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Episode Guide: 417- Crash of Moons (with short: ‘General Hospital’–Segment 3)

Short: (1963) From the soap opera “General Hospital,” Cynthia and Phil have it out.
Movie: (1954) Edited-together episodes of the TV series “Rocky Jones, Space Ranger.” Our hero tries to save the inhabitants of two worlds that are about to collide, but evil Queen Cleolanta stands in his way.

First shown: 11/28/92
Opening: Crow is selling true grit
Invention exchange: The Mads present Sugary Deep 13 toothpaste; J&tB demonstrate the rock & wreck guitar
Host segment 1: Crow and Tom serenade Gypsy with “The Gypsy Moons”
Host segment 2: J&tB present a commercial for John Banner-grams
Host segment 3: J&tB read through Crow’s latest screenplay: a space opera
End: Joel reads a letter, John Banner visits on the Hexfield; then the SOL sends Deep 13 a Banner-gram
Stinger: “Boopie!”
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (199 votes, average: 4.23 out of 5)

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• A lot of folks love this one and it definitely has a lot going for it besides the aggressive geniality of John Banner. This is the most bearable of the three GH segments and its also the most fun of the Rocky Jones outings, so it’s basically watchable all the way through. Combine that with pretty decent host segments and some strong riffing and you’ve got a winner.
• This episode is included in Shout! Factory’s “Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Vol. XVIII.”
References.
• A commenter noticed something I never did before: there’s no “the” on the title card. (Maybe that’s where they got the extra “the” in “Attack of the the Eye Creatures?”) Anyway, in keeping with our policy to list the title as it appears on the title card, the header has now been changed.
• The 1992 Turkey Day marathon was over, but this was the third new episode in four days. MSTies had a wonderful weekend.
• I remember seeing ads when I was a kid trying to get me to sell Grit. But I’ve never seen it on news stands or anything. It’s still around. Is it a Midwestern thing?
• Dr. F’s invention is extra evil this week. Conversely, Joel’s doesn’t look that well-put-together.
• Nice to see they called an unofficial moratorium on “Oh, is the great [name here] going to direct?” riff. Funny back in season two, but…
• I love Crow’s riff: “Orbit? What does that mean?” a reference to the painful explanation of what an orbit is in a previous Rocky Jones episode.
• Callback: “Yew and yor dawtah aw doomt!” (Robot Holocaust) “But you don’t love Ken.” (An almost instant callback to the General Hospital short minutes earlier.) “Not since Fire Maidens of Outer Space…”
• Great song in this episode, but note the then-current reference to Stacy Koon. Yow. Another then-current reference: “Say the secret word and Bill Cosby rips off your show.” I’d totally forgotten Bill Cosby’s miserable attempt to revive “You Bet Your Life.”
• Firesign Theatre reference: “He’s not your son, Fred.”
• Dumb movie question: The space station doesn’t have any ability to propel itself? Not even some little thruster rockets? Seems like a design flaw. Or a plot contrivance.
• Occasionally you pick up a new word from these movies. I’d never heard of a “suzerain” before.
• Is it just me or is Cleolanta kinda hot? Headstrong and evil, sure, but still, rrowr.
• Only after repeat viewings did it hit me why the symbol of Bavaro’s world is a lightning bolt–’cause the planet has lightning a lot of the time. I never made the connection before.
• Satellite News’ Erhardt, dressed as Bavaro, introduced this episode in the 1993 Turkey Day bumpers.
• I like Tom Servo’s beak moving as he reads over Joel’s shoulder. Mike is so klandinkto as John Banner! (Hi, Bavaro.)
• Joel says “Gimme that pinkle, Weekie!” They keep going.
• Cast and crew roundup: Naturally, many of the same people who worked on “Manhunt in Space” also worked on this one, including executive producer Guy V. Thayer Jr., producer Roland Reed, associate producer Arthur Pierson, director Hollingsworth Morse, assistant director Dick Moder, editors Fred Maguire and S. Roy Luby, special effects guy Jack R. Glass (who also worked on “Project Moon Base”), costumer Berman Costumes, production manager Richard L’Estrange, art director McClure Capps, sound guy Joel Moss (who also worked on “Project Moon Base”) and music Conductor Alexander Laszlo (who also worked on “Attack of the Giant Leeches and “Night of the Blood Beast”).
In front of the camera, there’s Richard Crane, Scotty Beckett, Sally Mansfield, Robert Lyden, Maurice Cass, Charles Meredith, Patsy Parsons and Harry Lauter, all from “Manhunt in Space.”
• CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Kevin Murphy. Sarah E. Wisner joins the staff as production assistant, Ellie McDonough’s old role before her recent promotion. Patrick Brantseg joins the staff as prop assistant, after interning for the first half of the season. This was intern Kelly Ann Nathe’s last episode. “Ammendment” is still spelled wrong.
• Fave riff from the short: “Would you folks break it up? Your party’s depressing everyone in the building.” Honorable mention: “How can you not love a skull like this?”
• Fave riff: “Horowitz is visibly shaken…” Honorable mention: “…would get beat up in the third grade.”

110 Replies to “Episode Guide: 417- Crash of Moons (with short: ‘General Hospital’–Segment 3)”

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  1. Cubby says:

    I haven’t seen a copy of Grit since I was a kid – I’ll take your word for it that it still exists.

    I was always under the impression it was a national thing – they advertised in comic books when I was a lad. I’ve been in the Midwest all my life, and I’ve seen no evidence that it’s a regional thing – or much of a thing at all, actually.

    Count me as one who loves this episode. My favorite riff: “I’m feeling stupid today!”

       0 likes

  2. Bob says:

    I think I saw a kid selling Grit once when I was very young. I was mystified by it then and still am. I don’t think I’d seen or heard of it again until they made fun of it on MST3K.

    Both Rocky Jones episodes are terrific fun. Hot episodes and yes, Cleolanta is not too shabby looking.

       0 likes

  3. soundandvision says:

    Not trying to be contrarian (at all) but I prefer 413-MANHUNT IN SPACE, always have. I think the host segments are more memorable (at least, to me) and the set up is funnier the first time around.

    This is still a good ‘forgotten’ episode though.

       0 likes

  4. A different website, when commenting on this particular “Rocky Jones” mishmash, said “the characters even show a little depth.” Which is true, to the extent that characters can show depth in a cheesy cardboard pseudo-sci fi outing like this. Cleolanta isn’t just one-dimensionally evil; she actually seems to have the interests of her people in mind and is just cold and ruthless enough to protect those interests. The other characters all seem to realize that and take pity on her more than antagonize her. Of course, I don’t know; if she wasn’t female I wouldn’t doubt that Rocky’s first choice in dealing with her would be a right cross to the jaw.

    Which reminds me, one of my favorite riffs is “Oh yeah, I’ll take orders from YOU.” Seriously, who died and made some “space ranger” boss all of a sudden? He should run for president.

    Also, “It’s becoming quite the trend to look into these.” Those goofy gas chamber cells are hysterical. Also, Winky’s “comic relief” attempt (“BOI-OI-OING!”) to “be passed out and be two people” was really painful.

    Thanks for explaining who Stacey Koon is. I’d gotten him confused with Jeff Koons, the so-called “artist.” So yeah… wow, really dated.

    This is just one of my favorite episodes. It moves a lot faster than “Manhunt In Space” and even though the science is typically awful, it’s still fun if you turn your mind off entirely.

       2 likes

  5. Manny Sanguillen says:

    I held out from watching this for a real long time, but was pleasantly surprised by its overall quality as an episode. Like you mentioned, the GH short was funny, and the host segs were good too. Riffing was top notch for this one, much better than the first Rocky Jones movie.
    I came away extremely impressed by Mike’s Banner impersonation. He really shows his great versatility as an entertainer with his faux-German accent. We are very blessed to have such a well-rounded performer such as Mike to make us smile.

       4 likes

  6. I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    ( loonie climbs up on soapbox, clears his throat… )

    People please, can we have some love for the ‘dated reference’ ? We are talking about a show that went off the air almost 10 years ago, an episode that aired almost 16 years ago, featuring a movie that itself is almost 55. I hate to think what you’d say about I Love Lucy, the Marx Brothers, Shakespeare and Sophocles.

    Of course there are going to be dated references. How could there not be ? The movies themselves are ‘dated references’. Red Zone Cuba anyone ? Beast of Yucca Flats ?.

    Would you decree that all topicality be removed from humor ?

    Let us embrace and honor the so-called ‘dated references’ and pass on an understanding of them to the legions of Young MSTies of today and tomorrow.

    “Ralph, I’ve already got an Atomic Kitchen. This place looks like Yucca Flats after the blast” – Alice Kramden

    ( loonie crawls back into cave )

       10 likes

  7. Devastation Bob says:

    Just wanted to say thanks to Sampo for writing these up. As a mstie middle child (i came in right around when they reran joel episodes and started mike ones) it’s cool to get a feel for the earlier eps.

       5 likes

  8. Diamond Joe says:

    About the overused “Oh, is the great…” riff: A few years ago, I was watching this whole season for the first time in order. I can’t remember if it was this one, but in one episode, right when Crow started in with his “Oh…” I thought “I’m getting tired of this joke.” Then Servo snapped, “Oh, is the great Crow going to use this joke every week?!” I had a big laugh with that one. It’s nice when MST3K is self-policing.

       4 likes

  9. Bill says:

    Until this moment, I had Stacy Koon confused with Stacy Keach. Weird.

       2 likes

  10. Skenderberg says:

    Crash of the Moons was okay, but I didn’t like it as much as Manhunt in Space. I have a question, though. The wandering moons go from system to system, right? How do they keep from freezing to death between suns?

    Favorite riff: “You wiped your feet on the doormat of my heart.”

       2 likes

  11. TV's Grady says:

    I was reading the Wikipedia article on Grit a while back, and apparently it’s circulated mostly in rural areas these days.

       0 likes

  12. Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    Wow, I remember those ads about Grit too! Even as a kid, it just made me feel depressed. It kind of seemed like a gateway drug into the world of door-to-door vacuum sales. I much preferred the comic book ads with OJ Simpson selling Dingo boots.

       4 likes

  13. Joseph Nebus says:

    A source of no small amusement to me while living in Singapore was noticing the official logo for the ruling People’s Action Party was just so klaandinktu. (In contrast the Singapore Democratic Party has strong support from Star Fleet Command.)
    I really like John Banner’s character. Clinical depression seems to be the default emotion for a lot of Mystery Science Theater 3000 movie characters — that or insufferable blandness — and it’s refreshing to see someone who’s really and sincerely delighted by this whole “life” concept. Plus it offers the outstanding moment of (Bwavaro?) trying mightily to think of Winky’s positive features.
    Also, klaandinktu really deserves a place alongside grok as really catchy words expressing a feeling neatly.

       7 likes

  14. Sampo says:

    To “I’m not a medium, I’m a petite” aka loonie:

    I’m not denegrating the dated reference. I’m just pointing them out. What’s amazing to me is how well these 15-year-old episodes hold up, and to me, they dated references are the exception that proves the rule.
    Also, a lot of younger folks or newer fans might hear these riffs and go: “Wha?” I kinda like explaining them.

       7 likes

  15. I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Fair enough, I’ll take you at your word. Maybe it’s a stylistic difference. Maybe I’m overly sensitive because I’m just so damn old. “That’s not ‘dated’, that’s my mid to late twenties !”

    Anyway, thank you for responding in so gentlemanly a fashion. And please, keep up the great work.

       3 likes

  16. hamtronix says:

    Stacey C. Koon was a Sergeant with the Los Angeles Police Department. On March 3, 1991, after a high speed chase, he and four other officers – Laurence Powell, Timothy Wind, Theodore Briseño and Rolando Solano – attempted to arrest Rodney King. King resisted arrest and Officers Powell and Wind and Briseño beat him. The incident was videotaped by nearby resident, George Holliday, who sold it to local TV station KTLA.

    No one pointed out it was KTLA . KTLA PREDICTS you would not!!

       3 likes

  17. fireballil says:

    This is one of my all time favorites. I will have more rememberances later, but one I do remember was this was the first time that the word ‘area’ was used in reference to that area, you know. :wink: Kevin wrote a sidebar article to this episode’s entry in the ACEG called ‘Your Area and You,’ where he says it was Bridget who said, ‘Oh, yuck. You can see Rocky’s whole area!’ at the point where Rocky is lying on the floor after having been knocked out by gas on Ofecious. The line made it into the show; Tom was the one who said it.

       7 likes

  18. Ralph C. says:

    Thank you for all of these great write-ups, I enjoy reading them and reading everyone’s comments. I am happy to hear dated references and glad there is someone who explains them, just in case my memory fails me.

    I remember those Grit ads but I preferred all those super-heroes hawking Hostess products (Twinkies, Fruit Pies and such), or the Spalding basketball ads featuring Dr. J & Rick Barry. And who can forget those wonderful ads for a gateway to violence– the Daisy Air-Rifles!

    Ahh, sweet, precious memories, cascading through my open mind, a million there that I find; sometimes they come one by one, other times they’re a kaleidoscope….

       3 likes

  19. Goatie says:

    Just to weigh in on the dated references issue, since it has actually been bothering me this whole time but I figured I was the only one.

    Most of these “dated references” I still remember, and I laugh at them in exactly the same way I might laugh at a “hey, she looks like Mary Pickford” kind of line. I’m not bothered by this labeling in a “I’m not old, dagnabbit!” kind of way, but because, by it’s very nature, everything on MST3K is dated. So why distinguish between dated references and dated references? It’s like trying to point out the unfunny jokes in a Carrot Top routine.

    Do the kids remember Carrot Top?

       2 likes

  20. mylungswereaching says:

    The references that I really think are dated references are ones that refer to people or things that were famous for about 3 months or less and then completely forgotten. Rodney King is not really a dated reference. The names of the cops that arrested him is a dated reference.

    I don’t really consider it dated even if it hasn’t been talked about for ten years if it was talked about alot for several years or more because even people who weren’t born yet might have heard about it if it was around for years.

       0 likes

  21. underwoc says:

    Wow, I’d forgotten about the Cosby “You Bet Your Life”, too. Didn’t he also try to rip off Art Linkletter’s “Kids Say the Darndest Things”, too?

       3 likes

  22. Fred P says:

    Don’t whine about the dated references it brings back good memories. I rem. thinking how many references would be dated when watching CT’s “The Oozing Skull’ Then I thought who cares they’ll still make me laugh later. I’ve never seen a copy of “Grit” in my life, vividly rem. the adds along with Sea Monkeys and other junk. Refresh my memory is this the one where Winky loves the Gay night life or was that the Manhunt in Space episode. That slayed me!!!!!!

       0 likes

  23. Fred P says:

    Wait let me re-phrase that Good memories comment I mean about watching the episodes the first time. Nothing about the Rodney King mess was good. OK thanks.

       3 likes

  24. Downshaw says:

    Kudos for the episode write-up and everyone’s comments. I caught up with this episode a while ago, and enjoyed it from start to finish.

    I miss references all time time, and I’m sure others out there are in the same boat.

    Perhaps after the season-by-season favorite host segments discussion topics, a good weekend thread would be favorite obscure or (most dated) references.

       0 likes

  25. Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    I too am terribly offended by the term ‘dated reference’! Why, if I didn’t have to iron my hypercolor t shirt and acid-washed jeans, I’d give you a piece of my mind. Besides, I’m busy watching the first season of Perfect Strangers anyway, and my Surge is losing it’s fizz…

       7 likes

  26. Alex Rogers says:

    I still don’t know what Grit was supposed to be. A newspaper I suppose. I used to sell Christmas cards door-to-door.

       0 likes

  27. Sean74 says:

    I’d like to go on the record and say that “dated references” don’t bother me at all. While I agree with Sampo that the commentary on these shows hold up well over time, you can only tell so many jokes that aren’t contemporary; eventually current topics of the day will have to be mentioned. But that’s part of the joy of watching these episodes years later.

    While Manhunt in Space was the better of the two Rocky Jones movies, I liked this one just as much. The Bavaro character helped give this movie some fodder for comedy, and Cleolanta (sp.) is one of the hotter female characters in MST3K history. I especially like it when she squints, then widens her eyes in anger: very sexy!!

    Mike Nelson once again hits a home run as John Banner…the banner-gram sketch is a riot! The last shot of Forrester yelling first at J&TB, then Frank to not let John Banner in is the perfect ending.

       3 likes

  28. -RCFagnan says:

    Good little episode. Not my favorite, but good. Didn’t like the Gypsy Moon song, it just didn’t tickle me as it should have (though the Banner-gram made up for it. Mike ROCKS!)
    Favorite Riffs: “You see when a spaceship and a space station both love each other very much…you…get…this.
    Also when Bavaro says “Like Bobby, he could, uh…” Crow remarks “Get beat up in the third grade.” I agree with Joseph Nebus on Bavaro (Banner’s character). It’s refreshing to have a character who’s so upbeat. Granted, I wouldn’t want a steady diet of it but…
    And Cleolanta IS red hot. As Crow says in “Racket Girls” a few seasons later “I’m being turned on by a woman who is long dead.”

       1 likes

  29. Ned R. says:

    The last shot of Forrester yelling first at J&TB, then Frank to not let John Banner in is the perfect ending.

    Agreed completely but will someone clear up a mystery for me — right when it cuts to Forrester and he starts to yell into the camera, he’s watching Frank hanging up a picture or poster of someone. Who IS that in said picture? I’ve never been able to figure it out.

       2 likes

  30. fireballil says:

    To Ned R.:

    If I’m not mistaken, I believe that is a picture of Christian Slater that Frank is hanging up. I haven’t watched it yet, but that’s from my own memory.

       2 likes

  31. Spector says:

    I preferred the first Rocky Jones serial they did. This one was okay but it just seemed to me that this lacked the “zing” of the first one. Ditto the General Hospital short. The first one was hilarious but the second and third was just ok. A good episode but not among their best.

       0 likes

  32. rion-o says:

    so, i was just transferring this to dvd and noticed the title card calls this film “crash of moons.” i never noticed that before… has this been discussed and i missed it?

       5 likes

  33. Dan in WI says:

    Dated references: I think most of us use this term lovingly. After re-reading the comment from four years ago it strikes me that MST is hardly the only one to use a dated reference. Just two weeks ago Saturday Night Live did a sketch casting the Obama presidency into the 80’s Cosby Show. That thing is 20+ years old yet a well known piece of pop culture as so many of the MST date references are. I liked SNL sketch too. It was a blast from the past and I often use the term “dated reference” as a term of affection.

    The opening Grit sketch is fun. Trace sells it with that monotone sales pitch and when Joel and Tom list off other things sold in the past “I already have 4 dozen turkey pizzas in the freezer and you never even went on that band trip to Winnipeg” was a great counter.

    There is one thing I don’t quite get about Clayton’s invention. If he wants Frank to rot his teeth with sugar laden toothpaste, why does he later cut Frank off? Oh well. I love the deliver of his line as he muses how he can get children to smoke.

    The credit riffing was fun. I like the addition of the game show style “pass” at the end of each page of credits. While there was talk in the comments above about the overused “is the great … going to direct” riff, I want to point out the creativity of how it is shot down. Again in the vain of a game show Joel calls out to the judges and then declares it overused.

    Time of the Apes callback: I don’t care.

    Sampo says “Joel’s [invention] doesn’t look that well-put-together.” Well of course not. It’s a rock and WRECK guitar.

    The gibberish in the screenplay host segment reminds me of Abbott & Costello. There was a character that recurred in several episodes of their old radio show that would initiate a gibberish sketch with “words” much like those that would frustrate Costello because he didn’t understand. I don’t know the name of that actor. But I wonder if this host segment was in part a reference on that.

    These Rocky Jones stories must be two-parters. How else could you put two TV episodes together it a single coherent “movie?”

    I love Clayton’s terror at receiving the Banner Gram.

    Favorite Riffs:
    Joel “Would you folks break it up? Your party is depressing everyone in the building.”

    The doctor helps the lady he’s been ogling on with her coat. Crow “Ironically I’m putting clothes on you.”

    Tom as Professor emerging from a door “Well I can’t take a crap. Bobby is my witness.”

    During a fight scene: Crow “Oh right in the Winky.”

    Rockets are fired and Rocky Jones asks the Professor for the results. Crow “It went boom.”

       6 likes

  34. Greasyfries says:

    What’s this “kind of hot” noise? Cleolanta is totally hot. “Rocky Jones” successfully employed a rule that the Hercules movies would later follow… always make the evil queen ten krillion times hotter than the “good” girls.

       7 likes

  35. Kenneth Morgan says:

    Actually, I agree that this Rocky Jones “movie” actually does show some unexpected depth. For example, there’s the contrast between the people of the non-John Banner moon, who are willing to go to great lengths to help their threatened neighbors, and Queen Cleolanta, who basiccally decides, “My guys first, and forget anyone else.” Or, am I reading too much into this?

    Still, Frank looks hilarious using the cookies ‘n cream toothpaste, and Mike does a great John Banner. Loved his reaction to the mention of Werner Klemperer.

    Still, I’m surprised Prof. Newtn didn’t inspire a couple of “Doctor Who” references (“So, when does this guy turn into Patrick Troughton?”).

       3 likes

  36. robot rump! says:

    ‘It’s going to be a Banner day!’ i showed this ep to my folks when it came out on DVD, they couldn’t believe ‘Sgt. Schultz was that thin.’ Wierd huh? And in reference to a couple of things Sampo brought up: Thrusters? what about the whole structural mess of having the ‘Orbit Jet’ pushing the space station out of the way of their impending doom? And yes Cleolanta is uber caliente as far as evil queens go. she kind of looks like a young Belinda Carlisle before she discovered booze, drugs and Ho-Ho’s.
    Favorite quote: ‘What if one of the moons sat down and shut up?’

       4 likes

  37. robot rump! says:

    BTW I’ve definitly got 2 bucks to wrestle the queen…

       1 likes

  38. Sitting Duck says:

    The screenplsy host segment also brings to mind old school Doctor Who. Makes you wonder if the terminology in our current crop of science fiction shows will sound as silly as what they have in Rocky Jones fifty years down the line.

    Somewhat naughty riff:

    “Where’s the little prince?”
    Well that’s a rather personal question.

       1 likes

  39. John W says:

    Rocky: “Professor Newton-”
    Joel: “Hit Bobby.”

       5 likes

  40. Tom Carberry says:

    Crash of Moons is made up from three episodes of the Rocky Jones, Space Ranger series, oddly enough, titled “Crash of Moons” episodes 1, 2 and 3. We also have the final installment of a 1963 General Hospital episode. We are treated to the thespian talents of John Banner (1910-1973). John Banner, who achieved television immortality for his portrayal of the Luftwaffe prison-camp guard Sergeant Schultz in the TV series “Hogan’s Heroes” (1965), was born on January 28, 1910 in Vienna, the capital of what was then the Austro-Hungarian Empire. The 28-year-old Banner, who was Jewish, was forced to abandon his homeland after the 1938 Anschluss (union) between Nazi Germany and Austria, which occurred while he was engaged in a tour of Switzerland with an acting company. Unable to return to Austria due to Hitler’s anti-Semitic policies of persecution, he emigrated to the United States as a political refugee.

    Soon after reaching the States, Banner — who was completely ignorant of the English language — was hired to emcee a musical revue. He had to learn his lines phonetically, but the total immersion paid off in that he rapidly picked up English. His accent and “Nordic” look ironically meant that he was typecast in several films as Nazis during the 1940s. He survived the war playing the very villains who were murdering his family who had been left behind in Austria, all of whom perished in concentration camps.

    The Banner who had emigrated to the US weighed a trim 180 lbs., but eventually, he added another 100 lbs. to become the roly-poly character actor that America would come to know and love. The 280-lb. Banner became a character actor who appeared regularly in movies and on TV, specializing in foreign-official types, such the Soviet Ambassador in the Fred MacMurray comedy Kisses for My President (1964).

    In 1965, Bing Crosby Productions cast Banner as Sgt. Schultz in the wartime sitcom Hogan’s Heroes, a take-off on Billy Wilder’s Stalag 17 (1953) but with more humor and less drama. The bumbling Dutch uncle that Banner assayed was a continent apart from the wickedly evil Nazis he specialized in during the war. Spectacularly inept as a guard of Allied prisoners of war, Sgt. Schultz was prone to ignoring the irregularities that transpired in the fictive Stalag 13, bellowing “I know nothing! I see nothing! NOTHING!”

    Banner, along with Werner Klemperer, [“Colonel Klink”] (who like Banner was a Jewish refugee from Hitler playing a comical, bumbling Nazi in “Hogan’s Heroes”), co-starred with Bob Crane [“Colonel Hogan”] in The Wicked Dreams of Paula Schultz (1968), a bizarre movie “comedy” about a defecting East German athlete. The picture bombed and the trio went back to turning out the highly popular series without losing too much pride or momentum.

    After the cancellation of “Hogan’s Heroes” in 1971, Banner was signed for another TV show set in the past, “The Chicago Teddy Bears” (1971), which used the Prohibition era as its setting. Banner’s Uncle Latzi was a close cousin of Schultz, but lightning did not strike twice and the series was canceled after 13 episodes.

    Favorite lines (General Hospital):

    This is my soap. I’ve scheduled all my classes around it.
    Can I take your helmet? Oh, that’s your hair.
    When Anne Sexton throws a party. (on October 3, 1974, Anne returned home from a poetry reading to commit suicide in her garage on October 4, 1974 by way of carbon monoxide poisoning.)
    Life getting you down? Headache pain? Try booze.
    You’ll arrive in style in the new 1963 Corvair.

    Favorite lines (Crash of Moons):

    [of Patsy Parsons] Leona Helmsley.
    Winky, honey, hang up the line.
    …maybe he thinks he’s too good for us. Well, screw Rocky.
    Wow, got enough Maybelline on there skipper?
    “Has Professor Newton re-checked his figures?” Have you checked his credentials?
    “Tell Andrews I’ll call back every hour on the hour.” Then I start tossing out bodies.
    [baby crying] They’ve got him in a Weber Grill.
    ILM, you’ve done it again.
    Look honey why don’t you just go make some sandwiches, ok?
    Poor sap thinks he’s on Hogan’s Heroes already.
    I can’t take a crap, Bobby’s my witness.
    When in the Ukraine, visit Chernobyl.
    [of Atlasan] Why are you dressed like Liberace’s chauffeur?
    [of Cleolanta’s black armband] She’s wearing that armband because her career is dead.
    Baby trapped in film eats own hand…film at 11.
    “Atlasan.” Yes pound sign.
    How is the little nipper Martha? Sophie’s choice.
    You’ve got a toenail on your forehead, there, just flick that off.

    Final Thought: On the less talented side is Patsy Parsons (1931-2006) who played Cleolanta. While she didn’t have much of a career I think she’s hot. I give this one 4 out of 5 stars.

       8 likes

  41. rcfagnan says:

    Count me among those who find Cleolanta to be smokin’ hot. But I’ve got a bone to pick with the Brains: why don’t you ever finish what you start??? You start the Commando Cody serial, then quit halfway through, Phantom Creeps done after, what 3 episodes? Not to mention only two of Undersea Kingdom and now an abrupt end to General Hospital? Wha happa? I can understand GH, after all it’s a decades-long-running tv show, but the other serials, I mean, c’mon, finish what you start man! Ah well, love the episode anyway. Mike’s John Banner is AWESOME (much as his Winky was milk-through-the-nose-inducing in the previous Rocky Jones episode).

       6 likes

  42. Jbagels` says:

    I don’t know if the Obama Cosby show thing would count as a dated reference. I think the term refers more to riffs that were current when they were said but have now become dated. I don’t have a problem with them though, like many have said, they bring back a nice blast from the past and I am certainly a sucker for Nostalgia.

    Gyp gyp gypsy moooooon. Definitely the highlight of the episode for me.

       1 likes

  43. Cubby says:

    Re-watching this last night, I heard a riff that I’d never noticed before: when they’re bringing Cleolanta’s ship in for a landing on Posita, Winky’s throwing the switch and Tom says, “No! We’ve had a call from the Governor!”

    Heh. Always fun to hear something new.

    Should Stef (and others) be wondering, Crow is reading DC Super-Stars #2 (from 1977), Joel is reading Red Sonja #9 (from 1985), and Tom is reading Fightin’ Army #142 (from 1979). All have a little red price sticker on them, so they probably grabbed them from a resale shop in space.

       3 likes

  44. stef says:

    I thought Joel’s invention was neat.

    The part I love most in the movie is that when the space station is about to be between the atmosphere chain of the 2 planets, somebody remembered real science and bring up how the station being built for space will not withstand the atmospheric pressures! I’m always happy when science fiction show made in the 1960’s and earlier use real science facts in the script!

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  45. Smirkboy says:

    Dumb movie question: The space station doesn’t have any ability to propel itself? Not even some little thruster rockets? Seems like a design flaw. Or a plot contrivance.

    The International Space Station does not have maneuvering jets or any way to alter it’s orbit. It depends on the spaceships moored to it to do any corrections.

    Just ask NASA (Before they go into Chapter 11)

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  46. itsspideyman says:

    The screenplay host segment word-salad is one of my favorites. I start giggling every time I here them start. By the time Crow storms off in a huff and screams “I HEARD THAAAT!!!!” I’m rolling on the floor.

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  47. >a take-off on Billy Wilder’s Stalag 17 (1953) but with more humor and less drama.

    That’s an, ah, generous way of phrasing it, yes. Then again, I think Blackadder Goes Forth is a take-off on Stanley Kubrick’s Paths of Glory (1957) but with more humor and less drama. What do I know?

    But the judges award you points for namedropping Billy Wilder.

       0 likes

  48. revlillo says:

    CreditsWatch: Host segments directed by Kevin Murphy. Sarah E. Wisner joins the staff as production assistant, Ellie McDonough’s old role before her recent promotion.

    Hail, Sarah Wisner, wherever you are now! She is the staff member who gave me, my wife, and another MSTie a tour of Best Brains in September 1993. She couldn’t have been more gracious and informative. Hope she’s still doing well. 8-)

       6 likes

  49. dsman71 says:

    The whole movie is just kiddee Saturday Matinee fodder, no real budget. No matter what Tom Servo thinks that *this is the worst film theyve ever done* Fire Maidens was way worse..
    This is B Movie fun and the song Gypsy Moons is great..
    Glad its on a DVD set finally
    Joels Hair ( parted in the middle this time and you could see hair breakage ..balding joel)
    Joels Knees
    Gypsy (_l_)’s
    Oh God therapy isnt working…

       3 likes

  50. Troy Thomas says:

    I can’t believe nobody noticed there was no “the” on the title. I’ve noticed it every time I saw it, but when I first saw this one, I thought the “the” was cut off on my TV. But no, it isn’t. I guess when you’ve been watching movies this bad for years, you stop noticing plain details.

       1 likes

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