Bit: Pitch's Line of Devil Dolls

Episode: 818- Devil Doll

Transcribed by Brian Lafferty


(Pitch and Crow are at the desk.)
Crow: Wow, I see your point. They are great bargains.
Pitch: And the more devil dolls you buy, the greater your savings.
Crow: Well, that's true isn't it. (Mike walks by, not noticing of Pitch.)
Mike: Hey, Crow. What's up?
Crow: Hi, Mike. Just making a deal with this devil. (Mike walks by again in the opposite direction, still unaware.)
Mike: Okay, well I'm just putting up some preserves.
Crow: Alright.
Pitch: And if you sign up for our special offer, you'll get free doll accessories like this...(Mike walks in suddenly.)
Mike: Crow!! Are you insane?!! This is the Devil.
Pitch: Well, I'm a devil not the Devil. My name's Pitch. How are you doing? (Pitch offers his hand.)
Mike: Get thee behind me!
Pitch: Hey, relax pal. I'm just trying to make an honest living here.
Crow: Yeah, Mike.
Mike: Crow, how could you make a deal with the Devil?
Crow: How could I not, Mike? With prices like these?
Mike: Very funny. Don't you smell the evil?
Crow: I smell a great bargain. OK now.
Pitch: Now, Mike, please, as a personal favor to me, please take a look at this beautiful doll. (Pitch offers mike a doll)
Crow: And look at these beautiful prices.
Pitch: Plus a ten percent discount on any future dolls if you sign a small agreement with us. Let me say at this point that none other than Mrs. Demi Moore herself collects dolls and has found this agreement to be very much to her advantage. She and Bruce have been friends with our organization for some time now...
Mike (considering): Really...? (Now realizing what he's doing.) Oh, what am I thinking?! Get thee gone foul demon. Get the gone evil servant of the man goat.
Crow: Stop it. You're embarrassing me. Have you know manners at all?
Pitch: Look, I can tell where I'm not wanted. Here's my card. Give me a call sometime when Max Von Sydow here isn't around.
Crow: Oh, Pi-. Geez. You know, Mike, nice going.
Mike: What? I just saved your mortal soul.
Crow: Well I could have saved a lot more on my doll budget. Oh, forget it. I've got to go meet Marilyn Manson for lunch. (Crow starts to walk away while Mike raises his hands.)
Mike: See?
Crow: What! What, it's lunch it's not like I'm going to marry the guy.
Mike (to Cambot): We'll be right back! (To Crow.) But even one lunch you know, with the guy and Satan and everything.