Bit: Mike's Simian Descendants

Episode: 801- Revenge of the Creature

Transcribed by Michael Dennis


Tom: Hi, everyone, kind of a tough moment. We just tapped into earth's geneology records and discovered the cause of this simian holocaust. You see, virtually every single one of Mike's decendants married apes!
Mike: Come on, all my grandkids?
Crow: Uhhh yep!
Mike: What about great grandchildren?
Crow: Checking....yes! Francis Nelson married a macaque, otherwise they all married great apes.
Tom: You can see why he's upset folks.
Crow: Thomas Ryan Nelson married a slow lorus. Kevin R.W. Nelson, probably a great great grandchild, who married a ruffed lemur.... Yep! Your family liked its monkeys Mike!
Mike: Still, I imagine by then it wasn't all that unusual.
Crow: Oh it was quite unusual..... hey hey hey hey, here's a Wilburt H. Nelson who married a Sara Thompson of Oak Park Illinois. Uh Ohhh.... seems he kept an aye aye in an apartment downtown. Ha hoo hoo, this is not pretty stuff. Here's a W.D. Nelson who married eight times...silverbacked gorilla, one two and three, then he picked up a penchant for a bonobo and married those four times before wedding a japanese snow monkey on a day before....
Mike (interupting): OK, OK Crow, I think everyones heard enough. I think we all get the point.
Crow: Mike I think I speak for all of us when I say....GOOD ONE NELSON!
Tom: I'm locking up my sock monkey, I'll give you that much for free.