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Sampo & Erhardt

Sci-Fi Archives

Visit our archives of the MST3K pages previously hosted by the Sci-Fi Channel's SCIFI.COM.

Goodbye Sci-Fi

Mike Nelson, Kevin Murphy and Bill Corbett reflect on MST3K's final broadcast.

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Episode guide: 907- Hobgoblins

Movie: (1987) Some not-too-bright teens pursue aliens — who make people’s dreams come true, then murder them — who have escaped from confinement.

First shown: 6/27/98
Opening: On the SOL, there’s a rash of unintentional on-turning
Intro: M&tB mistreat Pearl’s new couch, and soon regret it
Host segment 1: Crow presents: “Let’s Talk Women!”
Host segment 2: Bobo calls Crow’s crisis hotline
Host segment 3: Pearl is only briefly fooled by Mike’s cutouts
End: Servo has solved the Rick Sloane problem…or has he?; Pearl expresses her disappointment
Stinger: The hobgoblins enjoy a ride
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (347 votes, average: 4.65 out of 5)


• Wow. Well, there are bad movies, there are really bad movies, and then there are bad movies like “Hobgoblins.” It’s one of those movies where somebody is sure to say “even the riffing couldn’t save it.” If nothing else, it’s memorable. The riffing is as good as it’s been all season and the segments are all pretty strong, and all that adds up to a great episode.
• Paul, who was doing these a lot at this point, offers thoughts here.
• This episode was included in Rhino’s Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection, Vol. 8.
• Producer Rick Sloan famously lobbied to get this movie on the show, something that didn’t happen often.
• Sloan revisits the movie in this video.
• The whole “on-turning” thing is brilliant.
• The intro is also a gem. We can’t have nice things.
• Crow, it’s pronounced “cerberus,” not “cerebus.”
• Among the more memorable credit sequences is the opening credit sequence, in which Mike is forced to corral the bots as they understandably attempt to flee the movie.
• In segment one, Mike is reading Dickens’ “Bleak House” as the scene opens, while Tom is reading Richard Scary’s equally gripping “What Do People Do All Day.”
• That’s Beez in the grainy photo Crow shows during segment 1.
• I like that the TV says “Stony.”
• Once funny, now dead references: JFK Jr.; Hunter Thompson.
• I was completely taken in by segment 2. Never saw the twist coming.
• Is my disk defective or does the sound cut out during the door sequence after segment 2?
• Naughty riff: “You’re the expert on that.”
• The run of “parking” riffs just gets funnier and funnier.
• Segment 3 is particularly funny to me because of the the three complete different reactions of Brain Guy, Pearl and Bobo. Reminds me a bit of some comment threads… :roll:
• I wonder if Rick Sloane began to regret offering this movie, after the infamous “interview” at the end of the movie.
• The closing bit is probably the weakest of all the segments, but even that one is pretty funny.
• No roundup this week: Nobody who worked on this movie did any other MSTed movies.
• CreditsWatch: Directed by Mike. After this episode, Mary Jo took then next two episodes off from the writing room–I’m guessing that was so she could head to the coast to do the “Gorgo” segments.
• Fave riff: “Aha! And what brisk witticism will this chappie have to offer?” Honorable mention: “o/` It’s the 80s… do a lotta coke and vote for Ronald Reagan…” o/`”

218 Replies to “Episode guide: 907- Hobgoblins”

  1. Hey Cabot! says:

    This is the perfect movie for MST3K: a director’s shameless plagiarism of a superior film, only with miserable attempts at both humor and horror, clumsy effects and amateur actors portraying loathsome characters. There’s such a wealth of ineptitude on display here that it’s almost more humiliation than three guys can muster- yet the MST3K crew pull it off with such effortlessness that this movie becomes a delight.

    This might be the best introductory episode of the show: a straightforward opening skit leading into an extraordinarily silly, poorly executed movie with an endless supply of mean-spirited jokes at its expense.

    “There’s been an accident at the studio.” “We made Hobgoblins.”


  2. Dan in WI says:

    Hey Cabot #151> I’ll agree the host intro segment in this episode is the perfect intro segment for a newbie. I do go back and forth if this love it or hate it movie is good for a newbie though.


  3. Hey Cabot! says:

    Dan in WI: Some bad movies featured on MST3K are an acquired taste, like the Coleman Francis trilogy and Monster a Go-Go. Those movies are both bad and deadly dull, but their unintentional humor is brought about through the witty remarks of the MST3K crew. Hobgoblins, however is both bad and entertaining in its badness. The witty remarks aren’t even necessary but make the movie that much more entertaining. I could see a group of friends getting together to watch and laugh at Hobgoblins on a cheesy monster movie night, but no one would ever gather their friends to watch Red Zone Cuba unless it’s the MST3K episode.

    I can understand the love-it-or-hate-it mentality for bad, boring movies, but why for something as entertaining as Hobgoblins? Is it because Rick Sloane was obviously going for camp value? If so, I don’t think that necessarily detracts from the movie. A good director attempting a bad movie would not be able to contain his talent and the camp value of the movie would suffer. However, Rick Sloane is still a bad director and whether or not he was going for camp value with Hobgoblins his directorial ineptitude is still obvious and amusing.


  4. Cheapskate Crow says:

    Fantastic episode, definitely a top 5 of the Sci-Fi era. This movie is so inept and sleazy it demands to be torn apart, even if you can tell the director wanted it to be campy, I think this is kind of like Catalina Caper in that way where the execution is terrible. I love the line “Can you catch a venereal disease from a movie?” and Crow’s interview with Rick Sloan at the end had me genuinely ROFL. I think this would make a great introductory episode to the show but I have already introduced the show to everyone I know.


  5. fish eye no miko says:

    Tom is reading Richard Scary’s equally gripping “What Do People Do All Day.”

    So, I’m gonna be That Guy: It’s Richard Scarry, with two “r”s.

    God, this movie… it’s a good example of how movies that try to be camp so rarely work.

    And, ya know, I realize it’s a minor point, but it bugs me the Daphne is all, “Oh sex! I love sex! Sex, sex sex!” but then why they ask her about the local make-out place, she suddenly acts all coy about it. The hell?


  6. Sitting Duck says:

    Regarding the crack about Nick being in the French army, I’m reminded of a time when I was explaining Girls und Panzer to someone. For those unfamiliar, it’s an anime series that takes place on an alternate Earth much like our own, except that simulated combat in WWII-era tanks is a competitive sport. Specifically one for girls, with the impression being given that boys showing an interest in it are regarded in the same light as if they play with Barbie dolls. Just roll with it. Anyway, I got to the part where I explained how each of the schools the protagonist school competes against are themed after WWII nations (with the protagonist school being a ragtag bunch of misfits with no unified theme in their tanks). There’s a British themed school, an American themed school, a Soviet themed school, and a German themed school. I was then asked if there was a French themed school which surrenders at the start of the match.


  7. Of no Account says:

    Ah, Hobgoblins. One of the few movies MST3k did that makes me want to take a shower after watching it. If you ever believed that humankind has some inherent dignity, watching Hobgoblins will remove that silly notion from your head.

    That said, it’s a really funny episode.

    As someone mentions above, the ‘Stony’ TV does indeed appear in the ‘Where o Werewolf’ host segment from ‘Werewolf’, and I believe it was also used during Crow’s documentary on the War Civil (can’t remember which episode that was at the moment).

    I will also cast my vote for Amy being far more attractive before being slut-ified.

    The 80s really did have some positive aspects…. I can’t name any at the moment, but I’m sure they did!!


  8. Duane Zykov says:

    Hate to be the one who crashes the party, but this episode is only average in my book. The riffing’s decent, but it delves too often into “this movie sucks” and “oh that’s disgusting” for my taste. The fact that the movie tries to be funny bogs the riffing down in place. The host segments are pretty good, but I don’t return to this one often.

    Also, the guys’ vitriol here feels undeserved. I think this movie is far from the worst they ever did. It’s bad, obviously, but it’s in color, is easy to follow, and isn’t nearly as grimy as “Girl in Gold Boots” I’m actually kind of surprised it got on an episode; it’s an awful movie, but it’s obviously a “nudge nudge wink wink” one.


  9. Shrike says:

    Another great episode. The movie is so bad that it’s perfectly described in the theater:

    Old security guard – There’s been an accident at the studio.
    Crow – We made Hobgoblins.


  10. JohnnyRyde says:

    “Hobgoblins fails the Bechdel Test.” Was there ever any doubt?! That’s one of the funniest observations about this film I’ve ever seen. :)

    I still watch this one on a regular basis. Funny as all get out. I’m frankly surprised to see that so many people ranking this film on the level of a Manos. Yes, it’s awful, but the pacing is decent. The scenes are bad, but at least they’re short. I can tolerate a bad movie like this over an endless sequence of Torgo walking back and forth between a car and a shack carrying luggage.

    When I watched it this last weekend, I thought of a question I wanted to ask, and now realize that I asked back during the March 2010 viewing (see above):

    “Is the army superior real or a hallucination? I’ve never been able to figure that out…”

    He’s the only character who doesn’t fade into the air when a Hobgoblin has been killed. Is Daphne’s life long dream really to have exploded another human being.

    And I’ll say again that the central premise of the film (what you want will be your undoing) is pretty decent… It’s just totally incompetently implemented…


  11. pondoscp says:

    This one’s ok


  12. millej89 says:

    “What just crunched!?!?”

    Easily my favorite riff. Similar to the “did he just honk?” from Werewolf. Painful episode. Painful and wacky.


  13. trickymutha says:

    Duane Whitaker- the man who was arguably in the worst and best movies ever made.


  14. unsung zero says:

    There’s a woman in #1001-Soultaker that looks just like the woman who plays Amy (Paige Sullivan) and I’m almost certain it’s her. She is very briefly seen in one of the festival scenes early on.


  15. HippieGeekGirl says:

    This is one of the rare episodes where the movie is just SO loathsome that it’s hard for me to get through it. Still, the riffing and host segments are great and I do usually manage to enjoy it.

    Darran Norris, the Club Scum MC, is a fairly prolific voice actor these days. The source of many a double take when I watch this one.


  16. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Should that have been “Do a lot of coke THEN vote for Ronald Reagan”? Well, it’s subjective, I guess.

    It remains unclear (at least to me) whether the Hobgoblins were *purposely* killing people with their fantasies, so I think it might be premature to claim that they “murdered” anyone. Murder requires intent.

    If the stuff that people keep locked up inside their heads (hey, a metaphor for the Hobgoblins themselves) turns against them and kills them, well, it’s not the *Hobgoblins’* fault that human beings have stuff like that inside their heads.

    I just realized, nobody but McCreedy ever actually refers to the aliens as “Hobgoblins” in the movie itself. Shrug.

    They overlooked a potential riff on the similarity between the names “Mr. McCreedy” and “Mr. McFeeley” (whom they later cite in “The Screaming Skull.”

    “Shooting burglars, unleashing unholy abominations…Busy day! Busy day!”


    The name’s also similar to “Mr. McBeevee” from that one episode of “The Andy Griffith Show” but that might be too obscure even for the Brains.

    Another potential riff that just occurred to me: “Don’t these five have a slasher film to get to?”

    To use the archetype terms from “Cabin in the Woods”:

    The Whore (that seems a TAD harsh): Daphne
    The Athlete: Nick
    The Scholar: Kevin (well, closest thing, anyway)
    The Fool: Kyle
    The Virgin: Amy

    Fits almost perfectly. I wonder if Rick Sloane even realizes that he did that.

    Hey, that sort of almost kind of works for “Zombie Nightmare”, too:

    The Whore (again, not the term I’d choose): Suzie (hot tub girl)
    The Athlete: Peter (hot tub guy)
    The Scholar: Bob (well, he lasted longer than the other two guys, anyway; close enough)
    The Fool: Jim (not so much The Fool as The Jerk, but still)
    The Virgin: Amy (hey, another one!) (okay, the movie doesn’t state that she’s a virgin, but we SEE Suzie having implied sex with Peter, so by process of elimination…)

    #146: I thought Crow’s favorite movie was “Mannequin.”

    #155: Daphne’s all “I love sex…WITH NICK.” Maybe she’s never been to the make-out place…WITH NICK. And I suspect that Nick likes to fool himself by thinking that Daphne’s never slept with anyone but him. It’s not as if Nick strikes one as a guy who’s hard to fool…

    #158: Well, they hadn’t yet SEEN “Girl with Gold Boots” at this point, so they were in no position to know how bad IT was. That one’s really a clash of movie-badness giants, it is.


  17. Sitting Duck says:

    @ # 157: IIRC Crow’s Civil War documentary occurs in The Thing That Wouldn’t Die.

    @ #166: Crow declared Roadhouse as his favorite movie in Santa Claus Conquers the Martians.


  18. Pretty much agree with what I said up at post #120 from a few years back. This is a great episode. One of the best of the Sci-Fi era.

    This movie is terrible, sure, but as far as Sci-Fi era MST goes, is it any worse than TISCWSLABMUZ? Not really, in my opinion….

    Um..not much else to add… so here’s some riffs.


    Crow: “The true story of Neal Peart.”

    Crow: “I wonder if he knows his face looks like that?”

    Servo: “My sunken chest and string beany arms!”

    Mike: “Ladies and gentlemen: Flat Butt.”

    Crow: “Their garden tools make little Casio sounds.”

    Mike: “Some guy is sneaking around like a silent movie villain.”
    Servo: “Looks like Dana Gould.”

    Kevin looks at gun,
    Servo: “If found please return to Hunter Thompson.”

    Mike: “It’s the 80s / Do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!”

    Crow: “Someone’s rubbing puppets on us!”

    Servo: “HA! We drank your bong water!”

    Servo: “Their car turned into a Lincoln and crashed!”

    Mike: “Look at that guy wave that gel in front of the light.”

    Mike: “My fajita plate was really hot and I touched it!”


    That sure is a bad movie, won’t you?

    Classic episode of MST3k,

    I give it 5 out of 5.


  19. Depressing Aunt says:

    Crow is on fire in this episode.

    Crow 1: And then, uh, this woman–well I think it was a woman–she, uh, married me.

    Crow 2: Did you have any children, sir?

    Crow 1: (hollowly)I don’t remember.

    It’s sad that Crow can’t even remember as far back as Flavia.

    Hey, I didn’t know Duane Whitaker was that guy in “Pulp Fiction”! That’s pretty cool.

    Everyone has covered everything about this episode, and I do think it’s one of the best of the Sci-Fi ones. It may be in my top 10. But there is ONE THING I must remark upon!

    Has anyone ever noticed this in the movie’s end credits: “Creatures Celebrity Voices Impersonated”

    Tell me, anyone who watched the original version of this movie. Tell me whether the creatures ever used celebrity voices. Did one of the Hobgoblins do a mean version of Joan Rivers? Did another do Howard Cosell? WTF! How horrible!


  20. Ian L. says:

    I’m really disappointed that this episode hasn’t been re-released since the OOP eighth volume. No standalone DVD, no iTunes download, nothing. Did Shout lose the rights to it?

    Favorite riff:
    Daphne: “Everybody have sex tonight!”
    Crow: “Everybody throw up tonight!”


  21. Cornjob says:

    My old comments can be seen at #97. I may have been using a little hyperbole then, but I was hurting and I needed to lash out. This movie is just awful in a way that makes me ashamed to be a member of the human race. If an alien race ever picks up a transmission of this expect them to destroy us. This movie doesn’t just fail the Bechdel test, it fails every test. Speaking of which: nice “Cabin in the Woods” analysis #166. Maybe we can add The Cabin in the Woods test to the Bechdel test where applicable.


  22. Dark Grandma of Death says:

    Cornjob, I thought your remarks were spot on, with very little hyperbole. Hobgoblins does indeed hate all of us, and it’s definitely personal. The only thing that saves this for me is the riffing and host segments; it’s a case where the Brains took something horrible and campy, and made it tolerable by mocking it and snagging on it and pantsing it. In other words, I hate the movie, but I like the MST episode.

    And I also agree that touches no one’s life then leaves, @166, has an interesting premise there. I’ll have to see how many MSTied movies I can apply that to.


  23. thequietman says:

    I can’t speak to the visceral reaction some here have had to this film, though it sounds like it would have been ripe for a Manos callback; there’s a buffet of loathsomeness in this movie!

    But one joke that is almost a ‘blink and you miss it’ one is at the end of Crow’s women documentary. Mike mentions that Crow knows women, and mentions Pearl. Crow counters that one woman’s existence doesn’t prove the existence of ALL women. He then challenges Mike to name one other actual woman.

    The kicker is Mike has to stop and think before he answers and gets a befuddled look just as the commercial cuts in!


  24. Droppo says:

    Watching it again now….an MST3K masterpiece. The CC era is my favorite but Hobgoblins is one of the very best eps of the entire series. Great host segments, loathsome movie and Hall of Fame riffing. I love Werewolf and Final Sacrifice but I think Hobgoblins is the best of Season 9.

    Some hilarious riffs I haven’t seen listed here as often:

    “The ZZ Top version of sexuality.”
    “Like the overacting extra over there.”
    “Oh Road!”
    “Ivan Lendyl Look-a-like Night!”
    “That’s my act…goodnight”


  25. JC says:

    Something’s sure going to happen!


  26. Depressing Aunt says:

    The celebrity voices that the Hobgoblins would’ve used? I now think that that was an idea the filmmakers rightly scrapped, and they didn’t bother to remove the credit about it.

    Well, I think we learned a big lesson about Hobgoblins today!


  27. SOLDaria says:

    @166 McCreedy did speculate that maybe they thought they were doing good. “So I married one to find out!”


  28. the other Joel, there's two of us says:

    #174, I’m glad someone mentioned the ZZ Top riff because it’s right on the money. A girl walks by made up eight ways from Sunday, and all the guy can do is go, “DDAMMNN!!!” Women don’t have feelings or anything else interesting going on except to be used as sexual conquests, right? All Kyle wants to do is get laid and he doesn’t care who he does it with, as long as she’s female and worth bragging about.

    For anyone interested in the parking tally (I’m looking at you, #146), I’ve put one up here. You’re all welcome.

    I love just about any episode of this show but this one is definitely one of my favorites. Ever since the first time I watched it I couldn’t believe what I was seeing and I really still don’t, when I think about it.

    Whose house is that in the film? The fact that the walls are completely barren says “bachelor pad”. Kevin couldn’t afford it after just a couple of days as a security guard, yet he pulls up in the driveway like it’s his place. (He apparently can afford a decent Camaro, though.) Kyle and Nick both park in the street out front, and some of the characters just hang out there while Kevin’s at work, so maybe it is one of the girls’? It’s not Daphne’s house because she could have kicked everyone else out when Nick came by to have sex, instead of having to use the van all the time. If it’s Amy’s house, then she’s a homeowner in her 20’s, but still afraid to lose her virginity? Also, she wouldn’t laugh while saying, “what do you call that?” when Nick is about to throw a grenade into her own living room. She would have said, “are you crazy? Blow up my house? I don’t think so!”

    I too find it hilarious that the robber shows up again out of nowhere at the end, calls Kevin out, and then tosses him a pair of nunchuks to make it an even match. It’s like an old-fashioned gentleman’s duel, with nunchuks.


  29. Sitting Duck says:

    the other Joel, there’s two of us #178: He apparently can afford a decent Camaro, though.

    But it’s prune colored, which likely knocked down the price significantly.


  30. touches no one's life, then leaves says:


    “All Kyle wants to do is get laid and he doesn’t care who he does it with, as long as she’s female and worth bragging about.”

    Yes, and?
    Depending on how old he’s supposed to be, that arguably makes Kyle the most realistic character in the movie (which is admittedly kind of like saying I’m a nicer guy than Stalin, but still). ;-)

    “It’s like an old-fashioned gentleman’s duel, with nunchuks.”

    Yet despite its oddness, it doesn’t seem to occur to Kevin that it’s the Hobgoblins again, even though it’s EXACTLY what he’s craved throughout most of the movie, a chance to impress Amy. Like I said, “scholar” can be a very subjective term…


  31. GRL says:


    There’s a whole character (Comstock, the studio boss) who was cut out of the film as aired on MST3K- my guess is that the voices would have been present in scenes involving that character.


  32. Savvy says:

    Okay. Here we go.

    I hate this movie, love this episode.

    -Pearl’s “turn on” expression is absolutely great. The whole opening is brilliant!
    -Mike and the bots have some SERIOUS footy pajamas. Those have become increasingly popular again, believe it or not.
    -Bobo’s monkey “huh?” as he responds to Pearl and his horrified screams at the camera are so cute.
    -“The true story of Neil Peart.” Yeah, right.
    -That’s a really nice Season 1 reference of the ‘bots trying to escape from the theater.
    -Crow: “Paint my muscle car prune-color, please!”
    -That whole first scene with that Nick guy returning is so weird, and I love Tom’s sound-effects.
    -Those random synth noises.
    -Mike REALLY enjoys sandwiches, I guess. Hey, who doesn’t?
    -Mike: “I just wanna be brave for my horribly frigid, non-supportive girlfriend!”
    -They didn’t close the door before running after those few hobgoblins. These security guards aren’t very effective.
    -“The vault! I tried to warn you! Those creatures! The vault!”
    Crow: “Sentence fragments! Just phrases!”
    -“Just take this stupid jacket!”
    Mike: “You and your stupid thoughtfulness can go to hell!”
    Tom: “If you just let go of them, they’ll hit the floor!” Ah, such true words.
    Crow: “Look at nothing, look at the nothing down there!”
    -Cute segment with the “Hobgoblins Crisis Hotline.”
    -Tom’s comment in the theater, “Man, that looks like a good jumping couch!”
    -“Hey! It’s my mom!” It’s cute how Tom just comments on the gumball machine, of all things.
    -Tom: “She’s the kind of girl you bring home to mom if mom’s a cigaretty, retired hooker.”
    -Crow: “In an unforeseen tragedy, the two actors were NOT in the car during the crash.”
    -Yeah, Amy went to Club Scum, alright. Blech!
    -Mike: “Bawk bawk bawk bawk baaawk, bawk bawk.”
    -“Pig Sticker”, “Pig Licker”/ “Pig Liquor”, “Kids Snickers”, “Iced Chicken”, “Swiss Knickers”, “Lint Kicker”, “Fish Picker”, “Kiss Kicker”, it stinks!
    -And, Amy has a tattoo above her breast. And she’s supposed to be pure. They could’ve at least covered it up for the movie.
    -“HIT”. You know they really should add an “S”. “HITS”.
    -The “Hobgoblins” song is gonna be in my head for a while.
    -What the heck is with those sound-effects of the big-haired chick hitting the dude with a beer bottle?
    -Crow: “Scour my neck with your beard!”
    -War sergeant’s pretty stupid.
    -Mike: “My fajita plate was really hot and I touched it!”
    -And, we’re back with the cheesy synth-noises. Okay!
    -Tom’s “Wah wah WAAH wah” as that guy shows some leg kills me.
    -Crow: “Slutting is fun, isn’t it?”
    -So, Nick has only minor redness and irritation, I guess.
    -They should’ve moved Rick Sloane over so you could see him better.
    -Bobo and Brain Guy jumping on the couch was a nice touch!


  33. thequietman says:

    Oh, what do I put on my time card for this?

    First there was ‘Manos’, then there was ‘TISCWSLABMUZ’ and now we once again reach ‘Hobgoblins’. As I said a few years back, there’s still a buffet of loathsomeness here, but there were two things I picked up on watching it today. First, when the Hobgoblins first lure Daphne out of the house with the ‘Fresh Fish’ horn, Daphne wonders if the police pulled Nick over ‘because of all his warrants’. Nick has outstanding warrants and the Army still took him? Between that and apparently handing out grenades like candy, I guess the U.S. Army was in worse shape than I though in those post-Vietnam years. I also noticed that Nick’s ‘superior’ is only wearing sergeant stripes yet Nick salutes him and calls him ‘sir’ like he’s a four-star general. One thing I’ve often heard NCOs say past and present was ‘Don’t call me ‘sir’! I work for a living!’

    Fave riffs
    They made love in their Chevy van and that’s NOT all right with me!

    Camaro, the official car of ‘peaked in high school’!

    ‘Get off the stage, you idiot!’
    But you’re my manager!


  34. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    “Can we make a point next time that films need to be made by film makers?” A funny line from Crow.

    But then where would that leave Coleman Francis?

    Finnias Jones:
    Crow: Just as long as Demi Moore doesn’t come out and start shaking her saline bags.

    Hey, nobody stays hot forever, Crow. Unfortunate but true.

    The other one is Tami Bakke (aka Tamara Clatterbuck) who did some soap operas afterwords. She was the horrific phone sex operator, and yes that really is her voice. My respect for her grew infinitely once I saw the little documentary they made about the film — she’s one of those who can laugh at the experience. Maybe it just keeps her from crying.

    Out Loud
    Just Keep It Inside…

    Colossus Prime:
    Starting from the writing it seems as though it was penned by a forty year old who just learned English five years ago, has the mind of a twelve year old

    Whoa! Out of nowhere, total slam against twelve-year-olds…

    If anyone ever says to you, MST was never any good after Josh/Joel/Frank/Trace left, just show’em Hobgoblins.

    And thus offer evidence supporting their thesis? I do not understand.

    Back when it was necessary to tape episodes from TV, Hobgoblins was one of only two episodes I REFUSED to keep on tape because I thought it was Just That Unwatchable. The other one was Girl in Gold Boots. I’ve mellowed since then…

    The Bolem:
    I had my boxing-nun along to try and spur him back to life.

    Wait, there actually is such a thing as a boxing nun puppet? Huh. I did not know that…

    Johnny Ryde:
    Is the army superior real or a hallucination?I’ve never been able to figure that out…

    I think his willingness to use heavy artillery in a heavily populated room of civilians is a clue that he wasn’t real. Seriously, not even the worst of the eighties painted the military as THAT bad.

    Roman Martel:
    Anyway, I don’t think it’s anywhere as bad as “Red Zone Cuba” or “Monster A Go-go”.

    There’s no basis for comparison of the three. Each is bad in its own individual way. Each even presents the military in an entirely different light.

    Horace Rumpole:
    I would not like to drink pig liquor.

    How ’bout pig milk? You know, when you think about it (“So don’t think about it.”), it wouldn’t be much more difficult to get pig milk into the grocery stores than cow milk. Getting the pig milk to be carried back OUT of the grocery stores, well…

    Which gang of unappetizing ’80s post-adolescents is worse, the kids here or the creeps from Zombie Nightmare?

    Well, we didn’t see nearly as much of the ZN fivesome as we saw of this film’s brisk chappies, so there’s that in the former’s favor.


  35. Honorable mention: “o/` It’s the 80s… do a lotta coke and vote for Ronald Reagan…” o/`”

    …Oh, there’s so much to work with here, if you HAVE to scribble over Riding With Death’s “70’s jokes” script and do “80’s jokes”, you’re just riffing blindfolded.

    Producer Rick Sloan famously lobbied to get this movie on the show, something that didn’t happen often.

    Yes, by this point, the show (especially among the Mike Invented It fanbase) had become so saturated with the mainstream, saying “The MST3K guys would love to riff this movie” every time some minor-league bad movie came along, would drive longtime fans up the wall.

    And jolly Rick Sloan thought his lil’ B-efforts were “campy” enough to be fodder for the show–If the guys seem a little more vicious than usual, including the “Rat droppings” assault on Sloan at the end, at least we can put it in proper perspective: He had it coming, for trying too hard to goof his image too much as a “good sport”. (Yeah, remember when Uwe Boll started merchandising his own fan hatred, and doing all those boxing matches? Or when Asylum gave us Sharknado 3, with special cameo by Jerry Springer? Did Joe Ezsterhas ever write anything else after his painfully forced Showgirls jokes in “Burn Hollywood Burn?”)
    Normally, USA Up All Night fodder isn’t the stuff of MST3K, new or old, but this one’s just so…out there.

    That said, the guys’ invisible delayed reaction to the scene where it takes us a full minute or two to realize the woman on the phone is doing the director’s “wacky” parody of phone-sex fantasies (“Mike, why are we listening to an insane woman?”) is one of the riffs that puts this on my (very) shortlist of watchable Mike-era episodes. :)


  36. EricJ says:

    “especially among the Mike Invented It fanbase”

    There are no fans like this, insane man.


  37. Sitting Duck says:

    On this round of watching, I did notice that almost the entire dialogue of the movie is characters bickering at each other. Why do they hang together?

    Because no one else wants to hang out with them? Misery loves company and all that.

    Sitting Duck:
    Regarding the crack about Nick being in the French army, I’m reminded of a time when I was explaining Girls und Panzer to someone. For those unfamiliar, it’s an anime series that takes place on an alternate Earth much like our own, except that simulated combat in WWII-era tanks is a competitive sport. Specifically one for girls, with the impression being given that boys showing an interest in it are regarded in the same light as if they play with Barbie dolls. Just roll with it. Anyway, I got to the part where I explained how each of the schools the protagonist school competes against are themed after WWII nations (with the protagonist school being a ragtag bunch of misfits with no unified theme in their tanks). There’s a British themed school, an American themed school, a Soviet themed school, and a German themed school. I was then asked if there was a French themed school which surrenders at the start of the match.

    Since I made that post, a sequel OVA series has been made, and I’m given to understand a French-themed school does make an appearance. I haven’t seen it, so I have no idea if they’re pushovers.


  38. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Raptorial Talon:
    Incidentally, my friends and I devised a game, called “Yes, Yes,” where you assume a pompous “Rick Sloane” voice and try to explain how two random concepts are intricately related while attempting to sound like you know what you’re talking about. It’s fun.

    Anyone else see the potential riff to Kurt Vonnegut’s novel Cat’s Cradle? Anyone, anyone? ;-)

    Smoothie of Great Power:
    Definitely a love/hate episode: Like others I hate the movie but love the riffs.
    * When I found out that Daran Norris went on to do voice acting, I noticed he married his wife

    She was his wife and he married her? Wasn’t that kind of redundant?

    He seems overly proud of the fact that ‘MST3k’ did ‘Hobgoblins’

    Well, what else does the poor guy have…?

    Maybe I’m just desensitized after years of watching crappy movies, but I’ve never been able to understand the disgust that people show for this particular “film”.

    Maybe it’s like Robert Louis Stevenson’s original version of Mr. Hyde.

    “I never saw a man I so disliked, and yet I scarcely know why…”


  39. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Colossus Prime:
    Mr. McCreedy: There’s been an accident at the studio.
    Crow: We made Hobgoblins.

    The Bolem:
    By the end of that particular showing, we all agreed the best riff was:“There’s been an accident here at the studio”“We made ‘Hobgoblins’…”

    For some people this one is so bad the riffing doesnt save it, it did for me and I was laughing my ass off. “There’s been an accident at the studio…” Crow “We made Hobgoblins!”

    Hey Cabot!:
    “There’s been an accident at the studio.”“We made Hobgoblins.”

    Old security guard – There’s been an accident at the studio.
    Crow – We made Hobgoblins.

    Sorry, folks, but no matter how comforting the idea might be, movies don’t make themselves. They never escape, they must be *released*…


  40. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Really more of a Rifftrax comment, I suppose, but am I the only one who thinks Bill Corbett bears an uncanny resemblance to John “Mr. Humphries” Inman from “Are You Being Served”?

    Given that Gremlins was made a few years before this, it’s a pity that TS didn’t ask Rick Sloane whether he made his film to profit off the earlier film’s popularity.

    He *profited* off of this film?

    1980s little creature films

    Gremlins (1984)
    Ghoulies (1984); Ghoulies II (1988)
    Attack of the Beast Creatures (1985)
    [the troll from] Cat’s Eye (1985)
    Critters (1986); Critters II (1988)
    Troll (1986)
    [the guys who came out of] The Gate (1987)
    Munchies (1987)
    Hobgoblins (1988)
    [Uncle Impie from] Sorority Babes in the Slimeball Bowl-O-Rama (1988)
    Beasties (1989)
    Elves (1989)


  41. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Well, come on, people, I can’t just make bizarre & interminable itemized posts to myself


  42. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Crow: “It’s a Bonsai Bigfoot”

    I could totally see an item like that catching on.

    “pig sticker?” “”iced chicken?” “Fish Picker!”

    Sounds like the picnic from Hell…

    Chris Lark:
    I think “Hobgoblins” would also work well with “SoulTaker”

    Soultaker was from the nineties, ya knob, it had a completely different vibe.

    Cabbage Patch Elvis:
    “Ooh!What just crunched?”

    There was a “crunchy pants” riff in Timechasers. Coincidence? Yes, such was my guess.

    Finnias Jones:
    Damn, now I had to go watch the Glitter Rifftrax (Mike and Mary Jo) to find that scene. If you are a Pod People fan you’ll get a kick out of it: as Mariah sings in the recording booth, her producer/boyfriend gives her the “OK” hand symbol. Then Mary Jo says, “It sucks!”

    And not “It stinks!”? How embarrassing…

    I’m Evil:
    Rick Sloane also gave some of these folks repeated roles in his other “films.”Most notably six “Vice Academy” movies (which based on the descriptions, appear largely based around the precept of “Police Academy” meets “Showgirls”).

    Nico Mastorakis’s “Ninja Academy” at least brought a little something outside-the-box to the table.

    I don’t know whether it’s supposed to be intentionally funny or not, but I can’t help laughing when the badass silent film villain (what’s there to steal?)

    Well, certainly not quasi-lovecraftian hellbeasts from the gastrointestinal tract of space, if that’s what you’re thinking…

    ‘imagine getting beating up by a guy named Kevin’.

    Warren? …We Need to Talk About Kevin.


  43. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Dan in WI:
    The way Mike and the Bots can so easily turn each other on is really creeping me out.

    They did that in Space Mutiny, too. I’m not sure they ever turned on each other like that on Comedy Central.

    Dan in WI:
    Daphne “You know what a man wants when he’s been away for two months.”

    Kind of depends on the man, doesn’t it? Although the film’s got so many other sexual clichés, what’s one more? Just think, if Nick had been in the Navy, it’d would’ve been an even BIGGER cliché.

    the movie doesn’t bore me to death like, say, “Monster A Go-Go” or “Beast from Yucca Flats”.

    Well, perhaps, but at least those films didn’t expect you to care about the characters.

    You know what, aside from pretty much anything, might could’ve helped Hobgoblins? A narrator. It would’ve cut down on a lot of the crappy dialogue.

    Zebulon PIke:
    Trying to flashback to the 50s by putting an old car in the shot, but having the actor hold a pamphlet from the director’s last film was a give-away.

    Huh? I…huh?


  44. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    (I’m going to keep doing this until someone notices…and maybe even after that)

    This Guy:
    As an addendum and kind of a tangent, I wanted to mention the riff “Why ‘hand grenades’? Are there foot grenades?” It’s a nice jab at one of the main pitfalls of observational humor………… Well, Mr. Comic, that would reduce crashes, but only because the plane would then be too heavy to get off the ground.

    And “tell us, in your own words” means to NOT just repeat verbatim what you heard and/or read somewhere else because those were SOMEONE ELSE’S words. Sure, comedy genius and all, rest in peace and stuff, but George Carlin could really be a jerk sometimes, huh?

    “Now we’re going to sit down and watch this movie.”

    *cut to commercial*


    It’s not always clear if the characters “know” they’re on TV or not. Sure, they always greet us at the start (“Hi, everyone!”) but otherwise it’s sort of vague. After all, if they knew they were on TV, they’d know they have nothing to fear but cancellation itself. But I’ll relax. :-)

    Finnias Jones:
    kiss kicker
    99 girls 99 boys
    boot licker
    99 reasons to live
    kiss kicker
    99 girls 99 boys
    boot licker
    kiss kicker 99
    and the last time, they sing:
    99 reasons to die

    They got 99 problems and this movie is two or three of them.

    Porfirio Osterberger:
    Hi I enjoy your article I though I would allege Ive been a telephone set sex person for years and enjoy the job you can check me at This Site. Im always online there and would like nothing more to please and flirt.. Keep up the posts I enjoy chatting about this line of work.

    Huh. Wonder what he wanted.


  45. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    John M .Hanna:
    ‘Hobgoblins’ was the ‘Manos’ of the Sci-Fi Channel era.

    No it wasn’t.

    For one thing, like it or not, Rick Sloane made more than one film, more than Hal Warren can say. That’s the kind of thing that sets the Coleman Francis trilogy off from the Ed Wood oeuvre. I looked that word up, too.

    I found the accidential turn-on segment kinda unsettling. I don’t like to imagine any of the MST3K characters being turned on sexually.

    You turn up your nose at the idea of horny robots? Well, obviously the internet is wasted on YOU…

    If any characters disgust me it’s the teens in “Zombie Nightmare”. They kill a guy

    Hey, it’s not like they did it on purpose, y’know.

    Wampa Joe:
    This is a another “scummy” teen horror comedy like Zombie Nightmare, but this time the repulsion is adequately delivered by Mike and the ‘bots.

    Zombie Nightmare was intended to be a horror film, not a comedy. No matter what else there is to say about Hobgoblins (and really, what else is LEFT to say about Hobgoblins?), I can literally not believe that Rick Sloane thought he was making any variety of horror film. I’m not entirely convinced he knew he was making a comedy.

    Club Scum isn’t just for scum

    No, it’s also of scum and by scum.

    Also, “Just let go of the puppet!”

    And Seize the Bone!


  46. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    (just having fun of some kind)

    Ian L.:
    Favorite riff:
    Daphne:“Everybody have sex tonight!”
    Crow:“Everybody throw up tonight!”

    Well, that’s the emergency alternative to swallowing, yes…

    And IIRC it was Servo, actually. IIRC it was Crow who had the line about the Wang Chung song.

    This is easily the most misanthropic movie they did. EVERYONE is either a jerk, a slut, or a whiny loser. No one is a redeemable character, and no movie (except maybe Batwoman, Maybe) seems to both loathe its characters and its audience as much.

    Oh, now, in what way is Amy a “whiny loser”?

    As for Wild World of Batwoman, I actually received the impression that the actors in that film were having fun. Oh well. Everybody’s different and that’s what makes us all the same. :-)

    Seth C Triggs:
    “I just want to be brave for my horrible, frigid, non-supportive girlfriend.”

    “They made love in their Chevy Van and that’s NOT alright with me!”

    They gripe when characters don’t have sex, they gripe when characters do have sex, some people are just NEVER happy!

    I’d venture that it’s another sign of the film’s misogyny that Amy wanting to, as the saying goes, wait until it feels right is considered “evidence” that she’s “frigid”…except that the film didn’t say that, the BRAINS did! WTH?

    Apollonia James (yeah, right):
    And of course, how could I forget one of the naughtiest riffs I ever heard on the show:
    MC: Sorry, the donkey mud wrestlers must use the REAR entrance…
    Crow: Well, you’re the expert on that…

    Was that homophobic? Maybe I’m incorrect but it seems kind of homophobic. If so, well, the Brains were really batting a thousand that day…

    *Rolls eyes* “I go ALL THE WAY on the FIRST DATE!”

    When you think about it (“So don’t think about it.”), isn’t that actually a wise policy? You know, get it out of the way so if that’s all the other party was interested in, well, here’s your hat, what’s your hurry? ;-)


  47. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    I’m sure it’s been mentioned already, but “Paint my muscle car prune color, please!” is one of my favorite riffs ever. And it’s so useful in everyday conversation.

    Where do some of you/these folks live, that such conversations happen every day?
    Meanwhile, conversations like the below may no longer be happening daily.

    Johnny Ryde:
    It cracks me up that they try to de-age the security guard by 30 years in the flash back.The man is presumably in his 60s and then they dye his hair and try to pass him off as being in his 30s.*I’m* in my 30s; if I looked like that I’d never be able to leave the house.

    Why not? Who’d show up to stop you?

    Dark Grandma of Death:
    And the “scum” in the club are much like the beatniks in The Beatniks…more wannabe than actual.

    Well, “scum” is a much more objective concept than “beatniks.”

    “Ivan Lendyl Look-a-like Night!”

    “Ivan! Why have you come here? You’ve turned my little house around!”

    The Elusive Robert Denby:
    the attempted luau escape is nice, especially for letting Observer play the obviously-most-intelligent one

    Smarter than the gorilla *and* the smarmy clueless rhymes-with-b|tch? Yeah, that’s some accolade, all right…

    Dieser Blog sieht wirklich sehr gut aus. Um sowas richtig geiles zu entwerfen muss man sich schon lange Zeit nehmen und ne Menge Ahnung haben.

    Huh. Wonder what he wanted.


  48. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Sitting Duck:
    <a href=";
    Nick is a smoking husk right now

    No, you’re thinking of Crow in “The Unearthly” episode.

    Sitting Duck:
    <a href=";
    Crow’s documentary on women was hilarious. Brings to mind Ethan of Athos by Lois McMaster Bujold.

    Name dropper. ;-)

    Sitting Duck:
    <a href=";
    Did anyone bother counting to see if Servo’s parking count tally was correct?

    Someone very definitely did. No matter what it is, someone has counted it. Someone. Somewhere…

    Watching Hobgoblins is like making a pact with the devil.

    Maybe that’s why he was on the phone. After he got finished talking to the guys from “Space Children.”

    -Yes, the characters are repulsive, but I strangely liked Mr. McCready (the old guy). He seemed to be the voice of reason.

    Well, no one else was even as qualified as he was. Except perhaps Roadrash, he seemed to be a stout level-headed fellow…

    -And finally, I have a crush on a guy who strongly resembles Kevin (the protagonist), so I’m partial to his character for that reason. Tragically, though, the real-life Kevin has never defended my honor in a rake fight.

    “Remember, men, we’re fighting for this woman’s honor, which is more than she ever did!” — Groucho Marx, “Duck Soup”
    (nothing to do with you specifically , I just thought it was a great set-up line…)

    Allegedly, perennial Groucho foil Margaret Dumont had no idea what that line meant.

    Depressing Aunt:
    Crow is on fire in this episode.

    No, you’re thinking of Nick.


  49. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    The oft-mentioned MC Guy noted that he didn’t book the talent. That explains why, when we look around, the talent is scarce and, indeed, not to be found…

    On this round of watching, I did notice that almost the entire dialogue of the movie is characters bickering at each other. Why do they hang together?

    Daphne and Amy are friends (although they seem to be drifting apart; it happens). Nick is Daphne’s boyfriend. Kevin is Amy’s boyfriend and Kyle is Kevin’s friend. It would make for a simple chart had I but the ability to depict one, and time.

    Sitting Duck:

    This is a really well though out make-out spot. They must get public funding or something.

    And now we have some idea of how the city council meeting in “What About Juvenile Delinquency” wrapped up…

    The Original EricJ:
    That said, the guys’ invisible delayed reaction to the scene where it takes us a full minute or two to realize the woman on the phone is doing the director’s “wacky” parody of phone-sex fantasies (“Mike, why are we listening to an insane woman?”)

    I can’t say that I thought about it much but, upon reflection, I wouldn’t be at all surprised to learn that was a transcript of a genuine phone-sex session. People can be complicated.

    “especially among the Mike Invented It fanbase”
    There are no fans like this, insane man.

    Ibid. Any kind of fan you can imagine probably exists. Any number of kinds of fans you CAN’T imagine probably exist too. ;-)

    Hobgoblins makes its own milestone

    In that it laid an egg?

    Kenneth Morgan:
    And the bad feelings towards the 80’s continue: “It’s the 80’s!Do a lot of coke and vote for Ronald Reagan!”

    Yeah, it might’ve continued to be the 70s with peanut butter and Jimmy Carter if not for them!

    Of no Account:
    The 80s really did have some positive aspects…. I can’t name any at the moment, but I’m sure they did!!

    Well, fair’s fair, in hindsight, they highlit how so very much worse the 00s were, so there’s that, anyway.

    Sitting Duck:

    I just want to measure and see if you’ll fit in the incinerator.

    I thought it was the crawlspace data that was more pivotal…

    I’m Evil:
    I think “Hobgoblins” really just fails and pretty much every front; acting: bad, effects: laughable, dialogue: stilted, locations: unconvincing, action sequences:sleep inducing…

    The catering was good, though. People often overlook the indicators of details like that. And quite a coup getting Michael Stradling as Second Assistant Camera…


  50. touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    the other Joel, there’s two of us:
    Whose house is that in the film?The fact that the walls are completely barren says “bachelor pad”.Kevin couldn’t afford it after just a couple of days as a security guard, yet he pulls up in the driveway like it’s his place.

    Perhaps Kevin has money left over from earlier jobs…?

    the other Joel, there’s two of us:
    If it’s Amy’s house, then she’s a homeowner in her 20’s, but still afraid to lose her virginity?

    Gee, well, I dunno, maybe it’s…Amy’s PARENTS’ house? And her parents just happen to be out of town? In which case the Hobgoblins probably spared the fivesome from having to deal with a slasher, because as we know, slashers LOVE to visit houses full of young people with no adults, they’re drawn like salmon to a waterfall. Or something.

    When Kevin arrives and moves to kiss Amy, she tells him “your friends are here” (admittedly, Daphne is far more AMY’S friend than Kevin’s but what the heck), a moment which makes moderately more sense if they’re in Amy’s house.

    And even if Amy’s in her twenties, it’s hardly unheard of for twenty-somethings to still be living with their parents. Or maybe it’s summertime or Spring Break) and thus she’s home from college (in at least some states, the legal drinking age is 21, so it’s entirely possible to be a college student yet still below the age limit for alcohol).

    And as noted earlier it’s more likely that she’s less AFRAID to lose her virginity than wanting to wait until it “feels right.” Like a significant percentage of the real world (and unlike Kyle, as a contrast). Isn’t that kind of a stereotypical girl/guy dichotomy, the girl wants it to be right and the guy wants it to be right now?

    As for the grenade, maybe in the interim she’d learned that Nick was only armed with “practice” grenades OSLT. After all, the grenade demonstratively did NOT blow up the house.

    (gotta do all the heavy lifting around here…)


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