Bit: Welcome To Deep 13
Episode: 101- The Crawling Eye
(Camera is focused on the wall of
Deep 13. Camera pans left to show Dr. Forrester, using a
remote control device to operate the camera. He is humming
from the left, anxious): Clay! Clay! I
think I was spotted on the way down here!
F: Did you wear your
Erhardt: I was
wearing my disguise, but I'm just not very good in
F: No one must know we're down
here doing this!
F: Well, it's time to call Joel
about the experiment.
[to camera] Come in, Joely-Poely Puddin'-n-Pie!
Joel: Hey, sirs, I'm ready for this week's invention
exchange. Check this thing out! I just made it, it's the
world's only electric bagpipes. (Produces bagpipes attached
to leaf blower) All right... (Turns on leaf blower, begins
to play. Joel and the 'bots sing.)
Joel and the
Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...
Joel: Okay, and
uh, the robots and I have worked up a special cover version
of Led Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love". You ready, guys?
Crow: Ready! Rock
Joel and the
Bots (singing): She's
gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) Wanna whole lotta love!
(bagpipes) She's gotta whole lotta love! (bagpipes) A really
whole lotta love! (bagpipes)
(Erhardt appears to be in great
Dr. F: I love it! Look... Larry's corneas are bleeding.
Oh... Well! It's time we sent you our experimental nugget
this week, Joel. Now, human underarm perspiration is
something that happens to everyone after they go through
puberty....(smirking) which, I assume, includes you, Joel.
(Erhardt chuckles derisively.)
Dr. F (abruptly): When's the last time you saw a dog
F: Exactly! And why is that?
don't sweat, that's why!
F: Exactly! Because of the dog's
pineal gland. Nature's own canine antiperspirant. Now. You
take the pineal gland, and you make a serum. You get a dog,
it doesn't matter what kind of dog, and you inject that
serum into a human subject. In this case, Larry...
(Dr. Erhardt places sensors under his
armpits and bends over to allow Dr. F to inject him in the
hinder. Forrester gets behind him with a large syringe, and
examine's Larry's hinder.)
Dr. F: Now, let's see...It's so hard to find a spot I
haven't hit...(looking at something on Larry's hinder) Uh,
what's this flower? And who's Roseanne?
(irritated): Oh, just stick
it, will you?
F: Sail on, Silver Bird! (injects
Erhardt, who jumps up)
F: Now, instantly the serum races
through the bloodstream like a Porsche Targa 911,
commandeering each pore, slamming it shut, like the vault at
your favorite savings and loan!
(Erhardt begins panting like a dog.)
And, checking the wetness
sensors... (he removes one from Erhardt's pit) ...we see
that they are free from wetness, and/or odor. (He looks over
F: Oh! Yes, the antidote. There
you go... (injects something into Erhardt's arm) ...the
antidote, and here is your treat (removes something from his
pocket, throws it in the air. Erhardt catches it in his
Crow: Oh, brother!
Tom: That was
(conciliatory): Hey, no, I
thought that was really good, you guys. You're doing really
well, and I think that someday, you'll be ready for the
Tom: Maybe for
Joel: Hey! Hey, I
noticed you moved. You guys must've got kicked out of uh,
Gizmonic Institute for shooting us into space like this, I
don't be ridiculous! We moved!
F: It's ... It's our grand
re-opening! Uh, welcome to Deep 13!
Joel: Deep 13? Wait a minute! That's in the
sub-basement of Gizmonic Institute! I had to clean up a
flubber spill once there. It's incredibly
(dementedly): Well, it hasn't
affected our brain any.
F: We like it here! Now, we're
even closer to the atomic pile. And one day...
Joel: Well, I suppose it's time for you guys to start
experimenting on us again.
Dr. F (angrily): I'll tell you
when it's time to do the movie, you squinty-eyed space
Erhardt: Oh, uh,
Erhardt: It *is*
F: Oh. Yeah, I ...
F: I knew that. Thank you. Well,
it's a real stinkburger of a film this week, Joel. It's
called "The Crawling Eye."
(laughs): Oh, it's got a
bad audio track, it's in black and white, and worst of all,
it stars Forrest Tucker.
F: Hmm. Good name, bad actor.
I'll put in the tape. (both laugh maniacally. Organ music
Joel: Movie sign! (Joel slaps the table and runs off.