Bit: Crow Misses the Nudity

Episode: 1001- Soultaker

Transcribed by Alicia Harnois

[In the theater]

Crow: Ok, here it comes...-- Oh, I got something in my eye suddenly. Ow.
Mike: What? Come on, hurry up, Crow, it's an underwear scene.
Crow: What? What... well, help me out here. (Mike tries to remove it.) You gotta try.... get it out...
Mike: (sighs) Well, I'm trying here.
Tom (watching movie): Wow... Wow!
Crow: Get it out! Dammit, keep showing underwear movie, I'll be right back! (leaves theater) I-I gotta get this out.
Tom (at movie): Wow...
Mike: Poor guy.

(Mike and Tom continue watching the movie)

Crow (off-screen): Hey! Anybody seen the Visine? I can't see a thing in here!

(movie continues)

Crow (off-screen): Any kind of eyewash? Anything? Gypsy, you've gotta have eyewash--that bigass eye of yours.
Gypsy (off screen): Hell no!
(shot of Natalie's back)
Tom: You know, if she turns around...
Mike: I know, I know! If that happens, promise me you won't tell Crow.
Tom (unconvinvingly): Oh, yeah. Right. Sure.
Crow (off-screen): Uh, what's going on now, guys?
Mike: It's fine! You've got time!
Crow (off-screen): Oh, good.
(Natalie glances over her shoulder)
Tom: She-she's turning around!
Mike: Shh! Shh!
Crow (off-screen): Did you say she's turning around?
Tom: No, no, Crow. I said she's 'spurning a clown'.
Crow (off-screen): Well, I like that too! Where's the Visine?
Tom (to movie): Come on, boy...
Crow (off-screen): Ok, wait. I've got a big Sam's Club thing of Visine in the attic. I'll be right back!

(movie continues)

Crow (off-screen): Ok, I'm all Visine'd up, I'm coming! I'm coming! (enters out of breath. A glimpse of Natalie is seen) There she is! Ah, hell, a robe! What the hell is this?
Tom: I saw a lot, I saw everything! Nyee-nee-na-nee-nee!
Crow: Shut up Servo! Shut up!
Mike: Hey, hey. take it easy.