Bit: Toying with Tom's Soul

Episode: 818- Devil Doll

Transcribed by Jen Wendell


(On the desk is a shoddy-built Tom, with the name "Tom" painted across the front. Crow and Tom are standing around it. Pitch is on the desk waving Crow's arm in front of the fake Tom.)

Crow: Oooo.... Oooo....
Tom: Wow! Neato! So, how long does this usually take?
Pitch: Ah, it depends on the resistance you get from your higher self, the quality of your eternal sphere, that kinda thing.... (High-pitched sound. Tom groans, and falls over. The other Tom "wakes up".) Oh! Oh!
Crow: Whoa hoo! There we go!
Fake Tom: Hey cool!
Crow: Servo, your soul was remarkably easy to transfer!
Fake Tom: Was it?
Crow: Hey, thanks Pitch. I think I'm gonna enjoy this new skill.
Fake Tom: Yeah!
Pitch: Just one of many perks of being one of our valued customers.
Crow: That's great. (Mike walks by, not noticing Pitch.)
Mike: Hey Crow. What's up? (Mike exits.)
Crow: Hey Mike. Just toying with Servo's eternal soul. Pitch is showing me how! (Mike walks by again from the other direction, still not noticing Pitch.)
Mike: Ok. I'm just drying some fruit if you need me. (Mike exits.)
Crow: Okay.
Fake Tom: So now, can he transfer my soul into anything?
Pitch: Sure! (Mike runs back on.)
Mike: Oh, Crow!
Crow: What?
Mike: You called the Devil back?!
Pitch: *A* devil, Mr. Nervous Nellie!
Crow: Yeah.
Fake Tom: Right.
Mike: And now you're tinkering with Servo's soul? (Notices the poorly-built Tom.) Hi.
Crow: It's fun, Mike! You wanna try? Come on, do it!
Mike: No!
Fake Tom: Could you transfer my soul into a toaster strudel?
Pitch: Sure!
Mike: You know, Crow, I think you're in league with the kingdom of darkness.
Crow: What? 'Cause I do a little measly soul transference?!
Fake Tom (Bouncing up and down): Come on! Make me a toaster strudel! That'll be cool! Come on!
Mike: You've been making those pentagrams, and salt in your room!
Crow: What?! (Starts laughing) What?! Really....
Mike: And now you've called this guy back, and you're tinkering with souls and stuff.
Pitch: You see, Mike, if I could just talk with you for a....
Mike: No, you can't say anything! You, get out of here! (Waves Pitch away.) Get out, go on! Go on!
Pitch: Dah! (Exits)
Crow: Mike? Mike! (Calls to Pitch) Pitch! Pitch, I'm sorry! I'll call ya!
Fake Tom (sighs):Guess I'll have to do it myself then. (Exits)
Mike: Ok.
Crow (sighs): Oh boy. Wow.
Mike: You know, okay, putting aside the whole thing of, you know, devils and darkness, and all that. Putting that aside, why even do sould transference?!
Crow (chuckling): Isn't it obvious? Just to become more powerful in the service of the Master, so that I may deliver more souls onto his dark realm.
Mike (throwing up his hands): But now....
Crow: What? What!
Mike: Now see, that's not good.
Crow: You know, I can't listen to your silly paranoia all day, Mike! I have to go pick up a goat carcass, ok? (Mike throws up his hands at Crow again.) What?! What?! I mean, I just can't do anything right with you!
Mike: That's a little dark, that's all I'm saying.... (Mike and Crow continue arguing as they exit.)

(High-pitched sound. A toaster strudel with Tom's voice pops up from behind the desk.)

Tom the toaster strudel: Ching! Ta-dah! Hey hey, get me, I'm cinnamon-apple swirl! (laughs) Hello? Hey, come on, bite me, I'm a toaster strudel! (laughs) But caution, my filling may be hot! (laughs, and looks around) Hello? Heh heh. Hello? We'll be right back. (looks around) Hello? Hello? (laughs)