Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit315


Episode: 806- THE UNDEAD

Transcription by "Mike \"Nelson\""


Mike: Hi everyone. Mike Nelson here on the Satelite of Love with Tom Servo and Crow T. Robot.

Crow: Hola

Mike: You know we've been through a lot lately and I thought I'd just bring you up to speed. You see, right now we're trapped over this planet of these super-observer brain guys and they're...

Crow: Ah, wait, wait, wait. Back up, Mike. It'll be confusing if we don't let them know first about Mrs. Forrester chasing us across the universe.

Tom: Yeah!

Mike: Right, that's a good point. Uh, Pearl Forrester, you see, she's this woman, she really has it out for us. She's chasing us...

Tom: Hang on, Mike. That's completely baffling if you don't tell them what happened before that.

Crow: Yeah!

Mike: Oh, well, right. Well before that we were over this planet of these allegedly intelligent apes in the future...

Crow: As usual, Mike, you're omitting the big picture.

Tom: You're not providing any sense of context, lad.

Crow: Back it up further. Way back!

Tom: Come on!

Mike: Huh, okay, context. Well, before that we were pure energy unfettered by time and space. And we...

Crow: Further back, Mike.

Mike: Well, okay. Before that it was Deep 13 and these two mad scientists were forcing us to...

Tom: Rewind, Mike, rewind.

Mike: Well, before that I had a temp job.

Crow: Further back.

Mike: Before that I had another temp job.

Tom: Further.

Mike: Well before that I had a really good temp job! Man, that was great. I hardly did anything. I filed a few papers, I ate bear claws, played Doom. Never figured out why they fired me. (Cambot begins to very slowly zoom in on Mike as he gets a distant look in his eyes.)

Crow: Mike?

Mike: I was late a lot, there is that...

Tom: Uh oh.

Mike: ...quite a bit, actually. Showed up that one time from that kegger. I was all stinky, I hadn't showered...

Crow: Whoa! Mike?

Mike: ...punched that guy from accounting that one time...

Tom: This isn't helping, Mike.

Mike: ...someone really had it out for me, though. I think I know who it was. Yeah...

Tom: M... Mike?

Mike: ...oh yeah...(Mike starts twitching slightly and mumbling silently to himself.)

Crow: Mike, honey, you're scaring us.

Tom: We'll be right back... Mike?

Crow: Maybe we shouldn't have gone back quite that far and...oh boy...Mike...