Satellite News -- Ward E -- Bit814b


Episode: 814- Riding With Death

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(Mike is dressed as a chef and has a huge grill in front of him like they have at sushi restaurants. There's a number of chopped up items in piles which he is still wildly chopping up.

Crow: Mmmm....
Tom: Hi everyone, and welcome to the Satellite of Love. Say, did you know Mike spent a two-year stint as a sushi chef at a place called Suki Yummi? Ha ha ha. Neither did I. (Suddenly shouting) So he went completely mental! Now he's slicing up everything o the ship!
(Mike is constantly chopping things and dropping his butcher knife and fork. He hits the knife to the grill to get Tom's attention)
Tom: What's that, Mike? Oh, you want to slice another onion. Sure. I know how happy that makes you.
Crow: Can I just get a piece of shrimp before you turn it into shrimp pudding?
(Mike cuts and just misses Crow's hand)
Crow: Whoa! Stop cutting already, Mike! I'm woozy from hunger!
Tom: You know, Mike's dangerous enough just weilding that big chunky body of his around, but give him a knife and it's "Goodnight, Irene."
(Mike grinds pepper on grill)
Tom: What now? Oh, you want to slice the pepper!
Crow: Yeah, he's slicing the pepper.
Tom: Sure! Yeah, the pieces have been coming out kinda big. Go to town! (to Cambot) There's about a 1 in 4 chance were gonna get out of this alive!
Crow: Allright! That's it! I want a piece of steak.
(Mike chops off Crow's hand)
Crow: Ow!! Gee, thanks!
(Mike tries to cut up Crow's hand)
Crow: Now he's trying to slice it. That's nice. Yeah. He's trying to slice my hand up. Good.
(Mike puts hand in front of Crow)
Crow: No, that's fine, Mike. You cut my hand up and then serve it to me. Good. The thing is, I'm so hungry, it looks good to me.
Tom: I know.
Crow: My own hand looks delicious! You see what you've done to me, Mike!? You see what you've done!?
Tom: You folks better not see anymore of this. We'll be right back.
Crow (puts his head on grill): Try my head.
Tom: Not the head, Crow! Not the head! No!
Crow: Try my head. Just try me. Go ahead.

(After break)

Mike (chews on Crow's hand): Well, there's just not much meat on your claw, Crow.
Crow: Well, there's no meat, Mike. I'm made from molybdenum. Can I have my hand back please?
Mike: Sure.