer Space” would have been a great choice, since it would have made Sci-Fi Channel head honcho Barry Schulman’s goof at the second convention come true.

What would you have picked?

160 Replies to “Weekend Discussion Thread: A Better Final Movie?”

  1. Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    Okay, I think I might have found it. I just got up and turned on the tv. Lo and behold it’s…..HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN. Quite possibly the biggest, loudest, dumbest thing I’ve ever seen on screen. Or maybe Johnny Mnemonic.

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  2. Fart Bargo says:

    Gargan @96-Are you under the notion that a nude scene with Joe Dan Baker is an inducement for support of your choice? I think not.

    Sampo thanks for your explanation @6.

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  3. Mela says:

    A lot of people here had good suggestions for missed MST3k opportunities, but there’s one cheesy movie I love that really should’ve been riffed (although it shouldn’t have been the finale) – “The Concorde: Airport ’79”. Who knew you could flat-hat a plane doing Mach 1?

    Diabolik worked as a finale for me – unlikable “heroes”, bizarre datedness & quirkiness, and failing at its own attempts at humor. That always makes for a good subject.

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  4. arch hall 3 says:

    My vote goes for one of two movies , “Killdozer” or “Roadhouse” ! I belive these two would have each made a fantastic final movie to riff on. Anyone agree?

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  5. mikek says:

    arch hall 3 says:
    January 3rd, 2010 at 2:45 pm

    “My vote goes for one of two movies , “Killdozer” or “Roadhouse” ! I belive these two would have each made a fantastic final movie to riff on. Anyone agree?”

    Yes. I did mention Killdozer earlier. I do wish RiffTrax or Cinematic Titanic would get around to riffing that movie. The frequent references to the movie on MST3K almost make it seem like it was a movie they riffed. Heck, back in my early days as a MSTie, I even thought they did riff Killdozer.

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  6. Watch-out-for-Snakes says:

    Everyone’s talking about “Killdozer,” have any of you guys seen the big piece of Italian cheese that is “Warbus?” My buddies and I used to rent this back in high school (ten years ago) and get drunk and riff on it ourselves. Try it yourself, you might just like it!

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MviOfIna0Cw

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  7. losingmydignity says:

    My two choices have been mentioned. Either Green Slime or From Hell It Came.

    Although the Queen of Outer Space suggestion is great too.

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  8. Mutant Turd says:

    Citizen Kane.

    It would have messed up the whole experiment and what a story line.

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  9. ya'na'glachy!!! says:

    The “dream movie” that I would have liked to have seen(and I say “dream”cos this movie was released only a couple years before their before their show ended and it was also realeased theatricaly which I believe most of the newer movies they did weren’t) is 1997’s Playing God starring David Duchovny Timothy Hutton and Angelina Jolie. This movie is rifftastic! I challenge any mstie’s or just anyone who likes to critiq`ue movie to find this movie and try to watch it without riffing and punning. By the way for the people out there who actually like this movie, don’t get mad at me cos so do I, its entertaining and all but cmon hahaha. Who knows maybe someday we’ll get it on rifftrax(not likely tho)…. So yeah Playing God that’s my pic
    show ended and it was released theatricaly which most of theirs weren’t)

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  10. ya'na'glachy!!! says:

    Excuse the typing error at the end of my last post and whoever suggested Roadhouse that is a great choice and a movie that has been referenced on the show

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  11. Invasion of the Neptune Man says:

    In #49 yesterday I suggested King Kong (1976). I remembered earlier today that Kong climbs the WTC instead of the Empire State Bldg. No wonder it’s never on TV anymore. In it’s place how about Yongary (1967?). This Korean-made turkey makes Godzilla vs Megalon look like Jurassic Park.

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  12. Gary Bowden says:

    Either QUEEN KONG or MIGHTY GORGA would be good.I think THE GREEN SLIME would be perfect as well or any Ed Wood or Roger Corman movie..

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  13. Postal says:

    THE GREEN SLIME would have been perfect.

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  14. mikek says:

    Invasion of the Neptune Man says:
    January 3rd, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    In #49 yesterday I suggested King Kong (1976). I remembered earlier today that Kong climbs the WTC instead of the Empire State Bldg. No wonder it’s never on TV anymore.

    AMC shows it once in a while.

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  15. thedumpster says:

    “Pocket Ninjas”

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  16. Stephy The Babysitter says:

    I also didn’t really like ‘Diabolik’ either. It moved really slow, it was just an so-so episode – apart from the last skit, where the guys end up in a place with Mike riffing away in front of the TV.
    Whenever I get sad they aren’t on anymore, I think of them – somewhere managing a restaurant with Joel, then coming home and riffing – and then I’m happy.
    It would have been cool to riff a ‘deemed classic’ AMC type movie like ‘This Island Earth’. It was crazy, stupid, the acting was overly-dramatic, and the ending was the best part. You could just watch the movie by itself and laugh.

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  17. Spotmaker vs Calgonite says:

    Any one of my Top 10 un-riffed flicks:

    1. INFRA-MAN (1976)
    2. THE WILD WILD PLANET (1965)
    3. KONGA (1961)
    4. THE DOLL SQUAD (1973)
    5. DESTROY ALL PLANETS (1968, a.k.a. GAMERA VS VIRAS)
    6. THE LOVE-INS (1967)
    7. THEY RAN FOR THEIR LIVES (1968)
    8. REPTILICUS (1962)
    9. JOURNEY TO THE CENTER OF TIME (1967)
    10. THE GIANT CLAW (1957)

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  18. Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    If we’re gonna start talkin’big ape movies, I have to mention Mighty Peking Man. I saw this as a result of Quentin Tarantino’s Rolling Thunder reissues. It’s still a blast without any riffing, and maybe wouldn’t have been the BEST choice to wrap up MST3k, but I’d love to see what CT could do with it. I would wholeheartedly recomment it to any big ape and/or crappy movie fan.

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  19. happy says:

    # 117 I like your list
    From Hell It Came would have been a good one – a terribly slow tree monster called Tabonga
    X the Unknown is not a bad movie
    Green Slime would have been fun since it was the TV pilot
    Gamera vs Viras and Jiger OR Gamera SuperMonster mustve had rights issues
    Giant from the Unknown is another piece of poo
    Return of Dr. X could have been good with Humphrey Bogart playing (& hating I might add) a Mad Doctor
    Brain from Planet Arous (John Agar)
    Hand of Death (more John Agar)
    Sting of Death (William Grefe Florida trash)
    Konga (Michael Gough & a giant Ape)
    A*P*E* – the worst Kong rip-off
    The Mighty Gorga – tied for worst Kong rip off
    The X from outer space is another good one to riff
    Attack of the 50 ft Woman too :)
    Ive seen all these so I know how bad or so bad theyre good
    I would have used these instead of Diabolik and to kinda change the subject used these instead of Gorgo
    Too bad Transformers Revenge of the Fallen wasnt made at the time

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  20. afrgarga says:

    Inframan’s like Fantasy Mission Force, so totally crazy that riffing can’t do much with it.

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  21. MiqelDotCom says:

    What about the last episode being a episode within an episode – a riff of the MST3k episode #1? IT would be Joel, Trace and Josh & the movie being riffed by Mike, Bill & Kevin, with 2 sets of silhouettes on the screen.
    I don’t know what scenario in the storyline would cause such a thing, but it would be funny.

    Blood Hook, Green Slime or The Crawling Eye are all good choices that would have book-ended the series in a cool way.

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  22. darthservo says:

    Attack Of The Crab Monsters
    Invisible Invaders
    Kronos
    World Without End
    Swarm

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  23. PALADIN says:

    For an alternate Final Riff Target, I would suggest–as a Tribute To Joel, who started it all…

    ” 7 FACES OF DR. LAO ”

    Call me a sentimentalist, but ‘it`s his favorite film’.

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  24. Gripweed says:

    Actually 123, it was “Circus of Dr. Lao.”

    I like the idea of riffing The Green Slime, as long as they kept the “That’s no asteroid, it’s a battlestation!” riff.

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  25. Colossus Prime says:

    I thought has come to me in that I now wonder what other ideas they had for how to end the show. More specifically I wonder if they came up with this idea:

    The movie chosen does finally break M&tB. Since they’re all reduced to drooling husks, Pearl releases them and then launches the movie upon the world. There is no reaction but M&tB, now free, get in the last laugh as they are actually completely ok and comment on how they’re mad they didn’t think of faking their mental break down earlier. :)

    Don’t get me wrong, I loved the last episode and actually teared up.

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  26. bootblacking says:

    I think all the nominees proves we need this show to come back for at least 5 more seasons.
    That being said here would be my choices for last movie, even tho I liked Diabolik very much.

    1. Green Slime
    2. Silent Running
    3. Plan 9
    4. Howard the Duck
    5. Queen of Blood

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  27. I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Gripwood 124

    I believe Paladin is correct. Per IMDB & WIkipedia, the primary name of the film is Seven Faces of Dr. Lao.

    But Circus of Dr Lao is the name of the novel it is based on and is also a direct translation of the French title.

    However, does Joel himself refer to it as Circus or as Faces ?

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  28. Toby says:

    I say “The Green Slime”. As someone who managed to see it in it’s entirety (shudders), I would’ve loved to see it get the MSTing over it truly deserves.

    “Project: KILL” with Leslie Nielson is also pretty terrible. Bad acting, stupid plot, and general cheese all around.

    As for a reunion? My idea is that Erhardt kidnaps Dr. F (who is apparently alive), Soultaker Frank, Joel, and the Bots, and puts them on the KTMA Satellite of Love, forcing them to watch something like “Plan 9” in his own experiment. Meanwhile, we get a subplot wherin Mike and Gypsy try to rescue everyone (well…except Dr. F).

    So…yeah.

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  29. KISS Meets The Phantom Of The Park – ’nuff said!

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  30. diskojoe says:

    I always thought that “Final Justice” should have been the last MST3K episode, seeing that it has Jon Doe Baker. As for a new movie to riff, I wish that they could have riffed an Elvis movie. My suggestion would be Clambake, which was pretty bad, even for an Elvis movie.

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  31. I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Creation of the Humanoids.

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  32. pearliemae says:

    #100 McBhoddi – Has anyone else actually seen “Child Bride”? I consider myself pretty tough, but it had me running out of the room. Probably a good choice to finally send M&tBts over the edge.

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  33. Trilaan says:

    #127, Joel said Circus and also mispronounced Lao, which has always made me ask myself if he even knew what he was talking about.

    As for my choice for a better, by which I mean worse and more deserving of riffing…The Star Crystal.

    The Star Crystal is an alien rip-off from the 80’s wherein a group of scientists on a research spaceship bring a mysterious rock from Mars on-board which turns out to be an egg from which emerges a gooey little pink creature with big black eyes that hides about the ship and starts killing crew members and getting smarter and smarter until it finally hacks into the computer system, reads the Bible, gains religion, decides eating people is wrong and apologizes to the remaining scientists, befriends them and in a montage they live, laugh, love and cry together before going their separate ways.

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  34. I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Trilaan 133 Thx ( and I luv Joel but suspect same thing ).

    trippy misty coincidence: I dropped “The Star Crystal” into the IMDB Title search and it came up with Jack Frost ! ( aka The Crystal Star ).

    I had to search Star Crystal ( without the the ) to find your film.

    Looks like a good candidate, and has good mst3Karma :)

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  35. BobTanaka says:

    There’s only one I would have picked; “Green Slime.” The movie from the original pilot. It would have been a fun sci-fi movie and would have tied back to the very infancy of the show.

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  36. NormalView82 says:

    Without a doubt, the OTHER Boggy Creek II that Mike alludes to in the Rhino DVD intro to Boggy Creek II: The Legend Continues.

    They could have had a running gag about “Crenshaw” showing up with the “Little Creature” even though it most likely has nothing to do with the plot.

    I’m just so curious to understand the parallel yet completely separate universes of those two films. It’s like two siblings taking completely separate paths…OK, I’m done.

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  37. Gypsy Rose Me says:

    How about THE ROOM (2003)? Begin the series with an oldie, end it with a newie.

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  38. Kevin says:

    #130
    While I can share the sentiment of the last episode being a Joe Don Baker movie, I wouldn’t agree with Final Justice as the final episode only because we’d have to lose the hilarious host segments. Final Justice is one of the rare episodes where all the host segments are awesome and I enjoy watching them as much as the movie itself. If it were the last episode, the host segments would be sacrificed for the sake of the story.

    Does anyone know Uwe Boll made any films during MST3K’s run? Anything that dickweed made would be a mind breaker :smile:

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  39. mikek says:

    Beastmaster 2: Through the Portal of Time.

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  40. PALADIN says:

    RE: “Gripweed says:
    Actually 123, it was “Circus of Dr. Lao.”

    —No, ‘124’….The movie title was indeed ‘7 Faces Of Dr. Lao”.

    Joel was quoting a line of dialogue from the film when he said ‘Circus’.

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  41. pablum says:

    Definitely The Green Slime. I liked it as a kid and later finding out that MST3K used it to sell the show always had me wishing they had actually riffed it.

    After having watched MST3K and seeing Cave Dwellers aka Ator l’invincibile 2, I’d also always hoped they’d get around to riffing the original Ator or one of its other bad sequels. That was an absolutely perfect series for the show.

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  42. Toby says:

    @137: Great choice, but it was made after MST3K ended : (

    Shame really. They probably would’ve given it a thrashing, and I think that Mike, Kevin, and Bill should give it a glance over.

    If they could do a reunion of some sort, I’d recommend Uwe Bole’s “Alone in the Dark”. Bad acting, bad direction, bad effects, confusing story, and the dead girl on the floor moves when she is supposed to be DEAD.

    Also, “The Adventures of Pluto Nash”. ‘Nuff said.

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  43. Jacob says:

    I’ve always wanted to see them riff the movie adaptation of “The Wall”.

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  44. Manny Sanguillen says:

    The answer to every question is:
    NIGHT OF THE LEPUS.

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  45. Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    Just saw that they are releasing a “special” edition of what could be a great candidate: KINGDOM OF THE SPIDERS, starring SHATNER.
    I can’t recall, did the brains ever take on the Shat?

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  46. cory says:

    EARTH VS SOUP

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  47. steve vil says:

    MST3K- the movie.

    Think about it, won’t you?

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  48. PALADIN says:

    RE:” MST3K- the movie.

    Think about it, won’t you? ”

    ….That would be…surreal. :shock:

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  49. I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band ( 1978 )

    I’d like to see what they could do with a musical….

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  50. Dong Kingman says:

    The answer, of course, is Blood Freak, and, if unavailable, Night of Horror. Hay-ull, make it a four-hour double feature.

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