Episode: 903- Puma Man

Transcription by

with an assist

(Servo and Crow are dressed as the big Aztec-guy)

Crow: Yes.
Tom: Yes.
Crow: Yes--(Mike enters)
Tom: You are the one! The gods have picked YOU!
Crow: YOU are Coatimundi Man!
Tom: And it is time to don your hero's costume!
Crow: Yes.
Tom: Your Coatimundi look will inspire fear in the superstitious criminal mind.
Mike (agreeable): Okay, well I'll give it a whirl, you know, if I've been chosen and all!
Tom: Evil beware, Coatimundi Man is born this day! (Mike starts putting on a vest)
Mike: Okay, I'll just put on my stuff -- got kind of a "Rhoda" vest going here, and--ooh!--a Dr. Who scarf! (Mike puts on the scarf, and continues putting on his coatimundi suit: heart boxers, swimming fins on his hands, and a big orange foam cowboy hat.)
Crow: Yes! And with all the attendant powers of this majestic Coatimundi!
Tom: Yes!
Crow: For instance, um, ....uh.....
Tom: Uh....yeah, yeah, and....well....for example....uh....
Crow: can shoot....uh....magnetic...uh, laser....beams...from....from your nose! Yeah! Yeah!
Tom: Yes! Yes, yes! And now he is the mighty yet mysterious Coatimundi!
Crow: His powers are yours! It is your destiny!
Mike: Okay, know what? Destiny or not, you guys, I really had my heart set on those cold leftover sesame noodles, so, uh, I'll be your mythical hero later. Well, now, I'll just grab..
(Whimsical happy-type Playskool music begins playing, like in the movie)
Tom: But wait, don't you hear? Your inspiring hero's theme song is playing! (Beach ball on string moves down into the shot)
Crow: Ah, listen. Oh, and see? The gods are coming from space to tell you you must serve, or evil will triumph!
Mike: Oh, well, I see a beach ball, and a string, and a string on a pulley (following the string), and there's Gypsy! Hey Gypsy! (Waves offscreen)
Gypsy (offscreen): Hey Mike! Sorry!
Mike: That's all right!
Tom: Uh....she's doing the will of the gods!
Crow: Yeah, pay no attention to her!
Mike: Uh, well, you know what? Hey, Gyps, I really am gonna grab those noodles. You wanna split 'em with me?
Gypsy (offscreen): Mmm, yummy! Let's go!
Mike: Okay, let's go! (Mike puts down his swim fins and exits. As he goes, he hits his head on the "gods," which falls off it's string, hits Servo and falls to the floor.)
Tom: Ow!
Crow: Doh! There goes our gods.
Tom: Hmm...
Crow: Uh...
Tom: Well, would appear that he is...not yet ready to accept his Coatimundi nature!
Crow: Ah...yes! And the gods are certainly, uh....
Tom: Yes.
Crow: And the gods...
Tom: Yes.
Crow: ...will be, uh....(breaking character)! They're gonna finish all the cold sesame noodles!
Tom: I know, let's go!
(movie sign)
Crow: Yeah!
Tom: Oh, movie sign!
Crow: Ahh, we're not gonna get any!