Episode: 411- The Magic Sword

Crow: Fellas, I got something to say and there's only one way to do it. So, give me center stage.
Joel: Hey, be my guest. It's all yours. (music begins )
Crow (singing): As you guys I'm sure remember. I think it was last December. I fell, pall mall, for Kim Cattrall.
Tom (spoken: Yeah, we remember, please don't remind us. Wooo!
Crow: But now, I'm over that.
Tom: Well, that's good.
Crow: We had our little spat.
Tom: In your dreams, buddy.
Crow: I'm older, wiser and I know that my true love is really named (spoken) Estelle!
Tom: Winwood?!
Crow: She's swell! (singing)
She's cute
She's rooty-toot-toot.
I bet she smells like Juicyfruit.
She can really play a witch
Tom: Ridiculous!
Crow: She was even on Bewitched and I'm bewildered and bothered!
Joel: Oh, but Crow, hold on a second, hold on a second.
Tom: Thank you.
Joel (singing):
Crow, you are my buddy,
And maybe I'm a fuddy duddy
But step back please, and think about some stuff.
Crow (spoken): Like what?
Joel: I'm sure that she seems nice.
Crow: Oh yes!
Joel: But I bet she's more than twice your age.
Crow: Well--
Joel: And with your love it might not matter--
Tom (singing): But can she control her bladder?
Crow: Shut up!
Joel (spoken): Tom, come on.
Tom (spoken): Ok, but Joel, there's a whole other set of issues here. If I may, Crow, as a friend? As a trusted advisor?
Crow: Well...
Tom: Ok (singing) Here's a quick list of people much better looking than Estelle
Crow: You're so shallow.
Tom: Fred Biletnikoff, Brandon Tartikoff, Sid and Marty Kroft.
Crow: Very funny.
Tom: Fred Gwynne and Anthony Quinn and Rin Tin Tin and Pearl Bailey and Moms Mabley and Mayor Daley and Hank and Phoebe Snow.
Crow: Iím not listíning!
Tom: Ethel Merman and Pee Wee Herman and Strom Thurmond and Vince Lombardi (unintelligible) and George and Jesus Jones.
Edith Head and Mister Ed and Nostradamus and Danny Thomas and Leona and Sherman Hemsley!
Crow: Joel, make him stop.
Joel: Tom, you're not helping things at all. Can you go and cut those coupons like you promised?
Tom: Duhhh, Okay. (Leaves singing) Willy DeVille and Agnes DeMille and Cruella DeVille and Roscoe Tanner and...(exits)
Joel: Crow, listen. Don't worry about him. Why donít you tell us more about how youíre feeling?
Crow (singing again):
She's a vision
I got a new mission.
Somehow I got to meet her.
So she's older (2-3-4)
She's got a great motor,
There's nothing that can beat her.

(Crow and Joel duet)
She's cute. She's rooty-toot-toot Joel: Crow, you have my blessing.
I bet she smells like Juicyfruit Joel: And I feel, like confessing.
She can really play a witch Joel: You're my little pal.
She was even on Bewitched! Joel: Go on and give it a try.
'Cause I'm bewildered and Joel: 'Cause you're bewildered and

Both: bothered
Joel (doing Chuck Barris): We'll be back with more STUFF on MST3K! (Cut)