Bit: Good and Bad Things

Episode: 101- The Crawling Eye

Transcription by Bill Evenson


Joel: All right, it's the end of the movie, everybody! And you know what that means!
Tom and Crow: Yay!
Joel: Ram chips and dip!
Tom and Crow: Yay!
Joel: And afterwards, a borium power flush!
Tom and Crow: Boo!
Joel: I'm just kidding.
Tom and Crow: Yay!
Joel: Okay now, you know how it works.
Gypsy (Moving toward plate of ram chips on table): Ram chips, ram chips...
Joel: No, no, just wait your turn, you'll get a ram chip. Okay, Crow, you go first. Now, tell me a good thing about the movie and the bad thing, and you'll get your ram chip. Good thing?
Crow: Uh, the good thing was, it wasn't longer.
Joel: Okay, and the bad thing?
Crow: It was this long.
Joel: Okay, there's your ram chip, pally.
Crow: Yay!
Joel: Okay, open up, there you go.(Feeds Crow a ram chip) All right. How is it? Good?
Gypsy: Ram chip, ram chip...
Joel: Okay, no, no, wait on your ram chip, Gypsy. Okay, Tom Servo.
Tom: All right. Okay, let's see. The good thing was that we didn't have to watch them clean up the vitreous humour all over from the eyes exploding. Okay, imagine, you sign up that day for Kelly Temps--Trollenberg office, of course. They give you a leaky bucket and a turkey baster and send you up the mountain...Now you're on cleanup crew!
Joel: And the bad thing?
Tom: Well, the bad thing was, uh, the movie? It was ambitious, but it lacked vision. (laughs)
Crow: Well, hindsight is 20/20.(laughs)
Joel: Terrific. Okay, well, here's your ram chip, pal.(Gives Tom a ram chip)
Tom: Thank you!
Joel: Okay, okay, it's time for your ram chip, Gypsy. All you gotta do is answer the questions, and you get the ram chips! Okay?
Gypsy: All right.
Joel: All right, tell me a good thing about the movie.
Gypsy: (pause) Can I have a ram chip, Joel?
Joel: Well, tell me a bad thing about the movie, Gypsy. (pause) Oh, you don't know? Okay, okay, just answer this one question and I'll give you your ram chips. Okay? Uh, what's two plus two?
Gypsy: (pause) Richard Baseheart?
Joel: Oh, good one, okay, there you go. (puts the whole bowl in her mouth) All right, yeah.
Tom: What? She got it?
Joel: Okay, well, that's the end of the experiment, you guys. Hope you're happy.

[DEEP 13]

Erhardt: Oh, I'm happy. Are you happy?
Forrester: Oh, I'm happy. Here. (hands Erhardt a clipboard) File this! (Both laugh maniacally. Erhardt exits.) Well, we'll see you next time, Joellie-Poellie Pudding-n-Pie! (Forrester hits the button.)