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Episode guide: 1008- Final Justice

Movie: (1984) A Texas sheriff winds up on the island of Malta in pursuit of the criminal that killed his partner.

First shown: June 20, 1999
Opening: Tom considers the unexplored implications of the song “Owner of a Lonely Heart”
Intro: M&tB are plagued by Yes orchestra hits; Pearl encourages humor in the workplace
Host segment 1: M&tB demonstrate to Pearl how repeating the same sequence can be annoying
Host segment 2: Crow and Tom encounter cute little Goosio. It doesn’t go well
Host segment 3: Crow’s report on Malta includes a good deal of slander on the subject of Maltese men
End: Having suffered through a really bad Joe Don Baker movie, Mike assumes it’s his turn to escape. He’s wrong, the poor dope. Meanwhile, Funny Dress-Up Day at Castle Forrester takes a horrifying turn
Stinger: “Yew think yew kin take me? Go ‘head on. It’s yer move”
1 Star2 Stars3 Stars4 Stars5 Stars (259 votes, average: 4.25 out of 5)


• I have to put this one in the fair-to-good column. Unfortunately, there’s no way to avoid a comparison between this ep and the “Mitchell,” episode and unfortunately this one doesn’t measure up to that classic. The riffing definitely has its moments, but they have trouble sustaining a constant level of funny. The movie itself is serviceable and certainly Joe Don’s character is a bit less gross than it was in “Mitchell,” but it’s also a bit less unintentionally zany. In addition, the segments are more miss than hit this time around, but the final segments save the day.
• Mike’s thoughts are here.
• This episode is included in Shout’s Mystery Science Theater 3000 Collection: Vol XIV.
• Callback: “Stop drinking baby oil!”
• The opening features more Yes bashing. My theory: The only way you could be this anti-Yes is by having BEEN a Yes fan at some point and since repented. I’m looking in Kevin’s direction.
• Last time I said I didn’t understand the riff “Let’s talk loudly about our SUVs.” Commenters explained it to me.
Segment 1 seems a little picky to me, like they couldn’t find anything else to comment on. The footage reuse is pretty mild compared to similar instances in other movies. All in all, I can’t get behind the premise.
Segment 2 is a bit better, and it explains why Mike takes the time to pointedly refer to Goosio by name during the riffing–he was setting up this bit.
• Of course that’s Mike sat the voice of Goosio; Patrick was doing the rather elaborate “technical puppetry.”
• Mike has the broken Goosio in the theater following the segment
• Obscure reference: Perini Scleroso (a hilarious character invented by SCTV’s Andrea Martin).
• Mike, apparently still channeling Joel after his visit, does a very Joelesque bit in the theater when he stands up and appears to be running from the car in the movie.
• Again, I find it amusing that microbrewery aficionado Mike is seen drinking Bud.
• Also in the theater, Servo twice leaps off his theater seat when somebody says “Geronimo.”
Segment 3 goes back to the “pointlessly bash a nationality” thing they’ve had some success with in the past, but I don’t think this works as well this time. Also: Mike knows how to rewire Crow?
• Then-still-slightly current reference: “Christian Slater’s gonna fly tomorrow I better get this back to him.” For those who’ve forgotten, Slater stupidly showed up at JFK airport in December 1994 with a gun in his carry-on and was arrested.
• Yet another fun closing credits bit, as Crow and Tom come up with new gluttonous lyrics for the theme music.
• Nice moment at the end of the last theater segment as Mike leaves early and Tom has to figure a way out of the theater by himself. “What do I do??” He runs left as Cambot pulls away. Somehow he manages.
• The final bit, of course, is the best of the episode and brings the entire episode up from fair to good. A lot of nice little touches in a great parody of Joel’s farewell. One small nitpick, though: “…an escape pod SHE hid…”?? Gypsy did not hide the escape pod in the box of hamdingers. I remember immediately after this episode first aired there was a long nerdy Comic Book Guyesque discussion of this goof on most of the web forums.
• As if the ending bit on the SOL wasn’t funny enough, that bit is further topped by the appearance of Bill’s in full leatherboy regalia. Classic.
• Cast and crew roundup: Executive producer Louis George had the same job on “Angels Revenge, as did producer/director/screenwriter Greydon Clark. In front of the camera, Joe Don Baker, of course, starred in “Mitchell.” Bill McKinney also appeared in “Master Ninja I.”
• CreditsWatch: Directed by Kevin.
• Fave riff: “The last thing a sausage sees.” Honorable mention: “I’m glad we skipped the cavity search.”

187 comments to Episode guide: 1008- Final Justice

  • 1
    Bobby 23-Skidoo says:

    Oh, Kermie, take a look at my good stuff!


  • 2
    MiqelDotCom says:

    “Meatballs fried in Laaaard!”

    This movie is dripping with palm-kernel oil and makes the whole room smell like bacon … so I don’t watch it often, but once I get accustomed to the constant gurgling, burping an farting it seems like a solid 3 star episode.

    It was presumably an ‘actual’ movie but has a very ‘TV cop show pilot’ feel to it. The sets, the pacing, the background music, the ski-boat chase and that awkwardly abrupt ending all scream ‘made for tv’.

    Did “Go Ahead On Now” ever become the HUGE catch-phrase they were expecting? Not with anyone I know .. maybe in Texas. Wink
    I like to watch this and just pretend it’s called MITCHELL RETURNS. Not much difference in the characters (except Geronimo is even more of a vigilante who grew up eating squirrels and jackrabbits). To me Mitchell was a more enjoyable movie. The afterimages of Joe-don’s mouth close-ups are good nightmare fuel.

    I love the Mike’s Tripping & the Mike thinks gets to leave (foreshadowing?) segments! The other host segments are so-so, not annoying but not especially memorable.

    Fave riffs:
    “You’ve embarrassed the Italian Government”
    Mike “… and that’s pretty hard to do!”

    During a particularly trippy float at the carnival-
    Crow: “Uh … Did you dose me Mike?”

    Geronimo gulps a glass of milk
    Mike: “Yumm, Alfredo sauce”

    the 5th time Geronimo wakes up in the jail cell –
    Mike: “Help we’re stuck in a Mobius strip of a movie”


  • 3
    swh1939 says:

    Oh, thank goodness. I thought I would be the only one who found this episode not 100%.


  • 4
    HotDrawnBorgnine says:

    I actually enjoyed this episode alot,but the one thing I’ve found is that EVERYTIME after I watch this one, I have their riffing over the Theme Song..”He’ll eat your luuuuuuuuuuuuuuunch..” in my head for days…


  • 5
    JimmyBruce says:

    I can take only so much of Joe Don Baker. This episode is best watched in bits and pieces, I’ve given it 2 stars.


  • 6
    Colossus Prime says:

    The opening is silly fun, Tom taking a ridiculous idea to an extreme. The kicker to the wacky workplace where Pearl just snaps at the end is incredible.

    What’s not to love about the, “Mike’s tripping,” segment? Silly all the way through to the incredibly small victory of Pearl agreeing to not send them, “another bad movie with Joe Don Baker in which a dark haired sheriff in a small role gets shot and slides down a wall twice.” The trashing of Goosio is just a nice reinforcement of the relationship between Mike and the bots but otherwise forgetable. Crow’s hatred of Matlese men is awesomely inappropriate. The final segment is precious; the simpleness of Mike, how sympathetic the bots are. “Nothing will ever be funny again.” Truly disturbing. Smile

    What a disgusting movie. I don’t blame Baker for the role, but he plays the part of a homicidal sociopath with a badge all too well. Seriously, he illegally crosses the boarder, goads a man into drawing his weapon so he can do a full on old fashion gun draw, then taunts the other man all as though giving someone else a chance to pull their weapon justifies everything else. And there is no fall out for him crossing the boarder, killing a man and dragging the other back to Texas? The hell? And all of that started with the genius idea of our villains to steal a car from a police station while they’re within walking distance of the boarder.

    Then he continues to murder people in a country where he has no authority. You could probably argue self defense in come cases, but the very first guys he kills are men he trailed and again taunted. And to that point, he seriously does a hip draw on a guy holding a kid (with ridiculously bad dubbed wining) hostage. Why they didn’t lock him up for good and try him for international crimes is beyond me. At the very least they should have kept him locked up until he could be taken directly to a flight home.

    -sigh- Greydon Clark seems like a nice enough guy and all, but there is just so much wrong with the story and characters.

    Favorite Riffs:
    Crow: In the time it takes him to fall the Italian government changes three times.

    Tom jumping off his seat yelling, “Geronimo.”


  • 7
    Joseph Nebus says:

    I wonder if the Mike’s Tripping sketch wasn’t one of those things where they realized they could do a bit where they used the same footage over and over and over, and write dialogue just so that it would match the puppets’ action, and they wanted to see how far they could carry it. I admit I find it more clever than I do funny, but I still find it reasonably funny.

    I really liked how much Mike got up and out of his chair this season; it wasn’t until this “this is because Joel stopped by, isn’t it?” stuff that it really stood out how they had forgotten to play with the silhouettes. To me, playing with the silhouettes always works, even when it doesn’t.

    One of the things bugging me about this episode, as compared to Mitchell, is that the Brains make a lot of fun of “Joe Don Baker” rather than whatever his character was named. In Mitchell, they make a lot of fun of Mitchell, who despite being a determined and reasonably perceptive police officer deserves it. In Final Justice they’re speaking more of the actor and they honestly don’t know anything about the actor. Maybe it would have helped if the movie were named for the character.

    I recall someone working out that by the proper count — I think you have to disallow the KTMA episodes but count The Movie — this was the episode where Mike’s episode count tied Joel’s, which makes the Joe Don Baker movie choice a fine little hopelessly inside reference.


  • 8
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    I’m not sure why Tom would consider it a problem, since he’s consistently been shown as able to enter and exit the theater from the left side (in “I Was a Teenage Werewolf,” for instance); apparently only the right side has an air grate that he (usually) can’t hover past.

    But the right side is where they sit, and thus they always use that door, which requires Mike to carry Tom. In Mike’s absence (beginning of “Agent for HARM,” for instance), Crow apparently carries Tom just past the air grate and then drops him, whereas Mike always carries him all the way to his seat.

    I think Servo has, on occasion, been depicted as able to get past the air grate on his own (e.g. he enters the theater alone, on the right side), but it’s probably awkward and for him, so Mike just saves time by carrying him.

    Maybe the left side was under repair that day.


  • 9
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    this is a good episode but another one where the subject film is hard for me to watch ( so I can only go 4 stars ). It’s just too gross and stupid. But the riffing is excellent (felonius monk !) and some of the host segments are very good as well ( Brain Guy meets “Cruising” ). The Goosio bit leaves me cold, and the escape pod bit could have had a slightly lighter hand.

    ( Sampo: even though Wikipedia agrees with you, I am certain that the name is Pleurini Scleroso, since using 2 medical derived terms is so much funnier. But I will have to research this more )


  • 10
    swh1939 says:

    It’s definitely Perini Scleroso. There are several official print publications that will verify this.


  • 11
    Tim S. Turner says:

    Okay, not one of my favorites. I do love Goosio, though.


  • 12
    Apollonia James (yeah, right) says:

    If I remember correctly, the “let’s talk loudly about our SUV’s” line was said during a shot of the well-dressed criminals on the plane. I just always took it as a reference to expensive-suited CEO-type guys who are publicly obnoxious with their attempts to show how rich and successful they are.

    “I watch the cowboy buster!… huh?” This movie isn’t one of the best, but the last scene on the docks is totally worth it, every line makes me laugh. I love the bestial-yet-quizzical grunt when Geronimo looks over at the traitor officer in surprise.

    “You sonuva–!”


  • 13
    WeatherServo9 says:

    I wonder how many hardened Maltese criminals were prevented from escaping by that odd little gate in the jail hallway.

    I have to agree with the general consensus that this movie is overly determined to be unpleasant. Mitchell did have a kind of 1970s zaniness to it that made it much more bearable. The few moments of utter absurdity in this one (like the gratuitous second boat chase scene) just can’t counteract the general ick of all the killing.

    And no doubt there is some good riffing as always, but I do agree with #7 that they should have made fun of the character more than JDB.

    Speaking of JDB, I wonder how he enjoyed his stay in Malta.

    “Hey Malta, get a tree!”


  • 14
    Finnias 'Critter' Jones says:

    “You think you can take me? Go ahead on. It’s your move.”

    Worst, most convoluted catch-phrase for an action hero ever.

    3 stars. Riffing is fine, but the movie is no fun for me. I like seeing Joe Don again, but the plot is numbingly repetitive and all the editing of the swears (son of a –––––, etc.) creates an awkward viewing experience. This occurs so frequently the guys barely even riff on it.

    I do appreciate the Elaine Bennis jokes (“None of them are sponge-worthy”) and Goosio. Mike has some puns that annoy the Bots but amuse me (“Guess he’s a felonious monk”/”The Cabbage Apaches?”). Crow makes a clever Titanic reference after Geronimo’s motorboat blows up: “Don’t worry, his heart will ‘go ahead on.'”

    Re: The band Yes – As a fan of their epic 1970’s work I was always a bit embarrassed by their 80’s comeback move with 1983’s 90125 (though I admittedly saw them live for the first time on that tour – pretty disappointing). The digital sample based “orchestra hit” (used to better effect with the also-Trevor Horn produced Art of Noise “Close to the Edit”) always bugged me, and I was glad to see the Brains use it to great comic effect in the opening segment. And yeah, Yes lyrics always had a “surreal” element to them but “Owner…” was more ludicrous than usual. I never really understood what the song was “about”, beyond its highly synthetic production values. Lead singer Jon Anderson was added to the project later and likely rewrote the original lyrics with his own New Age slant, rendering the entire song as vague nonsense. At the time, a real crisis of faith for a Yes fan as it became their biggest hit ever. Kevin Murphy’s numerous passionate vocal renditions of Asia songs suggest he too was a one-time Yes fan (confirmed in recent interviews).

    BTW, Why do they connect director Greydon Clark with Hobgoblins?

    “Did you dose me, Mike?”


  • 15
    Bat Masterson says:

    “Dear Lord, please make my hair a tangled, gray mass!”


  • 16
    Cubby says:

    It’s definitely Perini Scleroso. There are several official print publications that will verify this.

    In Dave Thomas’ book it’s spelled “Pirini.”


  • 17
    Fart Bargo says:

    I’m easy so I rate this as a solid ‘4’. Anytime Joe Dan’s big ole rump roast face appears on the screen I always flash back to the J&TB’s routine of screaming suddenly. I loved when Mike interacted with the screen scene. As a Mediterrano, I found Crow’s cultural rant LMAO funny. Yes Sampo, I am wearing a spouse beater shirt as I am typing this. As TS9 @13 points out, the movie turnstile, with ticket taker, makes for an odd jail indeed. I’m just so thankful that Geronimo Joe didn’t wipe out the poor family that nursed him back to health and laundered his clothes, YUK.


  • 18
    GonzoRedux says:

    @Finnias ‘Critter’ Jones I was also confused by Greydon Clark reference. He did Angels’ Revenge back in season six, but I don’t think he had anything to do with Hobgoblins (could someone correct me if I’m wrong?)

    I saw Yes live just this past spring at the same theater, in fact, where CT played. “Owner of a Lonely Heart” is pretty bad, and kind of the cross you have to bear if you’re a Yes fan. Definitely deserves some ribbing, as do all the great bands who “went 80s”.

    I guess my problem with this episode is that it seems lazy. Too many JDB jokes that aren’t really that clever. It’s like the Brains knew it was a JDB movie coming in and thought they could coast through the movie. Also, I kinda like Joe Don. I felt bad for him when the attacks got personal. Same goes for Goosio! The bots could really be cruel in the later years, and it really dragged the show down from season 8 onward.


  • 19
    warp_10 says:

    Mock me if you will, but I always considered this one a LOT more entertaining than “Mitchell”… but, and i’m really gonna get knocked on this one, I always liked Mike a lot more than Joel. Joel’s jokes just never seemed all that funny… too dry for me.


  • 20
    hugh mann says:

    I’ve looked everywhere and I haven’t been able to find a connection between Greydon Clark and “Hobgoblins” besides Servo’s comment. Is this a goof on their part, or is there something I’ve missed?


  • 21
    BVigeant says:

    I recently watched Mitchell/Final Justice back to back, and while a lot of people say this is just Mitchell in Malta, there is one huge difference. While Geronimo is a gross, terrible, cop that doesn’t play by the rules (like Mitchell), he also has some sort of clear morality system where its pretty clear that Mitchell is just straight up incompetant. Mitchell does all sorts of pretty dumb things constantly, where Geronimo is more of a generic loose cannon.


  • 22
    Howard says:

    I can’t find a Greydon Clark / “Hobgoblins” connection either. Sloppy bots!

    This is a 2.0/5 episode for me. Just so-so, and docked a notch for confusing Joe Don Baker with the gross characters he has played in some films.


  • 23
    BigZilla says:

    The “Let’s talk loudly about our SUVs” line is one of I and my wife’s most used lines, but we always end up using it in restaurants when someone is talking so loud on a cell phone at a nearby table that it’s interrupting our conversation. Perhaps not the original intent of the line but it seems to fit.

    As for the movie itself, I think Mike refers to it as a “mobius strip of a movie,” which is 100% spot on. I really can’t watch it much just because it is so repetitive and the film oozes a sort of fever dream color and what I imagine is the cinematic equivalent of grease. I just find it to be tough to watch, though very funny in some places. More a problem with the film itself than the riffing.

    2.5 stars out of 5


  • 24
    Gummo says:

    Some funny stuff here & there, but the movie itself is so vile that it’s hard to make it fun…

    Colossus Prime @ #6 is so right, in this movie Baker isn’t just playing an amiable goof who makes his own rules a la Mitchell, he’s a fascist psychopath. Which I’m afraid is a little too close to Baker’s own philosophy for comfort as he seems waaaay too enthusiastic when espousing his “beliefs” to the Italian policewoman (basically, “as cops we should be judge, jury & executioner”). I mean, Joe Don Baker just isn’t that good of an actor.

    Also, this is a very LOUD episode — the constant gunfire & explosions get very wearing very quickly if you try to watch it all the way through.

    IIRC, in the comments Mike said this one was really painful to work on, and sadly, it does show. The best MST episodes are effortless, but they really had to work on this one. 3.5 stars, at best.


  • 25
    Ed says:

    Am I the only one who is a bit weirded out that the song used in the bar is also used for the end credits? Sure it fits but the effect is that rather than thinking of half nude women dancing when you hear the song, you instead are thinking of Joe Don Baker. Not a really good trade-off.


  • 26
    Spector says:

    No, this one doesn’t measure up to the classic “Mitchell”, and how could it given the departure of Joel from the series in that episode. That being said, this one isn’t too bad. You can’t go wrong riffing on a Joe Don Baker flick and the Brains are in good form here, although in my opinion they went overboard on the easy target jokes – weight, gluttony and nationalities. I did however laugh my butt off at Tom and Crow’s song during the film’s closing credits, and it was a good call-back having Mike pretend he could escape the SOL because Joel did the last time they saw a Joe Don Baker film. I’d give this one between 3.5 – 4 stars, so 3.75 stars out of five.


  • 27
    Puma says:

    It’s no “Mitchell” for sure.
    It has its moments, but I agree with those who feel all of the personal comments about JDB get pretty distasteful.
    I also think that, despite some horrible movies, Joe Don is a better actor than some people give him credit for.


  • 28
    Mela says:

    There’s no way to really effectively give this a half mark, so I’d lean towards 3 stars (if I could do halves, it’d be 3.5). The movie has some incredibly funny stuff, and the end credits rendition of JDB’s action theme is pretty hilarious. However, aside from the opening skit and the throwback closer, the host segments just feel very phoned-in. The third one is pretty much exactly what people think of when they complain about the “let’s bash the nation where this movie was made” mindset of the Sci-Fi era, and it’s just not funny even in audacity. It’s downright dull. The other two are just sort of dull, stretching a premise a bit too long. So the largely weak segments hurt this one for me.

    What does “Let’s talk loudly about our SUVs” mean? Is it a private joke?

    It might be, but it also might refer to the rise of the SUV as a (pathetic) status symbol that started around this time. Plus, like others suggested, it might just be a dig at people who talk too loud about stuff that concerns no one but themselves or whoever’s on the other end of the phone.


  • 29
    Brandon says:

    “Mitchell” is loads funnier. I think part of my complaint with this episode, is they seemed “too nice” with JDB this time around. The riffs aren’t quite as harsh, or clever as they were in Mitchell. It’s like they were afraid to comment on him because he threatened to beat them up (even though Kevin thinks he was joking).

    Still, “It’s dangerous for Joe Don to go in the ocean. Someone is bound to harpoon him”, is awesome!

    I also love, “Please, God. Let me kill a lot of people.”

    BTW, at the end, is the lyric that Tom and Crow sing, “Stuff lots of food in your big meaty face”? I can’t quite make it out.

    The goof in the final segment where Servo says that Gypsy hid the escape pod could either be written off as Servo misremembering, or him and Crow really did think Gypsy hid the escape pod in there (she definitely never revealed where she got it from in “Mitchell”).

    Bobo: “I took a cue from Joe Don Baker! Everyday is Funny Dress Up Day for him!”
    Pearl: “The resemblance is uncanny!”

    Incidentally, I think this is the last episode where Joel is mentioned.

    Servo: “Jon Lovitz refuses a drink.”
    Crow: “As does Andy Worhol.”

    Servo: “This is to remind the pilot that he’s a failure in life.”


  • 30
    mikek says:

    I give it four stars, but only because of the riffing and latter host segments.. This movie always bothers me when I watch it, because it is so stupid. What kind of mob hitman is this Palermo? He angers easily and commits random killings that attract attention to him. If was Don Lamona, I’d give Palermo some cement shoes throw him into the Mediterranean. Palermo is rather selfish too. What does he first say when the Don tells him about his next job “in the far East”? He says, “I like Asian cuisine.”

    Then there’s sheriff Geronimo (I’d question the character’s heritage, but obesity is a real problem on some reservations.) Anyway, this guy is worse than Mitchell. All he does is kill people. He even got the Three Inch Taxi Cab Driver killed. Palermo was going to let the little fella go, but then Geronimo wakes up and starts fighting Palermo. This then results in a gun battle that kills the cab driver. He’s also a bit of a cheater too. In the stand-off with the three ugly guys, Geronimo has the advantage, since his gun is a belt holster while his opponents are carrying guns beneath their jackets.

    I could go on, but I won’t.


  • 31
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    “Look, just stop sinning, all right?!”


  • 32
    Ator In Flight says:

    Don’t compare it to Mitchell,it just ain’t healthy. I guess I liked this episode more than most here.

    Favorite riffs-

    “Killing rules.”

    “Look how nude I am.”

    “Revenge is a dish best served with laughter and giggles.”

    “I’m not getting anything done in this hotel room. Well not anything you need to know about.”

    “Did you dose me Mike?”

    It’s not really a riff,but I love that guy screaming “Tony,Tony!”

    I’m glad they fit in a “Packers!”
    I also love how the bots get down to the music during the boat chase and it still kills me how Tom just blurts out “MEATBALLS FRIED IN LARD!”.
    I agree with Tom in segment 2,I hate cute.

    Does anyone know why and if the SciFi channel added those blurry boxes in front of the strippers? Doesn’t seem like you could even see anything without them.


  • 33
    Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    #19 – consider yourself mocked. Razz

    I just rated this a 3, but probably should have gone with a 2. Not a whole lot of fun, for me anyhow. Yeah, he’s fat, but it gets old after a while, except for the end credits song (CHEW CHEW CHEW CHEW!) That’s some good stuff.

    Fave riff:

    She’s the Miles Davis of strippers.


  • 34
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    Brandon (#29): “BTW, at the end, is the lyric that Tom and Crow sing, ‘Stuff lots of food in your big meaty face’? I can’t quite make it out.”

    I always heard it as “Stuff lots of food in your meat-baby face.” I just checked Ward E, and the transcribers of the bit also heard it that way. As to what “meat-baby face” might mean, I guess it’s that Joe Don has a round, babyish face by virtue of its being so meaty.


  • 35
    Son of Bobo says:

    This movie looks like an R-rated tv pilot, which is exactly what I thought about Mitchell. I was always surprised that they waited so long to tackle another JDB film.
    I have always been a fan of “Mike’s tripping,” and am surprised others didn’t enjoy it. Oh, well. Notice at the end that Observer’s brain has a cap, too.
    Lots of solid, but not spectacular riffs. The “toll bridge” jokes are fun and because I love religious references, “And here’s Thomas Merton piloting the Miss Budweiser.”
    I have been waiting for Sampo to cover this episode because I was hoping for some info on Servo’s comment that Greydon Clark was the producer of Hobgoblins. And all that waiting gets me nothing. I assume this was just a very lazy goof by the Brains.
    Well, I had better go ahead on.


  • 36
    kismetgirl88 says:

    This not good as Mitch but It good episode. I like How Mike tries to escape. And Crow Malta report. I’m sure very nice place as long JDN not there and not festival time. I mean what gave with Goosio.


  • 37
    Graboidz says:

    2 Stars for me. The movie is awful, heavily edited by the Brains. The riffing seems a bit sub-par too…kind of a snoozer all the way around.


  • 38
    trickymutha says:

    I like this better than Mitchell. Geronimo, although a sanctioned serial killer like Mitchell, is a lighter, more likable character. He treats the Elaine Benis character with a certain amount of class, plays slingshot with kids (instead of telling one of them to buzz off) and doesn’t drink- less opportunities for bad judgement and dark behavior. Better music too, love the chase scene with the fake Priest (which is an on going theme in MST films- #419 and 608 come to mind) Go go Goosio and eat eat eat, chew chew chew.


  • 39
    rcfagnan says:

    Hold on a sec, Mike’s tripping. Okay, you think you can take this movie? Go ahead on, it’s your mov(i)e!
    The Good: Awesome host segments, good (not great) riffing, and the leather cap on Observer’s brain
    The Bad: The editing, screenwriting, acting, execution, just about everything to do with the actual film selected. It’s bad and not in a WTF laughable kind of way.
    The Ugly: Joe Don Baker. ’nuff said.
    Favorite riff “You’ve embarrased the Italian government!” “And that’s hard to do!”


  • 40
    The Toblerone Effect says:

    Final Justice in no way measures up to Mitchell. Considering what was happening on the show during Mitchell alone makes it more memorable; but even if there wasn’t a Joel-escaping-the-SOL subplot, it is far more an impressive ep based on the riffing. FJ is just an okay episode: good jokes and riffs here and there, but it isn’t consistently funny like Mitchell is.

    I will disagree with Sampo about Segment One. I’ve always been a fan of the repeating joke/riff, and I think adding Pearl’s aggravation with watching Mike repeatedly tripping makes the joke work. (Mike does a great job making his tripping motion look identical from shot to shot, too. It really looks like he’s caught in an endless loop of falling over himself!) The end of the sketch is alittle predictable, but overall it’s my favorite segment in the show.

    Transversely, Mike trying to escape from the SOL was a sketch I saw coming from a mile away. In fact, once it was revealed that they were doing a Joe Don Baker movie, I knew they’d devote a segment to Mike trying to find an escape pod. It’s one of the few times I actually knew what one of the segments would contain ahead of time.


  • 41
    Lucas D. says:

    I’d argue that Final Justice is every bit as funny, riff-wise. It’s hard to notice because, unlike Mitchell, the movie itself is a lot less enjoyable. The film is darker and more violent, it’s even more formulaic and repetitive, and Joe Don’s character has gone from a mostly unlikeable jerk to a COMPLETELY unlikeable jerk.

    I feel kind of bad for Joe Don Baker, but I can’t bring myself to actually defend him; he’s the one who decided to be in two of these awful movies, after all. By this point, Mike and the Bots were hurting, and it was only fair that they hurt Joe Don back.


  • 42
    evanthered says:

    I think I come from a different universe than the rest of you. I think Final Justice is far superior to Mitchell. And you don’t get to claim there are too many fat jokes and still think the credit sequence is funny.


  • 43
    WhereTheFishLives says:

    Favorite riffs: John Lovitz refuses a drink. Why am I not getting any business? Elaine Bennis disaproves. I also love the host segment where they kill Goosio. (?not sure on the spelling there)


  • 44
    Cabbage Patch Elvis says:

    #29, #34 – I think the meat/baby face line is just Bill and Kevin singing different lyrics. Someone was just so into the song that he flubbed the line. It sounds like the words are sung over the top of one another a bit. At least that’s how it sounds to me.


  • 45
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    re: the whole Hamdingers thing

    I think they really didn’t care much about continuity in the Sci-Fi era… even during the year it was supposed to be a continuity-based show. Early in Season 8, practically every sketch about Crow’s memory had a completely different take on what the memory problem was (and that didn’t even seem to be the point– Mike and Tom didn’t seem to notice that the premise had changed, either). Later on in the season, they do essentially the same joke in two consecutive episodes about how to explain why changing the past is a bad idea, only the roles of who needs it explained by whom are reversed.

    And as soon as they’d set up the new Castle Forrester format in Season 9, the Brains seem to have decided to forget about the whole “500+ years at the edge of the universe” thing (“Your voice will change every seven years or so”; the S.O.L. was designed to fall apart after ten years). And in “Girl in Gold Boots,” they’re so far from caring about internal continuity that we have the joke about Mike saving a gag for eight years, which only works in regards to Mike the writer, not Mike the character.

    None of which bother me much; I’m just saying. Next to these, I never even noticed the Hamdingers discrepancy.


  • 46
    Roman Martel says:

    I’m wondering if we all saw the same movie. I think that “Mitchell” as a film was much darker and more the character more repuslive than Geronimo in “Final Justice”. Joel and the bots go after Mitchell with guns a blazing and he deserves it. Especially compared to the bad guys in that movie – Mitchell seems even worse than them.

    “Final Justice” is a more traditional cowboy rights a wrong type of story. Geronimo doesn’t come across as dumb or as mean as Mitchell. He’s just stubborn and trigger happy. But he’s a much more likable character than Mitchell. And the villian he faces is much nastier. You actually want that jerk to die.

    I think that actually affects the riffing in this show. The guys go after Baker full bore, but the character doesn’t really deserve it. And that’s the other thing, they go after Baker instead of Geronimo. I know the sci-fi years were more aggressive in their riffs, but this is one of the few times it doesn’t work for me. The best stuff in this episode is when they actually make fun of the movie itself and not Baker. I love the stuff around the carnival and even the Catholic jokes during the monk scene work.

    I think the shadow of “Mitchell” loomed large over this episode (pun kinda intended). Best Brains knew people loved it and decided to try to mimic the feel of that episode instead of really writing for the movie they had in front of them.

    All in all it’s not a very good episode, only two Goosio’s out of five.


  • 47
    Colossus Prime says:

    I’ve noticed occasional comments about how edited the movie is. To that end, has anyone seen the unedited version? And if so is there any hint that there’s someone in the US Justice Department getting paid off? I am constantly weirded out by that scene at the end where the guy shows up only to point out that he’s been corrupt the entire time. It just comes completely out of nowhere and is entirely superfluous outside of having him be the guy shot with the flare gun.


  • 48

    The thing that always kills me about this episode is JDB’s atire. He wears the same cowboy/sheriff’s get-up through out the whole movie. That suit has to be a sweat stained, stinky mess. Plus, to quote Joel from ‘Eegah’, “He looks like a toy.” Watching him throw his ugly American weight around in this movie made me want to puke. Thank goodness for the food gorging song at the end.


  • 49
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    Cabbage Patch Elvis (#44):

    I just went back and listened to it. It sounds like only Kevin sings “meat” while Bill sings nothing, but both of them sing “baby face.” I’m apt to think it’s Bill’s mistake, though, because “meat-baby face” fits the meter. But maybe it’s just that I find it an amusing expression.

    My next-favorite part of the song:

    Song: You’d better ru-uu-un.
    Mike: ‘Cause he’s got the runs.


  • 50
    ck says:

    Here’s a thought. Could the monk Joe Don chased
    have an albino relative? Say sayin’…

    Actually, this JDB flick did seem to have more effort and location
    planning in it then Mitchell,
    Malta parades, boat chase scene topping Mitchell’s Wink ,
    a less strange bad guy motivation then Mitchell (in Mitchell Martin
    Balsam being absurdly churlish to the other dons, etc.).

    Anyonje know if the strip dances in this one were significantly cut/
    blurred for MST3000? It seems so.


  • 51
    Luke says:

    So… WHY exactly am I supposed to be interested in someone’s opinions on these episodes? I totally get that people have their own opinions on what is good and what isn’t, but its being presented like some sort of official dictum. Why can no one on the internet S E P E R A T E factual data and their own prissy, message-boardy opinions? Is it honestly that hard?

    Seriously. I’m not asking this rhetorically. I want an answer. Why is it so hard to do that? Am I just THAT out of touch with the modern dumbed down society?


  • 52
    Fart Bargo says:

    It is amusing reading the very civil debate between the Mitchel vs Geronimo characters as portrayed by Joe Don Baker. Some have argued that though homicidal, Geronimo shows little children how to use a sling shot(he was showing them how to kill). Others have pointed out that Mitchel isn’t as homicidal but is slovenly and lazy. For me, the tie breaker for the most reprehensible can be summed up in two words: Baby oil.

    Yes, the images that these two words start to invoke is hilarity and giddieness which abruptly stop! The darker, more salacious scenes begin to form in front of the mind’s eye. They start with a very tasty vision of prime Linda Evans when looming over her is a baby oiled, slathered….Nausea overwhelms us and thus a debate is settled.


  • 53
    Colossus Prime says:

    @51 – This isn’t IMDB, we don’t care if you care nor do we actually think our opinions are facts. We’re just having fun. Go fail miserably at flaming somewhere else.


  • 54

    Yes would be bearable if it weren’t for that Chipmunks-style vocalist. Heck, Rush would be epic if it weren’t for Geddy Lee’s singing. Yngwie Malmsteen would have benefited from a good singer. I can’t listen to the Scorpions, anymore. Styx has been used as an example of how Hell works. Operatic metal just hasn’t aged that well.

    I’m not much of a “Mitchell” fan, so needless to say this one didn’t make an impression on me.


  • 55
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:


    Here’s a review of the uncut version:

    Per it, the Wilson-on-the-take scene at the end did indeed come out of nowhere.


  • 56
    Brandon says:

    Two additional riffs I love:

    Mike: “Wow they really misspelled SONY.”

    Servo: “Hey, Crow you have a GOLDEN ASH!”

    I always wondered how that riff played out in the writing room. Was it an exchange between Kevin and Bill?


  • 57
    Colossus Prime says:

    @54 – YES! Man… Rush is a truely infuriating band for me. Musically and lyrically they are monsters of truely epic proportions and should be looked upon as how to effectively use bass for more than just an additional rythm instrument. But Lee’s voice… ouch. Smile


  • 58
    pablum says:

    The uncensored version of this movie has the most nudity of any MST3K film that I know of. There’s even an unfortunate scene of Palermo raping a girl in a shower where you see his butt. You should all feel lucky to have never witnessed this version of the film.


  • 59
    badger1970 says:

    This is the episode that I put in when I’m ticked off and then life is better. Goosio and JDB funky never changing clothes, ewwww.


  • 60
    Rachel says:

    Domino’s… pizza delivers, I dunno.


  • 61
    sjk says:

    “We stuffed dead raw squirrels into our mouths.”

    Come on, this episode is good stuff. Also, my husband thinks Crow’s presentation on Malta is one of the funniest segments ever.


  • 62
    Pixiesnix says:

    The one image that comes to mind when thinking of this episode is the horrifying, nauseating closeup of JD Baker’s sweaty, jowly, hellish maw. Blech. It wants to swallow my soul, smothered in sawmill gravy.

    Was there supposed to be any sexual tension between Baker and his sidekick? ‘Cause I never got that impression. But then why bother having the sidekick be female? Joe Don Baker movies aren’t exactly known for being progressive.


  • 63
    WhereTheFishLives says:

    For those asking what connection Greydon Clark has to Hobgoblins, if my memory serves me correctly I believe he was the editor of the film. (Hobgoblins that is.)


  • 64
    losingmydignity says:

    This one is only occasionally hilarious…but it’s not a failure by any MST standards. There are several great patches, notably toward the end during one of the chase sequences that make up for occasional slackness. So this is just a solid ep for me.

    Is there any movie in the history of cinema that has more boat chases than this dreck of a film?

    Ah, looking forward to next week (or maybe not) when I finally force myself to rewatch Hamlet for only the second time ever. (and it’s been eight years or so). Will it be as weak as I remember? Or will it charm its way into my heart? Stay tuned.



  • 65
    bchat says:

    I was going to say “I have never seen Final Justice”, but then I went ahead on and checked first … and what d’ya know? I have it taped, so I must have seen it at least once. It has, obviously, left no impression with me whatsoever.

    That said, I personally wouldn’t compare it with Mitchell simply because they both star Joe Don Baker. Each movie/MST3K episode is an island unto itself.

    Oh, and I AM interested in other people’s opinions of these episodes, otherwise I wouldn’t bother reading the comments section and then boring everyone with what I have to say when the mood strikes me. Plus, I get to learn stuff from people who know things that I don’t.


  • 66
    Brandon says:

    Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow. Ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow ow.


  • 67
    MonkeyPatrol:InColor says:

    FINAL JUSTICE is pretty a mediocre MST3K episode. Not much else to add, other than to say I don’t really see much similarity between this movie and MITCHELL–they’re both about a heroic lawmen, but how many million movies and TV shows share that premise? Of course the lead is the same actor, but the characters couldn’t be more different, and this Joe Don is a much slower, fatter, more decrepit husk of the relatively vibrant Joe Don of MITCHELL. Geronimo is nothing more than a catchphrase in a ten-gallon hat, whereas Mitchell at least had some depth due to his ambiguity and constant side-changing. Now that, I think about it, MITCHELL, in the right hands, could have been a decent movie, whereas FINAL JUSTICE could have maybe been a passable episode of “Mannix”.


  • 68
    Gummo says:

    losingmydignity says:
    June 10, 2010 at 6:50 pm
    Ah, looking forward to next week (or maybe not) when I finally force myself to rewatch Hamlet for only the second time ever. (and it’s been eight years or so). Will it be as weak as I remember? Or will it charm its way into my heart? Stay tuned.

    I’ve tried; I swear I’ve tried. I think I’ve made it all the way through Hamlet once.


  • 69
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    Pixiesnix (#62): “Was there supposed to be any sexual tension between Baker and his sidekick? ‘Cause I never got that impression. But then why bother having the sidekick be female? Joe Don Baker movies aren’t exactly known for being progressive.”

    I think they made the character female to give the hero a(n ostensibly) humanizing change of heart: he initially automatically dismisses her because she’s a woman, but learns she’s capable. (At the same time, she’s sort of the apprentice who learns from him, but the gender doesn’t have a bearing on that part.)


  • 70
    Dr. Batch says:

    Yes has some good songs. Starship Trooper is AWESOME!


  • 71
    Johnny Ryde says:

    This one leaves me a little cold. I watch it. I’m vaguely amused. Then I never think of it again.

    The deliberately unfunny office banter in the intro is a little too realistic… It makes me think a little too much of where I work.

    Is it just me or did Mike openly drink beer more often then Joel during host segments? (In fact, did Joel ever openly drink? The only instance that springs to mind is when he opened a can in the theater and claimed it was his medicine.)

    Joe Don Baker *is* Bum Phillips… The resemblance is uncanny.

    The jokes about Joe Don Baker’s size start falling flat after a while (although there are some good zingers in there). Still, does anyone else think it’s odd that they are merciless about his weight when many of the Best Brains themselves are not that much smaller?

    “Get the milk-lover!”

    Obscure reference: Did anyone else that when Mike is checking/fixing Crow after his presentation on Malta that he’s using the same hand thing that John Cleese did in that episode of Fawlty Towers where he’s pretending to check the walls but he’s really spying on his guest (who he thinks has smuggled a girl into his room). I’m really sad for noticing that, aren’t I?

    Is there a cut near the end, or does Maria really have no reaction when JDB comes back from the dead?

    A lot of “repeat” jokes. I don’t think they were call backs. I think they were just getting disillusioned as they knew the show was ending…

    I thought the actress playing Maria (Helena Abella) did a decent job (and she was very easy on the eyes). I was surprised to see this is her only credit in IMDB. She certainly gave a good enough performance to rule out her being banned from motion pictures for the rest of her life. I expect she must have done work in Maltese films too obscure for IMDB…


  • 72
    fathermushroom says:

    I like this one okay. What I notice about both “Mitchell” and “Final Justice” is that both stories begin with an entirely senseless killing by people who would, you might think, want to stay under the radar of law enforcement.

    For instance, in “Mitchell,” why ON EARTH did that guy shoot the burglar (I know, for laughs) when he’s already into all sorts of shady dealings? Why bring that on himself? Same thing in “Final Justice.” Why did they kill the guy in the rain at the start of the flick? They could have gotten away without doing that, and then — oh well, I guess the answer is, “there’d be no story.”


  • 73
    ck says:


    Repeat to yourself it’s just a show.
    I should really just relax.


  • 74
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    that’s an excellent idea, I’m gonna watch Hamlet right now. I loov it, I’m going to have the Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet, Hamlet, baked beans and Hamlet.


  • 75
    Keith Palmer says:

    I suppose that the first time I saw this episode, I did have sort of a feeling that it was “coasting” on having Joe Don Baker in it… but when I rewatched it upon its release as an official Shout! Factory DVD, I seemed to enjoy it more. For some reason, the whole “priest chase” sequence somewhat broke the “Mitchell resemblance” by making me think of “The Rebel Set.”


  • 76
    Tigermilk says:

    I think we have an episode here where the mean-spirited ugliness of the movie skews the perception of how good the riffing actually is. “Blood Waters of Dr. Z” does this to me. This episode isn’t “Mitchell,” of course, but it’s rock solid and we get some new JDB classic quips. “Too mean to JDB” in this episode? BLASPHEMY! And you guys call yourselves Msties…tsk tsk.

    This is an episode I watched once, forgot about it, and then revisited months later and found it to be a revelation. It’s consistently in my MST3K rotation now.

    “Munch, munch, munch, munch, chew, chew, CHEW, CHEW!”


  • 77
    pablum says:

    >71 Johnny Ryde says:
    >Still, does anyone else think it’s odd that they are merciless about his weight when many of the Best Brains themselves are not that much smaller?

    Hypocrisy can be funny if its done correctly. Plus Joe Don deserves it for thinking he can star in a serious action movie.


  • 78
    kimba_1962 says:

    Well, you have to give Greydon Clark “credit” for daringly broadening the thematic scope of his oeuvre. This movie furnishes quite a contrast to ANGELS’ REVENGE. LOL

    I actually like this one a lot better than MITCHELL but then, I prefer Mike to Joel in general. And I thought the endless monk/boat chase was a hoot.


  • 79
    warp_10 says:

    Re: kimba_1962

    WOOHOO! At least I’m not alone out here in thinking #1 This was better than Mitchell and #2 I prefer Mike to Joel.


  • 80
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    I’m not a medium, I’m a petite (#74):

    Love it! Funniest thing I’ve seen here in weeks.

    btw, baked beans are off.


  • 81
    JustinT says:

    I watched this one with my friend James this past Sunday, and we were a bit dissapointed. Its a decent episode but comapred to Mitchell its not as great.

    To quote my friend, the riffing for this one is hit and miss. There is some good, funny stuff here but in some scenes the riffing just didnt work for me.

    Also, they REALLY got nasty on Joe Don in this one compared to Mitchell. Like Fatty, I was feeling sorry for Joe Don by the last act. Some of the jokes are funny, but others left me going “geese guys!”

    The Host Segments were excellent though, the opening bit with Servo discussing “the owner of a lonely heart” and comparing it to other things was great, as was Crow’s rant on the men of Malta. The Bots destroying Goosio and their complaint about the bad editing in the movie to Pearl was gold, Mike tripping over and over got funnier as it went along. And a nice nod to Mitchell with Mike thinking that since he just endured a Joe Don Baker movie its time for him to escape like Joel did. Hilarious stuff.

    I’d put it in the “good but not great’ catagory.


  • 82
    crowschmo says:

    This ep was basically a bore. Some good spots, but overall…ick.

    Some people pointed out that Geronimo dismissed the lady cop at first for being a lady – funny, if it weren’t for that Maltese stripper, he’d have never gotten out of that dungeon cell or whatever the hell it was, and would have died that slow death he was promised. He didn’t really DO much did he? Not much of a “hero”. This movie sucked.

    Didn’t like the host segs much; Crow’s Maltese rant was just a lot of nothing – it was like, hey, look how “edgy” we are, with Crow yelling and Mike and Servo wincing and going “wow”. I wasn’t impressed.

    Mike’s tripping repeatedly was pretty funny, though.

    “Luggage hittin’ a gorilla – THAT’S different.” – Servo

    “Even the dead enjoy Carnival.” – Servo

    “Guess he’s a – FELONIOUS monk.” – Mike

    “Wow, this movie’s really drawing me in – to a deep well of despair.” – Crow

    You son of a…


  • 83
    H says:

    Well, if I could stop comparing this ep to Mitchell, this would be a pretty good one. The movie’s good, very Joe Don-ny. The host segments are good too, wasn’t expecting the last segment to end that way.


  • 84
    Chris Lark says:

    FWIW I think that both “Mitchell” & “Final Justice” were PERFECT for MST3K. Both are awful films that J&TB and M&TB made better Wink

    “Mitchell” was an obvious but painful attempt at some kind of “Rockford Files” type series. It didn’t work because JDB’s character was SO darn SADISTIC (shooting one of Martin Balsam’s
    “associates” in the back and not even warning him and also brutally murdering John Saxon in the unedited version) SEXIST (using high class hooker Linda Evans for sex but not paying her and THEN busting her for prostitution) and APATHETIC to the “law” he supposedly served (searching Saxon’s house without a warrant.) Had he at least been nicer to the kid or given granny a ride to someplace where she could get a taxi to go home I actually might’ve liked him a LITTLE better (but only a little.) But still this film was NO Rockford and I’m still very surprised he did “Eichied” later.

    “Final Justice” is just as bad. This time he’s still SADISTIC and APATHETIC to the law (only reason he’s with Sheriff Bob in a smaller TX town is because he shot up so many people in Dallas as somebody mentioned earlier. Then he shoots up nearly everyboy associated with Palermo in Malta so screw any panty waist “Judge & Jury” type law abidin’) He’s only slightly LESS SEXIST this time (still can’t believe that Maria liked him that much but still…) Only real big diff here is that this film feels like an aborted Chuck Norris project to Mitchell’s aborted Rockford Files project.

    Other things “Mitchell” & “Final Justice” have in common?:

    1. Both feature opening scenes of a sleepy Joe Don Baker.
    2. Both feature theme songs that don’t work for the character Joe plays. Which would you consider worse?:
    a. A strollin’ Country tune for a “hardened” L.A. cop (“My My My My Mitchell” by Hoyt Axton)
    b. A cheesy Euro-Disco tune for a “hardened” TX marshall (“You Better Run” by Bill Scott & Neal Ferraro)
    3. Both feature unnecessary deaths at the beginning. As somebody mentioned earlier why did J. Saxon kill the burglar? And why did Palermo kill the truck driver when he should’ve just kept on going?

    What people haven’t mentioned yet:

    1. Joel DID make fun of JDB in “Mitchell.” When Mitchell’s drunk and laying on the couch Joel quips “It’s a very special Joe Don Baker Christmas.” I always thought the reason they riffed so hard on him in FJ is because the writers knew JDB is basically playing the same guy again and/or maybe didn’t want upset any Native/Tribal fans by constantly referring to him as Yeronimo or Marshall TJ Geronimo to be more specific.
    2. IMDB lists Helena Abella as Maria then lists an actress named Anna Machia as “Police Woman.” Yet the ONLY Police Woman in the film is Helena and she is called Maria. What gives? Or was there another Police Woman in the unedited version?
    3. IMDB’s listing for Helena is actually missing something. She did a guest appearance on an episode of “Remington Steele.” She played a bride who with her groom were both ejected from a horse driven carriage by Remington & Laura so they could borrow the carriage and chase after a bird. The episode is called “Maltese Steele” and believe it or not they actually used some locations that FJ used (like the plaza area with the standoff scene featuring the kid who dressed like Napoleon.) Seriously if you don’t believe me YouTube or Google it.
    4. For even more confusing fun – Anna Machia also did a “Remington Steele” episode and it was listed on her page in IMDB. The episode was called “The Steele That Wouldn’t Die Pt. 1” and she played “Girl In Cafe.”
    5. Kevin has made fun of PLENTY of Prog musicians in the past. Doesn’t ANYBODY remember the “Music From Some Guys In Space” skit? They riffed on Rick Wakeman and NOBODY here complained. I didn’t think the Prog fans on this website were THAT “sensitive.” Hell they riffed on KISS in FJ and nobody has said anything here either.
    6. Rossano Brazzi is one of the few people to be riffed on in films by both M&TB and J&TB – “Final Justice” and “Frankenstein’s Castle of Freaks” respectively.

    STILL can’t believe that Greydon Clark wanted MST3K to riff on ALL the films in his catalog too. Still it did lead to a great Weekend Thread Discussion (that I suggested) so I can’t complain on that one Wink


  • 85
    Kevin says:

    Sampo, Sampo, tsk-tsk Cry
    We are on completely different pages on this one. This I thought was one of the shows finest episodes, JDB plays a far less endearing character than he did in mitchell (not saying mitchell was much more endearing), which made the jokes at his expense all the funnier. And what makes this a great episode for me IS the host segments, tripping, goosieo, maltese men, they all worked for me, and that’s rare. I agree mitchell is a classic, but that should not dampen an episode that in my humble opinion rise far above its predecessor, in terms of JDB movies.

    To each their own though-Cheers Razz


  • 86
    Mighty Jack says:

    Okay, so now it’s finally my turn to say it… this is one of those “good, not great” episodes. Riffing is fair, it doesn’t slay me. Skits are real fun though.


  • 87
    Electric Bozo says:

    RE: “Owner Of A Lonely Heart” – the sampled hit on that tune ain’t an orchestra. It’s from an early 60s James Brown record.
    Thanks for the collective “Whatever” and please go back to the usual banter.


  • 88
    Finnias 'Critter' Jones says:

    Luke @ #51: Whoa… slam on MSTies out of nowhere.

    Seriously, WTF was that? This is a thread for people to post their thoughts about a particular MST3K episode, to which you contributed nothing useful. We are having a conversation here that will be preserved on the interwebs for as long as Sampo maintains this site. We are sharing knowledge, impressions, and feelings about our favorite show. What is it about this that you do not understand?
    (And to everyone else, sorry for giving food to a flaming troll, but that square’s comment really bugged me…)


  • 89
    This Guy says:

    #74: Baked beans are off.

    A few points about Final Justice:
    * I think Geronimo here is a strong contender for the least likeable protagonist in MST history. It’s a close race, sure, but for me, his giddy-as-a-schoolboy grin and quip of “I bagged my limit that day” regarding his earlier killing of a large number of people for unspecified reasons are utterly repulsive. I feel the intense urge to reach into the screen and stab him in the eye. Apparently in Texas, mass murderers don’t get arrested and imprisoned, they just get transferred.

    * When I first saw this episode, I was a little surprised how the opening of the movie is near-identical to a scene from a McBain movie seen on The Simpsons. Our Hero sits around scarfing down unhealthy food, partner admonishes him to eat healthier, partner talks about his home life and future plans and is gunned down in short order, Our Hero swears vengeance. I know this movie came first by quite a while, but I wonder whether the Simpsons writers actually saw Final Justice. If not, then they just intentionally crammed together a bunch of incredibly predictable action-movie cliches. I think you can see what that says about Final Justice.

    * I feel like the intro segment is the precursor to The Office. Of course, as mentioned, it’s probably just that both are being disturbingly true to life.


  • 90

    They should have had Joe Don Baker play fat Elvis in that Kurt Russel Elvis biopic. What a wasted opportunity.

    “Dammit, woman! Where’s my fried banana peanut butter and bacon sammitch with marshmallow sauce?”


  • 91

    Hey, that might be a good idea for a topic: Little known Joe Don Baker roles, like his underrated performance in the contemporary Shakespeare sleeper Mack Beth, with such magical lines as: “Is this a .38 I see before me? I’m too damn drunk to be sure.” “Bring it on, Mcduff!”


  • 92
    mikek says:

    Johnny Ride: “Obscure reference: Did anyone else that when Mike is checking/fixing Crow after his presentation on Malta that he’s using the same hand thing that John Cleese did in that episode of Fawlty Towers where he’s pretending to check the walls but he’s really spying on his guest (who he thinks has smuggled a girl into his room). I’m really sad for noticing that, aren’t I?”

    Not at all. Fawlty Towers was a great TV series, and with so few episodes, it’s easy to remember something like that.


  • 93
    JCC says:

    I’m not going against the grain just ’cause, but I prefer the theater segments of this episode to the theater segments of Mitchell. All I remember about Mitchell are inappropriate Joe Don sex scenes and Joel & The Bots repeating Mistretta and Gallano over and over again.

    Okay, I’m just a little butthurt about people here not liking this episode as much as I do. Mitchell is a fine episode, although if I had to choose between this and Mitchell, I’d say “Go ahead on” and pick Final Justice.

    Love Goosio’s death caw. “The gun belt theme!”


  • 94
    MiqelDotCom says:

    *side note:
    I tried a preparatory viewing of HAMLET to get ready for next week, but as always it’s as though the episode was stuffed with valium and I lost interest and fell asleep after less than 20 minutes. Could it be that this one is literally unwatchable for me?
    Next week I might try it with some of those eyelid clamps like in A Clockwork Orange!


  • 95
    J.Ho says:

    Sampo:,“• Segment 1 seems a little picky to me, like they couldn’t find anything else to comment on. The footage reuse is pretty mild compared to similar instances in other movies. All in all, I can’t get behind the premise.

    It doesn’t even take so much as looking for another movie to get less mild footage: They could have shown the first shot we see of the two girls dancing, which is prominently used (more times than the gutshot, BTW) again and again, amongst a couple other ‘dance’ shots treated in the same manner. Too racy, perhaps (I wonder if, even though t’wer blurred, too many uses of a topless dancer would have pushed too far the censors’ buttons) but fitting with the premise that violence is more acceptable than sexuality, for some reason. <— Ties into Tom's description of knights being violent, belching, landed gentry in respect to The Magic Sword (I think. Howzzat fer tyin in Joel/Mike eps?)


  • 96
    Pixiesnix says:

    @69 You may be right, but Joe Don sure changes his opinion of her fast after she doesn’t do all that much. Of course, that could be just the result of bad writing. Another possibility is that the actress just flat-out refused to do any romantic scenes with him.

    Considering Joe Don’s reaction to MST3K’s treatment of “Mitchell”, I wonder if he heard about their treatment of this movie.


  • 97
    Warren says:

    This one is more than good, borderline great. The fat & food jokes might be too predictable but they still make me laugh. The movie is watchable (JDB mouth close-ups notwithstanding) and the ‘Mike keeps tripping’ bit kills me everytime. Sure it’s repetitious but that was the point, that’s what they were making fun of. While I don’t really care much for Thomas Jefferson Geronimo III, I did think it was funny/justified when he beat up the dickweeds who laughed at him for ordering milk. As for the inevitable comparison to Mitchell: Mitchell sometimes leaves me drowsy, Final Justice doesn’t. Mitchell seems to have poorer audio so some dialogue is harder to follow. I give the edge to Final Justice, even though Joel’s departure was the end of an era.


  • 98
    GregS says:

    One of my favorites. Besides, Patrizia Pellegrino is very easy to look at, even if she is a lousy police woman! Alien


  • 99
    Craig J. Clark says:

    One thing that always bothered me about this episode was Pearl and Bobo’s overreaction to Observer’s leather gear. I realize it’s far from the first (or the last) time the show addressed Observer’s sexuality, but I think it crosses the line from “poking fun at people who are homophobic” to “wait, maybe they are a little homophobic themselves.”


  • 100
    Sitting Duck says:

    Again, I find it amusing that microbrewery afficiando Mike is seen drinking Bud.

    I see it as being no different from Jack Benny the Character being the ultimate cheapskate while Jack Benny the Person was incredibly generous.


  • 101
    Thomas K. Dye says:

    #84: Gypsy throws up at the mention of Emerson, Lake and Palmer in “Earth vs. the Spider.” I just find it funny.


  • 102
    Leave Robert Denby Alone! says:

    “Let’s talk loudly about our SUVs”
    Having read Mike’s book “Mind over Matters” I remember a chapter where
    he rants on yuppies who drive SUV’s and drink Starbucks coffee. This could
    be an early reference to the same rant.


  • 103
    CJBeiting says:

    Actually, this one’s a favorite of mine, for one reason.


    That’s what does it for me.

    We’ve seen the whole “policeman loose-cannon” schtick so many times in modern movies before, and, as lots of people have noted JDB’s character here isn’t really all that different from “Mitchell” anyway. So the film itself is basically hackneyed and trite.

    But . . . Malta?

    To have all of this crap happening in *Malta*, of all places, took a dumb story and drove it right over the edge into the surreal to me. As such, I would have found the film funny all on its own because of its surreality. Mike and the bots are just icing on the cake as far as I’m concerned.

    Maybe it’s having lived in Europe for many years, where American-style over-the-top shoot-em-ups just look ridiculous because of their implausibility. Maybe it’s actually *knowing* a couple of Maltese people (and clergy at that)! But the whole premise of the film is just flat-out ridiculous from the get-go, and that makes for funny for me.

    I mean, in Texas? Sure. But _Malta_? *Chortle*.

    This one also gave me the opportunity for an amusing experiment, which you all might find amusing.

    Not long ago, an aquintance of mine had to pack up his family and go and live in Malta for a year. He had a good sense of humor, but wasn’t a MSTie, so I thought, ‘Ooooh, mate, have I got something for _you_,’ and sent him a copy of this episode while he was over there.

    He wrote me back after he and his wife had watched it one evening. I gather it hit him harder than it would other people, in part because it was so unexpected. He proclaimed it one of the funniest things he had ever seen. “I can’t believe this movie,” he said. “Maltese people are NOTHING like this. And the location shots are a mess!” And on and on it went. I think, as for me, the riffing was just gravy as far he was concerned.

    He was thinking of writing a book about his experiences overseas, and was musing titling it, “From Malta: Home of Fine Knights, Crosses, and Falcons.” We’ll see if it ever happens!


  • 104
    Howard says:

    Well, the IMDb has no credit for Greydon Clark on HOBGOBLINS. The editor of HOBGOBLINS was the great Rick Sloane. It’s still a mystery what part, if any, Greydon has in the history of HOBGOBLINS!


  • 105
    ck says:

    About Mike tripping repeatedly:

    Any chance that was an allusion to Tom Baker’s Doctor Who?
    In one episode (perhaps one of the Key To Time series?)
    he and Romana II get trapped in a time loop and he keeps
    tripping over something.


  • 106
    Sitting Duck says:

    If it had Romana II, then it can’t have been The Key of Time as that one had Romana I.


  • 107
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Craig J. Clark @ 99

    I prefer to think ( and I could well be wrong ) that their shock and horror was not that Brain Guy was going to have homosexual sex, but that he was going to have any kind of sex at all.

    It is just that it is easy to telegragh that intention using the hard core leather gear ( that happens to be associated with a certain subset of gay culture ). I don’t know what they could have dressed him up in to imply hetero-sex.

    I like to think that they would have the same response if they saw him in heavy bondage gear being lead away on a chain by a dominatrix.


  • 108
    Kenneth Morgan says:

    When you get right down to it, “Final Justice” is pretty much an episode of “McCloud” with lots more violence. I mean, you have the country lawman who shows the highly experienced big city cops how to catch crooks by pretty much throwing the rule book into a stump grinder. Come to think of it, “Final Justice” is also a lot like “Coogan’s Bluff”, with Joe Don instead of Clint Eastwood.

    I once got out my Dad’s old stopwatch and timed how long it took between the doomed sheriff’s introduction and his violent death; as I remember, it’s less than three minutes. And less than one minute goes by from the time Joe Don promises the villain’s girlfriend, “I can protect you,” and her violent death. That’s what I call cutting to the chase.

    Does anyone else feel sorry for poor Goosio?


  • 109
    ck says:

    Sitting Duck
    Yep. you’re right about Romana I and II. I did
    a search. It was Romana II, with cactusish Meglos
    doing the time loop attempt.


  • 110
    Colossus Prime says:

    @ 99 – Wow… I never saw it like that, and still don’t. Seems like a bit of a reach.

    At first Pearl’s just confused by the outfit and upon finding out that Brain Guy wasn’t being silly, gets grossed out. Is the outfit really that disturbing? No, but it’s likely the most disturbing thing they could get away with.


  • 111
    Johnny Ryde says:

    “Oh that’s easy, just waggle his tail.”


  • 112
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    I’m not a medium, etc. (#107): “It is just that it is easy to telegragh that intention using the hard core leather gear ( that happens to be associated with a certain subset of gay culture ). I don’t know what they could have dressed him up in to imply hetero-sex.”

    This is hardly the only “Brain Guy is probably gay” joke that they did, though. Three weeks from now, we have two coming up in the same episode.

    Now that I think of it, considering we never saw a female Observer, maybe they’re all gay by default. Although I don’t suppose the Brains thought it out that way.


  • 113
    Smoothie of Great Power says:

    Wow, my ears must be really bad because, for the longest time, I thought the, “Let’s talk loudly about our SUVs!” line was, “Let’s talk loudly about our STDs!”


  • 114
    Roman Martel says:

    Kenneth #108

    The first time we watched this my wife gasped as the bots attacked Goosio and said, “Why did they do that?” The next time she watched it she yelled, “Run Goosio!”

    We watched “Hamlet” last night and during the “alas Poor who?” she said, “Alas poor Goosio! That’s who!” So yeah she feels sorry for the poor little guy. And so do I, especially when he pathetically asks, “Why you hurt poor goosio?”

    But the bots are so grouchy this season, so it’s also kind of funny. I just imagine that Mike was able to put Goosio back together and that Crow and Tom were banned from Malta – which would obviously suit Crow just fine. Smile


  • 115
    monoceros4 says:

    #51: Why can’t you spell S E P A R A T E? Is it honestly that hard?


  • 116
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    Steve Pop #112

    I’m not saying that Brain Guy is not gay ( not that there would anything wrong with “Brain Gay” ).

    I am arguing that neither the Best Brains nor the characters they write for are being homophobic. Their shock is at Brain Guy as a sexual being, regardless of his orientation.


  • 117
    GizmonicTemp says:

    Luke #51 – You shouldn’t care about anyone else’s opinion on anything, ESPECIALLY those posted on the internet. But you obviously do or else you wouldn’t be here gettin’ all up in our stuff.

    Anyway, this IS official dictum (D I C T U M)! Santa and the Easter Bunny told me so.


  • 118
    mikek says:


    I’m not a medium, I’m a petite says:
    June 11, 2010 at 5:57 pm

    Steve Pop #112

    I’m not saying that Brain Guy is not gay ( not that there would anything wrong with “Brain Gay” ).

    I am arguing that neither the Best Brains nor the characters they write for are being homophobic. Their shock is at Brain Guy as a sexual being, regardless of his orientation.”

    I’m not a medium, I’m a petite is right! I think these students are right! Er. Anyway, yes, Brain Guy is supposed to be a bodiless brain, that happens to have a body and aesexual. The idea of him being sexual in any capacity is meant to be repulsive. We saw this already with dancing at the end of the Girl in Gold Boots episode.


  • 119
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    I’m not a medium (#116):

    I must have misinterpreted what you meant by “I don’t know what they could have dressed him up in to imply hetero-sex.” I thought you were saying that they dressed him as gay rather than straight just because it’s easier to signify “sexualized gay man” in costume than it is “sexualized straight man.”

    For what it’s worth, I think orientation has a definite role in the gag, but I don’t read it as homophobic. I can’t really picture it playing like that if Brain Guy were dressed in some equally extreme, but straight, way. But the Brains were playing with the stereotypical shocked reaction, rather than suggesting that there’s anything wrong with being gay– the same way a show like “Will & Grace” would make a joke of people’s reaction to gay people. The joke is mostly about Pearl and Bobo overreacting like strait-laced parents in a melodramatic TV movie of the week. (The other part was saying that leather boy gear is funny. But, hell, they also said that Joe Don Baker’s outfit was funny, and that didn’t have anything to do with orientation, either.)


  • 120

    “Takes a roast and wraps it in bacon”
    “But there’s potatoes on the siiiiide!”

    While this is one of the weaker episodes of the season, that’s more because the others are top-notch. This one’s definitely in the good-not-great category. Unquestionably a despicable movie full of despicable characters (save Maltese Police Hottie Maria, who still might cross the line for being so forgiving/helpful to Unlicensed Executioner Geronimo), which makes it a little rough to get through. For what it’s worth, though, the first part of the movie doesn’t put me to sleep like Mitchell did (nor are any of the host segments anywhere NEAR as annoying as “Gypsy screams for 3 minutes”). Big fan of the “Mike’s tripping” bit, if only because they’re all quite celebratory about winning such a minor victory. Of course, in the same situation, I too would probably celebrate never having to watch a bad Joe Don Baker movie in which a dark haired sheriff is shot and slides down a wall multiple times.

    Also, as I recall Joe Don Baker was the only person riffed on who ever threatened physical violence if he ever met anyone associated with the show. I’d say that warrants taking off the kid gloves. Also also, did someone here really say that the callbacks in this episode don’t count because “I think they were just disillusioned because they were getting canceled?” What exactly is the logic behind that statement? If we’re going to say that, then how the deuce do you defend them using the EXACT SAME CALLBACKS IN NEARLY EVERY EPISODE throughout seasons 2 and 3? I swear I heard “By that time my lungs were aching for air” more often as a callback than in its own movie.


  • 121
    I'm not a medium, I'm a petite says:

    IPoBroStePo @ 119

    No, you have me dead right on that. But that was merely a minor, secondary point of mine, and in fact, the way you stated it is far clearer then I could muster.

    And it is a very fine line that you bring up… at what point does reliance on stereotypical behaviour for humor cross the line from good-natured to mean-spirited and then to out and out hatred.

    Look at the Dick Van Dyke show… if you are an afficionado, then you know the two episodes where they use race for humor… racial humor if you will, without it being in anyway rascist.

    but all the navel gazing aside, let us not forget that Brain Guy as Leather Boy was brilliant and funny.


  • 122
    Stan McSerr says:

    I have a few bones to pick, so here goes:
    1)gummo, stop the fascist crap, JDB is a renegade. Although all criminalla should get prosecuted in court, these people he killed were scum, people who would have no problem killing anyone. look how the one uses a kid as a shield. I realize many feel sorry for those poor mafia people.
    2)Chris Lark, the point about mitchell could have taken Granny someplace where she could get a cab, she was a mule. He did her a favor by not arresting her as such.
    3)I need to relax


  • 123
    Fart Bargo says:

    Finias @88-I agree with your comments but I cant help picturing Bango from Wild Rebels muttering “That guy BUGS ME. He Really BUGS ME!”


  • 124
    Chief?McCloud! says:

    Just watched this on DVD today for the first time, don’t know what took so long. What a lousy movie, which surprisingly lead to average riffing.

    I did chuckle out loud some, but not as often as usual. Can’t blame the Brains at all, this movie was just poor starting material. Host segs were the real highlight for me. 3 stars.


  • 125
    trickymutha says:

    #123- isn’t it “that square bugs me!”


  • 126
    Finnias 'Critter' Jones says:

    89 – Good catch re: Simpsons/McBain. I must have seen that episode long before I caught MST/Final Justice.

    123 – Thanks for that. Yeah, the Wild Rebels reference was intentional. As Joel famously said, “The right people will get it.”
    But I realize now I goofed on my earlier callback: s/b “Whoa… huge slam on MSTies out of nowhere.” (OATMB/anteaters)

    An aside: I’ve been visiting this site regularly for a couple of years now and it seems like I’ve been seeing a bunch of new usernames posting on these threads recently. It’s good to know people are still discovering MST3K and this site. The downside is I’ve also noticed a bunch of new spammers posting commercial links in their names with generic comments like “Love your blog. Here’s something else you might like…” Hopefully Sampo/Erhardt find and delete these.

    Also, I’m glad that some folks here are championing this episode, once again proving Sampo’s Theorem. I only rated it 3 stars because the movie is so “ugly” but I agree that the riffing is solid.


  • 127
    DON3k says:

    A decent episode, but a bit disappointing on the riffing-front. I did get a good bit of laughs and chuckles, and enjoy the segments, however I felt the movie gave them a lot to work with, but M&tB didn’t give it their best effort. They did more than just phone-it-in, but as I said, the level and quality of the riffs were a bit disappointing.

    Certainly I can’t say that I could do better, but I know that they have done more with less in the past.

    Again, though, the entire mood at Best Brains at the time could have been such that putting 100% into the show was hard to do.

    3 Stars


  • 128
    Richard the Lion Footed says:

    You know,
    for all the lackluster reviews fans have for this episode,

    (myself included)

    you got 127 posts for this one in about a day.
    Obviously, we all have an opinion to express. LOL LOL

    I can add nothing to the voluminous information already given.


  • 129
    Chris Lark says:

    @#122 Stan McSerr

    2)Chris Lark, the point about mitchell could have taken Granny someplace where she could get a cab, she was a mule. He did her a favor by not arresting her as such.

    FWIW Stan that makes him even MORE apathetic to the law than I orig. thought. Afterall if granny really was a drug smuggler then don’t you think he should’ve just arrested her anyway? (and then make her squeal on all the people she smuggles for?) I guess I should just be glad he didn’t put her in the trunk?


  • 130
    starman15317 says:

    “You better ruuuuuuuunnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!” Ha I love it!


  • 131
    incrediblehorriblemrlimpet says:

    Having been exposed to and held captive under the dominion of all things phony in the corporate world back in the 80’s and 90’s, Best Brains’ precision exposure of it all was a personal balm of healing to me.

    Crow: “Business, business, business, merger, merger, stock options…”
    Pearl: “I’m sorry! What was that? I was busy having eyballs that won’t stay in their sockets”.
    A bit later,
    Pearl: “Bobo? Let’s give them their movie starring the dyspeptic Joe Don Baker…..”
    Bobo: “As soon as I’m done wearing big, funny goofy teeth”.
    Pearl: “Hey!! Get to work!!”

    Pearl’s outfit at the end of the show is not at all dissimilar to the middle-management “zaniness” in wacky dress-up that befell our office amidst the massive “Glad To Be Of Service” banners strewn everywhere. Her faux-excited, “Whee.” brought great playsure beyond maysure to me.

    I thought the lovely Maria’s voice was a near ringer for Rain Man’s Valeria Golino.


  • 132
    Johnny Ryde says:

    @The Elusive Robert Denby, #120:

    Also also, did someone here really say that the callbacks in this episode don’t count because “I think they were just disillusioned because they were getting canceled?” What exactly is the logic behind that statement? If we’re going to say that, then how the deuce do you defend them using the EXACT SAME CALLBACKS IN NEARLY EVERY EPISODE throughout seasons 2 and 3? I swear I heard “By that time my lungs were aching for air” more often as a callback than in its own movie.

    Well, that’s not exactly what I said, and not exactly what I meant. I didn’t say that the call-backs “don’t count”. I specifically said that what I was talking about *weren’t* call-backs. There just seemed to me to be more than a few jokes that were formulaic and similar to riffs in previous experiments but weren’t as funny or inspired as those earlier jokes. Some others here suggested maybe they were coasting on the reputation of Mitchell. I really wouldn’t know the reason, but the riffing in this one definitely seemed to me to be more of an auto-pilot sort of attempt than usual.


  • 133
    Iggy Pop's Brother Steve Pop says:

    Add me to the long list of people who find this episode pretty average. I try not to watch particular episodes more than once a year, but this one, I’ve gone two or three years without seeing.

    I think the people who are calling this movie simply “bad” are missing the point. In terms of production competence, this one may be above average for MSTed movies. And that very thing is the problem. A few years ago, I watched Ed Wood’s “Night of the Ghouls” on DVD, and found it pretty dull. And I realized the reason it was so dull was because it was more competently made– it didn’t have those moments of wild overreach and sheer craziness that made “Plan 9” and “Bride of the Monster” so memorable. By this later film, Wood had honed his technique to a level of the dull sub-average.

    Similarly, I think this movie has very few moments that stand out. It doesn’t have any texture, few rough edges that the Brains can get their satiric teeth into. Whereas, for instance, “Manos” or “Red Zone Cuba” are so roughly made and so totally bizarre, they’re practically all texture. Or a movie like “Diabolik” or “This Island Earth” can be fairly well produced, but have a certain degree of oddness that the riffs can exploit. “Final Justice” is more of a smooth, dull piece of product. For the same reason, I find most of the TV movies/pilots kind of tough going, except for “Riding with Death,” which has its groovy ’70sness and smug Ben Murphyosity going for it.

    So it’s tough to apply any sort of linear good/bad scale to MSTed movies, is what I’m saying. They work, or they don’t, but it has little correlation with any cinematic merits the movies may (but probably don’t) have.


  • 134
    Fart Bargo says:

    trickymutha. I stand corrected. I’m lucky if I remember where I am half the time never mind what Bango says. But hey, its the Undersea Kingdom for you and for me…


  • 135
    Not Merritt Stone says:

    It always bothers me that Palermo runs out of the confessional while trying to hide from TJG in the church. It was the perfect disguise that was working fine until he bolted, and the whole subsequent 45 minute boat chase could have been avoided. Maybe he just couldn’t take anymore of that old woman’s sobbing.


  • 136
    fathermushroom says:

    Meatballs fried in LARRRRRRRRD!


  • 137
    Cornjob says:

    “Looks like God’s doing alright for himself.”


  • 138
    mdegge says:

    I know this is a minor quibble, but the line is actually “Go HEAD on” not “ahead”. He was telling them to go head on with him, face to face, looking into each others eyes as they draw. Hence saying “head on”.


  • 139
    Finnias 'Critter' Jones says:

    #138 Good for you – deciphering a line of dialogue that people have been misinterpreting for decades now. It casts the character of Geronimo from Final Justice in an entirely new light. Thanks for that. (/sarcasm)


  • 140
    losingmydignity says:

    I forgot to mention: there’s a smell in this thread….and….it’s…..MALTEASE!


  • 141
    incrediblehorriblemrlimpet says:

    #138 Makes sense.


  • 142

    I LOVE me this episode, but I find it *very* interesting that opinions are so divided (and *really* divided — not just “hate it!”, or “love it” but “average”, “boring”, “in my top rotation”, etc.).

    Sampo — have you done a weekend thread on the most divided opinion on any episode? This one might quality all by itself.

    Castle Monster made me laugh out loud twice with two posts — so, thanks, needed a chuckle this morning.

    I’m in the camp that thinks JDB is NOT off limits — I think it’s fair game to attack him personally since he’s basically playing himself in ALL his films (due to his lack of acting ability). How this very unattractive man ever got the lead in any movie is beyond my comprehension (and I actually liked him in “Walking Tall”). Oh, I guess an argument could be made that he’s a really superb actor who in Real Life is 100lbs thinner and with the sophistication of a David Niven but that seems rather unlikely to me (would be a funny movie plot, though).


  • 143
    Zeroninety says:

    “Yes, yes, whatever you say.”

    “Did I mention he likes MEEEELK!”

    Jusr remembered that Hamlet’s next. The comment thread should be *very* interesting on Thursday. (Hamlet’s one of my favorites, for the record. Wait, *is* there a record?)


  • 144
    JimmyBruce says:

    I’ll go to Youtube tonight and see if I can get past the first few minutes of Hamlet.


  • 145
    J says:

    #84 Chris Lark said “3. IMDB’s listing for Helena is actually missing something. She did a guest appearance on an episode of “Remington Steele.” She played a bride who with her groom were both ejected from a horse driven carriage by Remington & Laura so they could borrow the carriage and chase after a bird. The episode is called “Maltese Steele” and believe it or not they actually used some locations that FJ used (like the plaza area with the standoff scene featuring the kid who dressed like Napoleon.) Seriously if you don’t believe me YouTube or Google it.”

    I liked this lady’s accent and shampoo-commercial-worthy hair in Final Justice, and was a little surprised myself that she (according to the IMDB) never acted again. So when I read your comment, I went and watched that episode of Remington Steele on HULU on a lark, and there she was. Thanks, and someone should correct the IMDB on that.

    I enjoyed the episode all around. Try as it might, the movie is not bad enough to ruin the Malta locations, which are interesting, attractive, and reasonably well photographed. The jokes about Joe Don Baker do get a bit personal, when I think there was plenty to make fun of about the character and not the actor, but I don’t think it crosses the “all in good fun” line.


  • 146
    disco_volante says:

    For those who think the riffing may be too harsh or personal, remember that the filmakers and Baker himself deserve every jibe for thinking that Geronimo would actually be an appealing protagonist to ANYONE. Its difficult to imagine a more unattractive and unsympathetic hero, especially after he threatens a hapless stripper with a coathanger. Final Justice hit us first, its only fair that we defend ourselves.


  • 147
    mst3kfan says:

    about there being a lack of funny moments in final justice i see plenty of them. I know the constant rips on JDB does get old but some of them are still funny. (example end credits) Stuff lots of food in your meat baby face. Come on pass the gravy now. Is someone gonna eat that last piece of cake cause I will. Both Mitchell and final justice are funny and Mitchell may be a little funnier but i can easily sit through the movie and be laughing more than half the time. 4.5 stars out of 5.

    memorable moments (when other lawmen gets shot in the beginning) The briskets in the uhhhh.

    (when JDB shoots mob member into the river full of water making huge splash) Hey he absorbed all the water. (all the water is gone


  • 148
    Hal says:

    What does “let’s talk loudly about our SUVs mean?” Just your typical obnoxious American tourists, SUVs tend to be unpopular in smaller European countries as well.


  • 149
    Dan in WI says:

    I looked it up. Final Justice was released one year after Dirty Harry uttered the words “go ahead and make my day” in Sudden Impact. Did these film makers seriously think they would supplant that catch phrase with “Yew think yew kin take me? Go ‘head on. It’s yer move.” In their minds I bet they thought they could.

    Count me as a Yes non-fan so I too have puzzled over that rather annoying song.

    We’ve all worked somewhere where office levity was fine as long as management was behind it. If you tried to add levity on your own… It doesn’t end as well.

    Am I the only one who suspects if Jon Don Baker where “big” in another era I could easily see him as the “lead” in a greasy biker film?

    Geronimo vs. Mitchel: Geronimo is a bit less incompetent, somewhat less corrupt and a lot less repulsive. I’ll take Geronimo.

    Without a doubt Crow’s report on Malta is my all time favorite Crow report. He just nails his subject matter on this one.

    Frankly I think Crow sums it up best. “He makes Randy Quaid look subtle and diminutive.”

    The Greydon Clark interview sure revealed a delusional man. He really thinks people will look through MST and discover his masterpiece of a movie.

    Favorite Riffs:
    Joe Don Baker’s credit appears on screen. Crow “Oo I wish I was illiterate so I didn’t have to read that.”

    Joe Don give chase. Crow “I’ve got to stop putting off that bypass surgery.”


  • 150
    Sitting Duck says:

    Final Justice fails the Bechdel Test. At no point do any female characters converse with each other.

    At least Greydon Clark was willing to admit in the DVD interview that Geronimo escorting the mobster to Italy was contrived.

    Honestly, I found most of the host segments in this episode to be as weak as Maltese men (though Mike’s escape attempt was kind of clever). As you might guess from that remark, the one big exception was Crow’s report on Malta. It all comes down to how Crow’s rage is so over the top.

    I’m not a medium, I’m a petite #107: I like to think that they would have the same response if they saw him in heavy bondage gear being lead away on a chain by a dominatrix.

    Who would have presumably been portrayed by Beez.

    @ #113: How did you come to hear it like that (I immediately regret asking)?

    Favorite riffs

    If you’re going to whack a guy, get a decent battery.

    This reminds the pilot he’s been a failure in life.

    Here’s our new convention center. It was built in 1411.

    Revenge is a dish best served with laughter and giggles.

    “Not getting anything done in this hotel room.”
    Well not anything you need to know about.

    High Goon.

    The Ugly, the Ugly, and the Ugly.

    Stop or we’ll surrender.

    You’ll have to grease me and push me through here.

    I’m taking on water! Oh, that’s just me sweating.

    Wow, this movie’s really drawing me in. To a deep well of despair.

    “Give me twenty-four hours. That’s all I ask you.”
    No, you have one day.

    I’d better call my mother. She can defend me from this big man.

    I’m glad we skipped the cavity search.

    He’s the mobster who gives people a stern talking to.

    I’ll pick your nose if you scream.


  • 151
    Laura says:

    Great. Now I’ll have THIS stuck in my head all week. THANKS A LOT!!! Razz


    I actually like this episode a lot and it’s my go-to episode (sometimes) when I’m on the treadmill. The riffing is good (especially during the Elaine Bennice (sp?) scenes). And I do enjoy the host segments a lot. I can’t listen to that YES song without thinking of this episode now. Also, a long time ago, the original version was shown on a local station (GTW 48. I miss that channel. Cry ).

    I completely agree with #149’s assessment of Greydon Clark’s interview. I was surprised that Clark didn’t mind MST3K ripping his movie to shreds, but that he thought it was actually a good movie! Was he smoking something before SHOUT! interviewed him??

    BTW, it it just me, or does Joe Don Baker look like Ron White’s long lost brother? Shock


  • 152
    robot rump! says:

    Would or could someone explain the flow of time going on in this movie. from what i initially understand Jo Don is supposed to get on a flight in 24 hours. granted some of the Maltese are hard for me to follow, that was what i heard. but at least what seems like a week later he’s STILL got 24 hours until his NEXT FLIGHT! if this has been discussed already i apologize. too lazy and whatever to read all the posts. if indeed Jo Don terrorized the Maltese men for 24 hours, then he is one guy who knows how to pack alot into his…um… day. stay away from the food jokes…must stay away…Jo Don maybe be reading….


  • 153
    robot rump! says:

    or i guess i could ask… if Geronimo is a hobo on a train leaving Malta at 3pm, meanwhile Mitchell! is a hobo on a train leaving LA at 8am. both trains are travelling at each other at 45 mph. with these facts when will Mitchell! 2 be made?


  • 154
    BIG61AL says:

    I find that Joe Don is ripping off the whole McCloud image none too well. The whole western sheriff outfit is over done and makes him look more like a rodeo clown than a law officer. The only thing missing is horse. At least there no baby oil in this film!


  • 155
    Cheapskate Crow says:

    I think this episode was hilarious and one of the best of the Sci-Fi run, admittedly I am not a big fan of the Sci-Fi years overall. Crow ripping on Malta for no apparent reason was endlessly hilarious to me and I guess I’m mean but I love all the jokes ripping on Joe Don Baker. I loved that the movie obviously was trying to make ‘Go head on, it’s your move’ some kind of catch phrase but it’s really not very catchy at all, plus the way Baker slurs it half the time makes the whole thing even funnier to me.


  • 156
    jaybird3rd says:

    Not my favorite episode, for the reasons I mentioned in this past weekend’s discussion topic: “… their treatment of Baker in ‘Final Justice’ was too personal and excessive. They evidently wanted so badly to recapture the magic of ‘Mitchell’ that they strained too hard and ended up making it into a long Joe Don Baker bash-fest. Someone watching the show out of context would wonder if Baker ran over Mike’s dog or something.”

    The last time I watched it, though, I was favorably impressed by Helena Abella, the actress who plays the Maltese policewoman Maria. I wondered why she hadn’t appeared in any other movies, and after some quick research, I learned that she has definitely moved on to bigger things: she is now Helena Dalli, Minister for Social Dialogue, Consumer Affairs and Civil Liberties in the Maltese Parliament:


  • 157
    Bruce Boxliker says:

    If we must compare the two, I like Final Justice a lot more than Mitchell. Both as movies, and for the riffing/host segments. It’s not a Joel vs Mike thing, either. FJ is just a much goofier movie than Mitchell. Plus, Joe Don leaves his clothes on for the entirety of FJ. And he gets knocked out… A LOT.
    Speaking of his clothes, I don’t think he actually wore the exact same outfit the whole movie. I’m sure he’s just got a closet FULL of that exact same outfit.
    I also think M&TB were overly harsh on Joe Don’s weight. He’s not THAT big. In fact, even by late 90s standards, he’s only somewhat above average weight. I see people that are almost too large to go through a door nearly every day at the library. Admittedly, the guy couldn’t out-act a boat, so he deserves all the riffs he gets in that regard.

    @152 – I think every time his flight is due to leave, he’s either in jail, in a dungeon, or washed up on another island. They can’t really just let him go after he kills someone, as they’d have to have some sort of investigation.

    Anyway, I’d better ruuuuun…..


  • 158
    Yipe Striper says:

    i’ve always wanted to visit Malta.


  • 159
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    I hadn’t noticed the release date until Dan in WI pointed it out. Orwell said nothing of THIS…

    From what I understand, the 1980s was the golden age of badly plotted action movies (“Warrior of the Lost World” was released a year before), so, in a way, Mike and the Bots got off easy.

    (checking filmography)

    Hm, Baker and Clark also collaborated on a 1983 film, the alleged intentional comedy “Joysticks” (wow, Dirty Harry, The Guy From Paper Chase, “Revenge of the Ninja” and “Lone Wolf McQuade” (two among various other action films), AND this; what a year). Per Wikipedia (so, you know), it “guest-featured” Pac-Man (himself a mere three years old at the time) and took thirteen whole days to make. MST3K could just as easily have targeted THAT, so, in a way, Baker and Clark got off easy, too.

    #152: but at least what seems like a week later he’s STILL got 24 hours until his NEXT FLIGHT

    I think this is where a “Northwest Flights” riff is supposed to come in…

    Maybe the mob kept forcing the airline to postpone the flight because Palermo didn’t want Geronimo to escape his wrath (such as it was). Except that Geronimo didn’t *want* to leave because he didn’t want Palermo to escape HIS wrath, so the joke’s on Palermo. Wink

    #154: The only thing missing is horse.

    I suppose that would’ve made this movie easier to watch for some people, yes. Me, I’m just high on life (as said in the most monotone voice imaginable).


  • 160
    pondoscp says:

    I Love Love Love this episode! This one is probably my favorite Season 10 episode. I instantly fell for this episode, and have watched it many, many times since. A great way to start up the end of the series.


  • 161
    Depressing Aunt says:

    “Owner of a Lonely Heart” was a song I rather liked when it came out. I was in my teens and very much into almost anything I heard on MTV. I definitely did not have champagne taste when it came to pop music. It seems like Tom going off on it was a leeeetle bit random, though.

    I admire the “Mike’s tripping!” host segment, especially Pearl’s irritation. And also Brain Guy’s outfit. And Goosio!

    As for the movie, hmmm, I guess the constant bashing of Joe Don Baker has aged this episode badly for me over the years. Yes, Geronimo’s outfit and catchphrase are absurd. He doesn’t help my native state of Texas look like a particularly sane place in which to live. But come on, Joe Don really isn’t THAT grotesque. And Geronimo has some qualities that were, well, let’s just say he doesn’t play by the rules, but…he gets results.

    #156 That’s terrific! I always did think this actress had a rather dignified air about her.

    #159 Well, now I gotta see “Joysticks.” I always did love Pac-Man, although Ms Pac-Man is more fun to play.

    I will go ‘head on and give the episodes 3 stars.


  • 162
    goalieboy82 says:

    The sun is blotted out as Joe Don Baker approaches.


  • 163

    “You son of a – – – -.”

    I know it’s hard to NOT compare this episode to Mitchell (a MST classic), but Final Justice really has to be judged on its own merits. With that being said, I find this to be an okay, good-not-great episode.

    The riffing really loses steam about halfway through, in fact of all the riffs I posted below, only ONE of them come AFTER Host Segment #2. I think it’s Mike that calls this a “möebius strip of a movie,” which is very accurate. The action seems to start, stop, and start over again and again. How many times does Geronimo get tossed into that jail cell? How many boat chases are there (2) or shootout/standoffs with Geronimo (a lot)??

    I think Joe Don Baker gets some undeserved bashing around here sometimes, but yeah, this is not one of his better roles (or movies). The script isn’t very good and Baker seems to lunk his way through the movie. I’m sure he had a good time shooting in Malta, though.

    As for the Host Segments:
    -I am a fan of YES so the opening bit is one I like. I would imagine somebody on staff is a fan of YES (Kevin?) otherwise they wouldn’t go to all the trouble in ribbing on them (lots of YES jokes over the years, plus Rick Wakeman references). But let’s be clear: no self respecting YES fan likes “Owner of a Lonely Heart.” That song is cheesy.

    -Host Segment #1 is okay. Mike tripping is always serviceable, and here we get a buffet of that action.

    -HS#2 has the Goosio smashing, which is expected of the Bots, but the twist of them getting upset by it not being something that belonged to Mike (“we try to destroy things that are specifically yours”) is fairly funny.

    -HS#3 is another skit about unmercifully bashing a specific thing (person, place, decade), this time being the country of Malta. It works, but I’m going to call diminished returns on this Host Segment tactic.

    -Brain Guy in the leather outfit in the Closing Segment is quite the shock, not because he’s gay, but because I thought he didn’t “have a body” and therefore he would be non-sexual. Guess I was wrong. . . .

    As for Servo’s claim that Greydon Clark is the producer of Hobgoblins (and that “oh no [they’re] doomed”), that is just false. Completely unfounded (although the “doomed” thing seemed to be fairly accurate) and it makes you wonder how such a grievous error could be made. I mean, IMDb was around back then, so were various movie catalogs (didn’t Frank say he used to refer to Videohound?), so it really makes you wonder why they didn’t fact check that. GASP! You don’t think that with their looming cancellation that they. . just didn’t care. .do you? Shock


    Crow: “The brisket is . . in. . the. . ggah.”

    Servo: “Argh. I don’t want to be down here.”

    Servo: “Karl, quit playing toll-bridge.”

    Servo: “KISS has softened their act.”

    Crow: “Man, the Embassy for Malta ROCKS!”

    Crow: “Did you dose me, Mike?”

    Crow: “High Goon.”

    Servo: “The last thing a sausage sees.”

    Crow: “His arteries are just looking at each other, shaking their heads.”

    Crow: “Day seven of his shirt.”

    Up to this point, FINAL JUSTICE is my least favorite of Season 10,
    we’ll see how Hamlet works out next week (it’s been about 4 years since I’ve watched it).

    Overall, I have to give FINAL JUSTICE my first 3 rating of Season 10,
    that would be
    3 out of 5 SON OF A – – – – -.
    Cowboy Cowboy Cowboy


  • 164

    They don’t bash all of Yes’s music. The jokes are entirely focused on a lame pop album Yes put out in the mid-1980s, one so generic it’s known by its CATALOG NUMBER, 90125.

    In fact, narrow the target to the first single released from 90125, “Owner of a Lonely Heart.” They mention it by name, and the “Yes orchestra hit” was sampled from that song.


  • 165
    Dickweed1 says:

    Can’t believe no one mentioned my favorite line…when Mike realizes he’s going nowhere and Tom goes”Come on up honey,we’ll make you some swiss miss”!! Reminds me of my gramma!Hot coco always made things better!!


  • 166
    JeremyR says:

    90125 was originally a Trevor Rabin project, but Jon Anderson liked it so much that he wanted it to be a Yes album.

    While it’s not as good as the classic Yes albums, I think it’s good in its own right. Leave It is awesome. I don’t see how it could be considered “generic”.


  • 167
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Okay, so in the seventies, Greydon Clark contribution to the action film genre was (among others) “Angels’ Revenge” (his wife was one of the “Angels,” btw). In the eighties, “Final Justice.” This begs the question:


    From the IMDB:

    Dark Future (1994*): “In the 21st century, most of mankind has been wiped out by a plague. The few remaining people are forced to live in an underground world, serving as prostitutes and slave to cyborgs that now control them. When the first baby in 30 years is born, a bartender leads a revolt against the part-man, part-machine creatures that seek to capture the baby for their own ends.”

    And now you know. Smile

    #161: let’s just say he doesn’t play by the rules, but…he gets results

    Every now and then I wonder what it would be like for a film to show a cop who doesn’t play by the rules and actually SUFFERS CONSEQUENCES for it. No way anyone was going to make that movie in the eighties, though.

    IIRC President Ronald “Eighties Man” Reagan supposedly said the worst thing to hear someone say was “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.” Police officers are, in effect, “from the government,” so and I’ve forgotten what my point was. Oh well.


    *From out of space comes a runaway planet, hurtling between the Earth and the Moon, unleashing…no, wait, that has nothing to do with anything.


  • 168
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    >>>One small nitpick, though: “…an escape pod SHE hid…”?? Gypsy did not hide the escape pod in the box of hamdingers.

    Hey, come on, from their perspective, it was over 500 years ago, we’re lucky they remembered it at all. Wink

    Although, really, for all we know, Gypsy originally DID hide it there and forgot about it until Temp-Mike told her about it. I mean, how DID it get there? For that matter, how did the box of Hamdingers get there? How did the crew go so long without noticing the THREE escape pods that were apparently on the ship the whole frickin’ time until the Bots destroyed them in “Space Mutiny”? Where did THOSE come from? But of course, it’s just a show… Smile


  • 169
    VeryDisturbing says:

    “Drink this. It is liquid beef.”

    “MMMmmm…Alfredo sauce…”


  • 170
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    Checking further, it turns out there was a THIRD film that teamed Clark and Baker (“like Scorcese and DeNiro…”): “Wacko” (1982), a slasher film parody back before slasher film parodies were remotely cool.

    from Wikipedia:
    “It all started exactly 13 years ago, when Mary Graves’ older sister was murdered on Halloween prom night by a power-mowing maniac. Poor Mary…since then she has experienced horror, sexual frustration, even psychoanalysis, but she still sees little lawnmowers everywhere. But tonight will be different. Tonight, at the new Halloween Prom, all the questions of the past 13 years will be answered as the pumpkin headed killer has returned. But hot on their trail is an obsessed cop (Joe Don Baker) who won’t allow history to repeat itself.”

    Yes, Baker yet again plays a cop, Dick Harbinger.

    Harbinger…of…well, like I said, a parody.

    from IMDB:
    the first line, from the killer: “Death to all teenagers who f*ck.”

    Well, that sets the stage rather effectively, doesn’t it? Wink


  • 171
    pondoscp says:

    Let’s not forget about 1982’s “Wacko,” directed by Greydon Clark and starring Joe Don Baker very, very much in full-on Mitchell-mode as the downtrodden cop trying to solve the murders in this “Prom Night” spoof. Rifftrax, are you watching? This is prime real estate for you guys, and will complete the trilogy of JDB riffs!
    Track this one down, hardcore MSTies!

    *crazy how us MSTies think alike. As I was typing this, the poster above slightly beat me to the punch about “Wacko”!


  • 172
    pondoscp says:

    Let’s not forget about 1982’s “Wacko,” directed by Greydon Clark and starring Joe Don Baker very, very much in full-on Mitchell-mode as the downtrodden cop trying to solve the murders in this “Prom Night” spoof. Rifftrax, are you watching? This is prime real estate for you guys, and will complete the trilogy of JDB riffs!
    Track this one down, hardcore MSTies!


  • 173
    jaybird3rd says:


    Although, really, for all we know, Gypsy originally DID hide it there and forgot about it until Temp-Mike told her about it. I mean, how DID it get there? For that matter, how did the box of Hamdingers get there? How did the crew go so long without noticing the THREE escape pods that were apparently on the ship the whole frickin’ time until the Bots destroyed them in “Space Mutiny”? Where did THOSE come from? But of course, it’s just a show …

    Here’s how I explain that, for whatever it’s worth: the Mads themselves hid the escape pod in the box of Hamdingers, and loaded the box into the SOL, before they launched Joel into space. It was a precaution in case they had to abort the experiment and evacuate the SOL early (if the SOL developed a problem, for example). Since “nobody likes Hamdingers”, hiding the pod inside the box was their way of preventing Joel from discovering it and escaping prematurely (but of course, Mike read the manuals and spoiled their plans).

    As for the escape pods the robots used in Space Mutiny … remember that this was a Sci-Fi episode, taking place after Mike and Tom had returned to the SOL after spending ~500 years as pure energy. Crow says in #801 that other tenants of the SOL had come and gone during those years, so it must have been one of them that brought the new escape pods to the SOL.


  • 174
    Kyle's Red Shorts says:

    Awesome Imaginary Kickstarter Campaign: A “Final Justice” cookbook, featuring all the recipes featured in the closing credits. Who among us wouldn’t love to know how to make a roast wrapped in bacon?


  • 175
    spap oop says:

    I love mst3k period. mike and or joel. Hell I have the HBO young comedians 8 from 1983! with joel stored on my Dish EHD. But the “saint joel” stuff gets on my nerves. I like the paternal joel eps. But I love the hard edged sci fi eps just a little more. that’s just me, but I would never ever complain about the softer joel era shows.


  • 176
    Manny Sanguillen says:

    I already loved this episode before it got to that ending with Mike thinking he was going home but that just put the gravy on it for me. I loved when they did that kind of meta call-back stuff. It was good thinking whoever decided to do it. Mike rambling on about ‘Herbie & the Love Bug’ and the “What if we see a GOOD Joe Don Baker movie?” & “You know thats impossible”, and his poor dejected look… It was all great.

    I think they are in peak form in riffing during this season and this is a prime example. The run of great episodes from 1001 Soultaker through 1008 Final Justice was one the best winning streaks of history. (Episodes 810 through 822 may be as good a streak).

    Too bad all the momentum died with the next episode. ‘Hamlet’ and ‘It lives by Night’ were the two worst of the season for me, but the final 3 – Spider Island, Squirm & Diabolik were ‘out of the park’ classics in my book so it ended things very well. (Plus there was the bonus ‘Merlin’ afterwards, which I like.)

    Wow, you can tell I’m excited for the Pirates to get playing, all my analogies are baseball related.


  • 177
    Cornjob says:

    Nice to know that Geronimo’s indignation at the death of his partner entitled him to go on a killing spree that claimed the lives of several innocents as well as dozens of suspects and risked an international incident that could have led to the dissolution of NATO. I think Geronimo went on to advise George W. Bush on foreign policy.


  • 178
    bobhoncho says:

    Sorry guys, can’t comment on this one. Mike’s tripping!


  • 179
    bobhoncho says:

    Just kidding, I do have one thing to say. I do agree that “Owner of a Lonely Heart” leaves a little something to be desired. But, while it is not my favourite Yes song (that would be “Roundabout”), I’ll still listen to it if it’s on the radio.


  • 180
    JCC says:

    I feel bad for that poor 3 Inch Taxi Cab Driver who had the misfortune of picking up Geronimo and Palermo. He probably would have survived if Geronimo had stayed knocked out and if Palermo/Lovitz/Warhol had gotten their way, but Geronimo mounts a comeback and 3 Inch gets blown up in his cab. Probably had a family too, the poor sap…

    @175 – The buzzword for Joel shows isn’t “softer”, it’s “warmer”.


  • 181
    thequietman says:


    Yeah, when you stop and think about it that’s really the key moment of incompetence from Geronimo in this film. He’s stranded at the airport with a dangerous mob hitman handcuffed to his wrist that he’s got to get to the police for incarceration. So he takes a PUBLIC TAXICAB?!? Why not tell the Customs officers and have them arrange for a police escort? One could argue Geronimo was trying to keep a low profile, but the handcuffs, pearl-handled revolver and Buffalo Bill outfit kind of put the lie to that idea.

    Not to mention, if all Lovitz and Warhol’s device did was make a warning light blink on the plane, wouldn’t an inspection of the plane once they landed reveal that nothing was wrong and they could proceed?


  • 182
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    From the TV series Angel, “The Girl in Question”:

    Italian Demon: “Oh, look, the Americans are relying on violence to solve their problems. What a surprise.”

    (Don’t ask me, it just popped into my head. Of course, Angel is Irish and Spike is British, but…)

    #176: “What if we see a GOOD Joe Don Baker movie?” & “You know thats impossible”

    Well, strictly speaking, that’s because Pearl isn’t going to send them a GOOD movie of any kind, with Joe-Don Baker in it or not. Per the IMDB, Baker’s been in 57 movies (and episodes of 24 TV shows), surely at least a few of them rate a little higher than “bad.” I get the impression that “Walking Tall,” for instance, is supposed to be a FAIRLY good movie, although I can’t prove it.


  • 183
    Manny Sanguillen says:

    Actually the first (or one of his first movies) was pretty good, but you really can’t call it a ‘Joe Don Baker movie’, more of a ‘Joe Don Baker was in this movie a little bit’. That would be ‘Cool Hand Luke’.
    “Still shaking the bushes boss!”


  • 184

    For the record, these are the good (or great, even) movies that Joe Don Baker has been in:

    -Cool Hand Luke (in a small, uncredited role. still, good movie, tho)

    -Junior Bonner (directed by Sam Peckinpah)

    -Walking Tall (maybe Baker’s most iconic role)

    -Charley Varrick (a GREAT movie, directed by Don Siegel)

    -The Outfit (with Robert Duvall and Karen Black)

    -Fletch (with Chevy Chase!)

    -Cape Fear (Scorsese!)

    -Reality Bites (oooh, the 90s! Winona!)

    -Mars Attacks! (Tim Burton’s last not-terrible film!)

    he was in a trio of James Bond movies,
    The Living Daylights, Tomorrow Never Dies, and Goldeneye,
    although I’ve never seen those so I can’t speak to their quality.

    Joe Don Baker was most recently in Mud, from director Jeff Nichols, co-starring Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, and Michael Shannon. Mud is a great movie, overlooked from last year. Baker has a small role in the film, not much dialogue, but he strikes quite the presence with just the slightest bit of menace.

    So yeah,
    Joe Don Baker has made some good movies.


  • 185
    Manny Sanguillen says:

    Your mention of Joe Don Baker being in Mud surely comes as no surprise…

    Girl in car – “It sounds like something big walking in mud!”
    Crow – “Joe Don Baker?”

    -Horror of Party Beach, MST3K episode 817


  • 186
    touches no one's life, then leaves says:

    #177: Nice to know that Geronimo’s indignation at the death of his partner entitled him to go on a killing spree

    Well, of course. Don’t you know *anything* about “cops who don’t play by the rules but who get results” movies? Wink

    It’s like (checking) Dan in WI said, this is a “Sudden Impact” wannabe kind of movie. Just imagine if Harry Callahan had visited Malta.

    Or Rambo.

    That said, the movie didn’t really draw me in enough for me to notice how many people T.J. killed (aside from criminals, who, it goes without saying, don’t count in movies like this).

    For no compelling reason:

    “Invasion Oosa”?


  • 187
    Rich says:

    This one launched me on a sort of Malta Internet adventure last March during my vacation. I looked up its page on Wikipedia and saw it on Google Earth. It was…interesting, probably moreso than the movie. In fact there are a number of little volcanic-type islands in the Mediterranean and I eventually looked at them all.

    What a said little man I am.